title: let's start it over (from the top)
rating: pg
pairing: lu han & im yoona
length: ~3600w
disclaimer: i do not own anything but the plot.
summary: luhan learns a lot about yoona, but also learns about how them meeting for the first time might not have been very meant to be.

the first time he sees her, it's at a photoshoot. their eyes flicker to each other, taking in the beauty enhanced by make-up and quality clothing. luhan remembers her as having dark brown hair with clip-on bangs, confident figure and clear eyes despite the thickly amount of eyeliner threatening to swallow them. she's clean.

"well i haven't seen you before," she comments offhandedly. luhan can feel lazy but interested eyes move up and down the figure in front of her, already starting to memorize his features for future references. "you're part of exo, that boy group that's about to debut?"

his ears perk up and his back straighten. he cleanly pushes the creases on his shirt before nervously bowing. "hello, i am luhan, from exo!" layers of uncertainties ring out in his voice, clearly mixed with the chinese accent. he isn't sure about how welcoming she is of newcomers, but he is worried for no reason. yoona breaks into a wide grin; she isn't known to be a friendly idol for nothing. "don't be so stiff! i may be your sunbae, but treat me as your friend! hey how old are you?"

"um, twenty-two."

"that's the same age as me! that's it, we're fated to meet each other." yoona slaps him on the back playfully. luhan returns her actions with a shy smile.

as he watches her work the cameras, charisma exuding leaps and bounds, the only thing luhan knows is that yoona is definitely someone worthy of being respected of.

(it's the first time they meet that he thinks that she's pretty.)

///

the second time he sees her, it's at concert. smtown concert, actually. ever since exo debuted, luhan has been working tirelessly around the clock. but so far, he's still soaking up in his newfound popularity, taking every obstacle in his stride with a smile and a polite wave. he's been excited for the concert to kick start ever since it's been announced. for many reasons, if he was honest.

but even then, they don't see each other until after the concert ends. it's on the ending stage, where the lights shine so brightly above him it's nearly blinding, where the music of hope and bigger dreams for the future plays. everything's a blur, but luhan feels a tap on his shoulder. he spins to face the same girl he had seen months ago, the same girl who had warmly said her welcomes.

she doesn't speak -- everything moves too quickly onstage -- but she waves. it seems as though that without the heavy makeup, her eyes shine even brighter than the first time, more daring, even more challenging. like there's nothing in the world that could stop her from breaking out into a smile at the end of the day.

maybe it's just luhan, but the light angles at her face perfectly, showcasing her toothy grin, petite lips and nose. it's almost surreal how goddess-like she is. without the overbearing layers of makeup caked on her face, luhan thinks she looks even more like an angel that's befallen on earth.

she prances away soon after, poking jongin at his sides, getting water poured on her, but she smiles like she means it. luhan, from afar, sees her snorting at one of sooyoung's body gags, but even then, she had looked extremely attractive. there was no one else onstage that day who had looked as carefree as her. there was no one else onstage that day who had looked like they enjoyed every moment in front of their fans.

(it's the second time they meet that he thinks that she's beautiful.)

///

the third time he sees her, it's on a bus. months of tireless promotions had earned exo a single day off. while sehun and jongin had urged him to go shopping with them, as opposed to just staying at their dorms and resting, luhan just smiled and told them that he had other plans.

it would not have been odd at all, but luhan actually had nothing on. quiet solitude is what he wanted to achieve, and he didn't want to be cooped up at home, so hastily, he got onto the first bus that arrived at the bus stop.

it's definitely quiet. at a non-peak hour, the bus is only robbed from its silence by the clutter of noise generated by the machinery of the vehicle. luhan sits at the very back, at the corner, earphones plugged in, chinese pop music crooning into his ears. it's been a while since he had so much time and space alone to himself, but he likes it.

the bus stops to drop off and pick up little passengers along the way, but luhan takes no notice, opting to stare out of the windows. seoul is vibrant, even in mid-day. it's bustling with tourists and residents alike, all busy with their own to-dos, all wrapped up in their own lives. luhan sees three kids playing hop-scotch by the sidewalks; one of them falls, and the other two laugh. their laughter doesn't penetrate through the thick window panes, and luhan appreciates that for a moment. because sometimes, he just wants to be wrapped up in his own life too.

suddenly, he feels the earpiece on his right side getting forcefully tugged out, and he tenses up, until he hears: "what are you doing here?"

it's a voice he recognises, even if she's wrapped up in her thick scarf and  wearing sunglasses that covers half her face. luhan hasn't seen yoona in months, and now that he has, he thinks that she's gotten awfully thinner, clothes engulfing her tiny frame.

"it's my day off, and i... wanted time to myself."

yoona only hums in response, taking out her own mp3 and plugging it in. it's quiet for a few minutes, and luhan feels like it's getting to the point of almost awkward, and so before he can stop himself, he asks, "and what are you doing here? are you going anywhere?"

luhan's eyes follow yoona's fingers, which start tapping gently on her thighs. "i'm going nowhere," she replies, "this is my bus to nowhere, actually, but it's okay; it can be your bus too."

"only if it's with you." and luhan mentally knocks himself on the head because his brain-to-mouth filter must have disappeared in place of his newfound freedom. but yoona merely laughs the kind of laugh that twinkles a lot, and luhan feels at ease.

they don't talk to each other for the whole ride. it might be quiet, but luhan likes the feeling of escaping from all responsibilities. yoona too, probably. and for once, he'll like to be detached from the urbanized city he's learnt to call his second home.

and it isn't quiet quiet; it's peacefully quiet.

(it's the third time he meet that he thinks that nowhere is perfect for them.)

///

the fourth, fifth, sixth time and more he sees her comes easily. around the corridors, in the recording studios, sometimes in the hair salon. the tenth time, though, he sees her in a deserted coffee shop, sitting alone. he walks towards her, and she notices. they greet each other fairly merrily, but the glazed look in her eyes betray. she's tired. they're both tired.

"hey," she says, blinking blearily. "hey yourself," he replies, looking down at the cup of coffee in her hands.

"you doing alright these days?" luhan almost laughs in response because who's to say he has the right to complain in front of the face of snsd. "better than you, i think."

but there's a burning question he has wished to ask since they've met. "have you ever regretted being an idol?"

her eyes squint, but are reignited with a new fire, tiredness hidden away. "is this a quiz? or some hidden camera?" when he shakes his head rather sincerely, she says, "then nope. at least, i hope not. i put my career above many things."

that's all he needs to know. luhan stands up, pushing him (still) steaming hot cup of coffee in front of yoona's cold one. "don't let this one go cold too, or you won't have the energy to last the day."

yoona stares. at luhan, at the coffee, at luhan. "thank you," she finally blurts out, coming out as a whisper.

when he walks out, bell tingling to signify his departure, he turns around and sees yoona sipping on the coffee. and then he thinks, he thinks that there might also be tingling bells in the sound of the warmth spreading inside of him.

(it's the tenth time they meet that luhan realises that for stars to be perfect, they have to have the energy to shine.)

///

the eleventh time he sees her, it's in the same bus.

or rather, it's yoona who sees him boarding the same bus and waves him over to the seat next to her. luhan doesn't reject.

it's silent, but comfortable silence, like the other time. they keep their distance, looking out of the opposite windows as the rattling of the bus becomes a constant.

"do you like me?" luhan turns only at the sound of her voice, registering the question only seconds later. "like, like-like. because i do."

there's something beautiful about that glint in her eyes. her eyes, often hooded with sleep and doubt despite how hard she tries to cover it up whenever schedules get heavy (it's not that it doesn't shine, though -- just another kind), now brightened up with hope and adoration and maybe even embarrassment of the confession. and she is embarrassed. she flushes bright red, and bites her bottom lips, eyes not meeting his.

but, she's painted by the moonlight shining in as backdrop. like the goddess he had seen once before on stage, who had wanted to try out escapism, just like him, because she's also human and has days where she just wants to do nothing, go nowhere.

she's beautiful.

and so he swoops in and places a chaste kiss on her lips. "yes, i do."

they entangle their fingers together for the whole of the bus trip, on their road to nowhere.

(it's the eleventh time they meet that luhan thinks that nowhere is a pretty damn good place to go to, as long as they're both headed there.)

///

on their first date, luhan takes yoona to an empty practice room.

yoona only laughs when he huffs and retorts, "we can't go out!" because she understands. they end up feeding each other cheap ddeokbokki, swiping the corners of each other's mouths when the spicy sauce makes its way there.

when their bellies are full, yoona drags him to the top of the entertainment building. the night sky is bursting with stars that shine brightly even in the city.

"it's beautiful," he breathes. he can feel yoona smiling right next to him, hands wrapped securely around his arms. "i know, that's why i brought you here."

it's all smiles and laughter from then. and luhan wishes he could catch the stars and place them in yoona's hands, because she deserves it instead of puffy eyes and dark circles from the lack of sleep. she deserves so, so much more and luhan isn't even sure if he could give that.

but then yoona tugs him out of his thoughts excitedly, because a shooting star falls and she says, "make a wish, you should make a wish!" and so he closes his eyes and wishes for all the wrong things in the world to be right, wishes for yoona's happiness, his happiness, and maybe even their happiness. he wonders if he's greedy for making so many wishes, but then without wishes, nothing will come true.

the stars shine brightly that night.

(it's their first date that luhan realises that he actually, really loves yoona, and wants the world for her.)

///

their second, third, fourth date and more comes easily, sometimes on deserted streets in the wee hours, wrapped up in layers of thick scarves, sometimes like laying next to each other in solitude. they're idols -- they don't have much free time in the first place -- but when they do, they seize it in the best way they can. on their tenth date, though, yoona breaks down.

technically, it really isn't a date, but yoona calls him near midnight, sounding broken and sad and everything luhan hates, and so he rushes off to meet her near the han river. he recognises her from merely her back view, and when he spins her around, her eyes are blotchy and her nose is still running. (but she isn't any less beautiful, luhan swears upon his heart.) he wraps her up in his arms, face buried in his chest.

"they told me i was not perfect," she tells him in between hiccups. "like hell i am. i don't get bothered by this, usually, but this time- i just-" her voice breaks off, unable to continue on, and so luhan comforts her by kissing every part of her face and telling her a reason she's perfect in his eyes every time he does so.

you're pretty when you smile. your eyes shine like the stars in the sky. you never get mad at me when i forget our dates. i love the way you giggle behind your hands like there's a secret behind it. you see the world the way i do. and you're mine, you're mine.

(it's their tenth date that luhan realises that imperfection is a sort of perfection, and embracing it with positivity is the closest to perfect as it can get.)

///

by their fifteenth date, luhan can feel the drift. their groups are respectively busy with their own activities, and it's not like they don't want to meet, but they cannot afford to when they're never both in the same country at the same time. luhan learns to treasure the occasional glimpses of yoona when snsd passes by the sm building corridors, but when yoona smiles back it's burdened with stress. her eyes don't light up as much as it had before and luhan, he thinks that when he curls his fingers up with her own, it's cold and unfeeling and the telepathic bond they used to have has now been broken.

when yoona tells him about her life so far, he realises that she no longer talks about 'we', only 'i'.

the drift is inevitable, anyone can tell. and so, when yoona calls him up to the rooftop one night, he knows that she's going to break up with him.

and she does. she blabbers on about how their relationship has come to a standstill, and that they should end it while still on good terms. he sees her fingers twiddling and the pink of her tongue flicking out and also sees how she isn't looking at him in the eyes and he realises that she's nervous, waiting for rejection.

it's funny how there isn't any stars tonight. the sky is dead, the city is dead. their love is equally dead.

it takes more effort and willpower than it should to say out "it's okay, i respect your decision." he hopes that yoona doesn't notice the slight crack in his voice, but she purses her lips and he knows that she knows.

"i still love you, you know," she says quietly. " i still do." she moves towards him and give him a last hug as a goodbye. it's warm, and luhan blinks back his equally warm tears before she releases him.

even when yoona leaves the rooftop, luhan can still feel the ghost of her warmth over his body. there are words unsaid, clenched in his throat,. luhan doesn't cry, not because he's manly or anything, but because he loves im yoona. the im yoona, who never fails to make him laugh. im yoona, who tries so hard to mask her imperfections with her perfections. im yoona, who manages to crash waves upon his still heart from within.

(it's that last date that luhan realises that there aren't any stars in the sky that night because that very same night, the star he wished upon their forever had fallen.)

///

they don't mention each other again. it's hard to avoid, when snsd's face is plastered everywhere, from postage stamps to large billboard signs. luhan may crack a smile whenever she's mentioned as a passing remark, but inside, his heart aches so badly. because once upon a time, he had imagined a future that included both of them. but now, it's just a passing dream.

years pass, and slowly, the idol scene for luhan gets smaller, and eventually, exo disbands. it's a little heart-breaking, but he's had enough fame to last his whole lifetime.

he's still on contract, technically, but the company is kind and gives them all a break. while the other members chatter happily about the various places they want to visit, luhan books a ticket to and fro beijing.

beijing isn't less a vibrant city than seoul, definitely, but it's also his first home. he can feel himself blending back into the background of chinese speakers and dark polluted skies, back to the time when he was still a teenage boy, unruly hair and knobby knees, playing soccer with his bunch of other similar enthusiasts. it's been a while, but home will always be home, and luhan finds his shoulders loosening, body relaxing. this is home, and he's free to be whatever he wants now, no longer tied to the idol status he had branded himself with long ago.

the first place he visits is his favourite cafe. even after all these years, they still make the best coffee he has ever tasted. luhan spots an empty table at the very back, and makes his way to it. when he's seated down comfortably, he takes out his phone and starts replying to the many line messages that s have sent him. yifan and zitao are in guangzhou, kyungsoo and joonmyun are in america; they're all scattered around the globe, going to places they've long aspired to go to. all of them send pictures of themselves to the group, and luhan laughs a little loudly despite himself when he watches the video of chanyeol getting pushed into the sea. he's about to take a selca too, just like the rest of them, when a voice interrupts.

"don't let your coffee go cold."

and luhan immediately jerks his head up, partly because the person is speaking in korean, but mostly because he recognizes the voice. how could he not, when he's yearned for it all this time?

"why are you... here...?" yoona smiles down at him -- that smile he really liked and still likes -- and sits down in the seat opposite him, a similar cup in her hands. and that aching in his heart, it's back again, because this scene seems awfully familiar in the back of his head.

"i had time off. and i've always wanted to come here." her voice is cautious, but telling. "i saw this place bursting with people, and i thought i would try it out. didn't think i would see you here though."

silence passes alongside time. luhan grips his cup tightly, because, what does he say? they've broken up, and never interacted with each other again. at least, not like this. he doesn't think that it's appropriate to talk about their past, not when it should be buried.

"i have a story to tell." luhan looks up when he hears her speak, straight into her eyes. he's always thought they had the same kind of eyes. "there was this girl, many years ago, who liked this boy a lot. a lot more than she ever thought she had. they were happy together, but they were under a lot of pressure. or at least, she was. her career meant a lot to her, and when it boiled down to it, she put her career above many things. and so when she had to choose which one to let go, to lessen the weight on her shoulders, she let go of love."

"even through the years, she's always felt this pang of regret and guilt. there were so many what ifs regarding her decision, but she told herself that, maybe they just met at the wrong time. maybe, years down the road, they'll meet again in a quaint little cafe in beijing, reminiscing about their love story opposite each other."

"and when that time comes," yoona says calmly, as she pushed her (still) steaming hot cup of coffee in front of luhan's cold one, "she doesn't think that she'll ever let go of the chance."

there are many things luhan could say, but he doesn't. instead, he bends forward and places a chaste kiss on her lips.

"i don't think i will, too."

///

luhan sends a picture of yoona and himself to the exo group chat later that day, earning himself dozens of suggestive line stickers sent by the mischievous ones in the group. he grumbles "what a waste of time" as he takes a while to scroll to the bottom of the chat group. yoona only laughs by his side.

that night, the stars shine as brightly as they had that very night.

(it's after that that luhan thinks that he will never let go of yoona ever again.)

///

time may have taken its toll, but their love never did.

after all, they only met at the wrong time, not the wrong life.

///

note: ack this is like 7 months late i don't even know asdgldgvc i obviously don't!!! keep!!! promises very well!!! nonetheless, i hope you all enjoy this ;n; it's unbeta-ed, and i honestly wish i bothered to, but i don't really want to drag this on any longer. this whole thing was really just a mess sighs i'm so sorry. thank you for still sticking by, and i hope luyoon will still be sailing in our hearts! :) i'm also sorry if this seems really rushed; it's supposed to feel that way (it's going to be a drabble, i said, just a drabble) clearly that didn't work out very well :|||

as said before: dedicated to rochelle, who patiently waited for me to get my together and finish this thing. it's been sitting on my phone for like MONTHS i'm so sorry bb <333