When it is first announced that another boy will be joining their group, it is easy to hate the stranger purely by default, Jongwoon thinks. Twelve boys, barely men yet, and all with different temperaments and preferences working together to become a successful boy band in South Korea is challenging and draining enough. They don’t need another load added to their burden.
 
Nevertheless, Jongwoon is an open minded person and tries to be objective regarding the sensitive issue. The new guy can be an asset to us, he points out to the less reluctant members, though only Ryeowook appears to share his view.
 
It all changes for him when the twelve of them are gathered together and finally shown the recording of the newcomer’s audition:
 
Cho Kyuhyun is young – younger than all of them – and handsome. More handsome than most of the group. He has those intense dark eyes that girls would swoon over, the killer flawless complexion that all idols dream of having and the shy smile that endears him to everyone.
 
Jongwoon’s eyes widen. His stomach seems to tighten ever so slightly and something that feels like dread prickles at him.
 
Then, the Kyuhyun on the TV screen opens his mouth and it is as if someone has pulled the very earth out from under Jongwoon’s feet. His blood runs cold and, for the longest moment, he forgets how to breathe.
 
This can’t be happening.
 
It’s beautiful, Kyuhyun’s voice. Deep. Alluring. Dark and sensuous. The perfect singer’s voice and he hits the notes just right. His eyes close as he belts out the words and rather than him singing along to the rhythm, it feels like the very music is moulding itself around his golden, flowing voice. They click together and there hasn’t ever been a more perfect fit.
 
Jongwoon tries to swallow but his mouth has gone dry. He cannot remember having witnessed such harmony between the music and one’s voice ... never...
 
Not even for himself.
 
His voice. Jongwoon closes his eyes and tries to block it out. With every passing second, he can feel his heart sinking lower and lower and there is no barricade to shield him from the despair that befalls him. His dreams, his efforts, the sweat and blood he has paid to be here and everything he has ever worked for till now – they all flash across the front of his mind and it feels like he has lost them already...
 
He has been right: for Super Junior, Kyuhyun will be ... an asset.
 
And Jongwoon hates it – him – already.
 
When the members take a vote afterwards to see if they want a new member to enter their group (though it hardly is their choice), only two out of the twelve boys vote in favour of Kyuhyun.
 
Jongwoon is not one of them.

 
There is an immediate awkwardness when Kyuhyun first makes their acquaintance at the dorms. He is new, he is one year too late, he is shy and, above all, he is afraid.
 
Afraid of rejection.
 
Jongwoon can see that all too well from his vigilant point on the far side of the sofa. He is the only who does not rise to greet their new maknae. Even Heechul throws an acknowledging grunt in Kyuhyun’s direction.
 
None of the other members really like Kyuhyun, either (though Ryeowook makes an incredible attempt at making him feel welcome, bless the eternal maknae’s kind heart). It is not that their first impression of Kyuhyun was bad – on the contrary, it had been awe-inspiring; the tape of his audition had actually rendered some of them speechless – but simply that it is hard and troublesome to accept someone new to their already too large family; especially as it has been an year since their debut and things are still rough around the edges.
 
Nevertheless, none of the members are so cruel as to actually flaunt their prejudices in Kyuhyun’s face. Rather, they shake his hand, exchange clipped greetings and begin a civil albeit stiff relationship with him. Some of the more standoffish members merely opt to go along with indifference.
 
Jongwoon leaves them to it and does not bother with any of it himself. He is in no way inclined to make the maknae feel comfortable or, heck, even welcome in their group. Because Kyuhyun isn’t. Not if he is going to put Jongwoon’s career and position in jeopardy.
 
He tries hard not to think about Kyuhyun’s singing skills, the sensual texture of his voice and all of that accentuated with the very desirable bonus of being extremely good-looking. That, however, becomes an impossible feat to achieve after they debut as a thirteen member group. Fans – who, ironically, had initially been much against the addition of a new member – begin to flock around Kyuhyun, and Jongwoon does not need a genius to know that a considerable number of them had been his fans not too long ago. It is evident from the screams that immediately rise from the spectators whenever it is Kyuhyun’s turn to sing on stage. It is even more evident when he compares the volume of those screams to that of those that arise when he sings.
 
The whole ordeal leaves a bitter taste in his mouth every time they finish a song and he ignores Kyuhyun’s eyes, which are filled with the hope that his hyungs are proud of him, each time they seek him out.
 
He continues to ignore even though he knows that Kyuhyun still keeps looking.
 

Kyuhyun has a hard time fitting in, Jongwoon notes.
 
It takes several weeks for him to feel comfortable living with a bunch of other men; weeks for most of the other members to thaw out their cool attitudes towards Kyuhyun; and weeks for him to actually engage in skinship or any kind of physically affectionate relation with any of them without looking blatantly awkward.
 
He gets there though.
 
Jongwoon is not surprised that the first person around whom Kyuhyun completely relaxes is Ryeowook; he has been the one taking care of the maknae from the very beginning, after all. Then people like Donghae, Siwon and Hyukjae follow in Ryeowook’s footsteps, because it is just not in their nature to actually dislike someone without good reason, no matter how problematic the starting circumstances were. Eventually, the rest of them warm up to Kyuhyun as well. The maknae, once he starts opening up, shows himself to be mature, sarcastic and witty, yet caring towards all his hyungs and he wins their hearts one by one. Heechul, in particular, takes a liking to his snarky side – so similar to his own – and chaos tend to ensue when they gang up together.
 
However, when it comes to Jungsu, Jongwoon sees that Kyuhyun takes an even longer time to stop walking on eggshells around him. But then again, the leader’s affection is not easily won by strangers. Not that Kyuhyun does not try. He never drops formalities when conversing with Jungsu, like the way he tends to while with some of the others, and the first time the leader publicly embraces him after a performance and proudly tells him he has done a good job, Jongwoon clearly sees the tears of joy that fill the maknae’s eyes.
 
He notices a lot of things about Kyuhyun, he realises.

 
In the beginning, it was easy to stay in the shadows and quietly observe Kyuhyun, keeping his less than warm feelings towards said boy locked in his heart, without ever encountering the need to initiate a conversation with him. With eleven other men to entertain and distract the younger, it hardly mattered that Jongwoon never bothered to interact with his dongsaeng if he could help it.
 
He still doesn’t.
 
But those easy days has come to an end. Finally – after weeks and months of getting to know his new family, growing to slowly like them, making himself at home, and establishing his position as a permanent part of Super Junior – finallyKyuhyun has come to notice that, from among his numerous hyungs, there is one with whom his relationship is almost nonexistent.
 
Jongwoon really wishes that the rest of the group could have kept the maknae forever distracted and ignorant of this piece of reality.
 
As a rule, Jongwoon cannot be bothered to give a damn what Kyuhyun thinks of him. As long as the maknae stays well away from him, he can be ... well, maybe not one hundred percent in high spirits as he is still frequently reminded of how considerably less popular he has become after Kyuhyun joined (and his popularity had not even been much to begin with), but without the boy constantly around, at least he can be somewhat content.
 
Kyuhyun, however, does not make it that easy for him. Of course not.
 
Jongwoon is not sure of exactly when Kyuhyun began with his sudden “approaches”, but they are quick to ascertain themselves as a permanent thorn in his side. He just simply turns up everywhere. It seems to Jongwoon that wherever he goes, whichever way he turns, whomever he seeks, Kyuhyun is the one he always runs into. Literally, sometimes.
 
The second time he accidentally collides with Kyuhyun like this (after having abruptly turned around in the kitchen area, unaware of his dongsaeng standing right behind him), his nose crashes into the latter’s jaw and he actually bounces off him and falls painfully on his .
 
‘Ow! Yah, watch where you’re –!’ His words stop short when he realises who is in front of him.
 
Kyuhyun is beside him in an instant, crouching down on his haunches as he anxiously reaches for his face. ‘Hyung, I’m so sorry! I didn’t think you’d ... oh no, you’re bleeding, I’m so –’
 
Jongwoon tunes him out. Sharply turning his face away before his dongsaeng’s outstretched hand can touch him, he gingerly fingers his nose. There is blood smeared across his fingertips when he draws them away; the very sight of it seems to double the pain.
 
A tissue appears out of nowhere and is very gently pressed against his philtrum – oh the irony – much to his surprise. It takes a moment for him to realise that Kyuhyun has retrieved the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet overhead and is now kneeling at his left side. He is still apologising.
 
‘I’m really sorry, hyung, forgive me. I didn’t mean to –’
 
‘The hell were you doing, creeping up on me?’ Jongwoon cuts across him, his voice sharp. The other’s endless stream of apologies is not something he is interested in hearing.
 
Kyuhyun looks taken aback. Whether it is because of his accusation or tone of voice, the elder is unsure.
 
He recovers quickly and begins, ‘I – I wasn’t sneaking up on you, hyung. I was just curious when I saw you here and, and, just ... looking over your shoulder and ...’ his voice trails off and he lowers his eyes and hand. A pink tinge lightly dusts his cheeks.
 
Jongwoon eyes him silently, his gaze stony and acerbic. ‘I was making a sandwich,’ he states flatly. ‘You hung around behind me all that time just to see a sandwich?’
 
‘No, I –! I just barely got here,’ the younger says defensively, looking up again.
 
‘Do you make it a habit to hang over people’s backs so close that they break their nose on your face every time they turn around?’ The elder continues sarcastically. ‘This is the second time I’ve run into you.’ He vaguely remembers that, the first time he crashed into his dongsaeng, which had been at the agency, he had completely pretended that Kyuhyun did not exist and walked away before the other could even open his mouth to apologise.
 
Kyuhyun is beginning to look defiant now, but then his gaze focuses on the blood that is issuing from Jongwoon’s nose again and his eyes soften with a look of guilt. ‘I’m sorry I hurt you, hyung,’ he says softly.
 
‘Enough with the apologies,’ snaps Jongwoon. He fixes his eyes at a point above Kyuhyun’s left shoulder, heartily wishing that he was elsewhere. ‘Just stop, will you.’
 
‘Does it hurt a lot? It doesn’t look broken...’
 
‘It’s just a nosebleed, for God’s sake! Stop looking like you kicked a puppy to death. And put that first aid away; I’m not in need of a bloody operation or something.’
 
They look at each other for a moment, not speaking. Then, oddly, Kyuhyun’s lips curve up in a small smile and his eyes begin to twinkle. Jongwoon blinks, mildly surprised.
 
‘What are you laughing at?’ He asks suspiciously.
 
‘Just ...’ The maknae’s smile slowly widens and he looks at Jongwoon through his lashes, appearing almost shy. ‘Well ... It’s not at all like how I envisioned it would take place, but ... well, it’s finally happened and I’m glad.’
 
‘What the hell are you talking about?’
 
‘Our first conversation. Just now.’
 
The words are so stunning and out of the blue that Jongwoon’s mind goes blank for several seconds. He sits silently, unmoving, his back leaning against the kitchen cupboard behind him.
 
Kyuhyun does not move, either. He continues to gaze into his hyung’s eyes, their faces barely a foot away. His lips are still turned up in a smile, and the whole situation unnerves Jongwoon. Because there is no sarcasm or mockery in Kyuhyun’s words; not a hint of duplicity. Just pure unadulterated sincerity. From his dongsaeng’s pleased smile to his warm, glowing eyes – the intense honesty and earnestness in them shake him.
 
So does the truth Kyuhyun has just expressed. They haven’t conversed before. Not really. Whatever dialogue that existed between them before consisted only of short phrases that went along the lines of “Good morning, hyung” and the incomprehensible mutter or grunt Jongwoon would throw out when he was obliged to answer. They have not talked.
 
Until now.
 
Jongwoon cannot think of anything to say in reply and his throat entirely closes up when Kyuhyun raises his hand and presses the tissue under his nose again. He leans in closer to his hyung as he mops the blood off his face, his gaze and concentration entirely focussed on his work. The elder begins to turn his head away, uncomfortable and perturbed by the proximity, but Kyuhyun gently catches hold of his chin, seemingly without thought.
 
‘Don’t move,’ he murmurs and Jongwoon feels his warm breath fan his left cheek. He leans away slightly.
 
Kyuhyun makes quick work of the blood around his nostrils, but then his stills, eyes locked on Jongwoon’s mouth. He half raises the tissue again, but one glance at the red stains already dirtying it changes his mind and he drops it to the floor. Before Jongwoon realises what is happening, he reaches for his face again and the next thing Jongwoon feels is a warm thumb smoothly swiping across his lips, presumably wiping off a drop of blood.
 
He freezes at the unexpected touch. It feels strange and familiar and enticing all at once. Caring; almost tender.
 
Intimate.
 
He abruptly swats the hand away. Without another word, he leaps to his feet and storms out of the kitchen, turning a deaf ear to Kyuhyun’s shocked and hurt call of, ‘Hyung!’
 
The sandwich lies on the counter, forgotten (until, two hours later, Donghee and Hyukjae happen across it and promptly engage in a rock-paper-scissors fight over the unexpected snack. Donghee wins.).
 
The next day, when Jongwoon emerges from his room, he is greeted with a tentative but hopeful ‘Morning, hyung. Coffee?’ from Kyuhyun that he pointedly ignores and strides out of the apartment, slamming the door shut without sparing the other a glance.

He has made it clear enough to Kyuhyun; he does not want him anywhere near his person. He does not want to hold any conversations with him. He does not want any interaction between them at all. And that is something he honestly expected Kyuhyun to adhere to ever since he left him after the incident in the kitchen.
 
But of course he is so royally screwed that things do not turn out that way. Why had he ever expected them to?
 
Kyuhyun does not back off. On the contrary, it begins to feel as if he is actually trying to be even closer to Jongwoon, though he can think of no reason behind his dongsaeng’s sudden interest in him. So the boy has noticed that one particular hyung of his prefers to keep his distance. So what? How is that, in any way, an invitation to bridge the gap between them? Heck, why does Kyuhyun even want to bridge that gap? They have managed just fine, without spending any time together, to get through the first several months after Kyuhyun’s addition to the group.  What is there to gain by getting up close and personal now?
 
Whatever the reasons, Jongwoon cannot be bothered to investigate further. He simply wants Kyuhyun to leave him the heck alone.
 
Kyuhyun does anything but.
 
His actions are subtle, hardly noticeable even to the discerning eye. Ranging from gentle and mildly cheery greetings in the morning that Kyuhyun throws in Jongwoon’s direction when the members gather together for breakfast (and which Jongwoon can ignore and get away with in all the noisy hubbub), to little touches here and there – such as the bumping of shoulders when they pass each other, Jongwoon fiercely ignoring the other – Kyuhyun, somehow, always finds a way to approach him, acknowledge him. The gestures are so insignificant and inconsequential that Jongwoon is the only one who notices them. But then again, he notices everything about Kyuhyun. Especially now that the latter is actually trying to get his attention.
 
He could have gone on happily ignoring Kyuhyun’s little invitations to interact, maintaining their negligible relationship at the current level of strangers living under one roof for the rest of his life, if not for two things.
 
One: even after several weeks of this treatment, Kyuhyun refuses to give up, no matter how blatantly Jongwoon turns his back on him. And to make it worse, his efforts of approaching Jongwoon in any and every way possible are only increasing. His morning greetings are ever constant and sickeningly sincere, though he hardly receives a reply from his hyung. He occasionally leaves some coffee on the table ready for him, mostly on the days that Jongwoon gets up late (he finds this out from Hyukjae and immediately stops drinking any coffee unless it is made by himself only). And to top it off, Kyuhyun begins to take every available opportunity to stay by his side. Be it at a press conference, an interview, a variety show, anything; Jongwoon almost always finds the maknae beside him, almost closer than strictly necessary, close enough that he can feel the heat radiating off the other; and though he makes a point of never throwing a glance in his direction, he can feel his dongsaeng’s gaze on him, pleading and desperate to meet his eyes.
 
It makes Jongwoon uncomfortable, angry and frustrated, though he exercises his patience and refuses to say anything. He wishes Kyuhyun would stop trying whatever he is trying to do. He particularly wishes the other would just stop looking. What does he expect – want – to see so much in Jongwoon’s eyes that he doesn’t look away? Happiness? Joy? Pride? None of them are things Kyuhyun has ever brought him.
 
It makes him even more uneasy that Kyuhyun punctuates these awkward situations with physical touches. The brief rubbing of shoulders, a deliberate bump of the elbows, or the sly brush of fingertips over his arm or thigh – they are easy to pass off as casual bromances that no one gives a second thought to. But Jongwoon cannot brush them off; not when Kyuhyun makes them feel so close, so intimate. Their relationship is nothing like that to warrant such nonchalant shows of affection. It is unwanted and alien.
 
Jongwoon especially hates it when Kyuhyun stands beside him after performances, when they all line up together to take a bow. He hates, when it is time for them all to join hands, how Kyuhyun would wrap his long fingers around the inside of his forearm and slide his hand down until their palms connect. He hates how Kyuhyun would interlace their fingers together, slowly and deliberately, and refuse to let go even after the bow. Most of all, he hates that, when the members would sometimes exchange brief hugs afterwards, Kyuhyun would turn to him, face tentative and hopeful. And when Jongwoon pretends not to notice and tightly embrace the person on his other side, Kyuhyun would still hug him from behind, wrapping his arms lightly around his waist, pressing his torso to his back so that there’s nothing between them before letting go immediately afterwards.
 
Jongwoon hates it that he cannot just push Kyuhyun away. Because the cameras are always in their faces and he has already gone through enough antis without the addition of Kyuhyun’s fans after his for mistreating their little baby.

The second thing that makes it harder for Jongwoon to ignore Kyuhyun is Jungsu hyung. Whenever the former two are in the same room together, usually with other members present, Jungsu has begun throwing suspicious looks at Jongwoon. These instances increase in number with the passing of days and eventually evolve into narrow-eyed frowns and almost-glares that do not go missed. Within a fortnight of this treatment, Jongwoon finally understands:
 
Jungsu, after so long, has finally sensed the cold atmosphere that exists between the two of them. As the leader and proclaimed umma of their family, he has come to note of Kyuhyun’s increasingly unsubtle pursuit of Jongwoon’s acknowledgement and the latter’s obvious lack of response.
 
‘Is there something you want to tell me?’ He asks of Jongwoon one night, right before they all retire to bed. As he speaks, he throws a very pointed look at Kyuhyun, who is gaming on the computer.
 
Jongwoon’s grip tightens around his mug of coffee and he gazes at his hyung for a long moment, slightly surprised, slightly irritated, and mostly just shaken.
 
‘No,’ he replies tonelessly. He ignores Sungmin, who is in the armchair opposit him, and has been nondescriptly observing the two of them.
 
‘I see,’ Jungsu says slowly; without making any more comments, he then walks away. Jongwoon sinks further down into the sofa. He can tell Jungsu does not believe him. And knowing Teukie-umma, this is not the last he will be hearing of the matter.
 
His preidction comes true all too soon. Three days later, it is announced that, due to some strange jumble of circumstances (which Jungsu rattles off and Jongwoon absolutely fails to follow), Kyuhyun will be moving out of Ryeowook’s room.
 
The leader fixes Jongwoon with a firm look that belies the smile that curves his mouth. ‘He’ll be sharing your room for the time being, Jongwoon. Make some space, yeah?’
 
At once, Kyuhyun’s eyes swivel around to stare at him and Jongwoon fights down the desire to throw something – preferably the youngest or eldest member of SJ – out of the eleventh floor window.
 
Well, .