final;

Chanyeol woke gasping and shaking, with Kyungsoo’s name not far from his lips.

He raised his trembling hands to his face, willing and rubbing away the last of the nightmare, assuring himself that it was all just a dream.  It took him a few minutes to calm his racing heartbeat.

The light falling into the bedroom from the balcony was increasing as dawn joined the city lights. Beside him, Baekhyun slept on, his face turned away and hair strewn across the pillow. Chanyeol’s eyes traveled down the smooth plain of the older’s back until pale skin met the scarlet sheets.

Everything about Baekhyun was so red – his hair, his passion, his essence. He was all spices and fire.

Overwhelming, demanding, stimulating.

And so different from Kyungsoo.

But if Chanyeol was truly honest with himself, it was those very differences that drew him to Baekhyun in the first place.

Drew him to the older male when they met again that day months ago.

As far as Chanyeol could remember, Baekhyun had always been attractive, even pretty. But in the two years the childhood friends had been apart, Chanyeol had forgotten how much until Jongin reintroduced them.

It was at a party for their modeling agency to welcome an honored guest. Everyone was charged with excitement, twittering to each other, hoping to piece together a story amongst themselves. Chanyeol only caught phrases “rising company” and “find a face” but didn’t think much of it.

But he never would’ve ever dreamed that his once-neighbor and best friend had gone from a model like himself to the chair of the newest rising company.

The way he walked in, it brought a new meaning to entrance. He entranced. Everything about him was so magnetizing and he had such presence that it seemed that everyone else wilted before this rose.

And he wasted no time in making his intentions known. Those eyes swept across the crowd to stop on Chanyeol who was at a complete loss.

I want you, he had said, gesturing. There was a collective gasp but Baekhyun ignored them, his piercing eyes focused only on Chanyeol. I want you as the face of my new company

But Chanyeol knew that Baekhyun wanted no less than his everything, because that was just the way Baekhyun was. Like fire, consuming every bit of fuel within his reach. Knowing this, he heard the real message behind the declaration.

I want you as mine

It was so strange seeing Baekhyun so vulnerable right now. When those eyes were open, they overwhelmed the space, pushing out, yet drew everything in closer. So close that it was almost suffocating.

The carpet was cool against his feet as Chanyeol slipped out. When the bed dipped, the asleep older man shifted slightly, turning to face towards him. Soft mumbling then—

“Chanyeol, don’t go.”

Said man couldn’t help the shiver that sprung across his skin while he took his clothes to the bathroom.

Chanyeol denied him, of course.

He had Kyungsoo and nothing else mattered. So he tried to break it to Baekhyun as nicely as he could. To his astonishment, Baekhyun just smiled.

I knew you would be like this, he said. So I have taken it into account. He paused. I understand that you have been having some… difficulties recently. His voice was casual.

Chanyeol felt the heat rise in his cheeks. He had been having some trouble getting jobs, ever since Kyungsoo had stopped writing (I’ve met my muse – full lips touching his – I don’t need anything else). But Chanyeol had never told Kyungsoo, or anyone for that matter apart from Jongin.

I want to help you, Baekhyun whispered, his hand resting on Chanyeol’s forearm and refusing to let the other look anywhere but him. We can make it work

Somehow Chanyeol found himself shaking his head.

You will come, Baekhyun said, turning away. You will come back to me. We need each other. A ghost of a smirk touched his lips. It will only be a matter of time…

Clack!

Chanyeol locked the door before turning on the shower. As the control-rain splattered down, he stared at his reflection in the mirror until the glass was obscured. It was stifling, standing there as heat from the hot downpour filled the tiled room.

This was how he had discovered Baekhyun. Unlike with Kyungsoo where he was flying, this time he was drowning with only one permanent destination.

It was a long time before they met again and Chanyeol was so in love with Kyungsoo that he had almost forgotten Baekhyun’s declaration.

He caught the younger model on his way home and asked him to accompany him home.

For old time’s sake, Baekhyun said. And Chanyeol couldn’t say no to that.

As they strode alongside each other, they talked about their time apart.

But Chanyeol knew that Baekhyun was not the type to get together for small talk. And he was right. They were just about to turn a corner onto the busy street when Baekhyun revealed that he had secured Chanyeol a future with his company. Never would he need to search for jobs or live on little. He could have everything.

When Chanyeol didn’t answer, the older suggested to stop by a bar for a drink, to let him consider the offer. Uneasily, reluctantly the other agreed.

One drink was all he needed, but it somehow became two then three… Everything blurred together. He vaguely remembered agreeing to something Baekhyun said, but didn’t know what. Sometime later, somehow they ended up at Baekhyun’s apartment door.

With a slurred Good night, Chanyeol turned to leave. But Baekhyun stopped him. Stopped him by pulling him back and kissing him.

The moment their lips touched, Chanyeol knew that the older’s aura had not been lying — he tasted the intoxicating drug that was Baekhyun and was instantly hooked. He was already high on alcohol and euphoria and the introduction of this novelty electrified him.

And he found that he couldn’t get enough.

They could barely make it through the apartment door without almost tripping over the other’s foot. It was even more difficult when both of them never wanted to part lips (and they were drunk). The only time they broke apart, Baekhyun had growled a You’re mine against his lips but the other was too drunk to hear it.

That night Chanyeol fell into Baekhyun, but it was not like how he had fallen for Kyungsoo.

He fell messily, crazily, passionately. Without a way back.

He dressed in only jeans. Wiping his dark hair and face in a towel, Chanyeol walked out barefoot onto the balcony. The uneven concrete scratched at the bottoms of his feet, but he didn’t

Stopping at the edge, he stood there, leaning against the railing and fighting a shiver from the wind.

He remembered how they used to stand out in the lawn late at night. Kyungsoo always had a knack for finding the perfect path and would connect them for Chanyeol. That was how they used to draw their own constellations into the night sky, telling the world how much they loved each other.

But now, without that guiding hand – in constellation-drawing and in life – there was nothing in the darkness and Chanyeol never felt so alone.

That’s not true, he thought. I still have Jongin.

There was a very heavy pause when Chanyeol let the news sank in between them that night. The only sound was the pages rustling as Chanyeol gathered them from the floor (they must’ve blown away when the box had fallen over).

Then, from the other side of the line, a deep sigh and Well then

You don’t sound surprised

Should I be? You’ve always been a

Chanyeol didn’t respond.

Another sigh across the receiver. But you’re my favorite . And you only want the best for everyone, how can anyone hate you for that?

Baekhyun had returned then and Chanyeol was forced to end their conversation with a hasty I’ll see you at work. It had taken a few days to gather everything he needed.

Jongin’s eyes were impassive as he watched Chanyeol bury his face in his hands across the coffee table.

He’s destroying the apartment, you know

Chanyeol rubbed the back of his neck, fighting the tears. I-I’ll send money later for repairs

It’s not money he wants. He wants you

Jongin, I had no choice—

Did it ever occur to you, the younger cut over, that if you’d told Kyungsoo the truth that he would find the heart to forgive you?

Sometimes Chanyeol forgot that he was the older of the pair.

You’ve broken so many promises to him, why does this one make a difference?

Even if he did forgive me, Chanyeol managed to choke out, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself, knowing that I couldn’t give him everything because he deserves nothing but the best. And it will never be the same—

You found something in Baekhyun. Sometimes Chanyeol hated how well Jongin knew him.

Lust, Jongin, he insisted. I know it is. Infatuation. Passion… He briefly wondered who he was trying to convince – Jongin or himself.

You are a

As you’ve told me many times

But, he stopped again. When he spoke again, his voice was gentle. Even es deserve happiness. So, he leaned onto the table, tell me, what can I do?

So that was how Chanyeol told Jongin to pass on the box of junk that really was a physical representation of his heart. He also told the younger that he would send a package with the pages of his journal for Jongin to add and another with an envelope on it, labeled

To be opened when Soo has moved on

Please fill that with twelve blank pages

Why? What happens when he opens it?

He will never open it

But—

Jongin. Please

Fine. I got everything. Anything else?

Be there, Chanyeol said. Though his voice was steady, a tear slipped down his cheek. Be there for Kyungsoo. Please give him everything that I couldn’t

So, in the end, Chanyeol had sacrificed his happiness for Kyungsoo. That Chanyeol believed that it would be easier if Kyungsoo hated him and believed that Chanyeol didn’t love him.

So now Kyungsoo would walk the rest of his life never knowing that the box was filled with things that Chanyeol wanted to share with the younger – recipes to try out, quotes and pictures of things that reminded Chanyeol of his lover;

never knowing that Chanyeol had started keeping the journal when Kyungsoo stopped writing – when they started dating – in hopes that it would provide inspiration;

never knowing that the shattered pieces that he used to rebuild his castles were the remains of Chanyeol’s heart.

Things like glass made loud crashes when they broke. The sound of a breaking heart was tragically silent.

There was the soft sound of the glass door opening.  Chanyeol looked up to see Baekhyun leaning against the door frame with arms crossed and shirt draped across his shoulders. His expression was unreadable, but Chanyeol had the feeling that it was not reciprocated, that Baekhyun knew exactly what he was thinking about.

“Come in, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun said finally. “You’ll get cold.”

/Clack/

Oh my god, Chanyeol. If you catch a cold one of these days, I swear…

He pouted. I don’t get even a “welcome home” after a hard day’s work?

A few blinks. I thought that went without saying

Just say it

But he doesn’t. He doesn’t say it until long after Chanyeol had given up and pulled Kyungsoo in to their home after him. Long after they had settled into the blankets and long into the night. And he gave no warning. Just simply pressed it to Chanyeol’s sleepy lips. If Chanyeol hadn’t been waiting for it, the breathy murmur would’ve been lost in the wind outside the window, thrown into a sweep of sky with restless stars.

Welcome back, Chanyeol

Suddenly, Chanyeol burst out laughing. It’s as humorless as a scream would be. Baekhyun’s fine eyebrows furrow together.

That was it, wasn’t it? It was all just a joke. Everything. Life was just one colossal joke. They were just some higher power’s plaything in a game. That must be it. What else could explain the heartbreaking build-up of circumstances?

Chanyeol believed in loving too much. He cared for Kyungsoo’s happiness too much and felt that he broken the ultimate promise of unfailing love so he should leave before he could hurt Kyungsoo anymore.

This was the right way…right?

Something hot touched his skin. Chanyeol looked down into Baekhyun’s smoldering eyes. Everything about Baekhyun was so red and fervent. All spices and fire.

But it was also very warm.

Wordlessly, they gazed into each other’s eyes, searching with a touch of knowing, before Baekhyun let go and drifted back through the gap in the curtains and into the space beyond.

Chanyeol had fallen messily, crazily, passionately. And with no return back home. But perhaps…

Perhaps falling was just another way of flying.

Before he slipped inside, Chanyeol turned and looked up at the lightening sky.

But there were no stars.

No matter how hard it is, I’ll just continue to smile like an idiot

A/N: Yup! Here is Chanyer's side with your daily dose of feels. Having a lot of mixed feelings? Good.

Next up is the new stuff! I'm adding the finishing touches on Missing Wings as we speak. Unlike the first two, it will be a one-shot instead of a two-shot. Wear Baekhyun's shoes for a moment.

Until then, thank you so much for your support! I love all of you~ <3