I was a normal fan, loving SHINee buying poster’s, CD’s go to performances. But I’ve never really met him when I was a fan.

A year and a half ago I was in my room checking SHINee’s new live performances on YouTube as I didn’t get the chance to go or more like I didn’t want too.

I’m a fan but not the crazy 24/7 MUST.Go.and.See SHINee face to face kind of fan. I see them when I can and when I want too. I sing along with them, learned their dances the works. To laugh about the past of me being a fan of SHINee's and now in the arms of Onew is really hilarious.

I remembered the first time we met, it was November 16^th 2008 my birthday. I was out with my best friend Zack.

 

“Aden! Let’s go to that shop across the street?” Zack pointed.

 

Oh, I forgot to tell you. I’m Aden, Aden Park. I’m 20 years old that has turned 21 today. My best friend is Zack, Zack Lee. Don’t get her name wrong, she’s a girl a beautiful one at that. She’s always there for me. She’s a year younger then me but she don’t call me unnie but call me by my name, I asked her too so don’t blame her. We’ve been friends for so long...

 

“The shop over there?” I asked as I pointed to the shop across the street.

“Yeah! Let’s go!” Zack dragged me by the arm avoiding the crowd of people.

“(Laughing) Ok ok..slow down! We’re going to hit someone! Wait!” I laughed as I avoid the people as well. She's shorter but stronger so I couldn’t stop.

 

[Bump!]

I bumped into someone real hard that my nose started to bleed. I was on the floor trying to stop the bleeding and Zack beside me rubbing her shoulder hurt from the sudden stop.

 

“Oh my god you stupid girl! You hurt oppa!” I heard a random girl screamed.

I looked up and saw a silhouette of a guy clenching his chest. I quickly stood up and bowed.

“I’m sorry, we didn’t mean too. I’m very sorry!”  I kept apologizing and bowing.

“We’re sorry! I’m sorry!” Zack stood up and apologized as well.

 

“SORRY WON’T CURE HIS CHEST! Oppa, are you ok?” The girl and other girls kept cursing us.

 

“Hey, your nose is bleeding.” I looked up to find the guy looking at me, he ignored the girls totally.

“Aden, it’s…it’s..” Zack stuttered while giving me another tissue.

“Onew..” My eyes widen at what I’m seeing, it’s Onew from SHINee!

“It’s just blood, I’m fine. Are you ok?”

 

“Pfft..it’s just blood she said. Want more?” As a girl walked closer to me. Who is this girl anyways?

 

 “Onew hyung, bring them with us to SM. They can get cleaned up there.” I looked at the tall guy that walked in front of the girl, stopping her from her tracks.

 

“OPPA!!!” Girls screamed.

 

“Minho-ssi, it’s fine. Zack, let’s go. Hurry~” I pulled Zack with my free hand passing the Minho and Onew.

“Aden. Happy birthday…” I stopped and looked back.

“How did-“ “Your balloon, it says “Princess for a Day” I looked at him smiling and I looked up at my balloon.

“Ouh..gamsahamnida Onew-ssi.” I bowed and quickly walked away with Zack behind me.

 

That’s a stupid and clumsy way to meet someone huh. Well, it was the luckiest day of my life either way. A few days later I went to SHINee’s fan meet with my best friend and met Onew again. He recognize me, he even remembered my name. It only lasted a few seconds, we didn’t get the chance to talk or anything. I didn’t really mind as girls eyes were digging my back. I know Zack was screaming on the inside, I could see it from her expression. We hurried home and checked out their signatures.

 

“Zack…Zack..Hey Zack~ Let me see yours..” I grabbed her cd looked at the signatures. “What..the..”

“What? What’s wrong?” As she grabbed mine.

“Are you kidding me!!?!” She snatched hers and compared to mine.

“What does this numbers mean?”

“I think…Onew just gave you his number Aden! ONEW GAVE YOU HIS NUMBER!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Zack jumped up and down like a mad women as I sat there in shock.

“Are you sure? I mean, he wouldn’t..right?”

 

~~~~~~He wrote~~~~~~

Hey,

 This is my number [His number].

Call me,

“Let’s find out!!” Zack quickly grabbed my hand phone and dialed the number that’s on SHINee cd.

“Stop! What are you doing!” Zack shoved my phone to my left ear.

“Yeoboseyo?” I heard the other line spoke.

“……” “Aden…say something..” Zack whispered and waved her hands all over the place. I think she’s crazy.

“Yeoboseyo?” He spoke again.

“……Hello..”

“Who is this?”

“A-Aden Park..you wrote your signature along with your number.” I stuttered.

“Oh Aden! Yea I did, hope you don’t mind and please don’t give it to anyone else..” “What did he say??”

“Why?” I was confused, why me?

“I want to get to know you…can I?”

“He wants to get to know me. Should I say yes?” I sandwiched the phone with my hands and whispered to Zack.

“LIKE DUH~~! Quick!!” She whispered to me in a irritated tone and shoved the phone to my ears again.

“He-hello..yea sure..”

 

That’s how it all started, we chat everyday without fail. But we seldom meet as he was busy with SHINee schedule. We continued till our 1 year anniversary. He came to my place to celebrate, we couldn’t go out to eat. People would notice.

Oh and another thing, no one knows about us only the SHINee boys and Zack.

 

“Aden, if people started to know about us. What would you do?” He leaned forward and looked at me.

“If people knew and they are ok about it. I don’t see the problem.”

“But if they are not ok?”

“Why are you asking me this? Did something happened?” I stood up and sat on the floor in front of him.

“Just answer me Aden..what would you do? Would you still be with me?”

“Ofcause, why wouldn’t I? I love you..I would never leave you.”

“Do you love me that much?” He looked deep into my eyes as I felt a sudden pain in my heart. Something is wrong.

“I do, do you?”

“Ofcause…” He leaned forward to give me a hug and I hugged back.

 We celebrated our anniversary watching movie marathons, eating ice-cream, cuddling on the sofa. It was great and we fell asleep in eachothers arms that night.

 

 Day’s passed and Onew has been acting weird lately. He seems to be distancing himself from me. He seldom text me, let alone call. I waited for him, I waited for quite sometime.

 

“Hasn’t Onew called you? Is he that busy?” Zack asked while she read a book on my bed.

“I…don’t know. Can we not talk about this?” I said while I sketched in my sketchbook.

“What do you mean by ‘Not talk about it’ Aden?..He hasn’t been in contact with you for 2 months after your anniversary! Give him a call or I will..” Zack slammed the book that she’s ready on the bed and sat up.

“Zack, I don’t want to bother him.”

“But he’s been bothering YOU Aden. Him not contacting you have been bugging the hell out of you! Call him! Or text him!”

“ZACK! It’s not that simple!!” I slammed down my pencil snapping the pencil tip.

“Aden…if you don’t try, you won’t know…c’mon” Zack passed me my phone with a It.Will.Be.Alright look and smiled.

“Ok..” I took it and dialed the number. It’s ringing!

 

~~~~~~~Phonecall~~~~~~~~

“Yeoboseyo? Aden, what is it?” He’s voice doesn’t sound happy me calling.

“Onew, what are you doing?”

“I’m at the dorm. Why?” *Why?*  My heart hurts as tears formed in my eyes.

“Ouh…you didn’t text me or call me in a while..” I try hard not to make him hear my cracking voice.

“I was busy…Aden…let’s meet tomorrow. I’ll go to your place at 3.”

“…..” I cried as I knew what he’s doing.

“Aden?”

I breathed in and out hard. “Ya ok.”

“See you..” He hung up.

~~~~~End of Phonecall~~~~~

 

“He wants to see me tomorrow” I said as I wiped my tears of my cheek.

“That’s great but why are you crying..?” Zack held my face and wiped the rest of my tears.

“He didn’t sound happy…I’m scared Zack.”

“Everything is going to be ok..” She hugged me as I cried on her shoulder.

“It’s going to be ok..I’m here...”

Zack stayed with me till I fell asleep from crying. She let herself out and locked the door.

 

~~~~~~~The next day~~~~~~~

I woke up with tears in my eyes as I stared at the ceiling. I knew what’s coming and I’m preparing. I got out of bed and showered. I looked myself in the mirror, my puffy red eyes stood out from my pale skin. I applied make up to hide it and looked at the time.

“It’s 2.30…He’s coming. Are you ready?” I asked myself.

[Dingdong!]

*The bell rang*

“He’s….early..” I walked to the door and stared at it awhile.

[Dingdong!]

I opened the door to see Onew standing there giving me a smile.

“*There’s the smile that I love*”

“Come in..” I stepped aside as Onew took off his shoes and walked in.

“How have you been Aden?” He turned to me as I closed the door, I didn’t turn back.

“I’ve been fine..i’ll make coffee..” I turned and head to the kitchen but Onew stopped me.

“It’s ok, I don’t want coffee.”

“Than please sit down…” I walked to the living room and sat down, my knees were giving in.

“Aden..” Onew came and sat beside me.

“Why are you here Onew?” I asked as I got the courage to look at him. "Really.."

“Aden, I don’t regret knowing you…you’re the best thing that has happened to me.”

“But…”

“But…it’s so difficult. Me an Idol with a normal girl like you. It’s so hard.”

“ *And you think it’s easy for me? How dare you!* ” I couldn’t say this as I stood up and got to my room.

 

Tears couldn’t stop flowing, my heart hurts so badly. I sat on my bed burying my face in my hands. I could hear him walking in.

 

“Stay right there, don’t look at me.” I raised one hand to him a sign to stop.

“Aden, please…” He said with the softest calm voice he could make and sat down beside me.

“You’re breaking up with me…this is how everyone would react Jinki. Deal with it..” I said as more tears flowed.

“I know…I know Aden..I’m so sorry..” He hugged me slowly and my hair.

“What have I done wrong? Did I do something wrong?” I said in between sobbing. I sound so pitiful.

“No Aden, don’t you dare say that. It’s not your fault, it’s not I swear to you.” He hugged me tighter.

“I’m going to miss you Onew.” I tried to stop crying and looked at him.

“I’m going to miss you too Aden..” As he wiped away the hurtful tears away with his thumb.

“Stay with me Onew. For tonight..” He looked at me and smiled.

“Ok…”

We spend the whole day lying on my bed talking with my head on his right arm and my body facing him, he lie down straight his head facing me. It was like he’s not leaving me at all. It was like how it used to be. Tears stopped heart stopped aching, everything seems to disappear. His voice is so calming.

“Onew, can you sing my favorite song one last time?” I looked up at him as he looked back and gave me a small smile.

 

[ http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1zkuSYxdfo ] Song: Cracks of my Broken Heart sang by Onew of SHINee

 

I know it’s the wrong song right now but it’s my favorite song. I want to hear him sing it one last time for me. I cried again when he sang, the song is like us right now. I looked up at him and I saw him cry as well. As he continues to sing, we cried together. I still didn’t understand why he’s leaving me. But I’ll let him go…after today. I’ll disappear.

When the song ended he found me sleeping on his arm.

 Night turned to day and I opened my eyes to find no Onew beside me. I buried my face in my pillows and cried for the umpteenth time. I promised myself that this would be the last time I would cry for him. Even though it hurts, I will stay strong.

 

Months passed, Onew and SHINee cameback with Lucifer. I didn’t really follow them anymore. If I did my heart will start hurting.

 

“Baby, what are you thinking about?” I snapped back as Shin oppa came sitting beside me.

Shin is the guy I have been dating 2months after Onew and I broke up. He’s a nice guy..so I thought he was.

A few weeks later he got rough as we had fights. More weeks passed and he didn’t hold back at all. I felt my body break as he laid fist after fist on my body. I felt like I broke a bone everyday but it didn’t. My body is strong, but I don’t know how long it will last.

He never hits my face as he didn’t want it to be obvious. I wore long sleeves and jeans everyday now. I couldn’t run away, I couldn’t report. I had no one to turn too except for Zack but what can she do if she knew?

I walked around town to get fresh air and you won’t guess who I bumped into in the café.

“Aden..hey..it’s been awhile.”

“Yeah..I know you missed me (giggle)” I walked up to Onew that’s sitting.

“Yeah..(laughs)”

“May I?” I pointed to the empty seat in front of him.

“Ofcause! Sit sit!” I sat down with a big smile on my face. My heart felt like it was filled again. I called the waiter and my long sleeves came down revealing my bruises. I quickly put down my hand.

“Aden…wha-“ “I fell” I quickly cover it up with a lie.

“You fell? That caused that bruise? It doesn’t look like a bruise that you get from falling. I know what I’m talking about.”

“ *You never change Onew. You’re caring as ever.* ” I sighed.

“Really..don’t worry about me. Everything is ok.” I smiled but he don’t seem to smile back.

“Aden, SHINee and everyone knows you and they heard rumors.”

“What rumors?” I looked up at him as he looked straight in my eyes.

“ *I missed the way you look at me, just like how you’re looking at me right now Onew.* ”

“Is he hurting you?” I was shocked that he knew, everyone did.

“Onew..” “Let me see your arm..” He grabbed my right arm and raised my sleeve up exposing the bruises that nearly covered my whole arm. “ *That’s not all of it Onew, it hurts. It hurts so badly..* ”

“Oh my god Aden..what did he do to you!” He grabbed my other arm as I have no strength to pull away exposing the bruises on my left arm.

“Onew…” “Aden, why didn’t you run away?! Report!? ANYTHING!?” He’s eyes widen as I looked down no tears to cry now.

“What can they do huh? I don’t have anyone else. Zack? What can she do? What can you do if you knew huh? One thing about him Onew, he wouldn’t leave me. You and I didn’t fight, we didn’t have any arguments at all and you left me.” I looked up at him with dry tired eyes.

“Onew…this is my life. You should care about your own, your life has been great from the looks of it. The song Lucifer is nice and Your Name. You wrote that right?” Onew looked away and didn’t reply me. I leaned forward and cupped his cheek.

“Onew ah, don’t worry about me. I can handle myself. You know me right..?” I held up his face to face mine and I smiled to reassure him.

“Aden..I…” He looked at me with teary eyes.

“Let’s enjoy each others company ok?”

We talked for hours, we laughed, well tried to laugh. Talk about things we missed and things we used to do together. It’s like nothing happened like how it used to be.

“Onew, I think I have to go.” As I looked at my watch.

“But it’s only 6pm Aden.” He looked at the time as well.

“I have something to do. Onew, we met at the right time. I’m happy that we get the chance to catch up.”

“Yeah, I’m glad we did too..” He smiled.

“Onew, you take care of yourself ok? Stay healthy, eat well, don’t get sick.”

“What are you talking about, we’re going to meet again. We have too cause Taemin and the guys misses you.”

“Ok…I missed them too..Say hi for me..” I said as I stood up.

“We’ll…meet again.” I bowed and Onew stood up and bowed back.

 

I reached home and walked in my room without even switching on the lights. I took my diary and wrote in it.

 

~~~~~~Letter~~~~~~

I’m sorry….

I’m so sorry for doing this…I don’t want to be a burden to anyone anymore.

It hurts…it hurts so badly…Everyday…he hurts me everyday…

Sometimes I don’t know what I did to make him do this..

My heart can’t take it anymore..my body is breaking down…

I love you Zack..I’m sorry! Please forgive me…We’ve been friends for so long..forgive me my best friend.

Onew…My heart still belongs to you…I love you…I still do…how hard I try to ignore it I just couldn’t..

Everytime he abuses me I thought about your warmth, your smile…that made me live on. The smile that I love to look at..I saw it again today. You saw my bruises…you saw everything..you knew what happened. You still care for me..but I can’t accept it.

Even if I asked for help, I can’t forget about it. He would haunt me forever.

 

I love everyone.

~~~~~End of letter~~~~~

 

I took my phone and made a call.

 

~~~~~~~~Phonecall~~~~~~~~

“119 what’s the emergency?”

“Someone is going to kill herself. Please go to (her address) quick.”

“Ok ma’am police and ambulance are on their way. Ma’am, do you know who she is?”

“She’s…me..”

~~~~~End of Phonecall~~~~~

 

I walked up to the rope that’s already hanging on my ceiling. I stared at it before stepping on the chair below it. I held on to the noose as tears finally flowed as I thought of Zack, Onew and everyone else. I felt so sorry. I took the rope and put my head through it and tighten it to my neck.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry..” I said before kicking the chair away and my body hanging from the rope that’s on my neck. I was still alive but suffocating from the pressure on my wind pipe. I struggled awhile and stopped. I died, I killed myself.

A few minutes later police burst in my front door and paramedics barged in my house searching for me. They found me hanging from my room ceiling, dead. They were too late.

They slowly brought me down and placed me in a black bag. One of the police man found my diary that has my letter inside. He read it and looked at the black bag that had me inside. I could see in his eyes that he felt sorry for me, even my being dead people still pitied me.

 

Everyone was told of my death today and it was even shown on the news as ‘The Girl that Silently called for Help’.

Shin oppa was arrested and put to jail. He faced life imprisonment for abuse.

The only thing I regretted was leaving Zack and Onew. It hurts to see them so sad. Zack cried the hardest, she couldn’t eat for days after my death, but she came to her senses and moved on. That’s my Zack.

And I found out that Onew still loved me all this time, he hid it as he wanted to grow in the entertainment scene. He didn’t mean to leave me. 

I was 22.

 

AdenPark

Beloved bestfriend and friend

1988-2010