Title [3/5]:  Instantly after reading the title, my initial thought was that it was going to be a crack fic. (It’s not often when pizza is used for a comparison to beauty after all haha) However, there’s no doubt that the title definitely catches the reader’s eye. A suggestion I have is that you capitalize the words in your title. Perhaps like this: As Beautiful as a Slice of Pizza. Doing so makes it seem more like a title, rather than just a simple sentence.  

Appearance [7/10]: The banner was nicely done. The color scheme for it did give off a sort of deli pizza feel to it what with the red and yellow. I also really liked the fact that TOP was decked out in red and Bom in yellow to match the color of a cheese pizza. (Perhaps that could have just been a coincidence and I’m over thinking it haha) Although the banner was nice, the background didn’t really do it any justice. The text and heart shaped pizza was fine but the green background didn’t really match the banner and was a little too pale of a green to match the cheerfulness of the story.  

Description/Foreword [17/20]: In the description, you wrote that it was a “love story between Seunghyun, pizza and Bom”. This might just be from my personal preference but I feel that you could have switched Bom and the pizza’s places in that sentence. Having Bom listed last makes it seem like she’s a third party, or a third wheel. “Seunghyun, Bom and pizza.” has a better ring to it in my opinion. As for the foreword, you did a good job in pulling the reader in because really, no one knows why pizza is round in a square box and cut into triangles! It peaks the readers curiosity and compels them to read on.  

Characterization [6/10]:  The characterization for TOP was done nicely. The reader got to know his  character and understand the philosophy behind his obsession.  However, you didn’t really get into Bom’s character as thoroughly as TOP. It wasn’t until the very end of the two shot when we were finally introduced to Bom. I know it’s a difficult task to really get a reader to get to know a character in such a small time slot, but you could have accomplished this by having Bom and TOP converse a bit more or have her doing something that would show a bit of her quirks. Really, having a character say or do even the subtlest of things can really impact the way the reader views the character and make a big difference. 

Plot [18/25]: The plot wasn’t really all that original- a man meeting a woman who shares the same interests as him and instantly falling in love with her. It’s cliché but I’m sure there are plenty of readers here who enjoy classic love story plots such as this one.    

Grammar [20/25]: For the most part, the grammar was fine and everything was understandable. There were a couple of times where words were misspelled but it was minor mistakes and can easily be disregarded. There were times, however, where your verbs were in the wrong tense. You would sometimes switch from present tense, to past tense and so forth. Despite this, you did a good job for a non English speaker.

Flow [5/5]:  Each event in the story flowed and meshed together nicely. I liked how you were able to seamlessly transition from the present to the past with TOP’s memories as a child with pizza into the first chapter. 

Pace [7/10]: I understand what you were going for by making TOP and Bom instantly ‘click’ with one another after such a short meeting, but you could have described their interaction a bit more. Love seemed to have happened in the blink of an eye here. Getting more into their date can make all the more difference

Enjoyment [7/10]: I’ll be honest in saying that I enjoyed this more than I thought I would have. The fact that the fanfic was revolved around pizza threw me off a bit so I wasn’t expecting anything much. But I came to found out that it had some meaning behind it and it really tied the story together into an entertaining and lighthearted two shot :-)

Moral [5/5]: Considering Bom was able to relate to TOP about pizza without any hesitation is a clear sign that there really is always someone out there who is right for you, no matter what kind of odd obsession you might have. Bom’s reply to TOP’s “big question” in the last chapter really sealed the deal with that moral.  

Grade: [90/120 + 5 points extra credit]

review done by Pirupi

B-