"How can we turn back time?"

♕♕♕♕♕

     A week was all it took for Yongguk and Himchan to piece the song that the group was going to perform to the whole high school body. Youngjae, Daehyun, and Jieun were impressed by how the song was crafted. They sensed that it really came from the heart. Every word had a feeling attached to it. The moment they had the copy of lyrics, they supplied it with all of the right tunes and melody to make it sound heaven to people’s ears. All of them practiced vigorously after school, doing their best to perfect the blending and the feel of their song.

     There was a certain afternoon, it was the day before the performance, and Yongguk rewarded everyone with a day-off. It was a day for them to unwind just so they can feel at ease when they’re singing on stage. Jieun decided to go out with her other friends, namely Sunhwa and Hyosung, for a girl’s night out. Daehyun and Youngjae announced that they were going to a food festival not far from town. Himchan got an invitation, but he figured that he wouldn’t want to be a third-wheel, so he politely declined the offer but demanded some rice cakes from the two. Jongup and Junhong were contemplating on just playing in the arcades, or going to an amusement park. They chose the former, since their savings wasn’t quite enough to go to an amusement.

     “Looks like you’re stuck with me~” Yongguk linked their arms together, and started to walk to a coffee shop, dragging Himchan along.

      Himchan tried his best to keep his cool, but since it’s Yongguk he’s dealing with, he just prayed to the higher ups that he won’t sputter like an idiot.  They entered the café, and settled on a far corner of the room but soon ordered:Caramel Macchiato for Yongguk, a cake and Americano for Himchan.

      “I’m curious.” Yongguk said, taking a sip from his cup, and setting it down on the table once again.

     “Aren’t you always?” Himchan laughed, poking his fork through the cake in an attempt to break off a piece.

     “W-who were you thinking of when you were reciting lyrics that night? Remember when we started writing ‘Secret Love’?” Yongguk’s eyes were fixed on his lap.

     “Ah, nobody~ I’m just a genius like that!” Himchan was surprised at his own words. How the hell did he manage to keep is cool this smoothly? He thanks the higher ups for answering his prayers just moments ago in his mind.

     “O-oh.” Was all Yongguk managed to say, before blindly reaching out for something to drink. He quickly placed his lips on the surface of the cup and took a gulp, before setting it down abruptly with a contorted face. He had gotten Himchan’s coffee. Yongguk’s face scrunched up and his voice started to stammer incoherent sounds as he was flailing his hands around. Himchan’s giggles were not supressed, Yongguk looked way to funny to not take a picture of. Himchan quickly fished his phone and snapped a Yongguk who’s face seemed like he was kicked on the groin. Himchan kept on laughing, already holding his stomach trying his best to stop.

     Yongguk drank the rest of his drink just to wash down the bitter taste that he detests. From the corner of his eye, he can’t believe how Himchan really looked gorgeous when he’s laughing. His eyes seem like it was sparkling, and smile was mesmerizing, the sound of his laugh had a certain ring to it. It seemed as if his face was carved and was intentionally made to look perfect with the expression. Unusual feelings started to well from the pit of his stomach, fluttering slightly to his heard. Himchan’s laugh soon died down when he noticed that Yongguk has been staring at him for quite a long time.

     “I’m sorry~ You’re face was just all,” Himchan tried to imitate it, but Yongguk couldn’t help but think he looked too perfect that making a hideous face actually made him cute. Where the hell was all of these thoughts coming from? Yongguk was perplexed. “H-here~ Have some cake. A peace offering.” Himchan’s face still lit up with the bunny smile that Yongguk grew to love.

     “I-I’m full.” Yongguk responded, not intentionally rejecting the offer.

     “Eh? You barely ate anything today! Don’t you dare lie to me~ I was with you almost the whole day.” Himchan was being the nagging-Chan again, and Yongguk found it endearing. There it goes again, the buzz and tingle in his stomach.

     “My stomach is full..” Yongguk replied, and Himchan thought it was unusually stubborn of Yongguk to not accept cake, which he is very fond of.

     “Why? What’s in your stomach that makes you reject sweets? Are you really Yongguk?” Himchan waved his hand in front of the older, who seems to have his gaze locked at Himchan.

     “Full of butterflies..” Yongguk murmured.

     Now it was Himchan’s turn to be dazed.

     What?

     What?

     Butterflies?

     He remembered what Yongguk said about butterflies and stomach the day they started to compose the song and in a snap. Oh. Himchan just sat there motionless, it was like the whole café was blurred and the only thing he can see was Yongguk, the only thing he can hear was the drumming of his heart wildly against his chest, and the only thing he can feel was the ‘asdfghjkl’ taking over his system.

     His breathing started to grow irregular, and when the last thing he saw was Yongguk’s back making a mad dash to the door of the café. He was just left there unable to process what exactly had just happened.

♕♕♕♕♕

     Yongguk didn’t know exactly where he was going, but he just felt the need to be away from Himchan, before he says another thing that would probably flabbergast the younger.

     “What was I thinking?!” Yongguk though to himself, not stopping his legs from running away to somewhere. “He already likes someone!” Yongguk reminded himself of when he heard Himchan say that the does like someone.

     Why is life unfair? Time to be specific. Why can’t everything fall perfectly into place? Why can’t he like Himchan and have the other feel the same about him? Why does Himchan have to be liking someone else just when he started to like Himchan?

     Yongguk finally stopped, catching, panting for breath as he feels his lungs burn. He is reminded of the image of Himchan, alone in the café confused more than ever. If the burning in his chest wasn’t dizzying enough, his heart started to beat uncontrollably fast.

     How the hell will he be able to face Himchan tomorrow?

♕♕♕♕♕

     Himchan is sprawled on his bed, the rooms is illuminates only by the screen that Himchan is staring at. The man was staring at a picture on his phone. It was the one he took of Yongguk, his face scrunched up, his hands was all over the place. He couldn’t help but just feel so giddy while looking at the picture. What was that all about? Did Yongguk just confess to him? Was this the moment that he’s been waiting for? But, if that was indeed the moment, then why did Yongguk sprint to the exit? If he wanted to confess to Himchan, woulsn’t he have stayed for a response? Himchan just keeps his stare locked on the picture.

     “Idiot.” He mutters to no one.

     He decided that he should just probably call Jieun about it, but he realized that jieun would probably call Yongguk right after, and telling him to get himself together. If Yongguk were to like him, he would want to at least do it for himself. As much as Jieun was a big help, he wants his own efforts to be conveyed because he feels like it’ll make it more special.

     He exits the picture and then opens ‘Create A New Message’. Is it logical to text Yongguk right now? Would it cause a dilemma if he texted? He threw the phone to his side only to pick it up again and stare at it with a lost gaze.

     He types a “Hi” but deletes it after, because it was too awkward. He hides his phone under his pillow and tries to do deep breathes before grabbing it again, and jabbing his fingers aimlessly to the phone which cause a spazz of letters that amounts to nothing. He types “Sup?” but erases the lame message. Who knew sending a text message was going to be this hard? Well, the only thing that wakes it difficult was because it was the person he likes who he’s going to send it to. Anything he types sounds either too awkward or too stupid.  He musters up his courage to type at least a meaningful message, but was alarmed when his phone shook on his hold. Yongguk has messaged him. He quickly opened the message, and then threw himself in his bed, flailing around like an idiot.

Hope u got home safely. Sorry for leaving you there. Good Night.

     Himchan didn’t bother to reply, because that message was enough for his heart to do a thousand flips.

     How the hell was he going to face Yongguk tomorrow?

♕♕♕♕♕

     Jieun found it peculiar when Yongguk and Himchan were polar opposites of each other, and that Youngjae and Daehyun weren’t in the venue yet, late for the first time ever. It was performance day and she can’t help but feel like the group was falling slowly. The only thing she can hope for was that all of their hard-work will be worth it, but at this rate she couldn’t help but bite her nails out of a nervous habit.

     Her phone vibrated inside her pocket and she quickly answered it. It was from Youngjae. She hopes that they were going to just supply her with excuse as to why they were late.

     “Jieun..” Youngjae sounded glum.

     That can’t be good.

     “Yes, Youngjae?” Jieun tried to keep her voice calm, so that it won’t startle or scare the younger.

     “Remember what Dae and I did yesterday? Food Festival?” Youngjae started to recall events and Jieun was intently listening, hoping that the conversation will end with ‘We’re going to be late, but we’ll make it anyways.’ Jieun made a sound to assure that she was still listening.

     “Dae got food poisoned from yesterday, and he can’t even sit up from his bed.” Youngjae’s voice was laced with worry, and Jieun started to be infected with it. “W-what?!  What will happen to the performance, Youngjae?” Jieun’s eyes were saturated with anxiety.

     “I can still make it, don’t worry.. but Dae obviously needs to pass this one.” Jieun was relieved when she heard that Youngjae could still follow, but the problem now is to find someone who can fill in for Daehyun. It wasn’t going to be easy for Youngjae because he already practiced blending with Jieun, and it couldn’t just be anyone because smart- Yongguk decided to write his own song. “O-okay, Tell Daehyun I said to get well soon, I’ll think of something.” She lied, she doesn’t think she can figure something out in such a fast pace. Her vision landed on the lone man in the corner, and her problems dissolved right away. “Hey, Youngjae, I need to go.” Jieun strutted her way to Himchan, who was just sitting in a corner.

     “You’re going to sing Daehyun’s parts.” She announced as if it was the most casual request in the world. “I-I don’t sing!” Himchan eyes were like saucers, and Jieun admits that she was creeped out by it just a little.

     “Look, Daehyun was food poisoned. I know, shocker. And since it’s an original composition… You’re the only one who knows the song; who doesn’t have lines. It’s technically you’re song, Chan.” The young lady set her hands on Himchan’s shoulder and her eyes were pleading for him to say yes.

     “O-okay.” Himchan had no choice. “I’ll sing.”

     Jieun clapped her hands and gave Himchan a hug, and muttered thanks in the process. “I know you’ll do well!” Jieun winked.

     Youngjae arrived just thirty minutes before they were going to perform, and Jieun slapped his as a punishment for scaring her.

     “Daehyun wouldn’t let me leave his bed! It’s not my fault!” Youngjae complained, rubbing the area that Jieun just hit. The latter just laughed and gave him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder.

     “Everyone, It’s show time!” Jieun announced, and she realized that only Youngjae, Jieun, and Himchan himself knew about the mishap. She grinned to herself, thinking how much it would probably surprise the people who’ll be watching, specifically a fellow performer.

     When their group name was called, the back ground music started, and it was Yongguk’s turn to go to the stage. They decided that they’ll each fill the stage one by one, only climbing up to the elevated area when it was their line already. Ocne Yongguk was settled in the middle, he started his rapping smoothly, pacing around the stage, letting his charisma and voice fill the gymnasium of the school. He was immersed in doing what he’s most passionate about, and when the last word of his first rap was done, he expected Daehyun’s mellow voice to sway the hearts of everyone who were listening to them. But an unfamiliar, but equally soothing voice like Daehyun’s rung in his ears. All of a sudden, the female students were screaming wildly, and as he turned his head, it was no other than Kim Himchan who was singing the parts of Daehyun. He gave him a questioning look, but soon turned into a stare of admiration. He saw how Himchan was actually made for the stage, he seemed like he was emitting a certain glow that made Yongguk full of those damned butterflies once again. Suddenly, he felt like the lyrics of the song was tailor made for what Yongguk was experiencing right now.

     The song was finished smoothly, except for song parts where Yongguk stuttered a word wrong or Junhong being to fast to comprehend, but as they bowed when the song was finally done, the crowd of the gymnasium roared up with claps and cheers. The group never felt so alive.

     When they were in the backstage, the main attention was on Himchan, who seemed to have exceeded anyone’s expectation.  He was bombarded with hi-fives and ‘Great Job’. Jieun excitedly hugged him real tight and he felt proud of himself.

     “Pfft, You really did a good job, Mr. I- don’t-sing- my .” Jieun  cooed as she pulled away. 

     Though everyone was showring him with much love and support, he only wanted one person at the moment to acknowledge his performance. And that person was exiting the backstage of the gymnasium.

     Himchan wanted to run after him, but to his dismay, it seems like his foot was stuck on the solid ground that he was on.

     It didn't take long for the crowd aroung Himchan to disperse and it was only then when he rekindled that much needed courage to approach Yongguk. He doesn't know what he wanted to talk to Yongguk about, but he knew that he had to at least say something because they haven't been talking ever since they arrived at the school. Himchan paced arounf the school, as an attempt to search for him, and like he pictured, the man was on the parking lot, leaning against his motorcycle.

     Was he waiting for Himchan?

     The younger cleared his throat just to grab the other's attention.

     "Hey, w-why'd you disappear awhile ago?" Himchan was truly curious as to why he didn't even decide to stick around with the team before secluding himself from civilization.

     Silence.

     "You're really not going to talk to me?" 

     A wave of air passes, and Yongguk seemed to be mroe enticed with he sight of the ground rathr than the beautiful male standing a few feet away form him.

     "If this is about yesterday, then I'm totally fine with you leaving me--"

     "Who do you like?" Those were the exact words that broke the dam of Himchan's piled up feelings that he has expertly concealed.

     "I told you, I like nobo--" Himchan was once again cut-off and he was not taking it pleasantly.

     "Liar." Yongguk's voice was low, but it was laced with so much sadness that Himchan could amost feel it against his heart.

     "What do you want from me, Yongguk? I'm just worried for you, and here you are putting me on the spot! What the hell do you want me to say?!" Himchan didn't mean to yell, but it was the first time that their friendly relationship was put to the test, and Yongguk was being such an immature person.

     "The truth! Himchan, I want the truth! I can't wait around here, second-guessing whether I should have feelings for--" Yongguk stopped abruptly before he said something that coud endanger what they painted beautifully. After all, why ruin a wonderful friendship just because you have unrequited feelings for the other?

     "You! I like you!"

     Himchan's heart completely dropped, because Yongguk's motorcycle blazed away from him. The man never heard those words that took Himchan so much courage to conjure.

-

     It was all too familar. The ceiling, the small figurine of a ballerina still on the same pose by the table next to a lamp light, the way the light would always cast a yellow hue around the apartment, the way the couch hugged him comfortably as if it missed him, or maybe it was the other way around.

     Why was he here? 

     Why did it feel like he was finally where he was supposed to be?

     A few clanks of glasses could be heard from the kicthen, and Himchan sits on the couch silently listening to the sounds of his heart slowly withering away but trying to cling onto the most fragile thing that anyone could hold onto. That was hope.

     Not a few moments have passed, and the man emerged from the kicthen with a tray that held two cups of freshly brewed tea. The man sets it on the table, and Himchan felt the couch dip as he makes sits beside the younger. The feeling was familiar, but at the same time it was a completely different sensation.

     It was not like before.

     It was not like how they're meant to be.

     There wasn't supposed to be an immense gap between them as they sit on the couch.

     There wasn't supposed to be a tension that screeched out along the edge in both of their minds.

     Everything inside Himchan ached, but it twisted all of his emotions in the most beautiful way. It was like how he wanted it to be, Yongguk here with him in the apartment they used to share. Where love was burnt and the walls of this place were the only witnesses to what the two have experienced it the past. The twinge in his chest was starting to build from something small and was slowly spreading to the whole of his chest. 

     It hurts. But it hurts so wonderfully.

     Yongguk was in sight, but he wasn't within his reach. An invisible barrier that Himchan wanted to breakthrough, because he knew that it was he who caused such walls around the man who'se pieces was broken. How much Himchan wanted to pick up the pieces.

     But what's so good about picking up what was already shattered?

     Himchan saw his angel in front of him, but the root of it all is that Himchab caught the sight  of how battered his wings are. How he wishes he could mend it with his own hands, touch, kisses, grasps. How he wishes they could fly again, with time on their backs, because what they once had was something that he thought would never wither, never break.

     But isn't that what love is?

     You give something as delicate as your heart to someone, and  be ready for it to be shattered into millions and millions of fragments that you start to think putting it back together is impossible.

     But it wasn't impossible.

     What they once had was a masterpiece, a work of art, a painting that was beautifully and carefully crafted throught time, but was also ruined and tainted by the same thing that created it. Time itself.

     But though they faded, maybe time could help them paint it back.

     Himchan smiled as he reached forward for the cup, taking a sip of the tea.

     "What brings you here? How long has it been? Four? Three years?" Yongguk's voice was laced with bewilderment and Himchan could only ache inside.

     "I.."

     Words seemed like it was stuck there.

     Words seemed like it was never meant to ever leave his throat.

     I came back for you.

Author's Notes:

Hello everybody! Here is Chapter 4. ^^

I hope it's not like an excuse for a chapter.

Or like pile of pushed into one long dragging chapter. :c

I REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS ARE LIKING IT SO FAR!

ps; unedited. lazy me. :c

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You guys are amazing!

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