AFF username: LeeKyuri

AFF profile url: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/2903

Story Title: Speedtrap

Story URL: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/3400/speedtrap-minho-onew-shinee-taemin

Genre: Romance, Action

Chapter Length: Currently until Chapter 20

Main Characters && Pairings: Choi Minho, Emily Park (fictional), Lee Taemin and Lee Jinki (Onew)

Rating: H

Reviewer: 13itt3rsw33t

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Title- 4/5

- The title for sure gives you already the feeling and what the story is all about - cars and racing, and for someone like me as a reader who likes actions and the likes of it, definitely gets my attention to take a look at it and read.

Poster+Background- 3.5/5   

- One sentence. Damn love the poster!

And then you don't have any background for it at all. But you know? I kinda also get the feeling that I would prefer that as much as possible, you may or may not just care about the background since what we're talking about here is action. And if you would place a background fitting for the story, I suppose it would be better if it is a mix of dark and lighter colors, maybe the one on your poster, not necessarily that one but the kind of ixing of the colors in there you know, for it would give a better feeling in line of your story line... well that's only a suggestion...

Description && Foreword- 7.5/10

-  You could totally tell what is happening, as what in the description gives, on about how the story will go. And then up came the introductions of the characters, short and concise, really gives the readers a thought on who these characters are and thus makes them want to read for them to know more.

Total: 15/20

* Contents *

Originality && OSM-ness- 8/10

- The story was not that orginal in some way [please don't think that I told you that this is copied, damn no]. It is just that I have seen a lot of car movies like fast and furious 1 - 4, tokyo drift, death race to name a few and that while I was reading the story, I find myself like watching those cars go, and I feel kinda nostalgic at that. BUT the thing in here is that, the twists in your story, the characters of it makes it different from them. And I also want to give you that, you've enlighten me on such details, you know, more on the models of the cars, the scraps and everything I never knew in details.

Plot- 11/15

- The plot was really simple, like a family was killed and a member of the family wants justice for the deceased family, takes on the "quest" of looking for the culprit and the likes, yet I could not really tell as of now on how this would turn out in the next chapters. As what I have said, there were these twists by you that makes it interesting to read. 

Chapter Titles- 4/5

- The chapter titles really didn't give such an impact on me, though it gives me the idea of what is about to happen in the chapter. And may I also point this out, considering that you're telling the readers that "Warning: Rated" thingy, though it maybe helpful for them to be ready for the next scenes, I think it isn't necessary since we already knew that the ratingof the story is H, so we already anticipate this kind of scenes in here. But then, who cares, I know you care for your readers and I appreciate that you're being mindful for us.

Flow- 11/15

- The flow is just right, though there are times that it progresses faster thatn it should be. But there are times that I would be lost as to what is happening, like the time of the story took place, just like that, though it doesn't really bothers me sometimes, it is just that. Yet after I read the current chapter I was like, it's still not updated? You like ending every chapter hangin'. XDD

Total: 34/45

* Expressions *

Characterization - 11/15

- Writing the characters's decription firsthand sure did help in creating the image for each character in the story. And that thing wherein as the story went on, in each character, you could see some new attitudes building from them, making them look like kinda an another person makes you rethink of what the characters' real role in here and that's a mystery that is slowly unmasked.

Way of writing- 8/10

- The story was reader friendly and understandable. You could really keep the story on its pace and the characters IN character. Though there were some parts that seems to me like it jumped, I know that you could fix it up and could to better on the next chapters and your stories.

Mechanics [Grammar && Spelling && etc]- 8.5/10

- While reading, I really didn't have much trouble on your grammars and stuffs. But there really are some of them that could be seen like:

*Even when her path crossed with one of the best racers on the streets of Seoul, who has a killer smile.
- a grammatical error somewhere in the sentence that I can't seem to locate, but I do get the point in here
 

*Four different, customized cars were lined up at the starting line, engines running and adrenalines [was] rushing through the veins of the individuals behind the wheel. 
- ...adrenalines rushing...
 

*Rain looked at him[, with his eyes under a big, dark shades].
- under his big, dark shades
 

*. He looked at Minho who was [signalling] him to slow down but he couldn’t. Someone had tampered with his car before the race had even started.
- signaling
 

*. I took a few deep breaths to [stabilise] my heavy breathing and I wiped the [perspire] on my forehead with a small towel.
- 1. stabilze  ││  2. sweat

Total: 27.5/35

Partial Total Score: 76.5/100

Bonus- 13/15

- I couldn't say more but that work was great, keep it up..XD

=^_^=

TOTAL = 76.5 %

B

R E C O M M E N D E D ! ! ! 

I do love the story, cause if do find it exciting and I like the genre much especially when you add CARS to it :] update is lurve so hope that you could update soon :D