the week i knew. [1]

three.

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» Another week has passed since i changed class, everything's normal.. except the way i faced sehun now. Its not like i'm bored of being friends with him or something like that. No, no. Far from that, really far. Its just i felt this 'dadump' feeling everytime i'm with him especially right now as he's hanging in my class for a while as some of the teacher's went for a meeting in the teacher's lounge. I felt bothered by it not to mention scared. I felt so scared of this feeling. "Why am i having these kind of feelings? Am i turning into a homo after i broke up with amber? But.. why? it wasnt even a rough break-up? i was the one who broke up with her in the first place.. what..." I kept thinking in my head as my eyes is looking to who knows where. I touched my heart, grabbing it and slowly regain my concious off of my surroundings and caught sehun's face as soon as it happens. He was happily laughing, following his face, i also started to smile thinking that i was probably overreacting to things. But i thought it more seriously when he happens to be too much too close to another boy in class who which happens to sit infront of me and who used to date him, Jung Haewon. My face immediately turns into a frown, jealousy starting to form in my heart. I clutch it more harder until my eyes started to water, even i didnt notice it until mir shook my body, looking at me with a concerned face. I immediately snapped back into reality and faced mir, blinking my eyes. "I.. i.. i need to go to the bathroom." I got up and smiled faintly ready to leave when sehun called me asking, "Hey? Where you going? Can i come?" He started to get up. I bit my lips, not sure of what to say until to actually find him already walking ahead of me and calling my name again, "Tao! Are we going or what? I already asked haewon's permission." (haewon is actually like the president of the class, taking care of the class when the teacher is gone.) I snapped again and went after him, a bit hurt to hear haewon's name from his mouth. But then he started to talk about something else and i started to relaxed, smiling and laughing at him while walking to the bathroom. But as i look at him, smiling quite a pained one i thought, "I'm so sorry sehuna.. i think.. i like you."

» The next day i didnt attend school because... well.. simply because.. i was exhausted. From weeping and crying all night long because i found out about my new preference. About liking my bestfriend and everything in between. But i told my grandparents i was sick. Yeah.. it was a very cliche' lie, but what can i do? I need to not attend school so that i dont begin crying in school. But back to the main topic, its not like i was homophobic to the fact that i hated liking a guy. Hell, i even watch gay to ease my sometimes hard wood. (just to add something. I REPEAT. I DONT do this. and i dont have a wood. -_-) But its not like i watch it because i like guys also, its just.. urgh.. its all because of those from those ghey kpop groups. But yeah, the point is i'm not homophobic. I'm just freaking out that i'm liking a same and its my own bestfriend! ... well maybe i was a little bit homophobic.. who knows.

» The next morning, i did attend school but my face was very pale, i cried last night also, i just feel like crying these past few days. I couldnt even look at sehun properly or else i feel like crying. I just quietly followed him or my other frinds, being quiter than usual. They all felt it was weird as i'm very lively usually. Sehun especially, i noticed he kept glancing at me with a concerned face but i just shrugged it off. He also didnt try to speak to me which i find upsetting also. The rest of the day went pretty normal except me and sehun wasnt talking very much. I find any way possible to not speak with him. I really didnt want to face him or even hear his voice. I... hate him (trans: i like him) too much that it hurts.

» As usual, the next day of school i arrived with a pale face and puffy eyes, not being able to control my emotions. But today.. today i also should have skipped it. At least i wished i skipped it. It happened when i was sitting in class peacefully until mir told all of us to go to the library, the english teacher already waiting there. I got up and went to mir, not bothering to bring any books as i know the teacher's just going to tell us to read some books as thats what she does everytime she made us to go to the library. It was okay during the english session as i pretty loved english. It was.. my favorite subject in school. But.. after that.. mir and i suddenly decided to use the stairs that not usually used by students to go back to class. (its faster that way.) Well, guess who also decided to use the stairs? ..Oh Sehun of course. Along with his other friends which also included mine. I was practically glued to the cement that i was standing on staring at him. He also looked at me quite confused until i heard a a loud cough and i snapped back into reality, stepping backwards unconciously. He was also startled and smack his friends chest which also make him cough again, only this time for real. And as for me, while all of that happened, i was already facing the other way, wanting to use the other stairs. Until.. "Tao! Where are you going? Use this stairs! I'm waiting here!" I stopped in my tracks, mentally faceplaming at what luck i have today. I forced myself to walk again back to where he is and smiled faintly, replying "Sorry.." He bought it, (i think so) and started to walk along with the others. I was quietly following behind until i felt my eyes watering. I quickly blink my eyes to get rid of it but it only brings out more. I stopped and faced the other way, running back to where i was suppose to get to class to. I tried to control it but none worked. "Help. Help. Help. Help. Help. Help. Help. Help. Help." I kept repeating in my head, letting my tears run down my cheeks. I didn't even looked back but soon warm shoulders were wrapped around me, asking me whats wrong, and that someone was..... Lee Taemin.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES

Sorry guys. This is part 1 only. Part 2 i'll post later since i'm pretty busy now. I know its a crappy chapter. But hope u enjoy.

Comments are loved. <3 Bye~

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