Hello there, everyone! thank you all, firstly for reading everything~!

so I’ve been asked to explain the story and my thoughts about this set of stories and I’m happy to share my two cents. it had started out just as missing pages as a stand-alone, but people liked it so much that I decided to develop it further, so I completely understand if there are holes and misunderstandings, it’s a jumbled mess in my head as well hahah.

however, I’d like to preface this long rant (I’m sorry it just got outta hand, I just have a lot of feelings), with the stress that, just bc I am the author of this, I am not the sole authority of it. I will share everything I imagined and wanted to convey, but it happens to collide and disagree with something that you interpreted and felt made more sense, feel free to reject it. you, the reader, have the power to do that bc no two people read the same thing the same way and having finished it, you are now an authority on it as well.

with that, bring on the word vomit~!

in the great timeline of things, chanyeol and baekhyun grew up together. baekhyun had always loved chanyeol, but always felt like the younger was out of his reach, even when he changed and became a model to please him.

once they graduated, chanyeol met writer kyungsoo in college and they started dating after a while.

so when baekhyun found out about this, he kind of gave up and went about his successful modeling career, but never forgot chanyeol.

in the next two years, chanyeol and kyungsoo stayed together and eventually moved into their apartment together, getting their income from kyungsoo's writing and chanyeol's odd jobs and modeling.

but then kyungsoo hit a block and couldn't write anymore, and chanyeol was starting to have a hard time looking for modeling opportunities. so they hit some financial difficulty, and it’s implied that they worked such different hours that they didn’t communicate much. in an attempt to inspire kyungsoo, chanyeol started collecting odd things he saw around and started journaling as well.

baekhyun, now a director of a successful modeling company, found out about their financial troubles since he always kept tabs on chaneyeol and found opportunity in this.

after chanyeol turned him down the first time at the party to be the face of baekhyun’s company, baekhyun didn’t give up and secured a permanent position at his company, which would mean that chanyeol would get all the publicity he would ever need and would never have to look for a job again. everything would be provided for him.

but chanyeol knows baekhyun, and he knows that baekhyun sees things in black and white. if something is to be his, he wants it ALL. which meant that in order to have his financial career stable, he would have to give up kyungsoo.

he didn’t want to, but this choice was made far easier once baekhyun got him drunk one and they slept together.

chanyeol is an idealist (as kyungsoo put it could "never keep promises because he always tried to above and beyond") and he believed that cheating on kyungsoo in both of their moments of weakness is an irredeemable crime. he firmly believed that there was no way that kyungsoo would ever forgive him, much less give him a second chance. so he was also selfishly scared to be hurt by his partner.

but he really couldn't admit to himself that he found fiery passion in baekhyun, something so exhilarating, all-consuming,  and addicting. and also something that contrasted to the safe calm and gentle love he shared with kyungsoo.

so chanyeol just decided to break it off with kyungsoo because he believes that it would be better for kyungsoo to be angry at him and move on easier in the hands of his best friend Jongin, than keep handing on something that would only hurt him. "I believe that it's possible to love someone too much and that sometimes it's best to just leave before you hurt them anymore"

I've always believed that quote that goes something like, "you don't understand a villain until you realize that he is the hero of his own story" I believe that the only difference villains and heroes are what they are willing to do for what they want. there can be a villain that just wants to protect his brother, but in order to achieve this, he must kill everyone that comes near them. from the outside view, he's the bad guy by killing sometimes innocent people and destroying the peaceful fabric of society. but from his POV, he's doing what he believes is right.

baekhyun is an arguably a good person who just let his love consume him, because he believes that chanyeol is the thing that saved him in his childhood and was the best that that ever happened to him. but he wanted chanyeol so badly that he exploited chanyeol's weaknesses of financial instability, alcoholism, idealism, and residual feelings that chanyeol always had for his old best friend. I don’t believe his heroin addiction changed much of him.

chanyeol loved kyungsoo so much that he would rather kyungsoo hate him and move on to better things than keep him tied down, so made a choice for kyungsoo. he also believed that true love was when you want the very best for the other person, even if it meant you weren't a part of it.

kyungsoo, who had been so passive in the movement of these events, chooses in the end to finally take control of his own life.

I think it really comes down to whether you think if people are inherently good/bad/both and the choices make them, or what they choose makes them as a person. As Capheus from sense8 (which, btw, is an amazing show on Netflix) said, “Who can say if it is we who make the choice, or the choice that makes us.”

as for the concept of the missing pages, it's kinda left up for interpretation. but in my mind, they were the pages where baekhyun showed up and the thoughts and feelings that chanyeol had while journaling about the experiences. his turmoil about conflicting feelings, his worries about his and kyungsoo's future, etc.

baekhyun found those pages and destroyed them, thinking that chanyeol was going to use them to get back together with kyungsoo. but in reality, chanyeol had not meant kyungsoo to see them at all. so he asked jongin to put in blank pages into an envelope for when kyungsoo's moved on. he didn't know how kyungsoo would react to that, but he hoped that if kyungsoo ever opened it, he would be able to move on.

kyungsoo never opened it because he decided to let go and hold onto the good memories and, since he's a writer, he's okay with loose ends.

it's super multi-faced bc I wanted to show that there is always different sides to the story. baekhyun took what he wanted, chanyeol made a choice without telling kyungsoo, and kyungsoo never asked.

we all read and get different things out of the images, words, syntax, tone, mood, symbolism.

I apologize this got super long but, thank you @nammy93_ for asking. you should never be afraid to ask questions, and I hope this helped shed some light.

writing is never meant to be written in or stay in a void, so I’m sure whatever you, dear reader, take from this is your truth. and this is simply the idea a simple fangirl had brought forth for the world to experience and enjoy J

and pls feel free to talk to me about what resounded with you, if this conflicted with something you imagined, or shed light on something you didn’t understand, or any other thoughts! I’d love to hear your opinions on this :3