Chapter 73
Last Love (Sequel of Unexpected) [EDITING]
Your P.O.V
It’s already midnight when I got home from the hospital. I brought Hyuk along with me, hoping he will give time to see Sandra but I failed. I’m aware it will turn out that way but I still hoped Hyuk could give Sandra a chance. No one can blame Eunhyuk if he doesn’t want to see Sandra because he is not yet ready. He is still hurt. When you already thought that the pain which someone caused you is already gone, that you are no longer in grief, and the hatred you’ve been carrying towards someone had been forgotten will suddenly comes back in just a blink of eye. It’s hard. You are not sure of what is the right and best thing to do. It’s not so easy to forgive someone but you can’t even forgive someone because of sympathy. I know this is how Eunhyuk feels right now. I understand him.
I closed the door as I leaned on the doorway, releasing a heavy sigh.
“Something serious happened?”
“Donghae.” I look at him in surprise. “OH! I’m so sorry I forgot you’re coming over tonight. I’m so sorry.” I said frantically as Donghae approached me.
“What happen?”
I sigh. “Truthfully, I met Sandra today and she is in critical condition.”
“What do you mean critical condition?”
“She is dying Donghae.”
“What?” He said in astonishment. “Why? It’s terrible. Does Eunhyuk know this?”
“He knows. But he doesn’t want to see her.”
“I see.” He paused. “But we can’t blame him. Perhaps it is still hard for him to face Sandra especially in her condition.”
“I understand what Eunhyuk feels right now but I also want him to give Sandra a chance before it’s too late.”
Donghae looks at you. “How are you?”
“Huh?” I puzzled as I looked at Donghae’s eyes, catching what he’s pointing out. “I’m lying if I tell you I’m alright because I’m not. Donghae, I really don’t know what is the right thing to do. It’s not easy to forgive someone but I want to forgive her but I don’t know how because…well maybe because I’m not yet ready.”
“You are still hurt don’t you?”
I started. “Why is it life is so unfair? Can’t life be happy always so that no one will get hurt?”
“___ ah, everything in this world has its counterpart. Everybody only wants to be happy but we have to get hurt too for us to be brave. We have to face awful circumstances for us to be better and know how to stand and face our lives bravely. And especially we will have the capacity to forgive the person who hurt us.” Donghae reaches my hand to hold it tightly. “I know it’s hard for you right now to forgive Sandra easily but I also believe that before it’s too late, you will figure what is the right thing to do.”
“You think so?”
He nodded. “Your mind is anxious of doing the right thing but I know that here, the right thing is what she really wants to do.” Donghae places my hand on my heart.
“Donghae, thank you.” I said in soft voice as he replies me a smile.
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Eunhyuk P.O.V
The next day, I went early at SMent building to practice the choreography of our dance number in Super Show 5. I engrossed myself in dancing to avoid thinking about last night. But as much as I want to erase it from my mind, it still hits me that Sandra is back. It’s absurd! Why does she have to show up again with freaking illness? Since the day she betrayed me, I’ve already forgotten she was my best friend but a nightmare.
I take a break for a moment, catching my breath when Donghae suddenly walks in.
“Yo Donghae.” I said as I catch my breath.
“Seems like you’re here early huh.”
“I just wanted to practice the choreography.”
“Is that your only reason?” Donghae ask in disbelief as I look at him perplex. “__ told me what happened.”
“Donghae, can we not just talk about that person.”
“Can you really not forgive her?”
“How could I forgive someone who only knows to destroy other’s life? I’d trusted her but she betrayed me. She is too cruel to be forgiven. She doesn’t deserve it.” I said infuriated.
“But you are aware that she is dying. She might die anytime. Can you stand carrying your hatred towards her forever?”
“Donghae please, I said I don’t want to talk about her.”
“But Eunhyuk..”
“You won’t understand what I am feeling right now Donghae! You haven’t got betrayed that’s why it is so easy for you to advice forgiveness.” I exclaim in exasperation.
Donghae sighs heavily. “Probably you are right Eunhyuk. I won’t understand your feelings & thoughts right now because I’m not in your place. I know it’s so hard for you to forgive Sandra like nothing happened. Your mind may conclude in a rotten manner knowing she’d got an incurable illness. You can’t deny that you are still hurt and mad at her but…” He paused. “But do you think you are the only person who is having hard time right now? Do you think it’s just so easy for __ to see Sandra? After all the things she’d been through with that girl? Do you think __ is not having a hard time too to forgive her? Do you think she is not getting hurt every time she sees Sandra especially now, having a knowledge Sandra is dying? I know it is really hard for you Eunhyuk but I hope you could also think ___’s feelings too. Instead of getting aggravated and ignoring, __ is trying. She is trying her best to get along well with Sandra. She’s trying to forgive Sandra even though she caused a lot of pain in her heart. She’s trying to give her another chance.” I look at Donghae as he stands up. “I can’t force you to do the right thing but at least, think the person involved. You are not the only one who is getting hurt Eunhyuk, __ and Sandra too. And also, I’m just concern about you. I don’t want you to regret your decision at the end. I don’t want you to end up hating yourself.” Donghae left me alone to give me time to think.
Donghae’s words are indeed true. It all makes sense. But it doesn’t change the fact that I want to see Sandra and pretend like nothing happened. I can’t! I’m not yet ready to face her and get reminded of the pain she’d caused. I still can’t forgive her. She’d betrayed me. She broke my trust for her. It’s not so easy to trust someone who’d betrayed you before. It’s insanely hard that’s why I don’t understand why __ is wasting her time for that worthless woman. Why she’s bothering to take good care of that person after all the unforgivable things she’d done? Aish!!!~
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It’s already evening when SJ’s rehearsal finished. Eunhyuk was walking along the hallway when he overheard Donghae’s phone conversation with you, informing him you’ll visit Sandra again. Eunhyuk, having information of you dropping by at the hospital aggravated him. He still can’t understand why you are visiting Sandra like nothing happened. He still can’t understand why you are trying to give Sandra a second chance which he thought she doesn’t deserve. He only thinks that you sympathy Sandra that’s why. He still can’t understand the true meaning of forgiveness and second chance. He is completely blinded by hatred. And it’s terrible. But no one could even blame Eunhyuk if he feels that way because he was betrayed by the person whom he thought he could trust. He was too hurt.
While on his way home, Eunhyuk pretend to ignore your visit. He keeps on thinking stuffs which could distract him and completely forget your plan. But since this concerns you, he can’t just let it go. Eunhyuk is worried of what may happen to you. Yes Sandra might not do something reckless this time but she could still hurt you by saying nasty words, that’s what Eunhyuk thought. After getting betrayed by Sandra, Eunhyuk can’t help not to think this way. So instead of going home, he headed his way to the hospital. And as soon he got here, he quickly goes to Sandra’s room, finding out you are not here anymore. Maybe you just left, he thought.
Eunhyuk was about to leave when suddenly, he felt like his feet was frozen, like stopping him to go. He wonders what is wrong with his dumb feet as he looks at the door and takes a glance of sleeping Sandra. With muster guts, he walks in the room and stand at the side to look at Sandra. Watching Sandra having a rough and hard time fighting her illness pitied Eunhyuk but still, it doesn’t change his thoughts. He is still mad. He still hates her. He can’t forgive her.
Sandra hardly opens her eyes, having hard time to catch her breath as she notices Eunhyuk standing on the side. “O--Oppa,” She said weakly.
“What’s with this show Sandra? What are you up to now huh?” Eunhyuk said in a blunt and cold way.
“I knew it. I knew you wouldn’t believe me once you see me like this. I won’t force you to believe me because I know you can’t. I’d betrayed you.” She managed to say before pausing.
“Frankly, I hate to see you again.” Eunhyuk said bluntly, not caring it could worsen Sandra’s condition. “I can’t seem to understand why you have to appear in our lives again. Why you have to complicate our lives again? Why you love to tamper in other’s life?”
“I’m not trying to meddle in your lives again. I don’t want Oppa. Honestly, I already lose hope to see you and __ again. I already accepted the fact I would die not being forgiven by the two of you. I’d…”
“Forgiven? Are you trying to make me laugh?!” Eunhyuk raise his tone. “And you really got a lot of nerves to think we… I could forgive you?! You wish Sandra!”
“Oppa…”
“Stop calling me Oppa! It disgusts me! I’ve already forgotten about you since the day you betrayed me.”
“Eunhyuk shi, you really can’t forgive me right? I guess have no choice than to accept it. It’s fine with me if you really can’t forgive me. What’s more important right now is I see you before I die.”
“Don’t give any meaning of my visit Sandra. I only came here because I’m worried of __, not because of you. I don’t want to see you again.”
“Until now, it’s still ___. You still think of her first. You still love her although she already has another man.”
“Who’s fault do you think is this? You are the one who ruined everything regarding me and __. Do you have any idea how terrible you’d caused in our lives?”
“Eunhyuk.” You walk in with a surprise look as you try to figure out the atmosphere.
Eunhyuk looks at you, rather, glaring at you, mad because of visiting Sandra. “You know what __, I don’t understand why you are wasting your time to this worthless girl. Have you forgotten what she’d done to you huh?”
“Eunhyuk, stop being rude. It could only worsen Sandra’s condition.”
“Then good.” He exclaims as you look at him in surprise and disbelief. “I don’t care if it could worsen her condition, in fact it’s better for her at least she will no longer make herself suffer. She could die as early as..” You hardly slap Eunhyuk’s face to stop him from blabbering as Eunhyuk touches his face, no longer surprise of what you did. He looks at you without giving an expression and leaves the room as he slam the door.
“Sandra, I---I’m so sorry for what Eunhyuk acted. I---it’s just he can’t accept of what happened to you.” You defend as Sandra shakes her head.
“I can’t blame Oppa if that’s what he thinks after all what I’ve done in the past is definitely worst.” She sighs. “I can no longer change his mind anymore. For him, I’m the worst person who must get lost. Well I guess I really have to give up in asking his forgiveness.”
“Don’t say that. You know Eunhyuk, he is just surprise and mad that’s why he blabber rotten things but deep inside of his heart he is hurt. He is hurt knowing you have to suffer from this illness. He is hurt to see you having hard time to survive. He is hurt because…because he can’t accept that he will lose someone who he consider important. So don’t take seriously of what he said instead fight to live.”
“I want to believe you __ shi. I want to believe what you said about Oppa is true but it’s a lie. You’re only saying those things to make me feel better but you don’t have to. I’m alright. I will accept whatever Oppa will say to me if it is the only way to lessen his hatred. And also, Eunhyuk said makes sense. It is better if I die now after all I have no meaning to live knowing he really can’t forgive me, even you. I’m just making it hard for you.” Sandra turns her gaze at you. “You set aside all those hatred and tried to forget it and took care of me instead. We both know how terrible and awful I’d done to you in the past. How I am to you. How I made your life miserable. How selfish I am to you. How I fooled you and how I hurt you.” She pauses as she releases a small laugh. ”__ shi is really dumb. How could she lend her time in visiting me here just to know if I’m still alive? How come she could spend her time here just to take good care of me? Who would have thought that the only person who will care visiting a worthless person like me is the person I’ve awfully sinned? I keep thinking that you are dumb but I realized you are not. It’s just you are too kind. Although it is painful for you to face me you still do because you are worried about me. It is impossible for you to forgive me easily but you are trying. You are trying to make impossible be possible. Although it’s painful you still try your hardest. Your kindness only made me realize that I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t deserve to be forgiven by someone like you. I used to be cruel to you and I won’t let myself be one again so please stop. Stop caring about me. Stop making yourself suffer. It is way better if you won’t forgive me at least you won’t have any hard time now. At least you will no longer suffer and bear the pain of seeing me. Care you’ve shown me for the last time is enough. Just leave me alone and don’t even think of visiting me again. Just let me die.”
“Sandra, you are really coward & selfish aren’t you? You know how selfish to ask forgiveness from me. Though you know how impossible for me to give what you want you still asked me because you keep hoping I could still give it to you. And now, just because Eunhyuk couldn’t stand seeing you, you are already giving up? You already jump to a conclusion which couldn’t be right. You don’t even try to show to him how sincere your repentance. Just because Eunhyuk couldn’t give you what you want right away you are losing hope? Do you think dying without even fighting for something you want makes sense? You’re not like this Sandra. You don’t give up easily. You fight for something you want until you get it.”
“Stop making this hard for you __. The only reason why you are doing this is because you sympathy me. I don’t need it.”
“Sympathy? You really think I only sympathize you that is why I’m trying to forget everything and tried to give you what you want? No Sandra. It’s my own will. It’s my own decision to give you chance to prove your apology.”
“__ shi..” Sandra said in soft voice as you sigh heavily.
“You must be tired after saying a lot of things. I’ll leave you for a moment so you can take a peaceful rest.” You said as you leave Sandra alone.
You gently closed the door as you lean on the doorway and release a breath. You turn your gaze at the side, finding out Eunhyuk who is sitting on a bench as he covers himself his palm. You walk towards him and sit beside him as he notices your presence.
“I’m terrible isn’t it?” Eunhyuk started as you nod at him. “I just can’t help myself. I’m still mad at her. It’s not easy to forget what she’d done. She betrayed me. I’d been true to her. I’d trust her but all this time, she is making a fool of me. I thought she’s someone whom I could trust but I was wrong. All those angelic face she’d shown me are just pretence. I was completely fooled by her.” Eunhyuk chuckles in bitterness.
“I can’t blame you if you are having a hard time to face Sandra. She’s one of the people you trust so much in your life. You consider her as your best friend who you can lean on and ask for help. She is important for you that’s why you got badly hurt when you found out she betrayed you. It hurts so much to know that off all people, the person you’ve never thought could hurt you will be the one who would cause you so much pain. But Eunhyuk, you have to give Sandra a chance. Give her chance to prove she’s really repenting.”
“Does it not hurt you___?” Eunhyuk abruptly ask you. “Truthfully, the person who should be mad here is you. Between the two of us, you were the one who got mostly hurt by Sandra. You tried to be good to her although she’d never been good to you. Just for my sake, you tried to understand her and believed you two could still get along. But why it seems like it’s just nothing to you? Why you still show care for her? Is that so easy for you to forget everything she’d done terrible?”
“Do you think it’s easy for me? It’s painful for me too. I’m lying if I tell you that I want to see her because the truth is I’m not. It never cross my mind that one of these days, I would meet Sandra again. Just like you Eunhyuk, I’m not yet ready to face Sandra because I can’t avoid not to think of what she’d done to me. She reminds me of everything including those pains. But I’m trying Hyuk. I’m trying to give her chance to prove her sincerity. For the remaining days of her life, the only thing I could do now is to take care of her and let her show she is really sorry for what she’d done in the past.”
“It is impossible for me to do the same thing __.”
“Do you really believe that?” You asked Eunhyuk which made him confused. “Yes, you are having a hard time to give Sandra a second chance. You may be so hard and rude to her. You might be eaten by your hatred but this not what you truly want. You are afraid and confuse right now. You are confused of what you should do. You want to give her chance but you can’t because you were once betrayed by her and that’s what makes you feel frighten. You are afraid that one of these days, you might already lose Sandra without forgiving her.”
“I want her to regret and repent for the sin she’d done but…”
“Why it should be like this? Why she have to suffer from this illness? I asked the same thing Hyuk.”
“What should I do __?”
“Give her chance Eunhyuk. Try your hardest to understand her like before. It may be difficult but if you will just open your heart to her once again, you may give her what she wants. You can only move forward once you accept those things you’ve left behind whole-heartedly. You can only be peaceful if you are willing to forgive those people who hurt you no matter how terrible they’d done to you. Having a peace of mind is more important than protecting your pride.”
“Do you really believe I can forgive her?”
“I know you well Eunhyuk. I know you can.”
“__, promise me to help me with this.” Eunhyuk looks at you with beg in his eyes as you hold his hand.
“I promise. You are not alone Eunhyuk. We will face this together. Even if it will be so hard for us at first but I will make sure we could give Sandra what she is asking before it’s too late.”
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End of Chapter 73.
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