PROLOGUE

 

 

There are five first little things I learned about love:

 

One, love is selfish.

 

Two, love is irrational.

 

Three, love does not mean happiness.

 

Four, love is absolutely and extremely unfair.

 

Five, love . Basically that’s it.

 

You know, I always thought that when I finally fell in love, the girl would fall for me back. Easily. Well, okay, I mean, who doesn’t wish for such thing, right? But then I realized, things might wouldn’t go that smoothly for some reasons, so I just thought ‘oh okay, if she’s not going to love me back, then I’ll just hope she gets to be with someone she does love’.

 

But even then, my expectation still doesn’t align with reality.

 

That late evening was quiet and chilly; a stark contrast to how warm and lively the wedding inside the church was. The wedding ceremony just officially ended about two hours ago. It was time for the small, not too extravagant wedding party to start. The guests weren’t too many—not even more than thirty people in the room, really. Minseok and his bride—now wife—liked to keep it simple, so they only invited close friends and relatives.

 

“Hey, bridesmaid!” I called her after popping my head out of the church’s main entrance door.

 

 The girl sat on the stepping-stones with her hands laced together on her lap. She was still dressed in this pure, innocent white gown that fit so perfectly around her body; as if she was a mannequin, waiting to be displayed in the showcase. Her hair was as dark as the night, beautifully curled and tied in one knot behind her skull while there was still a little bit strand of her silky hair framing the right side of her face. Her locks were decorated with tiny imitation of lily, and she looked like a painting for a moment; a broken angel who tries to fly with only half of her wings attached to her back. Her body was so frail and delicate that I just wanted to wrap my arms around her tiny shoulders, protecting her from the angry cold breeze of the night. But I didn’t, because even though her cheeks were red, bitten by the cold, she kept her pose steady, sending a warning to her surroundings that she was strong enough to hold herself up. It made me realize exactly how much she wanted to escape from the crowded room. From him.

 

Most of the times, I wanted to tuck one of her curls behind her ear and let my fingers stay there for a while, perhaps telling her that even when you hit the bottom, it doesn’t mean that you’ll stay there forever; that when your wish got crushed to the ground, it doesn’t mean that it won’t be reborn into a new hope. I just wanted to tell her ‘it’s okay’.

 

But it wasn’t okay.

 

Not when the person you loved just made a vow in front of the audience to spend the rest of his life with one girl. One girl that wasn’t you.

 

Her body jolted slightly as my words swam through her ears and she immediately took a look over her shoulder to find the owner of the voice. The moment her eyes landed on me, I got reminded of the very reason why I fell for her on the first place. I don’t remember when nor how I got tightly wrapped around her fingers like this with her pulling strings on my heart, but I do remember why. It wasn’t her stunning look of her face that attracted me the first time, nor was it the sight of those gentle curves on her body.

 

It was her eyes.

 

When she glued them to mine, they looked guarded and steady. They were strong and ready to slam me back to the ground if I ever intend to hurt her. I loved that look on her.

 

“Hey, Best man,” she responded back, voice soft and fragile.

 

 I always wondered, why would she try to smile if each and every one she pulls is going to paint nothing but more pain in her heart and more unshed tears in her eyes?

 

“What are you doing out here?” I asked back, mirroring her smile not because of politeness, but because I just hoped that maybe if I threw one genuine smile at her, she would mirror mine. “The party’s inside. Aren’t you cold?”

 

She didn’t answer, and to be honest, she didn’t have to either. I could make out the words just from one look of her hazel eyes. It was as if they were saying, ‘How could I stand in the same room with him right now?’

 

“Why aren’t you?” she questioned back, lips slightly tinted with blue from the cold. Her rose-colored lipstick was fading away, perhaps because of the way she tried to chew on her lower lip to keep herself from screaming.

 

I raised my hand to make a nonchalant wave, snorting, “Nah, I’m not much of a party people.”

 

This time, her lips did curve up into a small, teasing grin. “Why is it so hard for me to believe that statement?”

 

I took a couple of steps toward her, chuckling. “Hey, don’t act like you know me. I’m a lot of things.”

 

“You’re as easy to read as an open book,” she claimed and I just had to scrunch up my nose. “Sorry to say, but you have a status spreading all around the campus.”

 

“What status?”

 

“Manwhore.”

 

And I laughed. It wasn’t really appropriate and it wasn’t really the right time to do, but somehow it seemed funny. This girl—the girl I loved so much that I actually had trouble sleeping at night because of her—just made a joke about how such a bimbo I am. No wonder she wouldn’t even glance at me at first.

 

“Can this manwhore sit with you?” I asked, pointing to a spot right next to her. “He fancies the night’s sky and the ty stars, I think.”

 

“Sure,” she said, glancing back to her pale hands, letting out a dry chuckle. “The stone’s hard. Don’t hurt your .”

 

“Thanks for thinking about my , milady,” I said back, rolling my eyes playfully at her. I took off my blazer and carefully placed it around her shoulders. “Better not get sick from the cold. Don’t want to make the groom cry now, do we?”

 

She looked a bit surprised and went still, but she didn’t throw it away. “Thank you,” she quietly mumbled and wrapped the fabric tighter around her body. I wanted to say something along the line ‘Hey, if you need that much heat, you can always wear me around your body instead’ but I didn’t think she’d appreciate that kind of joke right now. After all, my Algebra Girl was not one with the low sense of humor.

 

I didn’t intend to say it—or maybe I did—but I let the words slipped out of my mouth before I could think it through. “Are you all right?” I asked as I sat right beside her in a safe distance.

 

She clenched her jaw and her eyes did not seem to be filled with joy even though her forged smile did. “Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?”

 

“Because, I don’t know,” I stopped to shrug casually, “you’re out here alone, and everyone’s in there having a good time. I’d guessed that maybe you just wanted to fart or something when you went out the door, but then I realized you were taking too long so I went out here to check.”

 

She pressed a gentle hand against her thin, prettily shaped lips. “Oh my God,” she said, her voice cracking into a tiny laugh. The sound was like a lullaby to my ears.

 

I snickered, “Made you laugh~”

 

She glanced at me with a little twinkle hidden in the corner of her eyes, almost had me forget about her actual depressing situation.

 

“You’re unbelievable,” she said, putting a halt on her laughter.

 

“As long as I can see you smile, I’ll be whatever you want to be, honey,” I commented back, adding a cheesy wink to exaggerate the moment. She smiled some more, but the pain was back on her eyes. My trick did not work twice, unfortunately.

 

So I tried to bring another topic to the table.

 

“Hey, wanna know something?” I asked rhetorically, “Apart from the fact we only really got to talk to each other today, I’ve been stalking you for a while now.”

 

She brought her hands up to warm them up with her breath. “I know,” she answered, “You told me that yesterday. And the day before that. And another day before that. Basically, since the day you’d turned your hair pink and asked me to go out with you.”

 

“And I will never stop trying—not until I see a wedding ring on your finger,” I said, and it wasn’t just a bunch of meaningless words. It was a promise.

 

Then she sighed, rubbing her temple with her thumb and index finger. “Lu Han—”

 

I know a rejection when I hear one. And no matter how much she’d mentioned it already, I wasn’t and still am not a big fan of that.

 

“You know what I’ve been calling you?” I hurriedly asked, stopping her from repeating those hurtful words she’d been saying for months. “Since I didn’t know your name at first, I had a nickname for you.”

 

She continued to exhale heavily in vexation but she asked back anyway, probably just for the sake of conversation. “What?” she asked. “What did you call me?”

 

Her words were heavy with weariness, and if I could, I would have stopped loving her. If me, having these feelings for her, made her feel so tired like this, I would have stopped. Or at least pretended to.

 

But the thing was, I couldn’t.

 

No. The thing is, I can’t.

 

“Algebra Girl,” I said, and she cutely raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, you know, because when I first saw you, you were holding some kind of a math book, so I just guessed that maybe you’re into that stuff.”

 

She parted her lips, looking quite in disbelief. “I’m majoring in Culinary Arts, Lu Han. I don’t do math.”

 

I already knew that, of course. I also knew that she specialized in baking and pastry. And I already knew her name, even though she hadn’t told me yet. I knew the fact that she was about three years younger than me; and that she was still a in her second year in college when I first saw her; and that she was in the same photography club with Minseok in her high school days—that was how she knew him.

 

I didn’t want to be any more of a stalker than I already was so I just kept my mouth shut and nodded to her words.

 

I put on a funny expression, indicating that I was confused. “So why were you holding a math book?”

 

She frowned. “What math book? I don’t have any math book. I never did since high school.”

 

“But you said ‘Do you even know the first thing about algebra’ when I came to say hi.”

 

“Oh, right.” Then she shyly smiled, like a kid caught stealing with his hand in a cookie jar. “That was because I knew you were trying to flirt with me, so I answered your question like that to get you away from me. I was holding one of my recipe books actually.”

 

“Wow, okay.” I wrinkled my nose. “Well, this is awkward.”

 

“Well, you were kind of creepy back then, Lu Han.”

 

“So I’m not creepy now?”

 

“You’re much creepier, actually,” she leered. “But I’m used to it by now.”

 

“Cool,” I commented back, grinning. “But seriously, I thought you were majoring in math or science or something. You look like you’re the kind of smart, neat, serious type of girl.”

 

She hummed. “And how did you come to that conclusion?”

 

“From...” I scratched the back of my head, pretending to be awkward and drowning in shame. “... your face?”

 

“Gotta do better than that, Sherlock.” Her lips curled up into a smile again. “Honestly, you have the worst talent in making assumptions.”

 

“But I made you smile again~” I bumped my shoulder lightly with hers but she just sat still. “So, culinary arts, huh? What’s your favorite flavor?” Caramel, of course.

 

“Why do I have to tell you that?” She raised her chin arrogantly.

 

“Why don’t you?” I retorted easily.

 

She raised her eyebrows at my reply, before she did a half smile. “Caramel.”

 

See? I was right.

 

“Then I’ll call you Cara from now on,” I said, grinning widely at her until I could feel my cheekbones starting to hurt. “Cara from ‘caramel’. Isn’t it cute?”

 

“No, it’s not. I have a name!” she complained, unconsciously puffing her cheeks at the end of her words and she looked even more adorable that I almost lost control of my hands and pinched them.

 

“But you never told me your name~” I articulated the last word longer on my tongue, supposedly whining like a brat. “Well, of course I already know your name, but can’t a guy have a little fun?” I tapped my fingers to the pocket of my black pants before slipping them in to grab my iPhone.

 

She glanced away to fix her gaze on the starry night’s sky. “I don’t understand your definition of fun.”

 

 “It’s simple really. Just like this,” I answered and before she could give out any kind of reaction, I raised my iPhone in the air, with the front camera facing the two of us and clicked the camera button, taking a picture of me and her without her permission.

 

I laughed when she protested, “Hey! What are you doing?!”

 

“Taking a picture of us~” I moved my hands away from her reach when she tried to snatch my phone. “Hey, hey, careful there, Cara. We don’t want to break the phone here.”

 

“Don’t call me that!” Eventually, she gave up and just mumbled, “You better delete it. I bet I look awful.”

 

Why? Just why would she ever think that? She couldn’t be anymore wrong.

 

“You’re beautiful—much beautiful than any girl I’ve ever met,” I said and I wasn’t blushing or drowning in shame from saying embarrassing things like that, because I was just stating out the truth. I showed her the picture we just took and she fixed her eyes at the phone’s screen. “You’re beautiful with your eyes wide open. You’re beautiful with your lips parted in surprise. You’re beautiful with your lipstick smeared on your lips because you kept on biting them all night, for what, I don’t know. But you’re beautiful.”

 

She stayed in silence for a long awkward pause. Then she tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and smiled earnestly. “Just how many girls have you told things like that to, Lu Han?”

 

“None,” I answered rapidly. “And you know I’m not lying.”

 

She just chuckled. “Okay.”

 

Minseok told me I always had a habit of pouting like a child whenever I don’t get what I want. And so, the pout I painted on my face that night wasn’t intentional—it just couldn’t be helped. “Whatever, I’m saving this pic,” I said, “Tell me your email.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Do you always ask questions for things?”

 

“I believe there’s always an explanation for things that happen around me, so yes, I do.”

 

“Geez, okay, fine. Don’t tell me, I already know anyway.”

 

“What—” Her jaw grew slacked. “How?”

 

“I’m your stalker, remember?” I grinned, sticking my tongue out playfully at her. “Aaaaand, sent!” I exclaimed after I clicked the send button on my phone. “Now we both have the same photo. Something for you to remember me by, Cara.”

 

“Don’t call me that,” she said again, scowling a little at me. Another expression of her I could collect and treasure to my memory. “And what do you mean by that? Are you leaving somewhere?”

 

I didn’t mean to say goodbye now, but now that she’d asked, it felt it was the perfect time.

 

“Actually, yes,” I said, smiling even though my chest felt immensely tight and uncomfortable. “I’m leaving this city.”

 

She knitted her eyebrows together. “Where are you going to go?”

 

“Home.” I shrugged my shoulders offhandedly. “Been feeling kind of homesick lately, you know? Haven’t been back to Beijing for years now.”

 

“Beijing?” she repeated, frowning even more. “Beijing as in, in China?”

 

“No, no, honey, Beijing is that brothel across the—of course, it’s in China. How many Beijings are there?”

 

She ignored my jokes. “When?”

 

“Actually...” I sighed, rubbing my palms against each other from the cold. “Tomorrow.”

 

She went mute for a minute or two, and I just listened to the sound of the night wind passing through my ears.

 

It was her who broke the silence. “How long are you going to be there?”

 

“I don’t know, maybe forever? It’s my homeland, after all.” I tried to make this conversation easy and simple. She did not have to know how much I felt like a wooden doll being abandoned by its puppet master for leaving her—and everybody I cared about here like this. But I had made my decision and it was final.

 

To my surprise, she looked quite sad after hearing my words. Perhaps I was just imagining it. Maybe she was just still miserable because the love of her life just got married to her best friend—I mean, who wouldn’t be depressed after that? But something kept telling me that wasn’t the one and only reason.

 

“What are you sulking about?” I bumped my shoulder against hers again, sniggering. “Don’t tell me you’re sad I’m leaving. Gonna miss being stalked now, I suppose?”

 

“Well, it’s always saddening when somebody leaves you,” she said and my smile faltered not because of her words, but the tone of her voice. “I’m never a fan of goodbyes.” The way she said it was heartbreaking. But then she cleared and threw a jokey smile at me. “But maybe losing a stalker would do me some good.”

 

I couldn’t stop myself from kneeling in front of her and hugging her so tight until half of her breath spilled out of her lungs.

 

“Lu Han—” she protested, trying to shove me away, but I hugged her tighter, feeling my chest hurt from all the feelings I had for her and I just wanted her to know about how much—

 

“I love you,” I whispered out loud and her body went still. Her cold hands were pressed on my chest, distancing herself from me but they weren’t pushing me back anymore. It wasn’t until she let out a shaky breath that I snapped back to my consciousness.

 

I immediately pulled away and gave her some space. “Sorry, I...” I cleared my throat and scratched my nape awkwardly. “I, uhh, I wasn’t thinking clearly before. Did I scare you?”

 

“N-no,” she stuttered, not looking at me in the eyes and I could spot a faint blush creeping on her cheeks. “You surprised me though.”

 

I laughed uneasily. “Sorry.”

 

“For what?” she asked, exhaling softly before she finally fixed her gaze back on mine. “For saying ‘I love you’ or for leaving me after you made your confession?”

 

I honestly didn’t know what to say at that time. And that’s saying a lot, considering I’m a lawyer—I’m supposed to know what to say in any kind of situation.

 

I looked at her with heavy lids, because I wanted to just close my eyes and wish that none of these things were really happening right now.

 

“Both,” I finally said.

 

“And what about your promise? What about the part when you said to me that you wouldn’t ever stop trying to ask me out?” she said again, slapping me with her words. “You said you loved me but you’re leaving tomorrow, how does that make me feel?”

 

I couldn’t do anything other than just stared at her for the moment. I tried to understand how she felt, but there was one thing missing that kept me away from unfolding the answer.

 

She didn’t have feelings for me, right? If so, then couldn’t she just let this go easily? My feelings didn’t matter to her anyway, did they?

 

“Why are you telling me this?” she asked, gritting her teeth. “I mean, what’s the point? You’re leaving anyway.”

 

She was right. Maybe I shouldn’t have said it. But there was something else—something that made me feel like I just had to tell her.

 

“I just feel like it’s nice to let somebody know that they’re loved,” I genuinely said and her eyes grew hard, but I wasn’t stopping, “I’m saying those words not because I want anything back from you. I don’t expect you to do anything, really. I just wanted you to know how I feel.”

 

I could tell she wanted to say something like, ‘Get real, Lu Han, you’re not in love with me. Guys like you don’t understand a single thing about love.’ And I wanted to tell her that she was wrong. This was the first time I ever truly cared about someone. I wanted to be her friend. I wanted to be the one who she’d tell stories to, to be the one who’d be there to hold her hand when she’s scared, to be the one who’d tell her it’s okay to cry when she’s having a rough day. I wanted to be the one who’d hug her in her sleep whenever she’s having a nightmare. I wanted to see her smile in every minute of everyday of my life. I wanted to be the one who could wake her up with a bucket of roses beside her bed on Valentine’s Day, who could kiss her tears away when she accidently hits her toenails against one of her table’s foot.

 

I wanted to be all of those, and if that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.

 

But I couldn’t explain all those things to her. It wouldn’t be fair. I’d missed my chance.

 

These were the words I said instead, “Can I hug you again for the last time? As friends? Please, it’ll be quick, and I won’t touch anywhere inappropriate. I swear to God, you can kick me in the nuts if I lie.” I added a grin and pressed my palms together, begging her.

 

She furrowed her eyebrows, a little bit stunned from my sudden change of attitude.

 

“Pretty please, Cara?” I begged. “I’m leaving tomorrow, can you at least do the poor guy a favor?”

 

“Stop with the nickname.” She sighed and finally nodded. “Fine, not more than three seconds.”

 

“Aaw, can’t we make it five?”

 

“Three and a half, take it or leave it.”

 

I rolled my eyes playfully and leaned closer, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and placed my chin on top of her head. I felt like I couldn’t properly breathe at that time, but when I actually did, I could breathe in her scent. She smelled just as sweet as the nickname I gave her.

 

“Cara-ah, annyeoong~” I sang song, rocking her body side-to-side in my arms, purposely acting playful so she wouldn’t see how much it pained me to embrace her for the last time like this. It was enough though. I had gotten so many first time memories of her today. Today was the first time I talked to her, joked around with her, saw her smile, held her in my arms, and told her I loved her.

 

I couldn’t ask for more.

 

When I let go, I patted her softly on the head before my hand glided down and rest on the side of her soft cheek. “Promise me that you’ll remember me?” I asked and I was stunned by how wounded my voice sounded to my own ears. I quickly forced another grin to appear on my lips and she only looked away, embarrassed. “I’m just kidding.” I chuckled at that and stood up before things got more awkward. “Come on, I got a goodbye speech to do. I wrote the best kind of speech in the world, you don’t want to miss it, I swear.” I winked at her as I grabbed her hand.

 

I led her back to the church, where the wedding was held late that morning. Most of the people had left already, since the ceremony had ended for about two hours ago. Some were still there, but they were preparing themselves to leave. Minseok and his now-legal-to-be-called wife was smiling and waving and shaking hands with their guests, while Chanyeol was cackling like a mad man because his girlfriend just caught the bride’s bouquet. Some people—including Minseok’s parents—were glaring at him when he excitedly screamed, “WE’RE NEXT! WE’RE NEXT! MR AND MRS PARK ARE ON THEIR WAY, PEOPLE!” Baekhyun, on the other hand, was clearly making out with his girlfriend at the front seat.

 

“Seems like they don’t know we’ve been gone,” I said, striking up a conversation as Cara’s eyes drawn to where Minseok’s hand met his wife’s.

 

“H-huh?” she blinked, eyes unfocused when she stared back at me. “Oh, yes, I guess so.”

 

I wanted to get her out of the room at that moment, but it wouldn’t do anything other than making her feel worse. So I let go of her hand after giving her a reassuring squeeze and walked down the aisle until I stood facing the rest of the room in the altar.

 

“Hey, everyone!” I called with a booming voice, catching everyone’s attention in the room. Fortunately, the married couple just finished waving goodbye to their last guests, so I could get some privacy. “I have a speech to make!”

 

“Yay! Yay! I love wedding speech!” Chanyeol clapped, grinning ear-to-ear. “Hyung, hyung! Please mention my name in your speech!”

 

“Sure, Yeol-ah.” I rolled my eyes at his childlike behavior. “Baekhyun! Stop sticking your tongue down my dongsaeng’s throat, will you? This is a Church, you , control your hormones!”

 

“Why am I the only one who got scolded here?” Baekhyun protested but he gently pushed his girlfriend off his lap. “She started it!”

 

The accused one defended herself. “I did not!”

 

“Yes, you did. You said ‘hey y, let’s make out in a church’.”

 

“Baekhyun! Y-you promised me you wouldn’t tell!” Her face was flushed as she stuttered. “And shut up, I didn’t call you ‘y’!”

 

Baekhyun winked at her. “But you were definitely thinking about it.”

 

“Wow, no respect for my wedding or God whatsoever,” Minseok said. He was dressed sharply in matching black tuxedo like me and he kept his hand intertwined with his wife’s. “And save the speech for the wedding party tomorrow, Lu Han. People have already left. We’re the only one left in here.”

 

“The more reason I should do this now, then. And by the way, that won’t do, Baozi,” I said, “because I’ll be on the plane tomorrow, so you better take a seat if you want to know why.”

 

Minseok frowned but he nodded, taking one of the front seats. His wife followed him right after.

 

“Okay, now that everybody has settled down.” I cleared my throat dramatically and continued, “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. First of all I want to—damn it, Baekhyun!”

 

Baekhyun jolted in surprise as he hastily broke the kiss he just started for the billionth time that night with his lover. “She started it again!”

 

I wanted to honestly throw my shoes at him but these were expensive and he wasn’t worth it. Besides, or not, Byun Baekhyun was still one of my best friends and I loved him even if he was being a at the moment.

 

“Okay, everyone,” I called again, clapping my hands twice. “I have a confession to make.”

 

“Let me guess,” Baekhyun chimed in. “You’re gay?”

 

“Of course not, Baekhyun,” Minseok shook his head, defending my honor. I was about to throw a sparkling smile at him but then he said, “He’s definitely trying to tell us that he just got a girl pregnant with his devil child.”

 

“Oh, OH! Did the pizza guy call?” Chanyeol asked, raising his hand. “Because that would be me who ordered that.”

 

“I have so many adorable friends,” I said, glaring at each and every one of them but with a smile on my lips. “I’m going to miss you guys.”

 

“Oh, you’re dying, aren’t you?” Baekhyun guessed again. “From having too much ?”

 

“No, it’s definitely from too much partying and drinking.”

 

“Where’s my pizza?”

 

“GODDAMMIT, YOU GUYS!” I yelled, throwing my hands in the air. “Can’t a guy say his goodbyes properly?”

 

The room finally quieted down.

 

“Thank you,” I said, taking a breath. “Yes, I am leaving this country. I’m gonna go back to Beijing. And no, Baekhyun,” I stopped him from saying any insult that he wanted to say, “I’m not leaving to work as a in China, you can drop that joke already.”

 

“I wasn’t going to say that.” Baekhyun pouted before he muttered under his breath, “I was going to say homoual instead of the plain kind.”

 

“Hmm, fascinating.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “But no, I’m leaving to enter a postgraduate law school in Beijing. I got a full time scholarships there, and hopefully, I can work as a professional lawyer after that.”

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up.” Baekhyun raised his right hand in the air. “How did you get a scholarship? Aren’t you supposed to be like—no offense here but—stupid?”

 

“Wow, just...” I shook my head in disbelief. “One of these days, Byun Baekhyun, I’m going to shave all of your eyebrows in your sleep.”

 

“And I’d still look a lot more attractive than you, Hyung.”

 

“Lu Han’s actually really smart,” Minseok joined in, “he’s just lazy. I can honestly say that he could finish his college in three and a half years if he’d stopped having with random girls and partying every night instead of studying.”

 

“Way to defend my honor, Man,” I said sarcastically. “You deserved an award.”

 

 “Where the hell is my pizza?” Chanyeol whined.

 

“Shut up, Yeol! Let the man do his speech,” Baekhyun, to my surprise, scolded him. But then he grinned at the now pouting boy and said, “Hey, if you’re going to re-order that pizza, I want the black pepper one.”

 

“With mushrooms?”

 

“With mushrooms. And extra cheese.”

 

“Baekhyun-sshi,” Cara’s voice suddenly dropped into the conversation. “I suggest you start listening to your Hyung. He’s being serious right now.”

 

Baekhyun frowned, looking displeased, but he folded his hands on his chest and looked at me. “Fine. Do your speech, your majesty.”

 

I threw a glance at Cara and she didn’t smile nor look at me. She just stared at her feet as she leaned her back against the wall. She didn’t bring her head down to avoid my eyes, though; she did that so she wouldn’t get a chance to look back at Minseok when he did.

 

Somehow, that didn’t sink so well in my chest.

 

“Baozi,” I said, and Minseok hurriedly focused his eyes back on me. “Congratulations on your wedding, man. I can’t be anymore proud of you. You’re my best friend, and I love you, no matter what—even when you’re being cold and mean to me, I still love you.”

 

Chanyeol tapped Minseok’s shoulder. “I love you too, Baozi-hyung.”

 

Minseok nodded awkwardly. “Thank you, Chanyeol.”

 

“And you, Mrs. Baozi,” I chuckled at my new nickname for her. “You take care of my brother, all right? Let him have with you every night so you can make pretty babies and re-populate the earth with little hyper baozi kids.”

 

“Goodness,” Minseok shook his head and rubbed his temple with his fingers. “Don’t listen to him, please.”

 

I chuckled at his reaction and moved to focus on the guy who sat just a seat beside him. “Chanyeollie, my dear student.”

 

“Hyung!” Chanyeol responded, grinning creepily back.

 

“You’re a . But I love you, because you know why?” And he shook his head. “Because without you, our lunch table would just be gloomy as hell and I’m glad that people are calling you ‘the happy virus’, because you are. You’re our happy virus.”

 

Chanyeol blinked a couple of times, his lips parted in awe. “Hyung...”

 

“And I see you got the flower, Miss soon-to-be-Mrs-Park,” I said to his girlfriend, “Hopefully, you’re next in line? Promise me you’ll still marry this even though he looks like he’ll die a week after your wedding party from driving carelessly at two in the morning.”

 

His girlfriend giggled and took Chanyeol’s hand in hers. “He’s not a .”

 

“I know he’s not,” I nodded my head, agreeing. “He’s the sweetest person I know.”

 

Chanyeol was actually sniffling at that point. “H-hyung...”

 

“Baekhyun-ah,” I said next, shifting my eyes toward his eyeliner-framed ones. “You’re an .”

 

“But... you love me?” Baekhyun teased, raising an eyebrow.

 

“No, you’re just an . Period.”

 

“Yah!”

 

“Well, you kinda deserved it, after making my lovely dongsaeng go through all of your s like that,” I scolded but eventually ending it with a smile directed to the couple. “But I’m glad you guys are together, because honestly? You guys fit each other like pieces of puzzle. I can’t see you,” I pointed my hand to my childhood friend before I dragged it to Chanyeol, “dating guys like him. And I can’t see Baekhyun dating sweet innocent girls like her.” I nodded my head to where Chanyeol’s girlfriend was sitting. “All hell would break loose if that happened, so I’m glad all of you have found your own perfect match. I wish you all a thousand years of happiness, I really do.”

 

“And what about you, hyung?” Baekhyun asked, voice light and relaxed. “Who’s your perfect match?”

 

I blinked too much and too long because I did not expect it coming. Of course, that bastard would say it in front of her like this. It wasn’t a secret anymore that I had a massive crush on the Algebra Girl—Cara. But none of them knew how much I actually loved her. I never told them because I knew that they were just going to tease me for it, so I let them think that my only intention only involved me sleeping with her and not calling her in the morning. I was only brave enough to state my true feelings to the one person who would never judge me or give me actual response about my actions: Oh Sehun.

 

I couldn’t stop my eyes from flickering to where Cara was standing. And she also lifted her head up to look at me, as if it was the only thing she could and should do right now.

 

I kept my eyes on her as I answered the question, “I’m still waiting for her.”

 

Baekhyun threw a look over his shoulder to send a teasing smirk to Cara. “He’s still waiting for you, he said. To get into your pants, I mean.”

 

“That was unnecessary, Baek, but okay, whatever.” I rolled my eyes, trying to keep the tension less tense.

 

“Are you really going to leave?” My cute, little dongsaeng asked with concerned and big unbelieving doe eyes. “You’re not gonna be here any longer?”

 

“Hey, hey, you’re saying it like I’m about to die,” I laughed. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean we can’t stay in touch, right? I’ll call you from there.”

 

Her lips were quivering and she suddenly stood up and ran to the spot where I was standing. “You idiot!” She shouted as she circled her arms around my neck and hugged me till I couldn’t breathe properly. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner, you bastard?!”

 

I let out a small, sad-sounding chuckle as I wrapped my arms around her waist. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to think about it, I guess.”

 

“I hate you,” she mumbled cutely, continued weeping.

 

“Well, too bad, because I love you. So, so much.” I kissed her temple before I let her rest her head back on my shoulder. “Always have, and always will.”

 

“W-when will you be back?” It was a bit hard to hear every word she was saying because she was sobbing like a child.

 

“I don’t know.” I closed my eyes and deeply sighed. “I don’t know, but I’ll think of you everyday, you remember that.”

 

“I’ll miss you, Oppa.”

 

“I’ll miss you too.”

 

“HYUNG!” Chanyeol suddenly popped up beside me and forcefully hugged the two of us with his large arms. “WHY ARE YOU LEAVING US?! THIS IS NOT FAIR!” He was screaming and sounded like he was choking and practically bawling even though his eyes didn’t shed any tears. Well, perhaps not yet.

 

“Is this the time for a group hug?” Baekhyun asked, already standing beside me.

 

“I don’t know, maybe,” I replied, grinning greasily. “Hug me, my brother!”

 

“Ugh, you’re so gross,” Baekhyun commented but joined in the hug, although he was more like embracing his own girlfriend from the back rather than hugging me.

 

“Thanks for everything, Luhannie-Oppa,” Chanyeol’s girlfriend said, giving me a peck on my cheek instead of hugging me. “I’m going to miss you.”

 

“Aaaw, my angel~ I would’ve kissed you back if my hands aren’t currently full with these brats,” I said, and she laughed before she wiped a single tear that was threatening to fall from her eyes.

 

“Way to ruin my wedding, you punk,” Minseok said, also entering the group hug by wrapping an arm around my shoulder. His wife was just standing near him, bowing her head at me in politeness and smiled softly at me.

 

“It was a lousy wedding anyway,” I joked.

 

“Whatever.” He scoffed. “You better come back soon.”

 

“To see the Baozi kids?” I teased.

 

He chuckled. “Maybe.”

 

I laughed and let them all surrounding me with their warmth. Some of them were still crying, while some of them were just whining about how this group hug was taking too long and too gay, and I could hear somebody shouted, “Who the just stepped on my foot?” but I didn’t care about any of that.

 

My eyes were fixed on Cara’s. She was looking at me like how Monalisa’s eyes stared back at the admirer of her painted face: indescribable. She parted her lips and mouthed something at me, but I didn’t know what she was trying to tell me at the moment.

 

It wasn’t until she grabbed her coat, walked to the front door, and left me with no single glance back that I noticed what she said:

 

I promise.

***

Do you enjoy reading my story? Please support me and click here if you do! Only one click away :) thank you!!