There where obvious feelings between the two of them.

You could see it in their lingering touches and unessisary whispers, but you had to be careful because while the tension was there and plain for all to see, there was no confessions, no insinuations, no flirting, or asking for dates.

You weren’t sure if they were just oblivious to what they felt, or if they were too scared to admit it. You didn’t mention it or even joke about it because it felt taboo to do either option, so overtime you forgot about it, locked it away in some empty space in your mind.

If Onew and Minho were acting weird, it was normal for you, just another day in the dorm. It had gone from being awkward to normal so fast, that you wondered if you were imagining things. That idea goes away immediately, however, when Minho leans over Onew for the remote, letting his full body weight fall into the older man’s lap instead of lifting himself like he does for the rest of the members.

You want to to reassure yourself that you aren’t the only one who sees the way Onew pulls his legs up uncomfortably after Minho returns to his seat, just to make sure you aren’t crazy, but you’re not sure how, and at the same time you’re afraid that the other Hyungs will make fun of you, or even worse, confirm your suspicions. But that only bring up more questions because you aren’t sure why confirmation is worse. Would it really be so bad if your Hyungs were—-

“Taemin-ah, you ok?” Minho says, his head tilted in your direction and hand still on the remote.

“What?” You say, but the words somehow cause Jonghyun to laugh and hit your shoulder.

“I was asking you what move you wanted to watch, so far we’re got 2 for Ninja Assassin and 2 for Love Actually, you’re the tie breaker.” Minho says kindly, an amused grin on his face.

“Oh. Ninja Assassin sounds good,” you smile, a little more happy then you should be when you hear Jonghyun groans and whine about having ‘seen the movie a millions times already’ before Key shuts him up, telling him that the dorm is a democracy and things fall into normalcy again.

You play your part as the cute Maknae and the movie with cheesy acting and CG plays until all the members are fast asleep and snoring, covered in popcorn and red licorice. You go to bed, Minho and Onew returning once again to that empty place in your mind.

——

It’s early in the morning when you walk up, the sky outside the window is still dark, and Jonghyun’s got his smelly feet shoved in your face. With a heavy sigh you trow Jonghyun’s feet away and roll off the coach, your grumbling stomach moving your half-asleep body to the kitchen. You didn’t even realize Minho and Onew were gone until you find them crowding the kitchen counter and on top of each other.

It’s then you realize, when you see your Hyungs close together and pulling at each other’s clothes, pants audible, why confirmation is worse.

It makes you sick, and you don’t know why, but seeing them together does something to you.  Sets a blaze of emotions you don’t recall having.

When you heart a soft, muffled “I love you” you just snap.

You don’t like it, really you don’t, and somehow that leads you to ripping them apart and punching Minho in the face. It’s been a long time since you hit anyone and you fist is already throbbing from the impact in regret. When Onew jumps to hold you back and stop you and Minho looks at you with those eyes, all anger leaves you and just cry.

Onew’s holding you now, saying something, probably reassuring words your Hyung has always been kind, and your eyes are burning and your heart beat is loud and you should be apologizing because really Minho didn’t do anything wrong, but all you can think is ‘why wasn’t it me, hyung?’

Why wasn’t it me?

You really just wish, just once, that you could have held Onew like he was holding you now, like Minho was holding him earlier, because after this you can’t lock them away in that empty place in your mind anymore. You can’t lie to yourself anymore.

And you don’t know what’s going to happen now, because that’s all you’ve ever done.