SORRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  TO ALL MY DEAR FOR THE LATE UPDATE~~~

PROLOGUE II

Hye little diary it has been two weeks right. miss me ???

I have a bad news and no one know it unless me and wufan.

Wufan said that he doesn’t want me anymore and he doesn’t love me.

This is all my fault right. if I respect his privacy and his friends, we wouldnt be like this.

We still can walk while holding hand and sharing  kiss .

But all of it is just a memory. What should I do. Its too hurt.

Its killing me slowly. Me myself, and my body are really tired.

I just want to rest and have a happy life.

But all of that is just nothing now.

Yixing tries to call wufan but wufan has changed his number again. He tries to ask luhan and other friends but no one know and he even calls wufan’s family , but they said wufan hasn’t comes home for a month now. so they don’t know.

Yixing goes to the hospital today as luhan call for emergency call.

“what it is luhan ?” yixing asks weakly as he sits opposite to luhan.

Luhan’s face looks bad and not in a good mood 

“do you have a constipation or what ??? you are a doctor. You have to be healthy luhaniee….” Yixing jokes a little while showing the best smile on his face.

Seeing yixing makes luhan suffers and distress. Behind all of those sweet smile, there are something who are  killing him. But yixing is strong, he is still smiling when he meets other people. He never mix up his feeling with other business. How come all this things happened to yixing.

“what it is luhan ? im waiting.”

“remember last month we did a scan and a little check to you right.”

Yixing nods. His heart start to feel uneasy. But he is still calm and cool with a simple smile on his face.

“im sorry yixing. but… but the cell.. the cancer cell grows again.”

Yixing just stay still and his smile is still there. He is still sitting still and cool. there are no emotion changes that luhan can see.

“so..” yixing voice waver a little and his tears start to pool in his eyes. luhan can see his eyes start to become glassy and thats hurt luhan so much. But yixing is strong, he tries to keep smiling and gather all the strength that he has. “ so how long…” yixing bits his lips a little to control the emotion.

Luhan just watches yixing. he feels so bad now as he cant do anything. He wants to sooth yixing but he dont think he needs to do that. he thinks yixing maybe needs some time alone to accept that.

“how long can I live luhan ?” he finally asks as a tear drop to his cheek.

“I don’t know. we cant predict that. Anything can happen as the cells grows to rapid  and we found that the cells  start to active two months ago. You are in critical state and you have to be hospitalize today.” luhan says in repentance.

Tears fall on the cheek after hearing that. Miracle only happened once. So this time, he belives that he will die. Alone. Yixing looks down to his lap. He cant let luhan see him like this. Crying like a little child. Why he is crying now. Why. This is his fault. He has forgotten that he still has the cancer cell in his body. He is being too preoccupied with the world that promise nothing to him like now. He never think that. 

“luhan can you help me.” Yixing asks ah his eyes still to his lap.

“of course I will yixing. what it is ?” luhan tries his best to helps his friend.

“please…don’t tell wufan anything.” Yixing says as he lift his face  to luhan.

“but…” luhan protests as wufan needs to know this and wufan was one of the doctor in yixing's case three years ago. means that wufan knows really well about yixing condition and they can refer to that.

“no don’t tell him anything. even if....” yixing stops as he takes a deep breath before he continues his words again " even if i die." yixing says again as he smiles to luhan.

Luhan hate this. Why yixing is acting this way. Its true wufan has dumped him but wufan is specialist in this. wufan might help him to recover and survive again.

"this is my last wish..." yixing adds again softly.

hearing that makes luhan to agree for everything. he nods with a heavy heart as this is his last wish. luhan cant deny it, the chances for yixing to survive is less 40%. Anything can happen and maybe it will be less than that. so why dont luhan just grant what his bestfriend wants before he leaves.

Yixing then gets on his feet and walks out from the room.

Its hurt to  handle all by himself but what can he do. He was fate to die alone. He walks out from the hospital and weave into a crowd of people on the street . he just walks and follow the flow and he doesnt care where he will reach. There are thousand of people walking pass him and evryone have a  life. Everyone walk with someone and if not, they are heading to somewhere to meet someone. 

however, Yixing is walking alone and no one is waiting for him to meet him. No one will welcome him when he get home. he has no one. Even the perso that he love the most hast left him without any clear reason. 

am i that bad ? why i have no ne with me now. whathave i done????

The house feels so unfamiliar to him now. this no longer his place. He doesn’t belong to here. Wufan is right and this is his place. he  doesnt belong here. thinking about that, his limb has brought him to  the  store  and brings out all the boxes. He takes all the frames on the wall, the picture of them on the tables and place it in the box. He changes the curtain to the original one which is white in colour together with  the bed sheet. All of it yixing changes to the one when he first came here before. He changes all the position of the furniture back and he arranges all the kitchenware back to his place. He removes all the plates and mugs that he and wufan used and replace back to normal. Everything that he bought and related to him he places  it in the boxes. All the pictures and the gift or even the decoration. Yixing takes all of it. he doesnt want to leave even one trace of the existence of him here. he knows wufan will not like that. he must want to fulfill his surrounding with baekhyun now. so yixing doesnt want to burden wufan to clear all the mess up created by him.

“so this is it. the real one.” Yixing says as the place finally looks like how he came for the first time before. all are black and white just like wufan's favorite colour.

He smiles while watching to all places. There is no traces of him now. everything back to normal just like before he comes to wufan’s life. Lastly, yixing goes to the master bedroom, place where they make love almost for every night. place that is full with sweet memories and now its only just a memories that only yixing will remember and fond it. Yixing then takes his luggage which is full with all of his clothes and the couple shirt,hoodie and many more and places it at the living rooms. He gathers all the boxes, his bags and his things there. He walks  around the house one more time to ensure nothing is left.

He calls a taxy then and wait there. He sits on the couch and takes his diary and start to write while enjoying the last moment there. he takes his polaroid and takes a picture of wufan's place and glues it to his diary. Now he will grant wufan’s last wish which is for him to move out from the house and from his life. All the memories comes to his mind. The sweet memorie of them. the laughter and the silly jokes that are still can be heard clearly in yixing's ears. he feels that it was just yesterday since he met wufan. the gummy smile of wufan that is still vivid in his mind.

But then knocks can be heard that arouses yixing from the trance. Yixing walks to the door and saw the taxy driver is already there. He told the taxy driver to help him with the things while he wants to call kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo, can you please help me ?

What it is xingie-ge ?

I want to place my things at your place. can I ?

Of course you can. But why ? wufan's place is shrinking or what ge ?

Ahhh nothing. juts something that have to be destroyed. Can I ?

Yes yes of course you can.

Yixing then told the taxy driver to go to the kyungsoo’s place after they take all things to the car. Kyungsoo's place is just  just 10 minutes away from there but the ride feels so long for yixing. He watches the people  walking , the shops, the market where he always go to buy food , the surrounding that he really loves. He never expect that he will leave this place. Maybe this will be his last time being here. His eyes moving through out all the places. Places that are fulled with memories of him and wufan and almost evveryone here know about his relationship with wufan. A happy couple in town, the nickname which was given by people around here.

I wonder if wufan ever remember our memories.

“we are here.” The taxy driver says making yixing jolts a little.

“ohh. Can you please help me again to bring the boxes down ?”

“of course I will.” The taxy driver says as he starts to take the boxes and  bring it into kyungsoo’s store.

Yixing carries a box full with picture frames in it. Picture of him and wufan. He carry it carefully in his hand and place it together with other boxes and he opens it for the last time. His eyes loom over it. The memories that they created for almost 2 years and now is like a trash that no one want it. He wants to bring it with him but he has to be hospitalize and he don’t know where to put it.  Maybe this will be the safest place. He will ask kyungsoo to throw this later. He just doesn’t have a heart to throw all of that now.

“xing ge.” kyungsoo calls making the older to arouse from the trance.

Yixing closes the box immediately and he takes one of the picture in his hand. “yeah kyungsoo.” Yixing asks as he gets on his feet.

“are you ok ? you looks different ? is something happened to you and wufan ?” kyungsoo asks in curiousity.

Yixing just smiles to the younger one. “ we are just not fate to be together kyungsoo. Im fine. Don’t worry k” yixing tries to convince the younger.

“are you sure? If you have anything you can call me anytime. Or why don’t you just stay here?”

“no no kyungsoo. Im fine. I have another things to do. Thank you.” yixing gives a soft smile.

“ the box ? can I open it ?” kyungsoo asks while looking to his ge with his pointing to his store.

“can I say no ?” yixing teases the younger.

“ok then.” kyungsoo grins to the tease.

“I have to go now kyungsoo. Thanks a lot.”yixing thanks to the younger and bow a little.

Yixing then walks toward kyungsoo and hugs him a little.

“thanks a lot kyungsoo and im sorry if  I hurt you.” yixing whispers to the younger’s ear.

kyungsoo's eyes widen as he is shock with it. “whats wrong with you ge ? its not that we are not going to meet after this right.” 

“who knows ?” yixing smiles to kyungsoo. “bye…” Yixing says and gets into the taxy.

If I can tell you what really happen kyungsoo.

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“its good that you come here early yixing.” 

“this is not the first time luhan.” yixing says while smiling to his bestfriend.

“you are always like this yixing. so are you satisfied with this room ? you can see sun set and rise from here. And the garden there.” luhan explains to his friend.

“yeah im fine. Can I sleep? I am sleepy.” Yixing says weakly and he lays himself on the bed.

luhan gives a small smiles. “ok. I will leave you now.” 

Luhan then walks to the meeting room. after leaving yixing in his room. The other doctors are already there, discussing about yixing’s health.

“so how is it him luhan?” asks dc choi (choi siwon)

“he looks so pale and thin and I think he always sleepy. Im not sure whether he has the headache or not while he is sleeping.”

“where is dc wu ?” dc lee(lee donghae) asks out of sudden.while looking through yixing's record.

“ohh about that. Yixing said he doesn’t want to let wufan know about this. So..’ luhan explains to his other friends.

“so there will be only three of us. Im ok with that since that is his last wish.” Dc choi adds again who also knows about wufan is dating the new nurse now.

Luhan just nods.

“this is the film for his head. We can see the cell has grown rapidly and I don’t know how we are not aware of it. if we know a little it early we can cure it I mean…. we can control it. but now…” dc choi says while holding the film of  yixing’s head.

“yeahhh we cant do anything with the condition of him like this now. he is at the critical state. But still we can try to do chemo or any other way. we cant operate as he has haemophilia. What do you think ? ” Dc lee asks.

“we have to try our best. No matter what we have to save his life. He did survive last time so maybe this time he is able to survive again. We have to always observe him from time to time.” Luhan adss again.

“yes of course. We will try our best. So who will the nurse that will take care of him ?” dr lee asks while looking to the yixing’s file. again.

“I will assign zitao and  taeyeon. They are the best person now I think.” Luhan states while checking the film again

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Yixing awakes later when beam of light shines to his eyes. Its already 6.30 pm when he wakes up. Yixing rest his body to the headboard and his body feels so heavy for him to move around much. His hand then grabs for his bag on the floor.

‘yeah its here. I thought I forgot it again.” Yixing says to himself and place the bag on the floor again. Yixing then shifts his eyes to the window. He looks to the sun which is getting ready to go down. The orange sky and birds who are flying freely enjoying the iridescent of the world.

It is beautiful scenery. Watching sunset is one of yixing's routine. But today is different as he watches it from different place now and his life has changed since luhan told him about his health. Everything doesn’t look the same anymore to yixing. Now he has to spend his life in the hospital till the time comes.

If you are here with me, I wouldn’t ask God to give me anything else. I will never ask Him to prolong my life. I will never ask Him to cure my disease. But for you to be here with me also sounds so impossible and ridiculous. I don’t even know where you are now and you also doesn’t know where am I …

Yixing gets on his feet slowly to go near the window,  to watch the scenery closer.

please, i want to watch this again tomorrow....

The sun is already hiding half of itself. Luhan is right. Scenery from here is pretty. At least he still can watch his favorite scenery even from the place that he hate the most. He watches the sun to disappear from his sight and till the moon comes out. After the sun dissapears moon and stars will light up the world with their shine that makes the night looks so beautiful.

Yixing then walks slowly to his bed again and lays on it. He feels so tired and sleepy. He doesn’t like being like this. He feels so useless. He really miss to do his favorite activity like dancing, cooking, singing and many more. Now he cant do anything and he always sleepy and tired . He just have to lay on the bed for all the time. He has no friends to talk and laugh. No one is here to hear his heart. he wants to laugh, wants to hear jokes. He wants to laugh again like before. 

Yixing jerks a little when the smiling zitao comes in with a tray of food in his hand.

“owhhhh sorry xing-ge. I didn’t mean to disturb you but this your dinner. Finish all of it. and this is your medicine. Eat all of these ge.” Xitao says as he walks to yixing.

Yixing smiles to his friend who is working here as a nurse “ I will zitao. Don’t worry.”

“ge” zitao calls softly as he sits on the chair besides the bed.

yixing turns his head to zitao who is calling him just now.

“wufan-ge ?”

“ohhh.. we are not together anymore.” Yixing says it calmly. He tries his best to control his voice to not to falter and his tears to not to fall.

“why?” zitao asks again. He knows wufan and yixing was a happy couple he cant belive that wufan will leave yixing for baekhyun. Everysone knows the wufan is dating with baekhyun, the new nurse.

“we are not fate to be together maybe.” Yixing says as he takes a spoon to eat his dinner.

“but ge th—“

“this is delicious zitao. Where did you buy it ?? or this is from hospital ?” yixing compliments and asks as he dont want zitao to talk about wufan anymore.

Zitao just watches his ge eats his food. He knows yixing is suffer inside. He can see it clearly. He knows yixing loves wufan so much and he will die for him. Why wufan has to do this to yixing. What has made wufan to dump yixing like this ??

“eat it ge. I will bring it again if you love it.” zitao tells yixing.

He knows his ge is already hurt by that and by the cancer cell that are groowing rapidly inside his body. He doesn’t want to burden yixing by asking too much questions. If yixing wants to tell him he will always be ready for that. But still he cant accept wufan's wrongdoing. 

“ge if you want to talk to me. I will always be here for you k.” zitao says softly.

“I know zitao. I will tell you if I have a problem.” Yixing says with his mouth full with foods.

Zitao just smiles. He knows yixing very well. Yixing will never tell him any of his problems even he say he will tell him. Yixing is a secretive person. He wouldn’t tell anybody and he will carry the burden all by himself. Yixing is always smiling but behind all of those sweet smile with dimples plastered on the cheeks, thousands of secret are hidden there that no one know about it.

Zitao then walks out from the room. He feels so sad and disappointed.

“how with him zitao ?” luhan asks he saw zitao comes out.

“as usual ge. Smiling like nothing happened.” zitao says with a sad tone.

“why wufan-ge did this to yixing. yixing doesn’t deserved all of this treatment” luhan cries as he still didnt get the point of wufan leaving yixing.

“I don’t know. some of the staff know that wufan is dating that baekhyun, ge.”

“I know that. just make sure wufan will never know about yixing zitao. this is yixing’s last wish.” Luhan says as he pads zitao’s shoulder.

Zitao just nods and watches his ge walks away. Both of them are very worry about yixing.

Yixing lays on his bed as he finishes all of his food. He watches the  vast sky which is only  full with stars that are shining bright. Yixing really wants to walk on the street alone now. he wants to feel the fresh air touches his body and at least he can relax from all the pain and the burden that he is carrying now.

am i being selfish ??? letting you guys know about my sadness just will burden me more as i know that you will be worried about me..

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“wufan-ah,  do you love me ?”

“of course I am. Why ?”

“no Im just asking… what if in the future, you doesn’t love me anymore ?”

“listen here, no matter what happened, no one can replace you in my heart. The space in my heart is only for zhang yixing.” wufan says as he hold firmly to yixing’s shoulders with his hands.

The dimples pronounce clearly on yixing’s cheeks after hearing all those sweet words.

“me too wufan. even if you doesn’t love me anymore or you leave me, I will always love you.” yixing says as he tiptoes to reach the other’s lips.

Wufan the wraps his arm to the small waist in front of him and support his body. He kiss the soft lips in front of him gently. The sweet pinky lips that he always craving for.

The pain at his head has awaked yixing up. He opens his eyes slowly but his head feels so heavy and hurt. He feels like someone is stabbing his head. To alleviate it , he massage his head slowly with his hand . He opens up his eyes a little and looks to the window. He can see the sun is ready to rise. He holds his eyes to not to close. He wants to see the sun rise today. He has missed this scenery for a few times before. Starting from today he will make sure that he will see sun rise and set for everyday.  He turns his body completely on sideway to watch the scenery.

“it is so beautiful” yixing whispers weakly.

Yixing holds the bed sheet tight to suppress the pain. The pain has getting more pain day by day. Yixing has been hospitalize for a month now. The headache will attack yixing every morning and during the sleep since last two weeks. Yixing never told luhan nor zitao. He don’t want to make them worry and he don’t want to undergo chemotherapy that only torture him every time he did that three years ago. Every night yixing will sleep with the extremely pain at his head and wakes up in the morning still with pain. The pain will disappear few hours after he awakes in the morning.

The sun hasnt rise fully yet but he falls asleep again while trying to restrain the pain. His body shivering with his hand holding tight to the sheet an sweat dripping on the pale forehead. Yixing cant deny that the pain at his head is realy painful but at least he still can live as other people.If he do the treatment for cancer, he cant do anything. Someone will feed him and that someone will do everything for him as he cant do anything because of the effect of the treatment. For yixing its ok to hurt a little now , as long he still can live just like how he want it to be before he dies.

Luhan and his assistant zitao go to check for yixing’s health condition today. Yixing is facing to the window which is backfacing them  when they enter the room.

“xing-ah. Wake up” luhan calls softly as he shakes yixing’sarm gently.

His orbs widen when he feels yixing’s body shaking a little and the sounds of grinding teeth can be heard.

“xing. Xing wake up xing. yixing” Luhan calls again and again as  he starts to panicked and his voices start to rise.

Zitao who is standing there getting ready for anything to happen. Luckily yixing opens his eyes and he turns his body toward the owner of the voice who is calling him.

“are you ok ? why your body shivering when you are a sleeping? Did you have a headache during your sleep ?? tell me yixing” luhan throws  thousands of questions to yixing as he is worry looking to yixing now who is getting paler and paler from day to day.

“why ?” yixing asks as he sits up from the bed slowly and leans to the headboard. His voice sound so feeble.

“your head hurts when you are asleep right xing ? tell me now xing” luhan sounds like he is begging.

“if yes why with that ?” yixing asks he closes his eyes while leaning to the headboard.

“xing how many time do I have to tell you. if there is something happened to your body tell me. So that I can know how your condition now xing” luhan scolds to his bestfriends as he is disappointed with yixing's stubborn act.

“sorry for making you worry.” Yixing apologises weakly.

Luhan face contains myriad of frowns as he is too worry about yixing now. Then he continues his job again -- he takes the pressure of yixing’s blood, the temperature and everything.

“don’t forget to eat your breakfast xing.” Luhan says before he leaves yixing with zitao.

"im worry about him." luhan says tozitao while walking back to his room.

"me too. ge if he has the headache during sleep what will happen next ?"

"do you know the pain is truly hurt. i dont how he and other patients can bare with it. once the headache attack him, he will start to lose his memory. its not like amnesia. it is more like  he will tend to forget something and his past memories. he also may have a difficulty in writing or speaking or maybe listening or walking. because the pain from the headache will give impact to the nervous system. ( this is just a fiction k. dont believe it too much)" luhan explains o his assistant.

zitao astonished with what he just heard. he dont know whether he have the strength to see his ge like what luhan just explained.

"do you still bring him down to the garden every evening to see the sunset ?" luhan asks.

"yeahhh anything for him."

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"zitao can we go to the shop nearby. i want to buy something." yixing tells to zitao who are helping him pushing the wheelchair that he is sitting on.

yixing has rarely walked now. he only will walk if he want to go to the toilet. If not, he will just used the wheelchair and zitao or other nurse will bring him to anywhere that he wants. yixing doesnt like it at first but he accept that when he keep falling and hurting himself.

"what do you want to buy ?" zitao asks inquisitively.

yixing just smile and waits for zitao to send him to the shop.

"why did you buy that book ?"

"i want to write something. its boring here."

"ok then. what will you write ?" zitao asks as he pushes the wheelchair to the garden.

"anything.."

zitao brings yixing to the usual place that they go for almost everyday since a few weeks ago. zitao sits on the bench besodes yixing. yixing just watches the scenery and thats what yixing did for everyday when zitao brings him here.

"ge dont you get boring when you watch the same scenery for everyday?" zitao asks while watching the vast horizontal sky that full with birds flying all around.

yixing smiles and he stops his hand from writing. "no im not. i loves to see this" yixing answers to the question. " and i will miss this ... " he adds again and starts writing again. the painful fact that yixing has to accept that only will make him cry if he think about that. He knows he will cry if he looks to zitao now and he knows zitao is a soft-hearted guy. Why should he burden zitao with his problem. He has to be strong so that other people wouldnt get worry about him.

yixing lifts his face up again to see the sunset and he stops writing. he watches straight to the wide sky, with the flower around him- everything is beautiful. yixing will be very happy if he knows how to draw and he express himself by that. Before he used to express himself by dancing, but now he has no energy to dance anymore. He will fall even if he do the simplest step. 

zitao glances to his side, yizing is indeed beautiful. his pale skin and his eyes. No wonder wufan fell in love with him. He is so lovable, even he himself like to be with yixing. Yixing will cook and care about him. Zitao will feel so protected when he stays with yixing and he loves that. Yixing will cook his favorite chinese dishes and invite him to his place. 

 xing-ge why it has to be you....

zitao then shift his eyes to the book on yixing's lap. The papers flips because of the wind is blowing gently but zitao manages to read the words that written in it. Tears drop instantly when he read it and he hang his head low because he doesnt want yixing to know that he is crying and that only will break yixing's heart. 

          God why you let xing-ge to face this all by himself...

hye to my new little diary. hope i can share  my heart  with you >< 

well im lonely now cause no one is here with me.

know what you are different from my previous diary.

you are black and plain, even the papers inside you is  just plain white. nothing is beautiful about you. 

but maybe you will be  my last diary. haha. i dont know. but  im sure my last entry will be in  you :) 

first of all let me introduce myself to you, your owner

my name is zhang yixing and im 23 y.o. 

 i will die soon.

p/s: hye soryyyyyyyy k..i know im bad...making u guys waiting for me...i have done with this yesterday but im just afraid tht i will dissapoint u guys....hmm additional info  i changed yixing's age to 23 and the last scene,(yixing's entry) is like the one in the foreward right if u still remember...this first 2 chapters is like flshback k...actually yixing is already sick now and already at hospital for almost one month and a half...so this will be the last prologue...means that we will back to current time in the next chap and WHERE IN THE HELL IS WUFAN ACTUALLY... :( ....anyway share with me your heart k bout this chap..(bad or not??? :( ...cry or not?? :P ) ... ..i will udate anytime from now on k... to all my sweetie pie >< if u want to know where wufan is and what will happen next..please wait. ..i really appreciated it... :S

do leave some comment, do subscribe this if u like it and u want to know what will happen next and upvote if u think TLE deserves to be upvoted...last but not least...thanks a lot for reading to everyone and luv bb <3 :DDDDDDD