"Butterflies."

ஐஐஐஐஐ

     After that day, it somehow became a silent understanding that Yongguk would pick him up from his apartment complex, and would give him a drive back home. Himchan didn’t know the reason behind the sudden privilege of it, but he cherished every moment with Yongguk. He spent most of his time with the man, and just like that, they were inseparable. From the simple act of sharing an umbrella, they moved on to waiting for each other after classes and expecting the other to be there. Rain or shine, they seemed to have understood each other in a way that nobody would ever have imagined.

     Through one month, it was as if they’ve grown to be the best of friends.

     But that was Himchan’s next dilemma.

     They were just best of friends.

     All of the skinship that Yongguk would give him, may it be a hug, or a touch of his hand, a reassuring pat on the back, it would always come with a ‘It’s cause you’re my best friend.’ Himchan always sighed at the thought or when it was in action. But then again, isn’t that what he just is? A best friend? When he analyses that situation, he would much rather be friends with Yongguk rather than confessing and losing the closeness they already have right now.

     His thoughts were just occupied by that certain thought as he was staring outside the classroom window, not minding the chatter of the students or the teacher saying something.

     “Okay, class!” Mr. Kang announced, clapping his hands quite loud just to get the attention of the distracted students. “We need to have a performance. Each of the classes must present something to promote unity and blah blah, you probably are already used to it. Who wants to volunteer?” He offered. Himchan shook from his thoughts as he saw Yongguk raise his hands. It seems like anything Yongguk does, Himchan feels the need to pay attention. His sight just sets on the man who started talking to the homeroom teacher.

     “Mr. Kang, my group and I can perform! Just leave it to me.” Yongguk confidently announced and the rest of the class was relieved because then they wouldn’t have to exert much effort. A few “Way to go, oppa! Thanks, Yongguk!” wafted through the air, and Himchan just smiles. It seems like he’s going to enjoy watching Yongguk and his group practice something of a dance routine once more.

ஐஐஐஐஐ

     Classes went by fast and it was time for lunch, where the group was having an intensive meeting. Himchan couldn’t quite relate to it, so he just watched them have an amusing brain storming.

     “Dance, dance, dance!” Junhong and Jongup chanted in unison, and Jieun stuffed a cream bread in each of their mouth.

    “But if we dance, I can’t get to participate~ I want to sing!” Jieun suggested, and Yongguk was in deep thought, not responding to any of the suggestion.

     “I think we should sing this time. You guys danced already, I say it’s the vocal’s time to shine!” Daehyun said, before opening his mouth so that Youngjae can feed him a cake that the former baked for him. Youngjae just nodded his head in agreement.

     “Well?” The four of them turned their head to Yongguk, looking for confirmation.

     “Himchan! What do you think we should do?” Jieun beamed at him.

     “U-uh, I think..you guys should sing.” Himchan just went with the flow.

     “Shee? Evn Hemcheng agrss!” Daehyun said even though his mouth was full, spilling a few crumbs of the cake across the table. Himchan shifted a few inches closer to Yongguk just so he can avoid Daehyun’s carelessness.

     “I think we should sing…”  Yongguk murmured.

     The youngest of the group whined and gave a small pout.

    “And rap.” Yongguk finished. The maknae line flailed their arms in happiness. At least they still get to participate in performing.

     “Alright, it’s set then! What shall we sing? When shall we practice?” Jieun peppered everyone with questions. “I think we should sing either ‘I remember’ or ‘Going crazy’. Those have raps and power vocals.”

      “I’ll write a song.” Yongguk offered them what has been occupying his thoughts.

     “W-what? Do you think we can do that?” Youngjae gave him a worried look, and Yongguk returned to him with an ‘okay’ hand gesture.

     “You see, I want everyone to be a part of this. Jieun has good suggestions, but that will leave us with the option of Jieun only singing, or Dae-Jae only singing. I want everyone to be a part of this performance.” Yongguk’s concern touched each of the members. Himchan thought that this must be why he’s the group leader. Despite the fact he fools around a lot , he has passion and he loves what he does. He doean’t want anyone to be left behind.

     “Himchan and I will write the song, just in case you were wondering what he’ll be contributing.” Yongguk finished and then taking a bite off a peanut butter sandwich that was neglected for the past minutes.

     “I can’t write!” Himcan jolted from his daydreams at the sound of his name being used.

     “Yes you can. We’ll start in your apartment today.” Yongguk decided without any permission.

     “Alright! You guys better write that as quickly as possible!” Daehyun voice was a little too loud.

     From the corner of Himchan’s eyes, he could feel Jieun’s sly grin at him.

     He never thought he’ll be this excited in writing a song.

ஐஐஐஐஐ

     In the afternoon, both Yongguk and Himchan were surrounded with crumpled papers and cans of juices. Himchan doesn’t have any idea of what to supply on the empty paper in front of him, so he just settled with pretending to think and just looking at Yongguk occasionally, who is tapping the pen against his chin.

     “We need a concept.” Yongguk grunted, pulling himself up to a standing position, resting his knuckles on his hips.

     “Well, since we’re dealing with male and female vocals.. we can do a duet song. A love song.” Himchan helpfully supplied with a logical reason. “W-when you write songs or raps, what do you think of?” Himchan is curious, and he feels like the answer will be a big boost to his brain in order for his to write some lyrics.

     “Hmm, motivation. I think of a motivation.” Yongguk flatly replies and the man flops himself to Himchan’s bed. Now he’s flat on the bed beside Himchan. He faces the latter only to be met with a confused face. He couldn’t help but laugh. “Since were writing a love song, I guess I’ll have to think of something or someone I love. I think that’ll help you.”

     Himchan slightly flinched at the word ‘someone’. Is it possible that Yongguk is in love with someone right now? Did that mean all those sleepless nights of waiting for Yongguk to text him were amounted to nothing? Himchan couldn’t help but sigh, and Yongguk took notice of that.

     “Do you like someone? I mean, you know. Just curious.” Himchan was thankful that he didn’t trip over his own words. “No, I’ve never had my first love. That’s why this is so freakin’ difficult to write.” Yongguk rolled a little over just so he could set his head on Himchan’s lap. The brunette could feel blood rush to his cheeks, He swore that he wouldn’t feel giddy but here he is, face flushed.

     “What about you?” Yongguk threw the question back at him.

     “I don’t really know. How would you know if you like someone, right?” Himchan nervously laughed, casually running his hand slightly on Yongguk’s hair.

     “Youngjae told me that if you like someone, you start to feel butterflies erupt in your stomach, and you feel stupid all of a sudden, even if that’s the last thing you want to happen.”

     With the whirl wind in his stomach, Himchan guessed that it confirmed that he really liked Yongguk.

     “I-I see.. I guess I do like him.” Himchan murmured and Yongguk shot up from his lap.

     “Him? You like someone?” Yongguk placed his hands firmly on each of Himchan’s shoulders. “Who? Am I the last one to know this?!” Yongguk dramatically voices his thoughts out.

     “N-no! What are you talking about?” Himchan defensively stood up on his bed, only to be abruptly pulled down by the waist care of Yongguk.

     “I am going to tickle you if you don’t tell me who it is.” Yongguk’s cheeky side suddenly appeared, flashing a gummy smile to the man that’s pinned down by the waist, Yongguk hovering over him.

    “You wouldn’t!” Himchan protested, trying to squirm away from Yongguk, to which he failed because Yongguk’s grip seemed too firm on his hips.

     “Oh, I definitely would!” Then Yongguk started to run his fingers all over Himchan’s torso, starting from the sides, then making its way up to his neck. It earned him cute giggles from the younger, who’s thrashing and flailing his arms aimlessly. Himchan’s eyes were in the shape of crescent moons, his nose crinkling a little bit and his bunny smile clearly evident, his laughs rings on Yongguk’s ear and it seems to find it stuck there, like a broken record. Yongguk thought that Himchan never ever looked this beautiful in the months that he’s been with the younger. His moving hands slowly set on the bed, Himchan’s head in the middle of his arms, Yongguk’s knees settled on each sides of Himchan’s hips, their faces seemed only a few inches far away from each other.

     Himchan’s giggle soon subsided and they are locked in a fervent gaze. Yongguk notices how Himchan was tensing up, and he soon puts his back against the bed, not wanting to scare his best friend, who seemed too uncomfortable in the position they were in.

     “Secret Love.” Himchan said out of nowhere as they were sprawled on his bed.

    “What?” Yongguk turned to his side, his head was propped up by his elbows, where his face was resting on his palm.

     “It’s going to be the title of the song.” Himchan’s gaze was far-off but Yongguk couldn’t help but feel that that certain look on Himchan’s face was dedicated to the guy who’s lucky to have captured his best friend’s heart.

     “Without anyone knowing, I love you, Without anyone knowing, I think of you” Himchan starts to recite, and Yongguk quickly grabs a pen and starts to swiftly scribble Himchan, who seems to be in a daze at the moment.

     “It's a love that only you and I know in this world. All day, I remember you. All day, I love you” Himchan seems to be in another world, but Yongguk doesn’t mind. This side of Himchan is one he’s never ever seen before, and he found it all too attractive for his own good.

    “Even if I'm in jail, it's okay - if only I have you, I can live.” Himchan’s gaze landed on Yongguk and to his surprise, Yongguk was looking right back at him, a paper in one hand a pen in the other.

     “Lucky.” Yongguk smiled at him.

     “Hmm?” Himchan didn’t know what he was talking about, or what he was talking about just moments ago. All he knows was he was thinking of Yongguk and a song. A song for Yongguk.

     “The guy you like. He’s a lucky one. If he hurts you, I’ll get my bat and beat him up.” Yongguk beams at him his pearly whites, as he stuffs the paper of what seems to be the scribbled down lyrics deep into his pocket.

     It was getting late, considering that they spent most of their time crumpling papers and tickling each other. Yongguk stood up and smiled at Himchan, before he walked to the younger who’s sitting quietly on his bed. Yongguk opened his arms and wrapped his arms loosely around Himchan before saying goodbye.

     There was only one thing running in Himchan’s mind as he heard the door click shut.

     “I’m the lucky one.”

ஐஐஐஐஐ

      Himchan blinks as he stands himself up, a coffee in one hand and a broken feeling on the other. A weary smile slightly painting his beautiful face. He slowly makes his way to the exit, pulling the door open whilst being greeted once again by the frigid wind that he despises. He attempts to pull his coat closer to his body as a source for warmth. The man's palms are against the comforting surface of the coffee cup, and Himchan brings his face close to the it, taking a sip just to heat his system up. He'll be needing it anyways since he's walking to a few more places.

     Places he has come to know and remember.

     Places where memories are burnt, love is made, and hearts are broken.

     Places he has come to fear and will have to face it once again.

     That once again was today.

     Himchan knew that coming back here would entail him being strong. But since when was he strong? Wasn't he always the one clinging onto someone just to keep himself afloat? Wasn't he the one leaning onto something so fragile as first love relishing the uncertainties and hope that bitterly comes with it? Why did he come back? 

     Why?

     Why would he travel from the city, tire himself to have a feel of the place that left him torn and broken?

     Was it the place that he wanted to desperately grasp?

    Was he trying to find his old self, that the mere fact of coming here will revive what he once was, what he wanted to be?

     Maybe it just wasn't about the place anymore. Maybe this town was just an excuse for Himchan to try and grasp something or someone that he's been desperately trying to reach out for.

     A phrase so sweet, delicate, yet so fragile escapes his lips as if the was a long kept secret that has finally been disclosed out for everyone to know.

     "I came back for you."

     There was a buzz around him, but the only thing the he heard were the hushed drones of the people bustling through town, and the sound of his own heart weeping, because he knew. 

     He knew.

     "But I'm not even sure if you're still waiting."

     A whisper only audible to himself, but it was like the wind was his messenger, and it relayed all of the feelings that he was trying to convey. The feelings that have been built up for years and years of control, miscommunication, and lack of understanding. Himchan wasn't just playing the past memories. In his mind, and in his heart, he knows.

     He knows he's paralyzed by time and his feelings never wavered, unmoving.

     His past is his present. Or it's was he wanted it to be.

     It was like the winds carried his pleas, or maybe it was the play of fate that danced around Himchan's circle. It was like all of the useless time he spent on wishing and wishing finally was put to the test because maybe, just maybe, his wish came true.

     But he's not so sure if he wanted it anymore. 

     "Himchan?"

     It was that voice.

     It was his voice.

     The dance of a thousand suns, the cries of a million raindrops in Himchan's world.

     His chest tightens at the sight of the man. His heart clenches deeply, his throat seems to be tight in knots. His hand is shaking against the coffee cup. Himchan tried to breathe normally, he pretended to be unfazed. 

      The wind sent his message.

    Right there, before him, under the shade of a cherry blossom trees, petals flying around as if it they were caught in a moment. Their moment. 

     "Yongguk."

     The name that breaks yet fixes Himchan's heart escapes his lips. 

Author's Thoughts:

It's 4am here & I think I've gone insane. 

Haha! I hope you like this chapter! ^^

I really didn't expect it to be this long, gdi. -.- There are about...3 more chapters [I hope~]

I'm going to finish this before my school starts. orz 

I apologize if this chapter is shyt. I mean, I tried. Are you guys intrigued with BangHim's mysterious love story? orz I hope so!

BTW, if you guys have twitter, you can include it in the comment / wall post me~

I want to friends with you guys! Just leave me a message and we can fengurl all we want! 

Kkkkk~

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I would love to know how you feel about my story.

ps; unedited. please don't go ape with the typos ;AA;

pps; i just re-watched all B.A.P. videos at 4 in the freakin morning. It feels nice. xD