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                 The Break Up

His hand moved toward my face as if he was attempting to comfort me; I pushed it away and took two small steps back, my eyes glued at his hands, the memory of yesterday playing in my mind, the warmth of his palms used to calm me but now they felt like hot flames burning me, and I wondered .

He put his hand back down to his side and stood in what I assumed was a fake sort of remorse. No, he didn’t feel horrible for what he was doing, in my eyes, he didn’t care at all. Of course he didn’t, why would he ask me to forget him, convincing me that the thing between us had never happened. How was that supposed to be simple?

It wasn’t in any way simple.  I’ve gone through so much, I’ve been judged, ridiculed, his people called me names that no other human being deserved to be called at, I became a big joke and I endured them all, I stayed, I held on tight and grabbed his hand, never once did I let go. And now, there he is standing in front of me like a god; and I am a sinner.

I stood there taking in the current scene. The marbled floors glistening, the walls were white and simple. His furniture were exquisite and one of a kind, living up to his name. We are standing in the middle of his apartment surrounded by luxury. This was all a blur of course, the forming tears in my eyes impaired my visuals and I didn’t know what to do aside from standing in front of him and take the medicine that I didn’t need; that I didn’t deserve; or maybe I do.

He watched me silently, his mouth moved a couple of times as if he was intending on trying to speak again, but nothing escaped his lips, all the more that I felt he is mocking me; and it angers me deep inside, how could he be so unfair? Why does he make me feel like I’m the only one who had sinned. We are in this together. I fell in love and he made me and he didn’t stop me.

No one would probably believe me but he was the one who came to me. Whenever he’s in my territory, he always calls me, asking me to hang out, he said our minds are connected, we share the same taste, may it be with fashion or food. He said he enjoys my company, and he likes my principle in life, “do what  makes me happy without giving a care about the world. “

I knew he is involve with another girl the first time but I didn’t care, we were friends and I do not see anything wrong with it but one time, he came to me looking like a lost puppy, he said there were news and photos of us together  and there were speculations, his girl was hurt. I told him I wanted out but he begged me not to stay away, he convinced me we are just friends and I do not have to worry. I agreed, I couldn’t stay away from him anyway. I should have, if only I knew.

My eyes wandered on his lips when I heard him sigh. His lips, they were magnificent. If I closed my eyes, I could imagine the softness. The gentle kiss were the ones he would give me to make me feel better, or if he wanted to show me a bit of random affection. The passionate ones could extend to forever and I wouldn’t mind in the slightest. And when he kissed me with those beautiful lips, I could feel his eye lashes tickling my face.

His eyes…  I could live off of those beautiful brown eyes. They spelled out eternity, and that’s all I’d ever wanted. One of the reasons why I am drawn to him. Flashbacks of when he’d used those gorgeous orbs as an easy way of seduction crossed my mind. I should have looked away, if only I knew.

His jaw was set tight, and I wanted nothing more than to release the tension in the room and make him smile, like I always do whenever he’s down because he and his girl had a fight; there is nothing more precious in the world than his smile, maybe that is why I fell in love with him when I shouldn’t.

I pushed my thoughts of his beauty aside. The boy was not someone to adore anymore. Loving him is probably wrong but I’m human, I have a heart that can break too and he did break me. Yet, he stood opposite of me now with only the face of assessment. He was not the one with tears in his eyes, he was not the one remembering the past, he was not the one that had to be mortified, he was not the one that would be hurt.

I am.

I looked up to prevent my tears; threatening to fall again, but halfway, I caught sight of a couple painting, situated in the middle of the living room. His smile was breathtakingly beautiful, the first time seeing that kind of smile, it was pure and innocent, kid-like. “I love her” His words rang in my head, remembering the conversation we had a few moments ago. “She gave up on you, I didn’t. I’m still here” I can still hear myself saying that to him and now I am ashamed. I realized that what he had for me isn’t love at all, no way on par of what he feels towards the girl. I gave too much because I assumed a lot. I now understand why he isn’t showing remorse towards me, for hurting me, for giving me false hope and using me. I now understand why it was easy for him to forget what we’ve done.  He wasn’t looking at me the same way that I do. I do not have his heart after all. I took my compact mirror out of the bag I’d been carrying and fixed my smeared make up. I only peeked at him once to see that his expression was of simple confusion.

I am a pathetic fool, but he, he is far more worst than I am. I am a sinner but that doesn’t mean he is a saint.  I wiped my tears away. I will not let him have the benefit of seeing me cry anymore. He isn’t worth it. I won’t beg him to stay. I was a fool once and I won’t be the second time. I am Kiko Mizuhara and I am better than this

After pushing my mirror deep into my bag, I shook my head at him, and this time with a new found courage. I may have done wrong but I already paid the price with all the things he put me through and he will soon follow, the girl he loves the most will make him pay from all the wrong doings he did to her, simply because he loves her. She has the power over him, like him to me, but not anymore. I took a step forward, and squeezed past his body. I turned back to look at him before turning the door knob and said only three words. “It’s probably best.”

As I stepped out to the night sky of Seoul, a familiar figure welcomed me, I quickly hid myself before she gets a chance to see me. I already did a lot of wrong towards her and that is enough. I studied her face, there was pain and anger in her eyes and I smiled, because I knew then that Kwon Jiyong will soon get a taste of his own medicine and Sandara herself will feed it to him.