*chapter thirty two;

“Soah!“

“Yes?”

Soah sat up on her bed and was about to stand up, but in the same moment, her door swung open and her boyfriend was suddenly in her room, still in his school uniform, messy hair, looking really exhausted. But there was something else than tiredness behind his eyes and from what she saw she could tell that it wasn’t something good. He showed a slight sign of anger, although his face said something else: Disappointment and sadness. She got scared.

“Luhan..” Soah looked at him worriedly. “What are you..”

“Why didn’t you come to school today?” He blurted and closed the door behind him, leaning against it while he dropped his backpack beside him.

“I felt sick,” she lied and looked down, biting her bottom lip but Luhan just shook his head.

“You don’t look sick at all,” he scoffed. He knew her enough to tell whether she was lying or not. “Or do you feel sick because your teacher would hand us our exam results today?”

When she heard the way he pronounced the words ‘your teacher’ Soah immediately noticed that he knew. She clenched the sheets on either side of her and gritted her teeth, not wanting to look up, to look into his eyes, because she wasn’t sure what was going to be reflected in them. Was it fury? Disappointment? Sadness? She didn’t want to know, because he spilled the words out like poison. Soah’s heart raced and she felt pure fear crawling up her body while her face went pale. She started to breathe heavily once the words were seeped into her.

Although it felt like years, it only took seconds for Soah to realize what this event could change. It could change everything.

“Luhan..” She lifted her head in one quick motion just to find him with the same expression on his face. There has nothing changed in his gaze, but she wanted to see how he felt, how he reacted.. all she wished for was just a sign of emotion, but his facial expression stayed blank for her. She wanted him to scream, to yell at him, to say anything. “Luhan, I can explain.”

“Stay there.” And the sound of his voice flooded through her body like a wave of ice cold water. Soah froze. “Stay there. Don’t come near me. Stay there and tell me everything.” His lips were pressed against each other while he sat down in front of the door, keeping as much distance to her as possible.

Luhan looked calm outwardly, but inwardly, he was just fulfilled with anger and so much hatred that he felt the urge to kick in a door. His arms were tense while he grabbed on his bag to look for support, to have anything if he felt like ripping something apart.

“He told you, didn’t he?” Soah asked bitterly, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I knew he would tell you today, that bastard. Luhan, look..”

She wanted him to look her into the eyes, but when she made a step, she immediately flinched back as she was reminded of his cold words. He didn’t look at her. He just stared at the floor, but she wanted him to face her, to make him seeing the desperation in her eyes – to see that she was sincere with him.

Maybe, when she told him everything from her point of view now, he would understand and wouldn’t be mad at her anymore.

But little did she know what Taehyun told Luhan exactly.

“I’m sorry,” she then began, knowing that she wouldn’t get any answer so soon.

“I wanted to tell you before he did. I really wanted too. But I was scared. I was so, so scared, Luhan. Of him, of you, of everyone. It was so embarrassing and horrid, because the guy I was with during spring break was him. I went to Busan along with my parents to visit some relatives. We stayed there for a week. A week.. how desperate was I? When I went to the beach on the first day, he was the one who rescued me when I got stung by something in the water. At the same day, he asked me out for dinner and I don’t know what had gotten into me, but I was really mesmerized by him. He complimented me and his sweet words were honey in my ears. I was a er for his charm. The following days, we almost spent every minute with each other, pushing the thought aside that we would have to part soon and soon, I found myself being in love with him if I can call this. But looking back now, I never was. I was just blinded by his faked kindness and charm. He knew exactly what he was doing, how he had to behave to seduce me. I, the naïve one I was, believed absolutely anything. I liked the feeling he gave me, the attention, everything, because I never experienced something like that before. It felt so good back then. When the time came when we had to part, on the last evening, he invited me to his hotel. Call me stupid, ty, everything, but I had enough sparkling wine in me to give in to any of his interactions and the rest.. you know where it led to.”

Soah made a short pause, but Luhan didn’t make a move to look up or to say anything. He still sat there, his fringe covering his eyes while his head was lowered so that she still couldn’t see what he was thinking or how he reacted.

“It hurt so much, because the only thing he was seeking in that night was just his own pleasure. I told him that it was my first time, but he didn’t show any mercy. The only thing he kept saying was that it would get better soon. And I was okay with that, always telling myself it was my fault, because my body isn’t like others and something like that. I endured the pain the whole time for his sake. When he drove me home at that night, he promised to call me and to keep in touch with me. I didn’t know where he lived, he just said not that far away from me.. if I had known how near it actually was.. When I returned home, there was no sign of him and whenever I called him he wouldn’t pick up or text me back. I tried a week to reach him, to get a sign of him until I realized that I just got dumped.

I don’t remember a lot about that time.. Only that I lost all my trust in men and that I cried a lot. Whenever I wanted to fall asleep, I could feel his hands all over my body and that time, I didn’t like it. I found it disgusting, I despised it. I despised everything he did to me and whenever I closed my eyes or someone touched me, his face popped up in my mind. Being touched was always associated with him.. the pain.. the way he hurt me. That was why I avoided guys, especially being touched by them. I thought I was in love and I got hurt and fell very hard for him. When I saw that he was going to be my teacher, I felt like I lost all of my hope