Chapter 3

 

I set my fifteenth bone onto the plate. I leaned back into my chair and hugged my stomach.

"Ahhh..." I moaned with a satisfied grin. "That was so yummy."

"Sometimes I wonder why I'm named 'the goat' and not you," he muttered. As he said this, he tore into the chicken meat with his teeth and murdered it, mouth hanging open.

"Who's talking? I may eat more, but you still eat like a pig," I said, smiled slyly.

He stood up and reached across the table to smack my head. "Who's the pig?" He said, mouth still full of chicken.

"Ow. Fine, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I apologized, rubbing my hair. Of course, he was still the goat. I was smart enough to keep it to myself though.

"Ah, finally. So full..." Jaejin uttered after he finished his last piece. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, and grinned to me. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Well... I'm not hungry anymore..." I said naively.

"No. I meant are you happy now? You're not sad or down anymore?"

I frowned. Then I felt a nervous tingle travel through my body. I'd totally forgotten everything that had happened that day after Jaejin mentioned 'chicken'.

"I... I told you I was fine, didn't I?" I couldn't stop my cheeks from flushing. Why was he caring about me so much now? He obviously didn't care about our kiss...

"Please. Minhwan, I've known you and lived with you for a long time now. You can't hide your feelings from me." He placed his cheek in his hand. "Plus, you're easy to read anyways," he added with a smirk.

I blushed more. I was caught. Dangit. I really was bad at acting.

His smirk faded, and turned into an expression of care and understanding. "Minhwan... if there's somethi-"

"Wow, you ate all fifteen drumsticks? Both of you?" Our waitress, who'd come out of nowhere, interrupted. I sighed, relieved. I was saved. I didn't like having conversations like that with Jaejin. It only made me think of what had happened between me and him more.

Jaejin nodded to her in response. "Thank you for the meal."

"Ah, thank you!" I piped in, bowing my head profusely.

"No problem. And, as promised, you guys get free dessert. What would you like?" she asked with a smile as she handed us the dessert menus.

"Chicke- no wait." Jaejin snickered at me, which I returned with a glare. I averted my attention to the menu. "Um... I'll have... cake! Cake please."

The waitress tried to hide her laughter at my excitement. Ugh. I was always laughed at for little things I did just because I was the magnae. Even when I was in disguise. It followed me like a plague. C'mon. Who doesn't get excited over cake?

Jaejin read his own menu. "Hmm... I'll have the strawberry ice cream."

"Alright then," she said, collecting our menus. "It'll be out in just a bit."

We watched her walk away.

"Aish, I don't even know if I can finish an ice cream... How am I going to work all of this off, anyways?" he said, patting his stomach.

I was happy he wasn't trying to push the last topic."Hyung. You aren't fat at all."

"I will be if I keep eating like this."

"Oi, I eat like this all the time and I'm still skinny," I pointed out smugly. I straightened my back and puffed out my chest, emphasizing my tiny body.

"Tch... That's just because you're short."

"Yah..."

"And you're special,” replied Jaejin goofily. He smiled and sipped his water.

I stared at him. Was he being serious? I could never tell when he was joking with me. But… I wanted to think he was being serious.

"I think you're special, too." My heart skipped a beat at my sudden words. Was that too corny? I looked up at him. I wondered if he knew I wasn't talking about his weight anymore. I wondered if he knew I was speaking from the bottom of my heart.

Jaejin was looking at me too. His face was written with surprise. He then smiled warmly at me, his cheeks burning the slightest pink.

My heart was racing. Sweat formed at my palms. He was so beautiful. Was that okay, to describe boys as beautiful? I couldn't think of a better description.

I tore away from his eye contact. I couldn't take this.

God. He was making me crazy.

"Here you are, boys," the waitress exclaimed happily, as if by a miracle. I was more than happy she'd come back. She always came at the perfect times. She must've been an angel or something.

"Yay!" I cried impulsively. "Ah, I mean... thank you."

Jaejin rolled his eyes casually and smiled. "Thank you very much."

She smiled again and left. I immediately stuffed my face with the chocolate cake. One, because it looked delicious, and two, to avoid having to talk to Jaejin. I had no idea what to say to him now. He continued to stare at the ice cream on his cone in a blasé manner.

"Hyung... why aren't you eating?" I muffled through my food-filled mouth. I realized what I was doing and covered my lips.

"Eh. Not hungry. I can't eat a cow like you can, I guess."

My face went cross, and then I smiled. "That's because I practice."

He smirked at me again. "You're so cute. Okay, I'll try." He proceeded to take a bite of his ice cream.

You're so cute. His words played back in my mind. That was the second time he'd called me that today. Was he meaning his words in the way I thought he was...?

...No. He was just saying that because I'm the magnae. The one with the cute aegyo. I was supposed to act cute. He didn't mean anything by it. Of course not.

But I stupidly clung to that little hope, that maybe he thought of me more than as 'the magnae'. Than 'the chicken lover'. Than a band member.

That hope that he could, one day, maybe one day, think of me as...

A lover.

My stomach did somersaults just thinking about it.

"Jeez, you scarfed that thing down in seconds," Jaejin said with a laugh. I looked down at my plate. My cake wasn't there anymore. Wow. I must eat fast when I think too hard, I thought to myself.

"What were you thinking about?" Jaejin asked. I darted up, shocked, and almost choked on my cake. He really did know me well. It was scary.

I coughed. "Umm... cake."

He laughed, but he had the concerned look in his eyes again. Crap. Not this again.

"Let's go. I'll just eat this on the road." Jaejin waved for the enthusiastic waitress.

I slumped farther into my chair and let out a sigh.

He knew something was up. And I knew full well that he wasn't going to back out anytime soon.

I guess I had to tell him sometime.

But what would he think?

I was just telling him about my first kiss for crying out loud...

Although... that first kiss was with him.

Ugh. Why was this so hard?

We walked down the busy road where people bustled around, talking and laughing in Japanese. The nightlife was coming alive. The sun was going down; it was a warm night though. Jaejin continued eating his ice cream slowly as we strolled down the sidewalk, talking. It was pretty dangerous for us to be out, hoping our disguises worked, but we decided to take the chance.

I occasionally glanced at Jaejin. He would bite into the ice cream with his lips, get it all over his mouth, raise his hand up to his face to cover himself as he the stray ice cream up, and repeated.

My heart would beat a little faster. It was so cute. He was so cute. Why did he have to be so cute? Why was I the one known for my aegyo? I thought about mentioning his little habit to him, but he might've stopped if I'd told him. I decided to continue watching him from afar.

We walked on.

The farther we went, the less busy it became. Less people, less noise, less lights. We didn't really know where we were going.

We just kept walking.

I began to grow comfortable, walking with him like that. We built a steady rhythm. It reminded me of playing my drums.

We soon found ourselves on a relatively silent road lit only by a couple street lights. I could hear the rushing water of a river next to us. In the distance on the other side of the river was a bright, busy amusement park, but all the sounds from it were barely audible. Other than that, the scene was very still. My mouth hung open. It was so beautiful.

"Wow..." I whispered.

Jaejin, who was only halfway done with his ice cream cone, stopped to awe at the scenery with me. "Yeah..."

We stood there in silence, just admiring. I felt like, in that moment, we were the only ones in the city. In the world.

"Here, want the rest of my ice cream? My stomach is about to explode," Jaejin asked, breaking the silence. He held the ice cream out in front of me.

I smirked at him. "That walk didn't work off anything?"

"Nope. I feel fat just holding this."

I scoffed at him and poked him lightly in the stomach. He leaned over, holding his abs.

"Yah, don't do that!"

"Was that a six pack I felt? I felt a six pack."

He blushed and looked away. "Just eat the ice cream."

I laughed. I held onto the top of the ice cream cone for support and the ice cream while Jaejin still held it. The coldness bit at my tongue, but it was delicious. Though most food was delicious to me anyways... I went in for a toothless bite.

"Ahh, yummy. Why don't you want the rest?"

Jaejin was staring at me with an intrigued expression. I stared back, confused. He chuckled. "Minhwan-ah, you've got ice cream all over your nose."

I raised a hand to my face, feeling flustered. "Really?" I tried to it off, but couldn't reach it. I tried reaching higher. Jaejin burst out into laughter.

My face flushed in humiliation. I realized what I was doing. Duh. It was the most gullible trick in the book. "Hyung... Stoooop..."

I raised a hand to wipe it off, or to see if it was even there. As soon as I did, Jaejin grabbed my wrist. I flinched.

"I'll get it."

He came closer, still holding my wrist. His expression was serious. I backed up a little bit while he drew nearer and nearer to my face.

A flashback of our kiss ran through my mind.

Our kiss.

He wasn't going to kiss me...

Was he?

My heart pounded harder and faster. He could probably feel my pulse through my arm. His breath tickled my face. He was so close.

The kiss played over and over again. That's all I could think of, that he was going to kiss me.

He paused, inches from my mouth. I drew in my breath and clamped my eyes shut. I was going to have a heart attack.

Here it comes.

Then, he stuck his tongue out and the ice cream off the tip of my nose.

"There. You're acting like I'm going to hurt you or something," he said, chuckling casually, and drawing back.

My eyes tore open.

He'd... me.

I was stunned.

He wasn't going to kiss me. Of course not.

What was I thinking?

How dumb of me.

For thinking that, maybe, my kiss with him on that stage had meant something. For thinking, deep down, he might have cared about the kiss. For thinking he liked me. For thinking we could be together.

I realized he was still holding me. I yanked my arm free from his grasp and turned away, anger suddenly bursting from inside me. I don't know why I overreacted so much, but I felt like I just couldn't take any more of his teasing. It had been a year of liking him, only for him to play with me all the time. I was done.

"W-what are you doing?? Just stop it..." I could feel my ears and face burning red.

Jaejin looked at me with somewhat hurt eyes. "... What? I just your nose. You're acting like it's a big deal..."

"It is a big deal! It's like you don't even care!"

I realized the words that had escaped from my mouth. I watched as Jaejin's eyes widened. I looked away.

"Ngh... It's just... n-never mind-"

"Minhwan." Jaejin grabbed my hand that was resting at my side. A mixture of anger, sadness, surprise and butterflies collected in my stomach. I wanted to pull away again, but I couldn't move.

"Minhwan. Tell me what's wrong. You've been hiding something from me. I care about you. Just tell me. Please."

I avoided eye contact. My head was spinning. I tried to pull my hand away immaturely, but he tightened his grip. So many emotions whirled around inside me.

He doesn't care.

But... here he was. He was caring about me. He'd even said it. Was I being immature, coming to conclusions that he didn't have feelings? That he thought nothing of our kiss? Of anything that had happened with us?

Yeah. I was. Him being here with me; that meant something. He wouldn't be here if he didn't care at all. I took a shaky breath and briefly looked at Jaejin. He stared intently. I broke away from his eyes.

Just do it, Minhwan. There's no point lying. But how do I say it? How do I start?

"So... Umm..." I began, breathing out a sigh. Jaejin waited patiently. "... Um..."

This was harder than I thought.

I exhaled again. "The... at the fan meeting today... you know we..." I gulped. "...kissed...?"

Jaejin tensed, but nodded slowly.

"Uh... so..."

"Yeah?"

I gulped again, feeling my palms sweat. Just say it.

"Sothatkisswasmyfirstkiss," I slurred. I attempted to cover my beet red face with my bangs, but didn't succeed.

I didn't see Jaejin's face, but I felt his hand tighten in mine. "O-oh..."

I didn't respond.

It was silent for a couple seconds. It felt like years, waiting for his response. Long, painful years.

"Minhwan... I didn't know. Really. You told all of us that you'd had your first kiss already! I didn't think it'd be a big deal for you to do that in front of everyone..."

"I know."

"Why didn't you just tell us the truth?"

I took a deep breath. "Because... you guys were all talking about your first kisses and all that and... I'm already teased by you guys enough... It's always 'pick on the magnae'. I mean, I'm okay with that, but I just... I don't know."

I finally met Jaejin's eyes, which were written with astonishment. I was just as surprised with my confession as he was. I continued, my voice rising. "You guys all seemed to know what love was like. I'd never even... I'd never even had a first love. I was jealous. Of all of you. So I pretended to know. I pretended to know, but I didn't. I still barely know." My voice faltered at the last couple of words. I looked down at Jaejin's hand in mine. "I'm learning, but..."

I felt my eyes water. I laughed softly. "Great, now I'm crying..." I mumbled, wiping a tear with the heel of my palm. Why was I getting so emotional about this? Now I really looked like the baby now.

"Minhwan..." Jaejin whispered, raising his free hand and wiping another tear that had fallen.

He seemed to be filled with guilt. That's not how I wanted him to feel at all.

"If that's what's bothering you, you shouldn't feel bad. That girl I kissed... We didn't last long. I don't even consider it a first love. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing to do. I haven't found the one yet, either. Or, well..." Jaejin's voice faded as he stared at me. "... I'm in the middle of finding them. But that's beside the point.

"I think your first love, or any love, should be unconditional, and not one-sided. You don't let a minute go by without thinking of them. You imagine spending an eternity with them. There's no second thoughts. You know that you'll never love another. That's what I think... And I never did think of that girl in that way," Jaejin finished, turning away and zoning off at the ferris wheel in the distance. The wind picked up, blowing Jaejin's hair slightly in front of his face. He faced me again, smiling. "You'll find them, Minhwan. I know you will."

That wasn't the only thing bothering me, not finding my first love. I wondered if he realized that. But I soaked in everything he had said.

With every word, I'd thought of him.

I loved him so much I couldn't even sleep at night.

I never wasted a second to think of him.

I couldn't think of me loving anyone else.

But... Was this a one-sided love?

Did he think of me in the way he'd described his true love?

I hope you find your first love too, Jaejin. Because he's right in front of you. I wanted to scream it out loud to him.

I had to know. If he didn't love me, then I'd give him up. It would be hard, but I'd let him go.

I tightened my own grip on his hand, building up my courage. It was now or never. "Jaejin... I want to know what you're thinking."

He looked at me, surprised.

My heart was pounding out of control, but I pressed on. "You always ask how I feel. I want to know how you feel now," I said, my voice rising in tone. Just say it. "Because... I..."

I suddenly felt my hand being lifted to where Jaejin's heart was, causing me to step closer. He placed my hand there, his hand on top of mine. He closed his eyes and smiled.

His heartbeat was fast, his pulse seeming to quicken the longer I kept my hand there. It was loud and strong. It was strange; his heart made me feel calm, but at the same time, caused my own heart to race. What was this? What was he doing?

"You want to know how I feel?" he said in a hushed tone. He squeezed my hand harder.

I stared up to him.

"Yes. I do."

He leaned closer to meet me face to face. A nervous shock ran all through my body.

Is this what love was? This feeling of closeness? My heart and his beating like this?

"I'm sorry that I couldn't see how you felt..."

He let my hand fall from his chest but continued to hold it. He inched towards my face once again. "...and..." he glancing down at my lips as if to ask for permission.

He was going to kiss me. For the second time that day. I didn't question it this time. This wasn't going to be a on the nose. I could feel it. Jaejin's pulse made it clear.

He stared deeply into my eyes. I watched as he closed them, stopped breathing and leaned in, closing the space between our lips.

 

And he kissed me.

 

It was nothing like our first one.

It was silent, still. No laughing, shouting fangirls.

It was under a dim streetlight, a slight breeze brushing our cheeks.

It was long and passionate. Just Jaejin and I. Hand in hand. Our hearts beating together.

It was perfect.

He finally parted from me. I opened my eyes and dropped my hand, disappointed he'd stopped. His eyes opened too, as if he was waking from a trance. His breathing was quiet but noticeable, his cheeks red. I knew mine weren't any lighter. My heart never slowed, still reacting from what had just happened.

Kiss me again, I wanted to say. I pleaded with my eyes, hoping he understood. I wanted to kiss him forever.

"I think... you deserved a better first kiss," Jaejin concluded, still panting a bit.

I frowned. "Really? Those are the only reasons?"

A silly grin formed on his face. He wrapped his arms around my neck, bringing me even closer, and met my lips again. "Of course not."

Sparks flew in my chest. I raised my arms, hugged him back, and I kissed a little harder. I tilted my head to the other side and went in again.

We were touching. Body to body, lips to lips. I could feel his heart beating. It was sensational.

He did care. He loved me. He was mine.

No more wondering how he felt. I knew now. There were no words to describe my happiness.

Yeah. This is what I pictured my first kiss to be like.

My mind traveled back to that night he'd held me in his bed. I remembered wishing I could stay in his arms, just like that, for the rest of my life. Just like that.

Maybe my wish was finally coming true.

 

I didn't want to, but I pulled away to catch my breath. Still holding him, I looked into his eyes. I don't think I could ever get tired of those eyes. He smiled at me again with his perfect lips. I pulled him in and buried my face into his shirt. His sweet, fresh scent filled my nose. He was all mine.

"Hyung... I love you." I gripped his shirt between my fingers.

He laughed silently and hugged me tighter. "I love you, too."

I smiled under his clothes. He was warm, as always. I'd never felt so comfortable.

"You're so cute. Have I told you that?"

"Hyung..."

Jaejin laughed again. 

 

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Ahahaha, I loved writing this part ♥
Title gave it away. Sorryyyy. c:

It was so awkward when I was writing it though, because my sister and brother were around when I was writing it on my iPod and they were being dumbf@cks and asking me what I was writing, and kept looking over my shoulder to read it.

They already know I write . So whatev. xD

 

Gyehehe, okay I'll try and post the last chapter tomorrow. 8D
Hope you like the story~ :DD

 

 

Shout-out to OnAFallingStar because I love you and your long comments ♥ x)