BATCH ONE REVIEW (IF ONLY YOU KNEW BY BABYLOCKET)

Title:

Your title is okay, everything is capatalized properly. However, I felt that it kind of lacked orginality and it's not very memorable. If you were to search up the title on this website, you would find that there are many stories here, that have the exact same title. Though this isn't neccessarily a bad thing, just keep it in mind when you write the story. The title also gives away the plot. Before I even read the fanfiction, I could already tell that one of the characters loved the other, but for one reason or another, couldn't/wasn't able to tell them. After I read the story, however, I realized that though there could have been a better title, it still suited the fanfiction quite well.

Appearance:

You should really consider creating or asking a shop to make a banner/poster for you. An angst poster would have really reflected well on your story.

Description and Foreword:

Your description has too much information. It's not a good idea to do this because it will turn potential readers away. Personally, I believe that the best descriptions are the ones that are able to sum up the story and conflict in just a couple sentences without revealing too much. It should be just enough to give the reader that spark of curiosity that drives them on to read the story and find out what happens. You don't need the, "A story of confusion, and heart ache, and loss, and love" part. It is obviously a story, there is no need to say that. Also, do you see the flaw in this one sentence? There are too many 'ands.' Repetition is okay when done on purpose but and excessive amount isn't a good idea. Your foreword is fine, I have nothing to say about it.

Characters:

You did a good job developing the characters. I liked the internal conflict Donghyun had when Donghyun came to terms that he was gay. The same could be said for Minwoo. I think many people can relate to his feelings of wanting to confess to someone but being afraid of getting rejected (even though in the story, it was because he was gay). Your characters are pretty original and realistic. However, there was one scene that I found a bit unpractical. The scene is in chapter 9, where Minwoo was captured by the crazy fan lady and she demanded him to love and kiss her. Minwoo declined, knowing that if he didn't, she would kill him. Because most people are afraid of death, in a situation like this, one would probably do as she asks.

Story Speed:

Overall, the story went in an okay flow. However, I felt that Minwoo's kidnapping happened to quickly and without warning. It would've been a good idea to have foreshadowed his kidnapping so that it wouldn't have come as much of a surprise and shock to the readers. That aside, your method of creating tension worked very well.

Grammar and Punctuation:

One of the mistakes that I see you do a lot is the excessive usage of commas. Here's an example, "I know they are wrong, by most, it is considered appalling to have them at all." It should be, "I know they are wrong. By most, it is considered appalling to have them at all." Do you see the difference? The second one flows much better than the first. You also have some problems with capatalization. Though I mostly saw this mistake in your author notes, remember that all 'I's' must be capatalized! The 'L' in leader shouldn't be an upper case 'l.' It should just be 'leader.' Another thing to keep in mind is spelling. In chapter 2, remember to spell out %. You should only use this symbol with a number, like, 100%, or 14%. Other than these few issues, everything else was okay.

Other:

Like I said above, repetition is good when done with a purpose but too much is not good. I'm sure you could've found many other words for Donghyun to describe Minwoo besides having doe-like eyes and being graceful when he dances. Remember that to us writers, the thesaurus is our best friend!
I loved your way of describing things. I was able to visualize what you described as if it was right in front of me. You do this very well.
Something that you should seriously consider when you write a story are the characters POV. I think my biggest piece of advice to you is to not use so many POVs. What makes a story interesting is how it is told. If one character is telling the story, we, the readers see the situation through their eyes. However if it's third person POV, we usually know more than the characters in the story. This is why POVs should be consistent. It is definitely not a good idea to switch around so much because it ruins the effect. If you are still going to switch the POVs, at least dedicate a complete chapter to the character instead of a couple paragraphs.

A/N:
Though I said so many things about your flaws, I really did enjoy reading your story. I normally don't like or yuri but I'm pretty fond of this story. I liked reading about the crazy fan lady and your ending wrapped up the story very nicely. Thank you for being the very first person to request a review from us! ;) We really appreciate it!

Please remember to leave a comment after you've picked up your review! I really hope that I helped you! Don't hesitate to PM this review. I will be more than happy to talk to you about it Until next time!

BATCH ONE REVIEW (FACADE BY KAZUAIKA)

Title:

I clearly remember when you PMed me and said that the title of your story is lame. After I've read what you've written so far, I've decided that I disagaree with that statement. It's quite creative and even though only one chapter is posted, your one-worded title, Facade, is reflected in the things you've written so far.

Appearance:

There's not much to say here because you don't have a poster/banner. It would be a good idea to make your own poster for the story, and if you don't want to, or don't know how, you could ask a graphic shop to make one for you. The process is simple and easy and most of the shops out there don't ask you to pay them with karma or anything like that. Also, I have some comments to make about how you set up your description. Highlighting black on purple font, makes the words a bit hard to read, so I don't recommend using those colors.

Description and Foreword:

I like how your description deeply reflects the title. Even though it's short and simple, I realized that you put a lot of symbolism in it. I looked up the meaning of the flowers you inserted in the description and things made a lot more sense. The things that the flowers stood for, blended in very well with the poem. The foreword and description is in it's right place so I have nothing to say about that.

Characters:

So far, the characters are okay. They don't seem to be generic and are realistic enough for me. There's only one chapter up so I can't really tell. One thing I would highly recommend you to do is to write out their names. Even though I'm a fan of Teen Top, I don't remember who the second oldest is. As you're story progressed, I became increasingly confused about who was talking, and I had to go back and read the story multiple times until I actually figured it all out. It's fine to not mention names when there's like two characters in a scene, but when there's six, it gets hard to tell who is doing what.

Story Speed:

The story is going a bit too fast. It's only the prologue, but a bunch of things have already happened. I would've like it more if you take a bit more time to develop the story a little more. For example, after the other boys heard about Chunji's brother passing away, what was their reaction? Everyone should have mixed feelings and responses, right? It would've been interesting to see what they would say in that situation.

Grammar/Punctuation:

I can't say much about this criteria because you did say that English isn't your native language. What I would advise you to do is to find a beta-reader to correct your mistakes and make the story flow better. As I progressed through your story, I realized that you seem to have some trouble with past-tense terms. If you want, I can send you the link to some helpful websites that explains when to use these terms. PM me if you want it.

Other:

So far, so good! You're fanfiction is, in my opinion a bit different from the mainstream, ones on this website. I don't think your prolouge was a fail at all, so stop saying that. :)
I was a bit confused when I read the part with tarot cards in it because I know nothing about it. If you could find a way to explain in a clearer way, I think that would help readers like me better visualize what's going on in that scene.
A/N: I said above that you should find a beta-reader. If you want one, you can request for a beta-reader on your story, and there are a couple shops out there who offer this kind of service. Or, if you're okay with it, I'm also willing to be your editor. That aside, I have a feeling your story will go a long way! Thank you for requesting a review from Dark Chocolate Review Shop!

Remember to comment once you've picked up your review! I hope I said things that will help you improve your story. Don't hesitate to PM me about this review. Until next time,

-officiaLinspirit

BATCH ONE REVIEW (FAMILY PORTRAIT BY NAMSTAR)

Title:

Title is definitely interesting and alluring since I've never seen another story by this title. It leaves a mysterious feeling to the reader as to why the family portrait is important. Which is a good thing when the story contains horror and mysteries.

Appearance:

Poster and background fits perfectly with the storyline. Kim Myungsoo's photo was perfectly chosen as he's not looking into the camera and your wondering what he is thinking about?

Characters:

Characters are what I had expected them to be. Just as Infinite members are in real life that's how they are portrayed in the story. I find that sometimes this can work and sometimes it doesn't. Not everyone clicking on the story would be familiar with how the Infinite members are in real life. So their inside jokes wouldn't be as funny to someone who isn't an inspirit. With horror or mystery stories it's always best to create a character far from their real life character. It gives the reader more visualization and the story becomes more real. So by putting quirks that develop the character is a better idea.

Description and Foreword:

Beginning of the description definitely had a mysterious feeling to it that made you want to read on. Sentences structures weren't the best but the reader got a feel of what the story will hold. Foreword was intriguing enough to the point I wanted to continue reading. Again sentences structures could have been better as well. Excerpts like this always excite readers because they are more curious as to what will happen and when this part takes place.

Story Speed:

Story speed is off to a good start. Chapters are quite short and it feels the writer is just writing to get chapters completed and not really developing the story as best as she can. I would say out of all the chapters more than half were filler chapters that didn't really progress the reasoning behind the portrait photo. The addition of Sohee is definitely a mystery that I want to find out her involvement. Is she Myungsoo's sister or somehow related to the old scary woman?

Grammar and Punctuation:

As stated the author had mentioned English wasn't her first language. When I decide to continue reading a story, the plot and deliverance of the sentences and lines have to be on point. Unless the storyline was amazing I could bypass the little mistakes here and there. The writer didn't commit anything overly heinous or anything but the sentences structures should always be written somewhat like this...

"Myungsoo-ah we need to go to the hospital now." Sungyeol said.

Instead the author put...

Myungsoo-ah we need to go to the hospital now. Sungyeol said.

The sentence structure needs to be there so the reader can see where the sentence ends and the person who spoke it. Quotes are usually a good tool for writers to use to let the reader know a character is speaking.

After that particular sentence Myungsoo starts speaking his lines but it seemed as though it was still Sungyeol speaking. Little things like changing that will help bring more readers. It's appeals more to the eye than the way it's written now.

Other:

Overall the story has it's intriguing parts that want me to continue reading to see where the story leads. Thing that turns me off from the story is the sentence structures and the short chapters. Mystery stories are to be longer chapters and have better descriptive chapters to make the reader feel like they are really into the story and feeling how the characters feels. If the writer changes a little here and there the story could become awesome and original if the story line is kept how I pictured it in my head from reading the posted chapters. I hope you continue to write the story and not think my review was harsh but rather more helpful.

Thank you for requesting at Dark Chocolate Review Shop and sorry for the long wait! Please remember to comment once you've received your review! An upvote would be appreciated as well. :) We hope we've helped you! Until next time~

BATCH ONE REVIEW (YOU GOT IT SERIOUSLY WRONG! BY BABYLOCKET)

Title:

The title is intriguing. At first glance there seemed to be a misunderstanding going on in the story (and I was right XD). The title did match with the storyline but adding the exclamation point at the end makes it seem as if it’s more of a comedic and light fanfic instead of one that revolves around angst. Titles are important, it’s the first thing your readers look at and a single mark changes everything. Keep that in mind when you create them. :)

Appearance:

Just like before, I recommend you go to a graphic shop and get yourself a poster and/or background. :) But the font you chose...that's a whole different story. Comic sans can turn away potential readers faster than you can say the title of your story. I strongly don't suggest using that font. It kills your reader’s eyes.

Description and Foreword:

Your description and foreword is fine, everything is in the right place. However, it’s not a good idea to ask so many questions in the description. It makes it seem unprofessional. Try to find a more creative way to write it out without using the words, “What happens...” and “What if...” to start your sentences.

Characters:

At the beginning of the story, it doesn't make sense for the other members to treat Onew like that, don't you think so? Think about it. If you had a group of really close friends, and one of them decide that they want out, wouldn't you be curious as to why they want to leave? Shouldn't the other members talk it over with him instead of giving Onew the cold shoulder? Also, how would he 'admit' that he wants to leave if he doesn't know that the rest of SHINee has already discovered his secret? And finally, if Onew felt that the his friends were ignoring him, shouldn’t he have spoke up about it way sooner and asked why? I don’t think your characters responses are realistic.

Story Speed:

The flow of the story is good but I personally feel that you dragged the parts from when Onew is admitted to the hospital and when he is discharged. The flashbacks that the other members in SHINee had are also a bit unnecessary (I’m talking about the ones the readers already know about.).

Grammar and Punctuation:

There aren’t that many grammatical errors as much as ones that have to do with punctuation. I find that in many cases, you use colons and commas when you’re not supposed to and don’t use them when you need to. Let me give you an example:

“If they weren't rehearsing, they were on variety shows, or doing a big interview: but no one had it quite as bad as their leader good old chicken maniac Onew (chapter 1).”

There should be no colon after ‘interview.’ Instead, there should be a comma.

Let me give you another example:

“He would rise at the crack of dawn to check everything would run smoothly for his other members, he would make sure everything was in place so all they had to do was turn up, he would make sure the transport would be where it needed to be and above all else: make sure the other members were happy and well taken care of (chapter 1).”

This is another sentence from the first chapter of your fanfic. It’s way too long. Do you see the mistakes? Instead of adding so many commas, you should just cut the sentences short and add a period.

I also saw problems with paragraphing. In the story, they’re too long. Here’s a list of when you need to start a new paragraph:

1) When a new topic is introduced
 2) When you skip to a new time
3) When you skip to a new place
4) When someone new speaks
5) When you want to produce a dramatic effect

Other:

So in the chapter where Onew decided to go out and finally ask the members what he was doing wrong, one of the members said that Onew was “hurting them with his lies.” However, if you look back and think about it, Onew didn’t even know that the members overheard his conversation with the manager, so how would he know?

I liked how the misunderstanding was cleared up and how the manager played a role in the story. I have seen many fanfics that revolve around misunderstandings, and I have to say, your’s is one of the better ones because it’s not as predictable. I totally did not see Onew’s ‘gift’ coming.

BATCH ONE REVIEW (COMPLICATED LOVE BY SUPERGENERATIONDREAM)

Title:

The title definitely fits the story. How can it not be complicated when you have two super groups dating each other? I want to know what makes it so complicated though, so it pulls me into the story.

Appearance:

The look of the posters are nice; it's not fluffy and the darker colors play well with the idea of a darker meaning behind the life of an idol we don't see. One thing about the chapters posted though, author-nim, I think it would be much more appealing if the lettering was just in black. It might be a personal preferance for the colors or I'm just super picky. I tend to not be drawn to stroies that use color for posting the chapters. This is just an opinion though, others might not find this a pet-peeve. But still, writing in black is much more professional and I recommend it.

Description and Foreword:

Description is spot on and I like reading what the story was going to be about. It's intriguing enough to the reader to make them continue reading. To some, it might be a little overwhelming with the amount of characters in the story. It's much better to outright tell the reader who will be present in the story instead of adding so many characters later on so they would get confused.

Characters:

Characters to me, seem mainstream and typical. I'm figuring that's what the author was going for since this story is a look into the lives of Super Junior and Girls Generation behing the scenes. Developing characters for a story with so many couples and so many leads is a hard thing to do, so I compliment the author for taking on such a hard task. I can barely write with four characters max. I hope in the future updates that the writer will write more about the development of each couple and character traits. Stories aren't anything if the readers can't relate. However, I still strongly do not recommend working with so many characters because it get's confusing for the readers who don't know who the they are (even if they are extremely famous) and like I said above, it leaves little room for much development. I suggest writing with about one or two couples and sticking to them.

Story Speed:

The story speed is at a nice pace. It moves along with the schedules of the two groups, so you see many different deveopments in different scenes. I like the incorporation of real life events like their SMTOWN concerts and the stage they performed. By adding this tidbit, it makes the reader feel like this is a real story; like these things really happen. I would suggest not putting so many different conversations in one chapter. I know readers want to read about their favorite pairs but sometimes it can be too jumbled and they would get easily confused. So maybe sticking to one or two couples per chapter and giving a more detailed chapter would be more desirable.

Story Plot:

Plot can be cliche at some point but by the author adding some quarrels here and there, it makes the story much more interesting to read. Could I just say, I love the duet part with Kyuhyun and Seohyun! They have to be my favorite pair in the story.

Grammar and Punctuation:

One thing that bugged me throughout the story was that there were no periods to end the sentences! The use of exclamation points and question marks are there for the purpose of conveying the feel in the sentences but periods always provide a closure for sentences too. There always needs to be something to end one.

Other:

Overall, I enjoyed reading the story for the most part. It's just the small nit picky things I found that unnerved me a little. It was quite interesting to read about what could potentially happen if these super groups were to date. I loved the interactions between the couples and even the members. It's sweet and endearing to know that they always have each other's backs. The whole SMTOWN as adorable. I want to see the ending in this story and so I hope the author continues to write 'til the very end. AJA AJA FIGHTING author-nim! <3

A/N:

Thank you for requesting at Dark Chocolate Review Shop and I hope Morpeeee has been able to help you improve your story by pointing out the flaws. Remember to comment once you've picked up your review and tell the reviewer at least one thing they did well and at least one thing they should improve on (check the rules for more details). :) An upvote will be very much appreciated.

Until next time~

-officiaLinspirit

BATCH ONE REVIEW (A TAKE IF CHOCOLATE AND PMS? BY YYS_SILVER)

Title:

Title is definitely something you don’t see in main stream fictions now a days. The author might of thought up this title without much though but it’s more provoking then seeing titles talk about this “ullhjang” and that “ullhjang” if you know what I mean. Is there a reason there's a question mark? I'm quite confuse on that.Are you asking if this is a story about chocolate and PMS or you telling us this is a story about chocolate and PMS? Ending marks are important in creating a good story.

Appereance:

The appearance of the picture and poster are interesting but not something eye catching. Maybe request at a shop that can provide a nice poster and background would draw more readers in.

Description and Foreword:

I definitely found your prologue and foreword intriguing. It made me want to see what eventually happened in the story. Some people find it nice to see a prologue that isn’t a million sentences but gets right to the point. After saying that the prologue seems quite vague, adding a few more lines would interest the readers even more.

Characters:

Could I get a boyfriend like that? The male protagonist is probably someone every girl would want as their boyfriend. Sometimes he was a bit careless with his words, in which he did hurt his overly sensitive girlfriend. Which brings me to the main girl character, I’ve never known someone to be that bipolar while PMS. Usually it’s one extreme to the other but she’s rather indecisive which made me grow to not like her. 

Story Speed:

Progression in the story is good. It’s a short story so it’s hard to develop the main key points but you did a good job bringing the story to life. The storyline is perfect for a two shot because if it was longer it would just drag and readers might find it to be boring.

Story Plot:

This is the first time I’m reading this type of plot so I’d say it’s definitely unique. 

Grammar and Punctuation:

I found there were a lot of mistakes in sentences structures and wrong choices of words. These things could be easily avoided if you carefully read what you written. I normally write a long paragraph and wait a few hours then come back. I notice I find a lot of simple mistakes after carefully re-reading it again. 

Other:

All in all the story was definitely unique in it’s storyline and characters but after reading the two shot there’s nothing that would make me want to continue reading or comment. If I find a story really good throughout the entire thing I want to tell the author how amazing the story is but with this I thought it was cute and her boyfriend was sweet. If the story was a few more chaptered and the character were a bit more descriptive it would make it all the more sweet. Making a story without character’s name is a risk. Because some readers don’t have enough imagination to imagine themselves in that role, so I suggest adding names instead of ‘you, her, him, yada yada.’ It’ll help people imagine themselves in the story if there’s a name associated with the character.

A/N: 

I hope you have found this review helpful. :) Please leave a comment after you've picked this up. Also, do tell in that comment at least one thing they did well and at least one thing they should improve on. I hope you'll come back to request again.

Until next time~

-officiaLinspirit

BATCH ONE REVIEW (MY NEIGHTBOR IS AN IDOL GROUP BY LIZDREAMLAND)

Title:

You gave away too much information. Titles are extremely important because it's the first thing that a reader sees. Stay away from these types of titles because you will turn away many potential readers. Also, lets talk about capitalization. Usually, the first letter of each word in a title will be capitalized. However, there are exceptions like 'and, to, of, etc.' This means that your title should be 'My Neighbor Is an Idol Group,' instead of 'My neighbor is an idol group.'

Appearance:

Posters really aren't all that important but I do recommend going to a graphic shop to get yourself one. However, the picture of VIXX is fine too. I have no comment on the font because it's fine.

Description and Foreword:

Your description is short and I like that because I've seen some descriptions that are way too long, but the thing is that it doesn't hook me in. It doesn't tell me anything about the conflict in the story, and the title basically already explains that the main character's neighbor is an idol group. Also, you kind of answered your own question. In the description, you asked if Soyeon would be friends with her idol neighbors, or if she would ignore them, and then in the foreword, you wrote that Soyeon was bored living on her own, so she decided to be friends with her neighbors. Remember to re-read your work and, try including something about Soyeon's past to make the readers more curious instead of giving them what they already know. That aside, the placement of the two is wrong. The description is the place to write a short summary to give readers a hint to what will happen and the foreword is like your first author's note; it's for writing what inspired you to write the story or something along those lines, though I have seen some authors give previews instead. What you did was all three, and would've been okay too, but you put your author's note into the description. Revise that part and you'll be fine.

Characters:

There are lots of things I want to address so let's go back chapters.

Chapter 1: It’s unrealistic that the idea of going over to her neighbor’s house just randomly pops into Soyeon’s head like that. Try creating a better reason for her to do that besides boredom.

Chapter 2: In this chapter Soyeon's name was finally revealed. Honestly, I feel that you should've told the readers her name at the very beginning and you also never mentioned it again throughout the rest of the story. Remember to write her name at least once or twice per chapter so that the reader doesn't forget it.

Also, when Soyeon's meets Miyeon, the readers discover that she and her mom escaped from the clutches of her stepmother and stepsister. The thing about this part is that you never told us what’s keeping the mom from escaping, and it doesn’t make sense that Soyeon’s dad has two wives. If he loves her first wife, like you mentioned in the fanfic, exactly why does he have a second one?

Chapter 4: Keep in mind that Hyuk is an idol. It is unreasonable for him to willingly edit the member's heads and faces on named bodies. Imagine what would happen if it was somehow leaked out into the public; there would probably be a huge scandal, and fans would most likely go crazy even if it is fake.

Chapter 5: When you write a story, remember to put yourself in your character's shoes. If to we're to break into an apartment, what would you wear? I, for one, certainly don't think that a red dress would be appropriate for that kind of stuff.

Chapter 9: I hope you don’t take this too harshly, but I found the contents of this chapter completely absurd. Again, put yourself inside the character’s shoes. If your stepsister bullied you and blackmailed your mom, would you really decide to just forgive her for every wrong thing she’s ever done to you, and help her out? I guess this is possible, but the decision isn’t made in a blink of an eye. Slow down and elaborate more.

Chapter 12:  This is the chapter where Soyeon decides to break up with Hyuk. His reaction was unrealistic. No one would calmly react like that to an out-of-the-blue breakup. Also, it shouldn’t matter if Miyeon still likes Hyuk, if he and Soyeon are madly in love with each other.

Chapter 19: As a reader, I was horrified when I read the part where Soyeon and Taekwoon find out that Mrs. Byun has become mentally unstable and they think that she deserves it. That’s just cruel and totally not a normal reaction.

All in all, your characters need a lot of work. Don’t take this review too harshly; I’m not trying to bash you. Instead, I’m pointing out the flaws in your story so that you can go back and edit it, and make your story better.

Story Speed:

The story flow was way too fast, and when you zoom through it, things become unrealistic. For example, normal people don’t fall in and out of love that quickly. It just doesn’t happen. It’s also not reasonable to tell your deepest, darkest secrets to people that you’ve just met for like a week. Slow down to give the readers more time to process things. Furthermore, have you noticed? Your chapters are incredibly short. To make your story better, go back and elaborate more. On the date that Hyuk takes her on, tell the reader what ‘cheesy, romantic’ lines he told Soyeon. When she jogs with Taekwoon, tell the reader what jokes she told him.

Story Plot:

To start the story off with the main character ‘waking up’ is overused. I’m guilty of doing this too, I admit, but I still strongly don’t recommend doing this. There are tons of other creative ways to begin your fanfic. But if you’re still going to stick with your decision, don’t use that method too much. I’ve noticed that you’ve started off your chapters that way three times. Too much repetition bores the reader. Moving on, it’s a little clichéd to have the evil step sister and stepmother in the story, but I like that you twisted it around and made it original by making Soyeon help out her step sister events that happened before her decision wasn’t realistic.

Grammar and Punctuation:

After a comma or period, there absolutely needs to be a space following it. The way you’re writing, looks really jumbled up.
Sometimes, you repeat the same word(s) in two sentences. Remember to go back and read your story out loud so that there’s not so much repetition.
‘...’ There should only be three periods to represent a pause.’............’ is not acceptable, and makes you look unprofessional. Keep that in mind when you’re writing your next story.

There’s no need to insert a colon (:) before the dialog. That is only used for scripts.

Paragraphing: Some of your paragraphs are too long.

Here’s a list of when you need to start a new paragraph:

1) When a new topic is introduced

2) When you skip to a new time

3) When you skip to a new place

4) When someone new speaks

5) When you want to produce a dramatic effect

Other:

I suggest getting a beta-reader to read over and edit your mistakes before you post your updates. You can hire them at beta shops or request for one through application.

I think the biggest advice I would give you is to slow down. Take it slow and give the readers more details.

I enjoyed reading the twists you put in your story because they were unexpected. I know this review is kind of harsh, but I wanted to point out your flaws, so that you can see it and make it better. This story has potential to be so much better if you made changes.

A/N: Thank you for requesting at Dark Chocolate Review Shop and I hope I have been able to help you improve your story by pointing out the flaws. Like I said before, don't take the review too harshly. Remember to comment once you've picked up your review and tell the reviewer at least one thing they did well and at least one thing they should improve on (check the rules for more details). :) An upvote will be very much appreciated.
Until next time~
-officiaLinspirit

BATCH ON REVIEW (MY BOYFRIEND'S AN IDOL BY AKUSHINICHI)

Title:

The title is too common. If you actually went and searched it up on the site, there's a lot of other stories with the exact same title. I strongly do not recommend these types of titles because it gives too much away. Try and think up another title that suits the fan fiction more. You can use something that the characters said, or maybe a hint to what the secret Myungsoo hides is.

Appearance:

Well, I can't say much about the poster because you've only written the description and foreword so far, but as for the font, using black would probably be the best idea. I know you changed them to match the poster and background, but sometimes colored words turn away potential readers (and besides, black matches with everything).

Description and Foreword:

What you're doing well:

I'm glad that you're keeping the description short, and not too wordy.

What needs to be improved:

The description doesn't really have anything to do with the story. It's just a introduction to the characters. Try re-writing it and focus on the main conflict of the fan fiction. I'm kind of assuming that it revolves around how the two characters meet, and Myungsoo's 'secret?' Elaborate a bit more on that part. As for the foreword, it'll be a good idea to take the character chart out. You should show the character's personal traits when you write out the story. It defeats the purpose if you just spoon-feed your readers all the information, am I right? Also, in my opinion, the only time when character charts are acceptable is when you have a whole bunch of characters, and even then their personalities shouldn't be listed out.

Characters:

What you're doing well:

N/A

What needs to be improved:

It's a little cliché to have the female protagonist born and raised in America, and for the male lead to be an over-confident jerk. However, I believe that clichés are okay as long as you twist it around into something original, though I have no idea how you'll do that with these particular clichés. There are also things you have to incorporate in the fan fiction to make Jiwoo's character more believable like, for example, her reactions to the things that would be considered 'normal' in Korea and weird in America.

Story Speed:

N/A

Story Plot:

What you're doing well:

Like I said above, I can't say much because you haven't actually written anything yet.

What needs to be improved:

From what I've seen so far, the plot is predictable. Jiwoo will somehow meet Myungsoo and her first impression of him wouldn't be so good. They would then see each other again through coincidences, and their hatred towards each other will eventually turn into love. The only thing that might keep readers interested would be Myungsoo's secret, but I have already seen plots like this before, so it's not exactly original.

Grammar and Punctuation:

What needs to be improved:

In the sentence "She has a total american personality and...," The 'a' in American should be capitalized.

Names: If you're going to separate the two syllables in Jiwoo's first name (Ji Woo), then the syllables in Myungsoo's name should also be broke apart (Myung Soo). Even though it might seem unimportant, you should still be consistent in the story.

Other:

I would suggest tweaking the details in your story a bit to make it a bit different from all the other fan fictions with a similar plot. Also, having clichés in your story is perfectly fine just as long as there aren't too many and you change them somehow to make them original. Good luck with your story!

BATCH ONE REVIEW (UNTHIRIVING VOW BY MACCHIATO)

Title:

Is 'Unthriving' a word? I looked it up and it doesn't seem to be. Since what you mean is the opposite of thriving, maybe you should try 'Languishing Vow' or 'Failing Vow'. 

Appearance:

The poster is pretty, however, it doesn't match the story. The photo seems to be...a mountain? I really don't understand how that's relevant to the story. 

Description and Foreword:

The quote in the description confused me until I finished the story; I finally understood what you meant by it! I had an 'Ahhh' moment. The description is simple, yet direct. And the forward gives readers a direct idea of what the story will be like. Good job!

What your doing well:

You kept the description short and sweet yet the forward gave me an overview of the story, a brief description. 

What needs to be improved:

Don't include author's notes in the foreword. I feel as though it's pointless and doesn't need to be there. And for the poster credit and disclaimer: Just add those in a smaller font- that is if they really need to be there.

Characters:

The characters are easy to relate to since they're dealing with such common issues. I really liked SooJung's insanity, JongIn's caring personality, and SeHun's indeciveness. Those traits are easily related to. 

What you're doing well:

Giving the readers a character to relate to! 

What needs to be improved:

There was a problem I had with this, though. They are 25 years old, right? So, why would they be going 'outside to play'? I have yet to meet a person in their 20's that plays outside. 

Story Speed:

I don't have much to say here, but here's what I do have to say:

Chapter 1- too short.

Chapter 2- unnecessarily long with useless information.

Chapter 3- too much information that it was hard for me to keep up, honestly. 

What you're doing well: 

Cliff hangers! If this wasn't completed than I definitely would've been frustrated because you stopped just at the perfect time for chapters 1 & 2. 

What needs to be improved:

Instead of having one short, filler chapter and 2 really long chapters, why don't you just make it two reasonably long chapters or 4 relatively short but nice chapters? That way you can space the information where it's just enough and not too much in every chapter. 

Story Plot:

Intriguing, appealing, realistic, original, unique, and amazing! There was a cliché

 subplot- SeHun's trying to decide whether to stay with JinRi or go to SooJung. I would've preferred that not be there and maybe have another reason as to why SeHun can't be with SooJung. But besides that, your plot is very good!

What you're doing well:

It's obvious that you worked hard in making this plot relatable and realistic, which is definitely good. You want readers to somehow relate to the story because then, they'd at least understand the characters' struggles. 

What you need to improve:

Nothing much! Just keep the originality and eliminate as much clichés as possible. 

Grammar and Punctuation:

Ahh, I have a lot to say for this. 

What needs to be improved:

Please learn how to use semicolons and dashes. You use a lot, A LOT, of dashes that can be replaced with commas! And sometimes you use semicolons when you really should be using commas, also. I'm not going to name everywhere you used a semicolon/dash wrong because there's a lot! Don't confuse a semicolon with a comma! 

Example: 'The picture is dark, it is scary.'
Correct: 'The picture is dark; it is scary.'

Example: 'The picture is dark; but not scary.'
Correct: 'The picture is dark, but not scary.'

Why is that? In the first example, there are two independent clauses (a subject and a predicate) that can be perfectly fine alone, but since they're in the same sentence, they need to be separated by a semicolon. In the second example, the second part of the sentence is not an independent clause. 'It is scary.' is a complete sentence; 'but not scary' is not. 
For dashes, you sometimes use them when a comma should be used. 
Here's when you used it correctly: 'Being the only man in the family – the supporting bone of the already fragmented kindred – it was such a burden to Jong In for he should be the one working to earn for living'
Here's when you used it incorrectly: Branches of trees swayed to follow the rhythm – their leaves struggled to hold on, not wanting to fall off.
That dash can be replaced with a comma!

Other:

Can you please check if the words you use exist please? 'Unthriving' and 'beauteous', are not words. And you used 'merely' a lot! Repeating words can get a bit boring and annoying. Use synonyms! Other than that, I enjoyed the story! The angst was good and the plot drove me to read on more because I wanted to SeHun's decision!

BATCH ONE REVIEW (THE BEAST INSIDE GWENTREE)

Title:

Every important word of a title should be capitalized. 
Example: The Apple in the Tree.
'In' and 'the' aren't really important words that should be emphasized so that's why they're not capitalized. So, your title should be: 'The Beast Inside'.
The title isn't very original, though. I did a custom search and there were several other stories with the same, or similar, title. I wasn't very hooked by the title. And in the eleven chapters that are posted, I found no relevance at all. 

Appearance:

The poster and background fit the genre of the story; angst. 

Description and Foreword:

There was no difference between your description and forward. You just repeated your words. A description is supposed to hook you onto the story even more, draw you in and make you feel like you just have to read. Honestly, I wasn't hooked by the description at all.

What your doing well:

...

What needs to be improved:

When you said, "Here is a fanfic about the rest." I felt like you were presenting another writer's story. A description should be a simplified synopsis of your story- with no spoilers, of course.
It should include: 
1) Plot Basics- what is the main, important event that's going to happen? 
2) A very short description of the main character. 

Characters:

The characters are supposed to be Exo, Vixx, Super Junior and Block B, right? Well, I felt like it was only N and Kris. With a sprinkle of Suho and Leo. 

What you're doing well:

Giving the characters distinct features that are easily identified. 
What needs to be improved: Don't include so many characters because then you just don't know what to do with them. Too many characters will confuse both the writer and the readers. You should only include characters that will have an impact and affect the story. 

Story Speed:

You are rushing too much and it's making the chapters way too short! A chapter is supposed to have enough of a plot so it'll make the reader want to read the next chapter. 

What you're doing well:

-

What needs to be improved: 

Make the chapters longer so it'll include enough events and information. Don't rush!

Story Plot:

To be very honest, and I've read every chapter, I still don't know what the main plot is. 

What you're doing well:

-
What you need to improve:

Make a plot that's memorable and simple; yet unique. Don't overuse so many ideas and plots because that'll just clump up the story and complicate things, getting the readers confused.

Grammar and Punctuation:

You're grammar and punctuation is very good! 

What you're going well:

You're obviously cautiously taking the time to check your grammar; which is good because a story with too many mistakes will drive readers away.

What needs to be improved:

You should proofread your chapters several times before posting them- even though there were no major mistakes, it still would've been better if the tiny mistakes were not there. I'm not going to name them because they were obvious and simple.

Other:

This is not a story I would not read- not because of the characters or the writing but because of the confusing plot. I hate reads that give me headaches. If you could simplify the story a bit and eliminate any unnecessary subplots -and characters- then this story would be a whole lot better!

A/N: 
I hope you have found this review helpful. Please leave a comment after you've picked this up. Also, do tell in that comment at least one thing the reviewer did well and at least one thing they should improve on. I hope you'll come back to request again.