chapter one; dear Luhan

*Jay Chou - I'm Not Worthy*

Her gaze dropped to the ground when she realised that he had declined her call. *Not even a goodbye* she thought as she reminiscent the few moments they had together.

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she looked at the letter in her hands.

Luhan,

although it was a short time I really enjoyed it.

Flashback #1

“Omo, Lay!” “Pantao!” “Kyaah! Luhan!” “Kris! Kris!” “Here, here! Chen!” “Bao Zi” Exotics everywhere were shouting Exo-M’s names like they’ve gone mad.

YeonHee stood in between all the fans and watched her lover and his bandmates smile and wave at the fans while their manager led them to the car. But before Luhan got inside the car he spotted Yeonhee and winked at her.

A wink. That’s it.

Do you remember how we've met? I do, I also remember the countless times you visited the bubble tea shop, sometimes alone, sometimes with Sehun. But after you became an Idol you didn’t come as often as you did before. Maybe once a week. Or twice a month? I don’t know. It depends on your schedule. But who am I, to fuss about your promotions? It actually doesn’t matter.

Flashback #2

*Dring dring* The bell rang, signalling a customer has stepped inside the bubble tea shop. Yeonhee looked up and saw a blonde guy with a mask.

“Lu? ” she asked. He nodded and made a hand gesture indicating her to be careful and pointed at the other guests. She nodded and made a Taro Bubble Tea, his favourite and handed it to him.

“Xie xie” Luhan said and took his mask off to drink his drink. Yoonhee watched him do so and smiled.

“Omo isn’t he that boy from Exo??” “Eottokhae?!”, a few girls screamed and pointed at him drawing attention from the whole store.

Alarmed Yeonhee gave Luhan his mask back as he hastily wore it and ran out of the shop.

We never had a normal date after the incident in the shop, you always had a mask on and all we did was look around , scared to be spotted by your fans. It’s frustrating right?

Flashback #3

At that day, Exo fortunately had no schedules so Yeonhee went out for a date with Luhan to the cinema.

When suddenly a scary scene came, Yeonhee flinched and wanted to hold Luhan but remembered that he sat 2 seats away from her, a couple in between them.

Worried, Luhan, sporting a cap and a mask, glanced past the couple at Yeonhee. And as if she had read his mind, she forced a smile and reassured him that she was okay.

To make it up to her, Luhan went to the park with her, the next day. He even left his mask at their home, in order to make her happy.

While they were swinging their intertwined hands together, he stole a short chaste kiss from her, which made her smile shyly, but that smile didn’t last long; they were spotted by some by-passers.

Quickly, Yeonhee withdrew her hands and walked away, only allowing herself to look back after she’d made enough distance.

Sadly, she looked at Luhan, who was still standing on the same spot smiling at the people and even giving away some autographs.

But that’s okay, because I didn't love you for your fame. But I also wanted the world to know about us. I dreamed of how you will say my name loud to the world, claiming me as yours. Silly me, I’m acting like a teenage girl who just hit puberty.

Flashback #4

“And the award of the best group of the year goes to….. EXO-M!!” Yeonhee cheered loudly in front of the television, jumping around and watching Luhan and his group receiving their well-deserved award, and saying their thanks to their family, staff and fans.

You know, this feeling was already not right, I really tried my best to save it, but some of the considerate feelings that should have been given… I didn’t give.

Flashback #5

A day after the ceremony Luhan invited Yeonhee to an expensive restaurant, celebrating for their winning. And like always he looked handsome in his suit but Yeonhee was disappointed that he still wore his mask.

When the food came, Yeonhee said to Luhan, he should take off his mask, because he too should eat.

Some girls immediately began to whisper and pointed at him, to which Yeonhee tried to ignore.

But after a while a servant came to them and whispered something to Luhan, although Yeonhee didn’t hear what he said, she already knew what it was about.

The servants quickly led them to the kitchen and to the back entrance. But luck wasn’t on their side, because the back alley was already crowded with sasaengs and reporters.

And I honestly thought, that there was nothing that could have gotten in between our love. But the sasaengs are really scary, especially their threats. I didn’t want you to think I was weak, so I blamed everything on you, saying you should have been more careful.

Flashback #6

Exo was again promoting, but this time in Singapore. So Yeonhee was alone in the apartment she shared with Luhan.

Before she went to bed, she decided to look through the post, stopping at a particular certain box addressed to her. Curious she opened the box and let it fall to the ground as she saw the contents of it; a bloody voodoo doll that was stabbed several times and with a face in agony

But all you did was smile and comfort me, trying your best to get everything on track. But this alley is too warped, we can’t get back into the story. After all we’re only a rumor right?

Flashback #7

She was happy that SM was able to convince the public that it was only a rumor and that Luhan wasn’t seeing anyone. But yet she still was scared.

Let’s keep it that way, because I’m too tired of it. I don’t want you to misunderstand, but I’m not leaving you because I’m scared of the sasengs and the public. I’m afraid to hurt you more.

Yeonhee quickly packed her things, and wrote down the letter, crying as she was coming to the end of it.

I’m heartbroken, and you’re suffering. I really want you to move on and be happy with the boys when I’m gone.  And I’m sorry, that I only understand at the very end.

Your real beauty, I’m not worthy of it.

I love you.

Click, the door was closed. Without looking back she went to the dark.