After talking with Junsu, Jaejoong walk to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for both of them and of course with a smile on the face.  His humming a happy song and move his body right and left.  It’s looks like his dancing while cooking or cooking while dancing or both.  After a while, suddenly Jaejoong stop his motion, he feel that a pair of hands encircled his waist from behind.  Jaejoog went stiff.  He still not used to this lovey-dovey act.  Yunho hug him from behind and put his chin on Jaejoong’s shoulder.

“What’s you cooking Jae?”

“Just omelette rice.” answer Jaejoong shyly.  He just hung his head low, try to cover his blushing face. When Yunho breathe near his ear.  it’s send hiver to Jaejoong’s spine.

“Is they anything that I can help with?”

“Hmm….” Jaejoong hesitate to answer.  Not really want Yunho to help exactly because Yunho’s help at the kitchen equal to mess plus Jaejoong need to clean up again.  Once in a while it’s okay, but everyday maybe not.  It’s tiring.

“You don’t trust me in your lovely kitchen right?” said Yunho with sad voice.

“Well… you can help setting the table.” Jaejoong try to find an easy job for Yunho.

“Fine!. I only can set the table.” Yunho walked away sulking.

Jaejoong feeling guilty but he needs to stay firm.  He loves his husband but he loves his kitchen too.

Yunho setup the table half-hearted.  He frustrated to know that Jaejoong doesn’t need his help.  He feels empty and useless. He knows Jaejoong is an independent person.  He doesn’t know why this little thing broke his heart. 

“Yun?”  Jaejoong touch Yunho’s hand when Yunho ignore his called him before.  “Breakfast is done.  Come let’s eat.”

“Ne...”  They start eating but Yunho just keep silent.  After finish eating Yunho do the dishes.  Jaejoong knows Yunho still mad at him.

“Are you mad at me, Yun?  You just keep quiet during our breakfast just now.  Is it about I don’t want you to help me in the kitchen before?  Yun, the truth is I’m lazy to clean up your mess later.”

“You can guide me, just let me help.” Yunho sound frustrated.

“But it’s already late, aren’t you hungry?”

“I won’t die to wait just a little longer, Jae.  I just want to help.  I know it’s not much but I want to change for the better, I want to make this relationship work.”

“Why suddenly you change?  What make you change, Yun?”

“I don’t know, but since you shooed me from the dojo, I feel hurt and honestly when talking about dojo, I was thinking about you, not her…. never been her.  Dojo is your place.  I didn’t mean to take it away from you.  I now I’m being jerk before, but after that night, sleeping while hugging you make me crazy.  Good crazy.  I talked to Yoochun about it and he said that I fall for you.  Of course I object it.  How come I’ll love you?   I love her.  Only her or so I thought.  But after heard Yoochun explanation, I think he is right.  Do you know I didn’t do anything at the office yesterday?  Yes I attend the meeting, but it’s just my body while my mind wondered somewhere else…wondered about you.  That’s why Yoochun tell me that I’m useless so we skipped work and went to play basketball.”

“Yun…”

“No let me finish first.  After that, on the way back home, I think maybe I can make our life better, I married to you anyways.  Why don’t I give a try in this relationship?  After all you’re my wife and she’s dead already.  I apologized about slapping you before.  Do you know why I did that?  It’s because I hate myself for missing you more than I miss her.  Having this gift sometimes is bad, it makes me takes you for granted as I always know where you are.  Back then I knew you safe with Junsu.  I didn’t come to get you because I’m afraid that we end up fighting again and you will run further.  I’m not a good at persuading people.  I’m really sorry for that.”

Yunho take a deep breath before continue. “And I don’t know why it’s hurt me so much just because I can’t help you make breakfast.  I know it’s a stupid reason, but feeling useless or rather feeling you don’t need me at all breaks my heart.”

Jaejoong gasped at Yunho’s sudden confession.  Jaejoong’s brain still processing all the new information given by Yunho.  Never in his life he ever thinks that Yunho would miss him, that Yunho was afraid if he run further from him and of course not in million years he would think that Yunho’s heart been broken by him.

Seeing Jaejoong still silent himself, Yunho continued again. “Right now I don’t know how much I like or love you, but judging from my broken heart, I think maybe I love you more than I know.  You need to know that Yoochun said that I’ve been like this since our high school years.  That’s I’m not so sure.  But this, you won’t believe that the food that I made yesterday is the first one that ever succeed, and you’re supposed to be the first to taste that but unfortunately that dolphin guy taste it first.  Jae?”

Jaejoong still silent but then he takes a deep breath before open his mouth. “Honestly Yun, I don’t know what I feel right now.  I’m still shock how you can’t help me in the kitchen leads to this conversation.”

“Maybe I think this is the chance that I see right now.”

“I’m afraid. You’d change so easily.  One day you don’t even care about me then next day you act lovey-dovey to me.  I’m still not used to it.  Not used to have the one I love, loves me back.  It’s always one-sided love for a very long time. The day I agreed to marry you, I’d to prepare my heart Yun, there’s a wall there to help the heart not be broken too much.”  Jaejoong’s voice starts shaking.

“Jae…why you marry me?  You know at that time I’m not a good guy, you risk your happiness on me by did that.” Yunho asked with his low voice.  Seeing Jaejoong like that, he really wants to slap himself for thinking he’s the only one that hurt.

“Isn’t it obvious?  I love you.  I’ll always love you.”

“I know you love me, but is it really worth it back then?”

“I’m a challenger and it’s up to you now to make it worth it.”

“Now I’m not sure if I didn’t love you before.  The feelings I have now, is really different from the one I had with her before.”

“Is it a bad feelings?”Jaejoong afraid waiting for Yunho answer.

“No, Jae of course not.” confirmed Yunho while hold both of Jaejoong arms with him.  He needs to make Jaejoong assured about his feeling because he thinks Yoochun is right.  He is never been like this when he is with her.  He never succeeds cooking for her.  Only when its’s regarding to Jaejoong, he will experience with this unknown feeling.  It’s not a bad feeling...never.  It’s just Yunho didn’t know how to describe it and he started to doubt the sad feeling he has on the day she die which is also the same day Jaejoong went abroad to further his study.

how will this story go .. I wonder..