Jongin has his eyes on him for the longest time while seated at the table, not even bothering to eat his breakfast. His gaze is focused, but he doesn't say anything out of sheer provocation.

            The boy seated across from him refuses to say anything, too.

            "Hyung," Jongin breaks the silence after a good five minutes. 

            Minseok meets his eyes for all of two seconds before finishing his cereal. 

            "I'm done," he says, getting up to put away the dishes. "I'm going to brush my teeth before leaving."

            Jongin exhales and sinks into his chair, thumbs circling at his temples. The whole brooding act from his cousin has him entirely burdened with worry. Minseok has been so quiet, so secretive, and generally anti-social lately. A shell of his former self. To add insult to injury, earlier Jongin overheard Minseok arguing to his mom about studying abroad in America "because there aren't enough opportunities" at school. Their school wasn't awful or anything, but suddenly Minseok wanted to attend a performing arts school in L.A. despite having less than two years before graduating.

            But that's not what upsets Jongin. What upsets him—what makes him feel like a useless, unreliable family member and friend—is that Minseok's been hurting on his own. He's hurting and Jongin didn't do a single thing. The sudden withdrawal, the heightened amount of time spent alone in his room, absenting from school because as a result from undisclosed illness. The signs were painfully transparent, but Jongin didn't put them together until it was too late and now he has no idea how to approach the situation.

            When he first saw marks on Minseok's neck, he childishly teased that his cousin had finally found a girl. Even the vehement denial and flushed cheeks were indicative that the relationship was clearly past a certain stage. But every time he saw his cousin at school, he was never with any girl. That part was strange, but maybe they wanted to be secretive and weird about it, so he didn't question it. Then, it sort of became clear that maybe it wasn't openly talked about because it wasn't a good relationship.

            His cousin used to be open to wearing tanks or boxers around the house since other than auntie, it was just the two of them, but lately it only been hoodies and sweatpants even though it's been getting warmer. Auntie even scolded him because he sweats a lot and wearing warm clothes when it was already hot made no sense.

            ("I feel comfortable like this," Minseok laughs, as if trying to convince himself more than anything, and Jongin's suspicions are all but confirmed when hands automatically move to his neck as if trying to hide something. His mother only shakes her head and continues peeling her fruit before telling him to take it off if he gets too warm)

            Not to mention that day when he returned off-balance craned over like he'd been broken at the waist. Jongin thought of the most Amazonian-like girl in the whole school and would start down the list from there.

            The signs were all there—he just had to put the pieces all together. If his cousin was suffering, hell if he was going to let it keep on. Family is blood. 

            Blood means war.

            The weekend rolls around, and Minseok's plan springs into action. Finding blackmail material should be easy enough, he thinks, because as long as he had a one-track mind, then his attention for detail was meticulous to a fault. All week, he'd stayed up late to google cases regarding extortion, blackmail, and coercion to be certain of what to look for (and what not to) during his visit.

            Incriminating papers, drugs, and absolutely anything to escape from that wretched Lu Han.

            It takes all morning to leave the house because Jongin had this bright idea to accompany him out of boredom, but anyone could see that it was a little too curious to be just bored. Normally, Minseok wouldn't mind if Jongin chose to tag along, beause they're cousins and it's not uncommon for family members to join in on friendly gatherings since they hung around the same group of friends anyhow. Except this meeting wasn't anything remotely friendly in nature nor up for open invitation.

            Minseok absolutely could not have Lu Han anywhere near his family. It was enough that he bothered Minseok, but god forbid—what if it were Jongin instead? The very thought of it has his blood running cold as ice.

            This ends today.

Minseok checks his phone again to make sure he’s got the right place. The house wasn't much bigger than his own, but the overall look and feel of this neighborhood was more modern and shared roots in European architecture.  It was different from his traditional Korean home.

    He inhales deeply before buzzing the gate. No one answers, but the gate slides open and, after looking left and right, he invites himself in. 

            When no one comes to greet him, Minseok is left dumbfounded and distracted by the unshakable feeling of being watched. Maybe I shouldn't have just invited myself in runs briefly through his head, but continues peeking around the main entrance for signs of life before making his way back out through the courtyard.

            "Leaving so soon?" a voice comes from behind, and he turns to see Lu Han leaning against the now opened doorframe.

            "I didn't know anyone was home," Minseok mutters, awkwardly making his way back to the entrance, silent curses housed under his tongue. He can't help but think Lu Han did this on purpose, waited and watched him from afar to perfectly time his appearance and annoy him by making him mull about the courtyard, twice. "Sorry for coming late, there were some things I had to take care of at home."

            Wearing a dumb grin, Lu Han grabs him by the wrist and leads him inside. They switch into house shoes and head upstairs to his bedroom.

            "Let's save the tour for later," Lu Han bites his lip, kicking the door shut behind him. Before he could so much as turn his head, Minseok finds Lu Han's mouth on his, their tongues dancing en fouette, half rejecting the impulse to embrace Lu Han, half wanting to grab ahold of something before he looses his footing from another body pressing flush against him. The second he pushes him away, Minseok finds himself tripping over his own weight and onto a bed.

            "Lu Han—" he manages to gasp, before clothes rip off of him, the space between their mouths closes again. Confused and startled, Minseok's thoughts tumble downhill because he hadn't expected it to be like this from the start. He hoped to peek around the bedroom for while Lu Han offered to pour him a glass of water or tea. That's what normal people do when they have someone over, except it must've slipped Minseok's mind that Lu Han isn't all that normal.

            The cold air starts to envelope his now extremely exposed lower body and Minseok feels like curling into himself. Without losing momentum, Lu Han kisses his way down his partner's body, love bites onto his neck, his chest, his inner thighs. The small tinge of pain as traces of blushing red are littered over his skin has him inhaling sharply with each new mark.

            Then Lu Han takes Minseok into his mouth and that mouth on him is so hot and that tongue even hotter. Audible groans drag out from his throat, heat pulsing over his skin as his body loses ears for reason. Instead his legs lock tightly, hips stuttering as Lu Han's head rhythmically bobs up and down over his length, devouring him. Not in a million years did Minseok ever think that Lu Han could make him feel like this. The thick, heavy waves rushing through his body melt him down to a befuddled mess of low moans and fists locked onto Lu Han's hair, knees drawing in closer almost trapping Lu Han in between.

            Hearing muffled sighs stifled against the back of Minseok's shaking hands, Lu Han pops his mouth off and quickly moves through his nightstand to find lube. He drips and coats his fingers in the clear liquid before returning to the now tossed over Minseok, breathing heavily. The shy movements set his heart aflutter, to the sound of butterflies in his chest. 

            Sometimes Lu Han wishes Minseok would make demands, but it was also nice how he just accepted him as he was. At school, glasses boy would always complain it hurts, stop Lu Han, don't want so he made a point to look up and found that lubricant should be used between two males. It's not like private matters searched on the Internet are ever truly private. Thinking that Minseok never cried even though he was hurting, it shreds his heart to pieces because Minseok had the patience of a god, and he could only think to make it right—to make it feel good this time.

            It doesn't take much force to press his fingers into Minseok, coupled with his mouth returning to swallow and occupy the glasses-boy's hard length. Feeling pleasure ride him intensely from the front and back, Minseok finds release in mere seconds of letting Lu Han have his way. From the way his muscles tightened, the younger boy knew that his partner was about to come, and got off him before catching his release into the palm of his hand. Panting and groaning, Minseok tosses his body over to close his parted legs, still spent and shaking from letting out his load so suddenly.

            Lu Han looks over his work, satisfied that Minseok never once refused his advances. 

            Before he has the chance to do anything more, a knock resounds at his door and Minseok intrinsically rejoices because he's saved, for the while.

            Throwing a cover over Minseok's body, Lu Han uses his body to block the room from view before opening the door barely an inch, secured by the bolt latch. There's a young lady's voice at the door, and Minseok vaguely wonders if it's his sister and if he should embarrass Lu Han by going out in this state. He decides against the latter, seeing as it would probably embarrass himself more than it would Lu Han.

            "Okay, let me see you out then," Lu Han says to the younger woman, and Minseok's heart freezes over. He was actually going to leave while he was like this? Shooting a look back towards Minseok, he closes the door to unbolt the latch, then mouths I'll be right back before disappearing into the halls.

            No way.

    There's just--no way. Minseok scrambles at the opportunity to rummage through Lu Han's everything: wardrobe, desk, drawers, even under his bed. His eyes glaze over everything too quickly to grasp anything of particular value, and his hands shake from the sheer urgency coursing through his veins. This kind of thing always looked way easier in movies. 

    There are stacks of old newspaper clippings in the drawers beside the bed, mostly unreadable in Chinese, but amongst them are a few in Korean, and one of the headlines catches his eye. "Processional Led by Chinese Grand Marshal Lu Honors Alliance," it reads. 

    This is it. This is what he needed. Marshals were high ranking military officials, so then this man must be his father or uncle or someone close to him or why else would he have this? And how deeply would his family be shamed if they knew what their son had been doing to a fellow student—a man, at that. Finally, he could escape, and live, far from here, away from the nightmarish hell forced onto him.

            "What have you got there?" Lu Han pipes up from the door to his bedroom, and Minseok jumps out of his skin, reflexively turning his body to hide the papers behind his back. It seems he'd been standing there for a while, watching Minseok rummage through his belongings without saying a word.

            "Lu Han," Minseok blanches, face turning paler by the seconds. "I'm really sorry for looking without permission," he lies through his teeth, channeling the most pitiable character possible out of his extensive knowledge of theatre. In an attempt to dismiss himself, he hesitantly sets the articles back onto the wooden dresser. "My mom needs me back at the house, so I, um, should probably go now."

            Silence awkwardly befalls the room, and Minseok takes that as a cue to run.

            Whispering a curt "sorry" as he rushes by, Minseok's escape route gets cut off with by arm slapped onto the doorframe. A dark chuckle crawls out from Lu Han's chest, giving rise to the hair on his arms.

            "Leaving?" Lu Han snickers, shaking his head. Minseok slowly looks over to him, frozen in his tracks. "That's priceless." 

            Pulling the door shut, Lu Han pins Minseok's body between his and the wall. "Be glad I like you this much. I leave for two seconds and you're already poking around. What should I do?"

    Like...you...?

            For the second time today, Minseok finds himself manhandled onto the bed, uncurdled fear prickling anxiously against his skin like pins and needles on thin sheets of ice. Heart caught at his throat, he fumbles his schoolmate's name over his tongue as Lu Han presses their mouths together.

            Lu Han squares his shoulders against Minseok's, touching their foreheads together. Their eyes meet forcefully for what seems like an eternity until Minseok can't look him in the face anymore, feeling every bit as Lu Han's gaze pierces into his own, reading his every insecure thought as they surface to mind.

            "Look at me," he demands, urgency filling out every syllable. "Look at me, Minseok."

            Minseok takes to screwing his eyes shut because he's never felt so incredibly vulnerable and afraid to be exposed in front of someone like this in all his years of living.

            But Lu Han takes it as a challenge, and pulls Minseok's hips onto his waist, positioning his at the entrance, head prodding and hot against the soft ring of muscle. A loud moan drags out from Minseok's throat the moment Lu Han breaks into him, settling into a ing rhythm like wildfire engulfing an entire field. With proper lubrication, Lu Han manages to slide in and out of his body with ease, filling him out so perfectly that Minseok body claws and aches, driving along the edge of sweet release.

            "No—ah, Lu Han, ah—"

            Lu Han hooks a leg over-shoulder and grinds into Minseok's sweet spot, feeling his partner's limbs lock and tighten as he hits him right there, and Minseok gasps sharply, screaming as his pulses out sticky heat onto his stomach. 

            Roughly pulling out, Lu Han flips Minseok onto all fours and enters him fully, pressing into him madly as Minseok cries his protests into the pillows. Lu Han stops abruptly and for a brief moment, only their breaths are heard, Lu Han's felt and falling over Minseok tired, broken body. Inside him, he feels the thick, dangerous pulse of his gushing waves, and his stomach tenses for the entirety of it. 

            He feels Lu Han's arms pull him back to sit on his lap, and holds him close, resting his head on his shoulders arms still wrapped around his body. They sit there, unmoving. It felt uncharacteristically warm and tender and it made Minseok's heartbeat sound like thunder.

            "Lu Han?" Minseok says eventually.

            "Shh," Lu Han says, tilting his chin towards him to kiss him. "Just stay like this."

             It's a strange feeling, Minseok thinks. To be this calm while next to this person. Maybe it's the quiet ambience of his bedroom, the homeliness of it—something. It's not like this when they're at school, where the constant anxiety of being seen has his heart constantly on edge. An alarm sets off in his head as his thoughts tread on dangerous waters—that he's starting to accept his place as this person's male pet. There's no way he could could even feel of comfort while next to that monster Lu Han.

            "Hey," Minseok mumbles into his schoolmate's shoulder, "you listening?"

            Lu Han exhales softly.

    "Okay," the older boy says. "I was thinking, if—if you're okay with it—if at school, we didn't do this anymore."

            With eyebrows furrowed and a face that looks as if he's heard the most ridiculous thing ever, Lu Han asks, "By this—you mean, ? Not possible."

            A knot forms in Minseok's stomach that ends up twisting his lips in concert, because he may have dug himself a little deeper. It was already hell having to appease Lu Han's whims in the classroom, but by inviting himself into the lion's den, so to speak, he may have created a whole nother kind of hell.

    Their bodies untangle, and Minseok rests flat on his stomach, collecting his breath. Lu Han is beside him, arms behind his head. 

            "If I refused you, what would you do?" Minseok asks, like there's a point. 

            "You wouldn't refuse me." Luhan answers. 

            "And I'm saying, I don't want you. You've deluded yourself into thinking you're actualizing my desires, but all I want, really, is the ability to refuse you." Minseok made a dire mistake. "No—it's not like I can't refuse—I meant that—" 

            Luhan grins. "So you admit you're unable to refuse me." 

            That's not—has Lu Han been listening at all? This whole conversation has been long overdue, but Minseok questions whether it's even worth the effort when the other party simply doesn't take words as they are. 

    "You know that's not what I meant," Minseok cries, internally shaking his head. "I want the ability to choose. And there's no rule that says a person can't always say no." 
            
            "So what's your point? I say yes, you say no. Neither of us wins," Lu Han dismisses his words entirely.

            "This isn't a game," Minseok snaps back. "You treat this like it's some game, but, I've never once thought that. Why is it so hard for you? You're so selfish. You always take. Whether it's given or not, you just... take it." 

            "Then give," Lu Han says flatly, as if it were some simple black and white matter. "Give yourself to me."

            "I have been," Minseok says. "All along."

            "All along—? You never once accepted me!" Lu Han refutes, sitting upright. "You chose Jongdae over me—you were fine without me. But me? You were all I cared about."

            Minseok doesn't know what to say. He wonders if that means Lu Han felt some type of way towards him, if it was some kind of jealousy that made him bring up Jongdae even though Jongdae transferred schools and has been out of the picture for quite some time.

           "I did care about you," Minseok settles for, his hand sliding nervously over his other arm. "I liked our friendship. You were the first person I connected to in a while."

          "And now?" Lu Han asks, his tone low and pensive, fully knowing that the answer wouldn't come well but needed to hear it all the same. His eyes are on Minseok the whole time, watching as he turns away to disallow any opportunity for eye contact.

           Minseok doesn't answer right away. 

           "Now I wish we never met."
            

I'm really sorry this is just and like no plot, but tbh that's all I can write from this??? May or may not update again. I wrote this months ago (after the last update "orz) and just now tried fixing it up. //sighs. It's been like a year but I still miss xiuhan so much ;~;