Chapter 5

Kangin decided not to go straight to the dorm. His emotions were all riled up and he knew that the other members would badger him with questions that he wasn’t prepared to answer.

Never did he think that things would have ended up like this. He started out his day so happy to finally see Jung Soo and now he didn’t know if he ever wanted to see him again. Leeteuk’s refusal to completely cut out Sora from his life, right then and there, cut Kangin incredibly deep and all he wanted was for something to numb the pain.

“Gamsa hamnida,” he mumbled as the owner of the corner shop he was in handed him his plastic bag.

The five bottles of soju he had just bought settled with a ‘clank’ as he placed the bag on one of the plastic tables outside the shop.

He took a seat in one of the rickety plastic picnic chairs with a sigh. The street he was on was rather empty, since it was a weeknight, so he didn’t feel too self-conscious as he opened his first bottle.

Forgoing the paper cup he had been given, he put the green bottle to his lips and closed his eyes as the mild burning liquid made its way down his throat.

The first bottle was gone almost as quickly as he had begun. As he sat the empty bottle down on the table,  he reached for the second one and pulled his phone out of his pocket. After twisting off the cap of the bottle, he brought it to his mouth again, this time taking a photo of himself.

He closed his eyes as he felt the alcohol slowly give the effect he had been hoping for. his lips to revel in the bitter numbness, he logged onto his twitter account and proceeded to post the photo, along with the message:

‘the solution to all my problems. maybe I’ll see you all on the other side. goodbye.’

After the post was complete, he turned off his phone and stuck it back into his pocket.

An hour had passed by the time Kangin had drained his last bottle.

His vision was a complete blur and he found it difficult to focus on the lights down the street. He was feeling slightly giddy as he began stumbling down the street. Seeing the dorm building two blocks down, both relieved and panicked him. His hands grasped the wall as he tried to balance himself every few steps. Thinking he might fall over, he paused at the corner and leaned on the glass window, laughing at himself. He hadn’t been this drunk in a long time.

It wasn’t until he looked at the poster hanging in the window for the store he was leaning on, that his demeanor changed.

It was a sneaker store. And the spokes model was a girl. Kang Sora. Kangin swallowed hard as he looked at the poster.  He quickly forgot his light mood and soon all of his thoughts were the reasons why Leeteuk would choose Sora over him.

She’s beautiful. She’s delicate. She’s a woman, so she can give you a family, children, a future…all things I can never give. Korea wants to see you with someone like her. If you were with me, it would be the end of everything. Super Junior, our careers, our happiness. So many things are at stake if you stay with me. I won’t let that happen.

He sloppily wiped his teary face as he took one last glance at the smiling Sora.

Back at the dorm…

Donghae was sitting on the couch playing with his phone as the rest of the members were watching a movie. After realizing that Leeteuk and Kangin weren’t coming back anytime soon, they settled into their normal routine of eating dinner together and then watching TV.

Kyuhyun sighed, suddenly loosing interest in the plot of the film, as he thought about the events he had seen unfold just a few hours ago.

He glanced over at Siwon, who was still watching the film and softly tugged in his hand, which he was holding.

“Yeah babe?” said Siwon softly, trying not to disturb the others.

“I was just thinking about everything that happened earlier,” said Kyuhyun leaning close to Siwon’s ear.

“About what exactly?” asked Siwon now looking at him.

“Just that…I can’t believe Teuk hyung disappeared like that, he was only home for a few hours before he snuck off. We barely got any time with him,” mumbled Kyuhyun as he leaned his head on Siwon’s shoulder.

“I’m sure he’s still with Kangin hyung now. You saw how upset he was when he left, but Teukkie hyung said he had it covered. They need their time together more than any of us,” said Siwon as he the side of Kyuhyun’s hair.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right, Kangin hyung has been pretty down these last few days. I hope they’ve checked into a hotel somewhere and are having a proper reunion,” said Kyuhyun with a smile.

“If you two wouldn’t mind, we’re trying to watch this,” mumbled Shindong motioning towards the TV.

“Sorry hyung,” said chorused Kyuhyun and Siwon with their cutest smiles.

Eunhyuk laughed from the other end of the couch and then snuggled closer to Donghae, whom he just noticed was still engrossed with his phone.

“Hae, you voted for this movie and now you’re missing the best part, “ whispered Eunhyuk nudging him softly.

Donghae sat frozen, focused intently on something on his screen.

“Are you okay?” asked Eunhyuk softly as he kissed Donghae’s temple.

Donghae suddenly reanimated as he turned to look at Eunhyuk’s curious face.

“Hyukkie, look at this, Kangin hyung sent it a little while ago,” said Donghae with a frown as he handed his phone to Eunhyuk.

Eunhyuk sighed as he took Donghae’s phone and then quickly read the message. He frowned at the words and then read them again, twice.

When he looked back at Donghae, he didn’t know what to say.

“What do you think it means? ‘see you on the other side’?” whispered Donghae.

“I don’t know,” said Eunhyuk honestly.

“And did you see how many bottles were beside him? Do you really think he’d drink all of those himself?!” asked Donghae, his voice growing louder.

“Donghae ah, can you keep it down?” asked Sungmin tapping his leg gently.

“Sorry Hyung. But, actually, can you look at this?” asked Donghae leaning forward to give Sungmin, who was sitting on the floor, his phone.

Sungmin took the phone and quickly read the message, only to glance back at the two of them and frown.

“Did he really just send this?” he asked now standing up.

Donghae shrugged, “maybe an hour ago?”

“Am I the only one watching this anymore?” sighed Shindong throwing his hands in the air.

“Sorry hyung, but everyone needs to see this,” said Sungmin handing Shindong the phone and then going to turn on the lights.

“What is it hyung?” asked Ryeowook trying to read over Shindong’s shoulder.

“Kangin sent this tweet saying he’s found the solution to his problems and that he’ll see everyone on the other side—the other side? Does anyone know what this means?” asked Shindong looking at their shocked faces.

Everyone shook their heads.

“I don’t like the sound of it. I’m going to call him and see if he can explain it for himself,” said Sungmin grabbing his phone off the table.

Sungmin quickly dialed Kangin’s phone only to be met with a message saying his phone was off.

“Omo, he turned his phone off,” said Sungmin putting a hand to his head.

“Wait, let’s not panic, Teuk hyung went after him earlier, they should still be together, right?” asked Ryeowook.

“But why would Kangin hyung send a message like that if he was with Teuk hyung? Didn’t he look like his was alone to you in the photo?” asked Eunhyuk.

“Why would he send the message at all? Does this mean that things didn’t get better between them then?” Asked Siwon.

“Guys, wait, these are good questions, but that’s just it, they're questions. We need to actually figure out what’s going on—“ said Sungmin.

“Hyung, wait!” said Donghae looking at the picture on his phone again.

“Yes Donghae what is it?” asked Sungmin as everyone looked at Donghae.

“This shop, isn’t this the one just two blocks from here? It has that same little Pororo poster in the corner of the window—here, look,” said Donghae turning the phone so that he could point out said poster.

“Ah, well done Donghae-ah,” said Sungmin with a smile. “Okay then, we’ll just go and see if he’s still there. Chances are, with all of those bottles he will be, let’s just hope he’s still in one piece.”

When all 7 of them reached the corner store, the table that Kangin had been sitting in was empty, but the remnants of his soju bottles were still there.

“Now what?” asked Kyuhyun kicking one of the stray bottle caps.

“I’ll go in and ask the shop owner if he saw him leave,” said Shindong walking inside.

“Donghae and I can go this way towards the river and park area,” said Eunhyuk pointing behind him.

“Okay, that sounds good,” said Sungmin with a nod.

“Well then Kyu and I will go further up this way to see if he stopped into any bars or restaurants,” said Siwon nodding in the opposite direction.

“Okay, if you find him, the most important thing is to just make sure he’s safe and to get him back to the dorm. Call me if you need anything,” said Sungmin touching Eunhyuk and Kyuhyun’s shoulders.

The four of them nodded at him and then split off into their pairs to search.

A few moments later Shindong returned.

“Did he have any information?” asked Sungmin.

Shindong shook his head, “No, he said he remembered him buying the soju and that he sat out here and drank them all, but he said he never saw him get and up leave, so he wouldn’t know which way he went or how long ago he left.”

Sungmin’s shoulders fell, “I don’t know what we should do.”

“Just look for him on foot I suppose,” said Shindong, “Is that where the others went?”

“Yeah, Kyu and Siwon went towards the bars and then Eunhyuk and Donghae went down towards the river. How about you go down towards the subway station and then I’ll go towards the university area” said Sungmin pointing east then west.

“Wait, what about me?” asked Ryeowook.

“Wook-ah, can you go back to the dorm and wait to see if either he or Teuk hyung comes back?” asked Sungmin.

“Sure,” said Ryeowook, slightly disappointed. “But wait, shouldn’t someone call Teukkie hyung?”

Sungmin and Shindong looked at one another.

“Why don’t we wait until we have more information? If Teuk hyung isn’t with him now, I’m sure it’s for a reason. We don’t want to upset him until we know one way or another that something has happened,” said Shindong.

Sungmin and Ryeowook nodded.

“Yeah, it’s probably for the best now until we find something worth telling him,” said Sungmin and they all went their separate directions.

“I didn’t see anything down there,” said Eunhyuk coming out of an alley to where Donghae was waiting. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Donghae shook his head as he looked down.

“Don’t do that, I always know when you're hiding the truth from me. I can see it in your face,” said Eunhyuk lifting Donghae’s chin towards the street lamps.

“I feel guilty,” said Donghae softly.

“About what?” asked Eunhyuk shaking his head.

“All of this. The way Kangin hyung responded to seeing those videos, to how he reacted with Teukkie hyung coming home. All of this was supposed to make things better, but it just caused all of this pain. Poor Kangin hyung has had to be without Teukkie hyung for almost four years Hyuk. And then I had to go and show him  a TV program where he gets to see him kissing some other person. Of course he’s gonna be hurt. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Hae, you're being too hard on yourself,” said Eunhyuk softly as he rubbed the back of Donghae’s neck. “How were you to know any of this would happen?”

“Well that doesn’t matter now, does it? Look at what’s happened. Kangin hyung hasn’t drank this much since…since before he went into the army, and look at what happened then. What if he hurts himself or someone else tonight?”

“Well, then we just have to find him before he does. Come on,” said  Eunhyuk putting his arm around Donghae’s shoulders as they continued walking.

They walked towards the park, not having had much luck anywhere else. It was almost empty at the hour, but they decided to keep walking.

“I don’t know Hae, maybe we should go back,” said Eunhyuk turning towards him.

Donghae nodded but then he stopped in his tracks.

“What’s wrong Hae?”

Donghae pointed across the street where a bench lay in the shadows, almost surrounded by bushes.

“Is that him?” he asked squinting his eyes.

Eunhyuk followed his finger across the street until his eyes landed on the figure lying on the bench.

Before Eunhyuk could answer, Donghae was jogging across the street and Eunhyuk sprinted to catch him.

When they were only a few feet away, Eunhyuk grabbed Donghae’s arm to make him slow down.

“Be careful, we don’t know if it’s him yet—started Eunhyuk, but Donghae was too quick.

“Hyung!” smiled Donghae as he freed himself from Eunhyuk’s grip and he bent down beside Kangin’s head, “oh thank god we found you, we thought you’d be hurt!”

Kangin squinted his eyes and then sat up panicked, before gripping his head.

“Who-who are you?” he slurred as he tried to focus on their faces.

“Hyung…it’s me, Donghae. And Eunhyuk,” said Donghae sadly as he reached to touch Kangin’s hand.

“What do you want from me?” he asked flinching away from Donghae’s touch.

“Hyung everyone’s looking for you, you had us worried when you sent that tweet out. We thought you might have done something crazy, other than drinking five bottles of soju in an hour,” said Eunhyuk as he and Donghae tried to help him stand up.

“Hyung, come on, we have to take you home, like Hyukkie said, everyone’s worried so— started Donghae as he tried to put Kangin’s arm around his neck.

“No!” said Kangin jerking away.

Donghae and Eunhyuk frowned at each other.

“Hyung, let us help you,” said Eunhyuk trying the other side of Kangin’s body.

“I said no! I’m not going back there!” he said pushing them away.

“Why not? It’s your home. We just want to take you somewhere that you’ll be safe and can sleep this off,” tried Donghae.

“Will he be there?” asked Kangin looking down.

“Teuk hyung? Well, he lives there as well so, yeah, it’s a definite possibility,” said Eunhyuk with a laugh. “Come on now hyung, don’t make this difficult, please.”

“If he’s there, I’m n-not going. I don’t want to even s-see his face anymore,” said Kangin pushing them away again.

Donghae sighed, “What are we supposed to do?”

“Well he can’t stay here…come on, he’s not as big as he used to be, we can carry him if need be. You grab his right side, I’ll get his left.”

Donghae nodded and as he tried to wrap Kangin’s arm around his neck and Eunhyuk did the same. But Kangin elbowed them hard in the chest and the stomach, not caring if he hurt them. They finally lifted him off the bench, but were unable to take more than a few steps in the direction of the dorm.

“Hyung, please, keep still!” grunted Donghae as dodged Kangin’s fist aiming for his face.

“Don’t let him go!” said Eunhyuk as they struggled to restrain Kangin’s flailing arms.

“I said I’m not going! Just let me stay here!” cried Kangin as he continued to struggle.

It wasn’t until a loud smack filled the air and Donghae let out a yelp, that they all stopped.

“Hae are you alright?!” yelled Eunhyuk releasing Kangin to rush to Donghae’s side.

Donghae nodded slowly as his hands covered his face.

“Let me see,” said Eunhyuk gingerly touching his fingers.

Donghae slowly pulled away his hands to reveal blood trailing down from his nose all the way to his chin.

“Damn it,” muttered Eunhyuk as he swallowed hard, “we have to get you to the hospital.”

“No it’s fine Hyukkie. We have to take care of Hyung,” said Donghae holding his head down as he tried to pinch the aching bridge.

“Hae, with all this blood, it’s probably broken. I know it has to hurt,” said Eunhyuk tilting his face towards the street light.

“I can handle it, let’s just get Hyung back home,” he said lifting up his shirt to gently dab at the blood.

“Fine, but when we finish with him, I’m still taking you to get checked out. Let’s just get—

It was then that they both realized they were suddenly alone.

“Oh G-d damn it! Hyung!” called Eunhyuk running to the end of the street.

He didn’t see Kangin anywhere.

“How could he have gotten away that fast?! We were right here!” he yelled putting his hands to his head.

Donghae sighed, “He wasn’t going to come with us anyway Hyukkie. I mean, did you really think we could have taken him kicking and screaming all the way back to the dorm?”

Eunhyuk groaned in frustration as he pulled out his phone. He pulled up Leeteuk’s number and quickly sent him a text.

“What are you doing now?” asked Donghae walking up to him.

“Where ever he is, Leeteuk needs to come home. This is getting out of hand,” said Eunhyuk bitterly as he glanced at Donghae’s still bleeding nose.

Donghae nodded in agreement.

Eunhyuk held his phone for a moment, hoping Leeteuk would respond quickly, and when he didn’t, he sent a second text before pocketing his phone.

“Come on, let’s go clean you up and I’ll call the others,” said Eunhyuk taking Donghae’s free hand and walking back towards the dorm.