The light is dimmed as I reach for his face. The beauty is still and he’s brighter than the usual shine. I ask him to come closer because my fingertips are numb and I need the warm. But he steps back instead, whispering goodbye in his soft voice.

When he faded to the wall, I realize it’s just an imaginary shadow created by my brain as the effect of slumberless nights I spend in the forensic department.

I glance at the white flowers on my table, fresh with dew. Someone has just sent it this morning, Wu Yifan to be exact. He started coming since the day his dead boyfriend was brought here. Zhang Yixing was his name and he’s killed by a cute little girl out of jealousy –how tragic.

I secretly wonder if the flowers are really useful at the moment. It’ll never awaken his boyfriend anyway. And every useless prayer the male gives, will never change the angel’s thought of returning him. So why wasting your time with things that wouldn’t do anything to you? I lost in thoughts of the best way to behave on your beloved one’s death.

Maybe I’ll sit on a balcony, letting the poison running in my veins. I will feel my body light and the wind will blows me off the fence to soon hit the ground. I probably meet him in afterlife and dancing in the death. Or we could hang above the earth, haunt together would be fun. No one will cry at someone who’s against his fate. Just like what I’m doing now and really, the bone break isn’t that hurt if you think of your love.

I don’t think I could open my eyes after that happen. But then I do, and I know the suicide was just a dream. I let out my breath once I see my secret lover sleeping in my arms. He’s still as beautiful as always and still loving me behind the lies.

He’s actually not mine. We cheated behind our boyfriends and still it feels right. I sigh for the nth time and kiss him softly on the lips. My head still dizzy from the restless nights and so I drift myself to a deep deep slumber and remind myself to I embrace him with all my heart.

Then softly I whisper, “There’s no goodbye for us, Zhang Yixing...”

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Secret Lover Died, A Forensic Commit Suicide

By : Park Jeong-su

Daily Seoul News Staff Writer

Posted: 04/26/2013 06.30 am KST

Two males found dead in an apartment bedroom on Thursday morning. Both of them recognized as Kim Joonmyun (23) a forensic in Seoul Forensic Department and Zhang Yixing (23) a Chinese choreographer. The officers said the cause of the death was pure suicide due to [(CH₃)₂CHO]CH₃P(O)F or Sarin found in his bedroom.

One of his co-worker, Do Kyungsoo said he hasn’t left the autopsy room a week since Zhang Yixing’s dead body was sent there due to a murder.

Kim Joonmyun took Zhang Yixing’s dead body at late Wednesday night to his apartement, according to the police. The officers found that Zhang Yixing was his secret lover.

The 23-year-old man was depressed due to his lover’s death and decided to kill himself by inhaling sarin.

The police still investigate this case if there’s any sign of violence.

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