pairing: hunhan.
word count: 2600.
rating: pg.
genre: slice-of-life, fluff, very slight angst(?).
warning(s): hinted mental instabilities.
summary: luhan helps sehun live again.
 

Unlocking a door while carrying two large shopping bags filled to the brim is not a simple task, but, luckily for Luhan, his experience with it has made him somewhat of an expert on the matter. Even so, it takes quite a bit of balancing and juggling for him to finally be able to push open the door so he can enter the apartment. It takes even more effort for him to toe off his shoes, though he manages to do that as well, and he immediately heads towards the kitchen to unload his groceries.

Luhan has made it halfway through the second bag when a lanky arm suddenly reaches past him to grab the box of cookies he just placed on the cupboard shelf. Most people would probably be surprised to find someone else in the room with them when they didn't even hear anyone enter. Not Luhan, though. He has been here long enough to know better than that, so rather than startling, his first reaction is to deter the furtive hand by clearing his throat pointedly. “Stop that,” he chastises. “No snacks until you've had something proper to eat.”

“I did eat!” Sehun objects from somewhere behind him.

Luhan knows Sehun too well to believe that. He spins to fix him with a disbelieving glance, one eyebrow quirked upwards. “You just ate uncooked ramyun for lunch again, didn't you?”

Eyes flickering, Sehun mumbles a quiet, sheepish: “Maybe.”

Luhan clicks his tongue to show his disapproval. “Yeah, that's what I thought.” He ignores the dejected look on Sehun's face. “You can have some cookies after dinner, okay? I'll cook for us.”

“Okay,” Sehun gives in with a reluctant purse of his lips, and Luhan, now satisfied, smiles and turns back around to pick up where he left off.

The bags are soon emptied. Luhan stows them away for later use, then turns to look at Sehun again. This time he really looks, taking in Sehun's soft, too large clothes that hang off his skinny frame and his shaggy hair. The last part has Luhan frowning, and he reaches out to touch the messy mop on top of Sehun's head. He pauses with his hand hovering in the space between them to make sure Sehun knows he intends to touch him, and like this he waits for Sehun's uneasy expression to even out, for the tension to fade from his shoulders. Once Sehun looks less panicked, Luhan goes through with it and runs his fingers through his hair. “When was the last time you got a haircut?” he asks.

“I don't remember.”

“You kind of need one,” Luhan says. Right away, he can tell he messed up, that he phrased his sentence too indelicately, and he backpedals: “Uh, I mean, I think it would look really good if you let me cut your hair. Not that you don't already look good, but...”

It's too late. The damage is already done. Sehun's eyebrows have drawn together, and he pulls back just far enough to rid himself of Luhan's hand, which then falls down to swing listlessly by Luhan's side. . “What's the point?” Sehun mumbles, eyes lowered to look at his feet and his arms wrapped around himself to act as a barrier between them. “There's no need to try to look good when no one's going to see me anyway.”

“I see you.” Luhan's own words have him cringing. In his head, that sounded a lot more convincing and a lot less like a bad line from one of the cheesy romance dramas Zitao likes to watch.

Surprisingly enough, it seems to win Sehun over. His lips are a thin line, slightly downturned at the corners, and his brow is still furrowed, but he nods slowly. “Okay.”

After relocating to the apartment's tiny bathroom, Luhan starts off by bending Sehun over the sink. He cups warm water in the hollow of his hand and pours it gently over Sehun's head to wet his hair, and then he makes him sit on the chair they brought in so he can massage floral scented shampoo into Sehun's now damp locks.

The entire time, Luhan can feel Sehun trembling right under the tips of his fingers, and it's clear he's not completely comfortable with the amount of physical contact they're exchanging. Sehun doesn't show any sign of wanting to stop, though, and he doesn't motion to pull away so neither does Luhan. He just keeps going, and his heart swells a little with pride. If Luhan had attempted to do anything like this back when they first met, Sehun would've run away and locked himself in his room before Luhan even had the chance to reach out for him. Sehun has really come a long way since then. “You're doing great,” Luhan praises him.

Sehun's tense shoulders lower, if only a bit. After another few moments, he lets out an almost inaudible sigh. “Sorry I'm always so weird.”

They're not facing each other so Luhan has to raise his gaze to look at Sehun in the mirror, but Sehun's eyes are closed, most likely to avoid eye contact since he still has a hard time with that as well. Luhan has to keep himself from frowning. Sehun always does this. He always apologizes as if he wanted this life, as if he's doing it on purpose, as if he chose to be this way. Luhan is perfectly aware that if Sehun actually had a choice, he would have chosen pretty much anything but this, but he also knows that no matter how many times he tells Sehun he doesn't have to apologize, Sehun is not going to get rid of the habit any time soon. So Luhan simply repeats: “Weird?”

Sehun gives a one-shouldered shrug. “You know,” he mumbles. And Luhan does know – or at least he knows what Sehun is referring to – but he doesn't say anything. He just makes Sehun bend over the sink again so he can rinse out the shampoo.

“You've improved a lot,” Luhan says minutes later when he's wielding the shears to cut Sehun's hair. “Things have gotten a lot better in the time I've known you.” Sehun doesn't say anything in response, but Luhan is used to holding up conversations single-handedly when he's here, so he carries on nonetheless: “If this had been six months ago, you wouldn't even have let me close enough to touch you. Trust me, you're definitely improving.”

“That's only because it's you,” Luhan thinks he hears Sehun mutter under his breath. The flush of embarrassment in Sehun's cheeks is the only thing that stops Luhan from commenting on it.

Shorter hair suits Sehun well. He has always been handsome, Luhan thinks, but this hairstyle actually does his face the justice it deserves. It shows off his features – his cheekbones, his jawline, his eyes – and makes his overall appearance much neater and cleaner to look at. Sehun still seems a little unsure about it as he checks himself out in the mirror, turning his head this way and that to see it from all angles, and Luhan knows it's been a long time since his hair was so short he couldn't use it to hide behind. “It looks good,” Luhan assures him. “You look good.”

“Really?” Sehun's lips curve further downward as though he doesn't believe Luhan. As though he thinks Luhan is lying to him to make him feel better.

Luhan nods. “You do,” he says as he reaches up to brush a few loose hairs away from Sehun's shoulder with a gentle hand. “Very handsome.” There's a light pink dusting across the skin of Sehun's face and it's inexplicably satisfying.

It's when they're in the kitchen preparing dinner that Luhan remembers to ask about the progress on Sehun's paintings. In reply, he gets a shrug. “Same as usual,” Sehun says glumly. The next chop of the knife he's using to cut vegetables for their stir fry is a little more forceful than necessary, and it's clear that the question has made him upset.

Luhan shoots him a sidelong glance. He always has to make sure to keep an eye on Sehun whenever they're cooking together. It's going to be a while before Sehun is allowed to use sharp objects without supervision. The knife in his hand is one Luhan brought over today with the purpose of cooking, and he's going to take it with him when he leaves, too. “You're still struggling to get out of your slump?”

“I'm just uninspired, I guess,” Sehun says with another shrug. “Whatever. It's not like I'm any good at painting, anyway.”

“That's not true,” Luhan immediately says. “You know how many people are dying to get their hands on a piece of your art. You know how many fans and supporters you have.” He sees Sehun frowning, and it occurs to him that it might have been the wrong thing so say, so he quickly follows it up with: “It's okay, though. This can happen to anyone. You'll get your mojo back eventually, I know you will.” Sehun's mouth is a thin line again, his knuckles white around the handle of the knife. Luhan doesn't comment on it, but he takes the knife out of Sehun's hand and sets it down on the counter. Just to be sure. “I think dinner's ready soon. Can you go set the table?”

Sehun doesn't respond, but he does what's asked of him, turning around to grab plastic plates from one of the cupboards. With Sehun's attention elsewhere, Luhan allows himself to deflate a little. He really needs to learn how to pick his words more carefully. He doesn't want another Situation on his hands, not now. Not when Sehun has come such a long way.

Sehun drops the bomb on Luhan while they're eating. He puts down his utensils, takes a deep breath and says: “Hyung, I want to go out.”

Luhan proceeds to nearly impale the roof of his own mouth with a chopstick out of surprise, though he manages to conceal it well... he thinks. “You mean out as in... outside?” he confirms. There is a slim chance Sehun could be talking about something else. Luhan needs to make sure they're on the same line of thought before he even begins to get his hopes up.

Slowly, Sehun nods. “Yeah, I want to try. I'm... I think I'm ready. I think I can do it. Or maybe... I don't know. Do you think I can do it? Maybe I can't.” The more he speaks, the more panicked he starts to sound, and the more he seems to doubt himself, so Luhan reaches across the table and places his hand on top of Sehun's in an attempt to calm him down.

“You're strong,” Luhan says with conviction. “I know you have it in you to do anything you want to. If you want to go outside, we'll go outside. Together.” He's looking Sehun right in the eye as he speaks, and he can tell that Sehun is bravely fighting to keep their gazes locked even though it makes him uncomfortable. Luhan gives his hand a squeeze. He's so proud.

“I want to,” Sehun finally says after a while of quiet thinking, and he says it in a voice that's halfway self-assured, halfway terrified. Luhan smiles.

Luhan worries he might lose his hand with how tightly Sehun is clinging to it, clutching the limb so hard it feels like the blood circulation to his fingers is starting to cut off. They've barely made it past the doorstep of Sehun's apartment, but Sehun is already a trembling mess. He walks with slow, measured steps, like he fears his legs could give out under him at any moment. Luhan remains patient, though, and he keeps quietly reassuring him as they make their way down the stairs to get to the ground floor. “You're doing great,” he says. “You're doing so great. You're amazing.”

“I'm doing great,” Sehun repeats. His fingers curl tighter around Luhan's. “I'm doing great.”

It's early evening, and the horizon is bright orange fading into pastels and rich, dark blue over their heads. From the top step of the stairs leading to the entrance of Sehun's building they watch the setting sun, see it disappear behind the tall buildings of the city's skyscrapers in the not-so-far distance. It's a quiet night. It's warm for the season, the wind is practically nonexistent, and there is a group of kids chasing a ball around on the small field of green grass in front of the apartment complex. Everything is nice and calm.

By Luhan's side, Sehun is still shaking, so Luhan casts a furtive glance at him to see how he's holding up. The light of the fading sun makes his pale skin look like it's glowing. He's beautiful. “Are you okay?” Luhan asks. His eyes involuntarily follow the line of Sehun's throat as he swallows thickly, then nods. “Do you want to continue?”

The second reply comes a little slower. “I... I think I would like to go back inside now.”

Luhan smiles a small smile. They didn't make it far, but Sehun actually left his apartment for the first time in a very, very long time, and that's progress. Some progress is better than nothing at all. “That's okay,” Luhan tells him. “You did great.”

“I did great,” Sehun whispers to himself, nodding.

The first thing Sehun does when they get back to the apartment is make a beeline for his bedroom. Luhan follows him, somewhat concerned, but feels relieved when he sees that Sehun left the door open. Cautiously, Luhan enters the room where he finds Sehun curled up on top of his sheets, and he crosses the floor to kneel next to the bed. “How are you doing?” he asks.

He's not prepared to have Sehun's long arms suddenly wrapping around him, but once the initial surprise fades away, he feels both touched and proud. It's the first time Sehun has ever hugged him. It's the first time Sehun has ever initiated physical contact between them. “I did it, hyung,” Sehun whispers, sounding elated and freaked out all at once. “I did it, and I'm okay, I'm okay.”

“You did it,” Luhan agrees. “I'm proud of you.” Sehun presses his face into Luhan's shoulder, and Luhan's heart does a weird, confusing flip, which he ignores in favor of asking: “How was it?”

“Pretty ing scary,” Sehun admits with a shuddery exhale. “Not as scary as I had feared, though. Maybe that's because you were there with me.”

The last part is mumbled, but Luhan hears it nonetheless, and he can almost feel the heat of Sehun's cheeks where they press against him through his shirt. His heart does that flip again, now with the addition of a lump that gets stuck in Luhan's throat, and he has to swallow it down before anything else. He also gently pushes Sehun away in order to look at him as he speaks. “Do you want to try going outside again?”

Sehun is quiet as he considers it. “Tomorrow?” he suggests.

“Sure.” Smiling, Luhan runs his fingers through Sehun's hair. “I'll stop to buy you some new shoes on the way.” It's been so long since Sehun left his apartment that all his shoes are several sizes too small. “Some that actually fit your giant feet.”

And for the first time ever, Luhan actually gets to see Sehun smiling back at him. “Okay.”

The next day when Luhan comes over, Sehun has painted a beautiful sunset.

~*~

A/N: it has become somewhat of a tradition for me to post a hunhan story for their birthdays and I guess this year is no different. it also marks the two year anniversary of this oneshot collection. happy anniversary! \o/ and happy birthday!! ♥

I've actually been wanting to write this story for quite some time, but I wasn't sure how to make it work. slice-of-life is always kind of difficult for me because I'm not sure if it's going to be boring or what. but whatever. here it is. I hope it's not boring even though it's just 2600 words of pretty much nothing.

that's all I have to say.

ps. if you squint, you can believe this is set in the same universe as "sound effects and overdramatics".