I drove back to my house after speaking with my lawyer for my will. I have decided that half of my fortune will be given to my parent, they can use it during their old age and to pay for my sister’s college. Another 30% will be left for my Seungri’s Academy and I am giving Seungri academy to YG. I believe he will be able to help me manage it well. 10% will be given to my sister to use when she has come of age. What kind of brother am I if I don’t leave anything for my sister? I believe she will use it well and do something good with her future. And for the last 10%, I will be donating it to charity. Even if I am going to die, I want to give other people hope on living.

I crumpled another paper yet again and throw it aside. I am trying to write down my gratitude to my family in letter but nothing sounds right. How do I pen everything that I am thankful for in a letter? How does someone say a goodbye that is forever to their family who has been there all their lives? I pick up my pen and slide another blank paper infront of me to try and write again.

Dear Mom and Dad,

I know I am going to die and that is why I am writing this letter beforehand. How do I know? Well even if I tell you, you wouldn’t believe me. Let’s just say I am really lucky to have lived again today once more. You must be thinking how afraid your son is now while writing this letter, waiting to die isn’t it? Don’t worry, I am not. What I am afraid is that I can’t be there to take care of both of you. That you will be grieving my death so much that you two have neglected your health. So please, for your son, take good care of yourself.

Mom and Dad, I am really thankful for you guys for raising me up, taking such good care of me. When I was young, I remember I was bullied by the neighbour’s kids and you will always wipe my tears away when I got home. There was also once when I wanted to borrow a book at the library that was higher than my level of reading and the librarian didn’t want to let me borrow it. You became so angry after I told you what happened that you scolded the librarian to never look down on kids, especially me.

I don’t know since when have I stop letting you wipe my tears away and stop going to the library with you. I started dancing and rebel. I started to dream big, I want to be a star known by people in korea and so I train at YG. I know you worry about me whenever I travel to Seoul and it pains you when you see the hardship in me during my training. However, I never try to understand. I even lose my temper at you when practices did not go the way I want it to be. For that, I am really sorry.

When I started my debut, I rarely goes back home. Instead, you travelled all the way to Seoul just to meet me, just to know how I am doing and back you go again. I told you not to do it because it’s tiring for you, I get angry at you for always traveling down all the way down here. But never have I understand the heart of a parent just wanting to see their child no matter what. Thank you for loving me so much, your selfless love is what keeps me moving.

Now, I am successful but you guys never stop worrying. A parent will never stop worrying for their child isn’t it? I guess it is time for you to stop worrying about me already. For being an unfilial son, I am sorry again. You don’t know what I would give to take care of you guys for the rest of my life. Thank you for being the greatest parent anyone can ask for. I don’t know how to thank you enough because I don’t think it will ever be enough.

I love you, Mon and Dad. Please take good care of yourselves. I will miss you guys so much. If i ever get to reborn again, I hope for us to be family again. Till we meet again.

Your Son,

Seungri

I lift up my hand to wipe away the endless tears that keeps on falling down while I write. I am not letting any tear to drop on my letter, leaving any trace that I have cried before while writing this. I fold the letter into an equal half and slip it into an envelope. If I have send it today, my parent would receive it the day after I died, a good time to help them stand up again.

I took out my phone and dial the forever familiar number.

‘Hello, Seungri?’ the voice on the other line speaks. Immediately a surge of warmth rushes through my body.

‘Mom?’ I said, fighting the sob that’s coming out.

‘Yes, what’s the occasion that makes you call?’ my mum speaks so cheerfully it makes me want to cry more.

‘Nothing… I just miss your voice so much. How are you doing?’

‘Oh, that’s so sweet of you. Well I am always good, proud of my son as always too.’ that’s it, I cover the end of the phone as I try to compose myself.

‘Mom… I love you. You and dad. Will you help me to tell him?’

‘I love you too. Of course, I’ll tell it to your dad. He will be delighted to hear that you have said that.’ And she lets out a chuckle. The sobs are threatening to come out again and I know this time I cannot hide it anymore.

‘Mom… I have to go. Love you!’ the words came out fast so that there is no chance of her hearing that my voice has cracked and I end the call before I hear her reply.

Then, I dial another number.

‘Oppa! What’s up?!’ my sister from the other line exclaimed.

‘Just thinking how is my little sister doing’ I replied.

‘I am not LITTLE anymore’ she retorts and I can picture her pouting.

‘You’ll always be my little sister.’ Silence, I know she’s trying to ignore me, not wanting to admit. I smile at that. ‘Hana…’ I started speaking again. ‘You must take good care of mum and dad okay? Always show concern to them and make sure they keep warm during winter and all.’

‘I know, I have always been doing that anyway because someone is always neglecting us.’ And I feel a pang of guilt.

‘I’m sorry… thank you for doing those things for me. Your brother loves you.’

‘Yucks, what’s with being so sentimental. I got to go already, I’ve got class. See you then!’ she says and hanged up.

I smiled assured that my parents will be in good hands with my sister. I am sure my family will be strong to handle the future without me. I am sure that they know I love them.

I have said my second goodbye.