Chapter 1

Kangin drummed his finger tips on his knees as he stared out the tinted van window.

His body lurched forward as a the van hit a bump in the road. As he settled again, he let out an anxious sigh. He could feel the nervous anxiety rising in his body as the car ride seemed to take even longer than he expected.

The day had finally come when Leeteuk would be discharged from the military after 2 long years of service. All of the members had been excited for weeks and now that the day was here, their excitement was almost tangible.

Kangin was excited as well. Although he had grown accustomed to not holding Leeteuk in his arms at night and missing out on long, lazy conversations, he was also incredibly nervous about their first encounter. The summer that had straddled his discharge and Leeteuk’s enlistment had been way too short to fall back into the relationship that they had once established years ago. So he wasn’t sure of what to expect when they would finally be united at last.

“Don’t worry hyung, we’re almost there,” smiled Siwon as he touched his shoulder.

Kangin glanced at him and nodded with a small smile.

Everyone continued to chatter excitedly, each sharing the first thing they would do when they saw him or who they believed he had missed the most.

Kangin wanted to join in with their conversation, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Without a doubt, he had missed his Teukkie, but the last few weeks had brought up many questions for him and he wasn’t sure what the answers would be.

It all started when he walked in on Donghae and Eunhyuk watching TV a few weeks ago.

flash back…

“What are you two watching?” Kangin asked with a sigh as he sat down on the couch beside Donghae.

“Teukkie hyung’s We Got Married episodes,” said Donghae with a small laugh after watching Leeteuk say something funny to Kang Sora on the screen.

“Why?” asked Kangin now focusing on the TV.

“You know how Donghae gets right before someone comes home after being away for awhile hyung. He wants to be reminded of every detail of their lives, so he’s planning to watch the entire season for the next few days, not to mention old performance footage he’s already sat through twice—“ Eunhyuk said before a pillow slammed into his chest.

“Yah!—Don’t make it seem like I’m the only one. You’ve been here right beside me almost the entire time!” said Donghae as Eunhyuk tried ruffling his hair in retaliation.

“I don’t think I ever actually watched this,” mumbled Kangin as Eunhyuk and Donghae still fought to have the last hit.

“Really hyung?” asked Donghae now stopping, allowing Eunhyuk to be victorious. “You should watch with us. Teukkie hyung is really hilarious and Sora is so sweet. The producers made a great decision in pairing them together, they really seem to compliment each other.”

Kangin simply nodded as he watched Leeteuk and Sora sit down to have a romantic dinner together.

Over the next few days Kangin watched all of the ‘TeukSo’ couple segments with a heavy heart. While it comforted him to see Leeteuk’s smile and charming personality on camera, it killed him to see it all being received by another.

On this night, he and Donghae had almost reached the end, with only one episode left.

“Hyung, it’s almost two am, I think I’m going to sleep,” yawned Donghae, “I’ve seen the last episode anyway, so I know how it ends.”

“I think I’m gonna finish it up,” he said clearing his throat as he looked down.

“Hyung…are you okay?” asked Donghae tilting his head to the side.

“I’m fine Donghae-ah, sleep well okay? I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast,” he said softly, faking a smile.

Donghae his lips as he glanced at Kangin. He could tell something wasn’t right, but he also knew better than to push Kangin too far.

“Okay hyung, see you tomorrow,” he said with one last glance before dragging his tired feet off to his room.

Kangin rubbed his hands over his face. Part of him was glad that he could be alone to finish the last episode. But he was also afraid of what was to come. He had heard about the gossip around Leeteuk and Sora sharing a kiss during their last meeting and about the confession he left on her window. But he had always been hesitant to watch or talk about anything that had to do with the show.

Even when Kangin had been discharged from his service and he and Leeteuk had shared everything about their time apart, he always found a way to avoid talking about this one experience. Leeteuk had spoken so highly of Sora, so he knew that some of those emotions he had just witnessed on screen for the past few days had to be genuine.

He brought his thumb to his mouth, gnawing on the nail as he used his right hand to hit the play button on the remote.

Kangin barely breathed as he watched the tears run down Leeteuk’s face. He knew those tears. They were the same ones that spilled at the end of every concert. When they won awards. When one of the dongsaengs had a great performance. They were the tears he had seen the day they had parted, reunited, and parted again. They meant something to everyone who knew him. They were real.

As Leeteuk and Sora said their last goodbyes, Kangin’s skin tingled. Before he knew it, Leeteuk had embraced Sora, and then their faces neared, resulting in a kiss.

When it was finally over Kangin sat frozen on the couch.

He loves her…he really loves her…

Kangin shook his head, trying to make the thoughts leave, but with every moment that passed, all he could see was their kiss. Although it was short, it was surrounded by so much tension and angst that none of the other couples seemed to possess.

Why had he done this to himself? He asked as he fisted his hair. He had pushed himself to witness it so that he knew it was real, but now that he had seen it, he wished he could go back and erase the memory of it.

All of these feelings were new to him. Sure he had felt jealously before. Leeteuk was a charismatic man and many people gravitated towards his warmth. Even the other members would cling to him more than Kangin would sometimes like, but he always pushed his mind past it. This time felt different. A year had been spent developing these feelings, so he knew that they must have ran deep.

Leaning back on the couch so that he could stare at the white ceiling, Kangin closed his eyes and soon fell asleep, hoping he could leave his paranoid thoughts behind in his dreams.

The next morning, Kangin awoke to the sounds of dishes clanking. He sat up, rubbing his eyes with a groan.

“Oh, hyung, sorry if I woke you, but I needed to get started on breakfast before it was time for everyone to leave,” said Ryeowook looking over his shoulder at the sounds coming from the living room.

“It’s okay Wookie, I should be awake anyway,” he said walking into the kitchen area.

“Are you all right hyung? You look really tired already,” said Ryeowook as Kangin reached for a mug in the cabinet.

“Oh me? Yeah, I’m fine. …well, I mean, I didn’t sleep too well, but I’m all right,” said Kangin pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“Oh I know what this is all about,” said Ryeowook with a smile.

“What’s that?” asked Kangin returning it.

“You finally get to reunite with Teukkie hyung today!” he laughed. “Am I right?”

Kangin nodded, feeling a little bit lighter at the mention of Leeteuk’s name. Last night had been a bad night, and he wanted to move beyond it.

“I thought so,” sang Wookie to himself as he walked to the refrigerator.

Just then, Donghae and Eunhyuk emerged from their room.

“Morning Donghae-ah, morning Eunhyuk-ah, he said with a smile, taking a seat at the dining room table.

“Morning hyung! See, I told you he’d be fine. You owe me,” whispered Eunhyuk giving Donghae’s behind a quick smack before he walked towards the bathroom.

Donghae pouted at Eunhyuk’s back before joining Kangin at the table.

“Good morning hyung,” he said gently. “How did you sleep?”

“Actually, not so good. But I feel better now,” said Kangin as Ryeowook placed some orange slices on the table.

“Good morning Donghae-ah. What would you like for breakfast?” asked Ryeowook.

“Ah…do we have time for two of your special omelets? One for me and Hyukkie?” he asked with hopeful eyes.

“Sure, I don’t think some of the other hyungs are even up yet. Kangin-hyung? Would you like one too?”

Kangin shook his head, “Coffee is fine.”

Ryeowook nodded, Kangin wasn’t a big breakfast eater, especially in the last few years, so his answer wasn’t out of the ordinary, but Donghae wasn’t impressed.

“You should really eat something Hyung. We have a busy day today,” he said taking an orange slice.

“I’m fine Donghae-ah, don’t worry about hyung, okay?” he said ruffling Donghae’s already tousled morning hair.

“But what about last night? Did everything go okay with the last episode?”

“Yeah, it was fine. Teukkie was…his usual sweet self,” he said now standing up.

He knew if he continued talking about it, he wouldn’t be strong enough to hold back his emotions.

“I’m going to get my things ready. Thanks for the coffee Wookie,” said Kangin and he disappeared into his room.

Donghae leaned forward and rested his head on his folded arms.

“Strike two,” he whispered to himself.