Review: Illusions and Memories by cutterpillow
OSM story Reviews && Recommendation Corner [APPLY * NOW]
AFF username: cutterpillow
AFF profile url: http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1390
Story Title: Illusions and Memories
Genre: Angst
Chapter Length: Up to chapter 7, the rest were author's note and reviews
Main Characters && Pairings: SHINee x Byun Su Jeong (OC)
Rating: G
Extra:
Reviewer: 13itt3rsw33t
* Opening *
Title- 3.5/5
- The title was (for me though) something not new, though it really does seem to have something [mysterious feeling, as to what my co-author says] as to how the story will progress.
Poster+Background- 3.5/5
- I really love the poster especially the way the saying goes so well with the background! Looking at it, you could really get the emotion what was residing in the story.
I would definitely love it more if you could have placed a background that would depict your story or just make some feel to it or some air.
Description && Foreword- 8/10
- Using a quote to describe your story is a nice idea so as not to give away any further details of what may happen and so as your foreword... using it as a prologue was really a good one. It definitely introduced the story, starting it's flow even though how short it is.
Total: 15/20
* Contents *
Originality && OSM-ness- 8/10
- The story, at first, as I have thought would be just the same as the diffferent stories that I have read especially under the same genre, angst. But then things started to go beyond what I have least expected as what will happen. And that is where you got most of your points. In the OSM-ness part, well, it still added up some of the points but not much, since there are times that you hadn't carefully arranged the flow of your story, it seems to be a little bit jumpy [to be explained more in the "FLOW" part].
Plot- 12/15
- The plot surely had the touch of twists in here, where it would turn where you least expect it, and I definitely love it, since it makes you want to read more for them to know what happens next. Keeps the feeling and the emotions of the reader growing then diminishing slowly after every chapter then rising, same pattern until the end of the story. But then though, your plot still seems to be confusing if you weren't observant as a reader since at first, I thought that the next succeeding chapters after the prologue was all about her life but then one would notice that it isn't and that it was just clearly said in the last chapter that it was just some one-shots or like a compilation of them except for the last. In this case, for you to avoid this one, you should have just explained or added just a little in the prologue of what was going to happen in the next chapter.
Chapter Titles- 3/5
- I really don't have any idea as to what comes into my mind reading their names as chapter tittles, though. But then, maybe it was just to keep the readers from getting any hints that may go away what was supposed to be an unexpected turns in the said chapter.
Flow- 11/15
- As what I have said about the jumpy thingy, yes, that maybe was the obvious thing that is really bothering me while reading your story. I mean, like in the first chapter, when they have just started to converse (the characters) you immediately cut them off and then unto the next scene, you see, you could have stretched out the scene for you readers to completely grasp first what was going on and then slowly lead us to the next scene. But then, after reading the whole, I could see some of your points as to why you did that and that was tricky. :D
Total: 34/45
* Expressions *
Characterization -11/15
- One thing's for sure in this part is that the SHINee members were really (and obviously) OOC yet, it was as if I looking onto another side of them and in some chapters, you have picked, like, the most appropriate character in there. As to your OC, Su Jeong, she was definitely well portrayed as someone who was like living in the past, reliving her old memories, creating stories that suited well her past and present situations.
Way of writing- 7/10
- It was just fine. But because of some errors in your grammars and spelling, it some kinda makes it messy. Yet, even though just because of that, I really don't mind since you have the potential and I also love how you unfold the blinds in every chapter and I believe that you could still improve, mostly your english since you said that it isn't your first language. And also, you could work on your details, so that we could feel the feelings more in every scenes if you have just put a little more detail into it.
Mechanics [Grammar && Spelling && etc]- 6/10
- Along the way, you could really see some of them in each chapter. I will just place some of it in here just for you to be guided or such. I do suggest that you find yourself someone who will do the proofreading for you though. There are a lot of them, maybe they were just idling in their seats, waiting.
*I stood on the sidewalk, on the edge of the cement. All cars were halted. I looked up. The stoplight was lit in red light. It signals the people to cross the street, I don’t why, but I just stood there, motionless—swaying my hands.
-I don't why :: I don't 'know' why
*There was [anxious] written on her face. She was in panicked. She was crying. I suddenly remembered myself.
-anxiety
*“hey! How are you, it’s been a while.”
-Hey
*as I [pull] the paper inside my bag
-pulled out
*I’m fine.... I’ll be [straightforward]
-frank
Total: 24/35
Partial Total Score: 73/100
Bonus- 14/15
- I definitely love your story. And why is it that this would be your last? I was hoping that you would still continue writing more OSM stories XD
=^_^=
TOTAL = 87
A
R E C O M M E N D E D ! ! !
I really do love the story as a whole, and I think I have already said that. Just that it wasn't proofread before you posted it. And please don't let this be you last. XD
me ish hoping you change your mind. =D
Comments