COLOUR ME RAINBOW BY PANCHIL

Title:

 It is not very unique and it does not hook me in personally, but it fits your story well and it makes sense how you came up with your title.

Appearance:

The poster is pretty cool and I guess it kind of fits with the story.

Description and Foreword:

You put them in their rightful places. Your description does not reel me in, but it is short and simple and easy to understand.

What you're doing well:

 You are great at creating the mood of the story. It is a bit dark and romantic and sad, and I'm sure you were trying to create it that way.

What needs to be improved:

Your story format is sometimes a little boring. It only gets fun at the important parts and I think you should fix that. A good way to do that is to separate your paragraphs whenever a character says something. This also goes on to what I was going to say next which is to make patterns in your writing. Sometimes you put "quotations" when a character is speaking, but sometimes you put italics. The correct grammar is to use quotations but I understand that you are trying to put emphasis with the italics. I advise you to put quotations around the italicized sentences when a character is speaking.

Characters:

 Your characters are very typical and not original. Kyuhyun's background story is very typical--strict parents, comparisons with siblings, etc. You did not say much about Eunhyuk's character. Elaborate more on your characters, because so far in the story, your characters give off the impression that they have the exact same personality as the real celebrities on TV. As a writer yourself, you should add a little something else on top of their TV characters to make them more interesting and original.

What you're doing well:

You compare the characters' emotions with colors and make it clearer to the readers what they are feeling.

What needs to be improved:

Your characters are not original.

Story Speed:

Your story plot paces a little too quickly. You are only on chapter three and your two main characters are fighting. I don't feel sad that they are fighting because you did not elaborate more on the development of their relationship in any way except that they play Starcraft together all the time and they go to school together (I think?).

What you're doing well:

 You are very talented in creating a dark mood so the readers would understand a little part of how both characters are feeling during their fight.

What needs to be improved:

Since they now made up, you should elaborate on their relationship and character.

Story Plot:

You do not really have a plot; your story is about how Eunhyuk sees people as colors. 

What you're doing well:

You have an interesting way of expressing the emotions by color.

What needs to be improved:

Create a solid story plot.

Grammar and Punctuation:

Your grammar is not bad. It does not get in the way of your story.

What needs to be improved:

You use a little too many commas.

Other:

I personally would not read this story, but I could imagine other people liking this story. It seems as if you edit after every chapter because the grammar is good and your story is always on topic. Especially since this is your first fanfiction, I am impressed with your writing and I hope you continue to improve as a writer.

A/N:

I apologize for the extremely late review. 

Please do leave a comment after you've picked it up, and in your comment, do tell the reviewer one thing she did well and one thing she can improve on. Thanks! 

By the way, this review was reviewed by elisha960809.