“,” Chanyeol mutters under his breath.
“He always appears!” I look up to the familiar and expected sight of the brown haired boy Chanyeol is talking about. As always he was immaculately dressed, but for a change he suddenly brought some friends with him today, three girls and two boys. He seems to hardly recognise their presence, only briefly talking to them, and without any noticeable interest. The girls giggle at pretty much anything any of the two other boys say and they seem to automatically only cling to them rather than the pretty boy, but they look obviously interested in the brown haired boy and appear to be very interested in whatever he says whenever he decided to participate in the conversation.
“Who?” Jongdae asks innocently, and watch Chanyeols perplexed reactions as he realises he said his thoughts out loud.
“The pretty boy?” Jongdae continues. As Chanyeol’s face turns red the little devil adds with a smirk;
“Oh, do you know him?” The promise of an answer gets my attention, and I join in on the conversation.
“Is he in barista school too?” Chanyeol is silent for a while, but it is obvious he is cursing himself for having revealed his thoughts unintentionally.
“No, we used to attend the same kindergarten and elementary school. I haven’t seen him since then. We used to be pretty close, but we were only kids and haven’t spoken from then and until we met again a few months ago at a party at one of my classmate’s house. Apparently they’re cousins and Sehun has just moved in with his aunt and uncle after getting too much trouble at his previous school, so his parents can’t handle it.” The information just ran out of him, and I thought to myself that Chanyeol must really want to talk about him but keeps it in – probably because they’re both guys and a lot of people here frown upon that. In that moment I felt really sorry for him; having a crush or being in love can be hard enough as it is, but being judged on top of it and then not talking about it – that must be really tough. But I’m glad he decided to tell us at least this much – now we know how they know each other, and his name. The boy is called Sehun. And of course, because he told us and he likes him and we are s who like to embarrass our friends when they like people to the point that they are rendered fools, we seized the opportunity.
“I see. Well, there are a lot of them today, so let me help you with their order,” I replied, and Chanyeol smiled gratefully in return. As soon as the six beverages and their food were prepared I placed them on a tray and waved Jongdae over from cleaning one of the tables.
“Could you bring this to Sehun and friends?” I asked him with a grin, practically feeling Chanyeol panicing behind me as I used the boy’s name.
“ONE ORDER FOR SEHUN AND FRIENDS,” Jongdae repeated loudly, looking around as if he was confused about which table he was supposed to serve, though his huge smile betrayed him slightly. The others kept on talking while clearing the table, but the brown haired boy – though obviously surprised, could not contain his own smile properly. Chanyeol’s hands grabbed my shoulders and spun me around, his face was now completely covered in a bright red colour and his eyes were huge;
“Why did you do that???” he hissed desperately through his teeth.
“Do what? Seriously Chanyeol, you said the boy was new in town, I only thought we should be a little friendly with him. After all, you used to know him when you were younger, and he is your friend’s cousin. I’d expected more of you Chanyollie – I would have thought you’d already invited him here for a cup of coffee with us or something. Shame on you.” All though I did my best to sound like I was mildly scolding him for his dramatic reaction, I could feel myself smiling brighter and wider with every word. In the end, all Chanyeol could do was stand there and stare at me, his hands still on my shoulders, struggling to find any words to respond with. After about a minute or so of this he let his arms drop down to his sides, his head hang down low and walked over to his barista duties again. As I turned to get back to my own tasks I catch Luhan’s eyes from the kitchen where he is staring at me with a smile I’m unable to interpret the meaning of.

---

“Hey, hyung,” Chanyeol’s voice calls from the other end of the room.
“Yeah?”
“How about going out with us tonight?” He is putting his coat on while he is talking, and both Luhan and Jongdae are standing at his sides.
“Are you all going out?” I ask, but before the others get to say anything I see Luhan nod and find myself responding something like “sure, let me get my jacket”. As I’m standing in the locker room, reaching for my jacket, the surprise really hits me. “Did I really just say yes to go out with them?” I ask myself. But apparently I did, because not long after Luhan enters the room and urges me to hurry along. “But I never say yes – I always go home and study…” My thoughts are interrupted by Luhan’s happy banter and the sight of the waiting Chanyeol and Jongdae and their questioning faces as I actually appear to be going out with them. It has been ages since the last time I went out, and I’m not really feeling up for it – though I never do. I can’t believe all it took was Luhan’s presence to make me say yes to join them and I begin to wonder if I’m the puppydog this time around. Luhan puts his arm over my shoulder as we’re walking, even though he is looking away from me and paying attention to the conversation he is having with the others. I’m too busy being nervous about what is ahead of me for the evening, and what will be expected of me, but I somehow register the gesture and the sense of comfort it brings me. “At least I’m not so cold and closed off with this guy around,” I conclude in appreciation as I wander on with his arm around my neck and wonder about what this night will bring.
            It didn’t take long before we reached a small noraebang where Jongdae only had to smile at the man behind the counter before we got a room. We were all quite puzzled by how we didn’t have to pay before going in, but none of us said anything, figuring the little devil had his own little deals which were none of our business. Instead we ordered twice as much alcohol and food as you’d usually expect from time spent doing karaoke, making up for the expenses saved. Having never gone out with them before I had no idea how they handled alcohol, nor how good or bad they were at singing, and I found myself quite curious – they’d always been talking about how surprisingly good they all were at work, whenever they’d gone out. Apparently even Joonmyun boss was an angel with the microphone, and as Chanyeol grabbed the microphones for himself and Jongdae and begun singing I decided I had to go out with them at least one other time just to hear the boss as well, because these boys were incredible. I don’t think I could have even expected anything like it, even if I had heard all the praise in the world of their voices. As we kept on drinking and eating, I found myself emerged in their performances – they’d obviously done this before, because some of the songs were so well rehearsed they even had special dances. I had, from time to time, imagined what they would be like when going out, but I had never imagined that I would enjoy such company.
“Aren’t they good?” Luhan moved himself closer to me so we could talk while the idiots had the time of their life.
“Yeah,” I agreed. “Have you heard them before?”
“Yes,” he admitted, taking a bite of the food still left. His smile was very warm as he chugged down the food with a huge gulp of beer.
“I went out with them a few times before,” he continued and I felt my heart sting a little in childish jealousy. “They are noisy but really fun, and I always end up just sitting here listening to them instead.”
“What do you mean- you haven’t sung wile going out with them?” He shook his head, his eyes still fixated on the backs of the two dorks singing their hearts out, moving their bodies in something resembling dance.
“Do you want to sing though?” He turned to face me again, put his head to his side a bit and thought for a second.
“Yes, I think so. But I’m not confident in singing in Korean, and especially in front of those two!” I couldn’t help but smile. Of course I understood not wanting to sing in front of the others, their skills were incredibly – despite the fact that I should probably give them a lesson or two in dancing – but leave it to this lost little puppy to not know the machines provided songs in Chinese.
“Idiot,” I smile at him while I reach for the booklet with the available songs. His eyes really did resemble a puppy as he looked at me with confusion. I find the pages with Chinese songs and place the booklet in front of him.
“If you want to sing, then sing!” Still somewhat confused he looks down, and as I lean back to watch his reaction I see his eyes widen in surprise and pleasure, and he immediately ducks down into the booklet to find a song that he likes. He is still looking as the song Chanyeol and Jongdae have been performing for us ends, so I start clapping and patting the couches to indicate that the others sit down with us and drink some more. Chanyeol sits down on my left and Jongdae climbs over the very concentrating Luhan who is reading and sits down on my right.
“What is this hyung up to,” Chanyeol asks and points to the Chinese with the bottom of his beer can before pouring the rest of its content into his mouth.
“Is he going to sing for us,” he finishes before letting out a massive burp and mumble a low “sorry” and help himself to some crisps from the table. As I’m about to answer, Luhan puts down the booklet and grabs the remote. He fumbles a bit with it, but manages to find the song he has decided on, grabs a microphone and gets up.
“I want to sing this song,” he begins into the mic while staring at the screen. “It is a song that used to be my favourite, and I want to dedicate it to a friend I have here – a friend who has helped me a whole lot, even more than he understands himself. I hope you will like it, Minseokie.” He turns around and looks at me with nervous eyes and a happy smile. I smile in return, lean back and has my breath drawn out of me in surprise at the performance. This tall friend has hidden his talents well until now. I have never in my life understood a word of Chinese, but I can tell this; whatever he was saying, he meant every word of it.

---

“I have no idea what that was about, but it almost moved me to tears,” Jongdae says as Luhan sits down with us again. I think we’re all a little surprised at how good he was, because none of us get up to put on any more songs or grab the mic to sing, we just sit there and smile at him. That is until Chanyeol lets out a small sob and our attention turn to him instead.
“What- What is it?” I place my hand on his shoulder, which is now shaking up and down uncontrollably. It seems he makes some half arsed attempt to respond but in the end just give up and wave his hand as if to say not to worry about him and return to our own conversation.
“Did I do something wrong?” Luhan’s innocence is tragically humorous in this situation and I feel like laughing, but instead I shake my head and grab Chanyeols elbow and pull him up.
“I think I’ll take this one out for some fresh air,” I say over my shoulder as I struggle to hold the tower of a man up. “It seems he has had a little too much to drink.” The others grant me some grunts in agreement and Chen offers to sing a song for Luhan, if Luhan can chose one he wants to hear. I don’t get to hear what song he likes as the door slams shut behind me and the sobbing, wobbling giant beside me and I him outside and lean him up against a wall.
“You’ve had quite a lot to drink,” I finally say when he has calmed down quite a bit.
“So have you,” he replies silently. I lean up against the wall right next to him while I take a good look at him. He might be tall, but he has always had the face of a child – and the red eyes stinging with tears and the pouty lip he is trying to bite back is not helping him look older. It is a little discomforting to see the always smiling fairy from the café standing next to me outside a noraebang crying and smelling like alcohol.
“Yeah,” I nod. “But I have always handled my alcohol well. I actually can drink a lot.” He doesn’t respond, but instead he clenches his fist over his chest and chokes back more tears.
“If you need to cry, then cry.”
“But hyung, I don’t want to!” He quickly dries his eyes, but his face twists in pain and his fist falls back into place over his heart as he bends over and tries to catch his breath.
“Despite the tears, you seem fine otherwise. Could it be that this has nothing to do with the alcohol?” I question lightly, hoping he will use this opportunity to open up to me. Or course he cannot know for sure, but I want him to know that I understand and that I don’t judge. After gasping for some more air, he finally straightens up again.
“Hyung, what if I think I’m in love?” His confession is almost a whisper.
“You’re not sure?” There is a longer silence as we both stare out into the sky.
“Do you think about that person a lo-”
“All the time.” Not even a hint of hesitation.
“Does that person know?”
“…maybe.”
“What does that mean? Have you confessed your feelings?”
“…We kissed.” I feel calmer at this confession, not so nervous about what I should advise him to do.
“How?”
“We… We’ve met a few times. At parties, noraebangs, with friends, things like that. We always end up talking. …Those eyes… Anyway, we were talking at a party at my friend’s house and the music was loud so we decided to go into the library so we could hear and we were talking and joking and I was making fun of-... of this persons appearance saying they looked very petite, and later that person said they were cold because the windows had been open all day, and so I said because this person was so small they’d probably fit in my jacket so we sort of tried out the joke and this friend actually did fit in my jacket but we had to put our hands around each other and so we were very close and I’m so tall so it was just so perfect when I looked down and this friend looked up and I don’t know what happened but I leaned down and we kissed and that person didn’t push me away and I was really happy and we kissed for a long time with tongues and all, but then there was a loud noise from the living room and we broke apart and I panicked and I think this person panicked too and we left without talking to each other and now it is just difficult and I don’t know.” The story poured out of him and at the end I heard him sigh and draw his breath. He must have been keeping it in for a long time, because he looked very relieved to finally get to tell someone, but also very worried about telling someone his secret.
“Do you… want to kiss them again?” Silence.
“Yeah.” I shifted my weight from one foot to the other.
“Really badly,” he said before I could ask further.
“How about holding them?”
“Holding, hugging, talking, kissing, holding hands, smiling, joking, touching, the whole shebang! I want to tell this person how I feel, how I felt then, how I’m such a coward right now, how I want a future with them, how I wish they would talk to me too… It’s just so frustrating!” He kicks a rock down the road and squats down and places his head in his hands.
“Then why don’t you?” If he was going to reply he must have choked on his own words, and it looks like he has frozen in fear of the confession he almost made. I walk over to him and lean closer to his ear, his face still placed firmly in his hands.
“Because it’s that Sehun boy?” I ask, and his head whips up in horror. I turn around and start walking back inside.
“I still think you should tell him. Why do you think he always comes to see you?” I don’t look back, I just keep going back to the others, leaving him to think about what I said and to gather himself some more.

Upon my return without the other, the two boys questioned my appearance in the room. I briefly explained that I’d left him to gather himself some more, but that he would probably join us again soon. They seemed to understand the situation, and just nodded without giving it anymore attention and returned to singing – Luhan was in the middle of teaching Jongdae a Chinese song and had apparently dubbed him ‘Chen’ for the session. The boys were still joking back and forth and talking Chinese and singing when Chanyeol appeared again. He hesitated in the doorway, wondering whether he should enter or not, but I smiled at him and waved a can of beer temptingly in front of me. I was hoping it would bring out some confidence in him, but he the way he looked at me made me realise he hadn’t quite understood how I felt about this.
“Did you figure it out,” I asked as he sat down and I gave him the can of beer. His movements stopped for a bit before he leaned back in his seat.
“No.” His voice was dull and soulless.
“Then I’ll help you.” His eyes grew larger in question and surprise.
“But right now, let’s have fun with our friends.” I raise my own can and knock it against his before I chug it down in a one shot.

---

After several hours at the noraebang we finally decide to move on, but none of us really have any idea where we want to go, so for a long time we’re just wandering in the streets, shouting banter and laughing, joking with our arms linked, too drunk to walk straight, but not drunk enough to go home. Despite having been anxious, I have a sober moment where I realise I feel sort of happy right in that moment. And so I decide to not think so much and just enjoy myself. After stumbling around for a while, we end up at a cheap street vendor where we occupy a table to ourselves and spend a good few hours drinking and eating more. Everything is nice and light and the mood is great, but before long we realise it is becoming morning and we need to head back home.
“Hyung, Jongdae and I live a few minutes from here so we’ll just walk from here – okay?” Chanyeol’s bright and happy smile had returned not long after he realised that I didn’t mind his heart at all, and he stood on the street corner by the vendor, too drunk to walk straight himself yet still supporting the little prankster by his side.
“Alright, but be careful – and call me when you get home okay? I need to know you’re safe!” Well, in my head this is how clearly the exchange of words went down, but considering the fact that Luhan and I required to lean on each other in order to at all be standing, I dread to think what we really looked and sounded like. Chanyeol nodded and Jongdae gave me a weak thumb up before they started walking down the street in the direction of their homes, and I was left with alone Luhan, who was more hanging over me than leaning.
“Hey, are you okay?” Practically asleep already he mumbles something I cannot make out properly.
“Where do you live though?” I suddenly realise I have to get this friend home, while we’re both drunk and neither of us have any idea where he lives. After a few moments of panicking I decide to check his wallet for any clues, and luckily he has his address written down on a piece of paper and I recognise the street as one close to the café, luckily. That means it’ll actually be on my way home, so I start walking, somehow carrying my friend along with me. We’re only a few blocks away from his place when he suddenly leaps off my back and runs over to a side alley only to puke his guts out. The smell is disgusting as the contents of his stomach pours out on the pavement and I can clearly make out bits and pieces of what’ve we’ve been eating together today, but I have loads of training with this so I don’t even bat an eyelash or feel the slightest bit nauseous myself, I just walk over to him to support him, wipe off the remains from his chin, throw his arm over my shoulder and begin walking again. The building and apartment was pretty easy to find, and mr. drunk nicely handed me his keys from his pocket as he recognised his door, so I got the door open in no time. Almost all strength had left his body by the time we got to his apartment, so the last few steps getting him inside was a real struggle, and I barely get to detect the bed and drag him over before he collapses over me and onto the bed, pinning me down underneath him. Despite the discomfort of my position and how surprisingly heavy the snow top is, my greatest disadvantage is that the second I lie down when I’ve been drinking, the world starts spinning and I finally feel the alcohol affecting me and my balance. I just had time to think that the walk up all the stairs to my apartment didn’t seem all that appealing anyway, and that I feel nice and safe and warm where I’m lying, before I fell asleep under his unconscious body and slept all through the night until we were both woken up by loud, angry knocking on the door.
“LUHAN! I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE! YOU ARE LATE WITH YOUR RENT AGAIN! THIS IS THE LAST TIME I AM TELLING YOU – GET OUT OF MY BUILDING BY THE END OF THE WEEK YOU BASTARD!!” I look at Luhan, and his eyes are staring at the door in horror before returning my gaze with embarrassment and his head falls down to his chest as his hand reaches for his hair in frustration.
“Luhanie… What was that all about?”