If he were Kyungsoo, which he is clearly not, Tao would draw a flow-chart to better explain his current life situation, with a whole set of bright colored pencils and strategically positioned asterisks that make in depth comments about a particular situation, but he is Huang Zitao so bullet points will do.

• Huang Zitao, twenty-four, works at 'EXO, We're all you need', handyman agency for all your necessities.

• At 12:30 on Monday Kim Jongdae stepped into their office asking for a fake boyfriend and Wu Fan's eyes flashed with money signs, while Lu Han chocked himself on his donuts. The ever kind Kris sets him up with Zitao.

• After five minutes with the man, Zitao wants to rip off his hair and scream bloody-murder. Jongdae seems unruffled.

• He is at present struck with a coffee maniac who smokes one cigarette too much.

• Kris will kill him if he calls the job off. Stupid office policy.