You close the laptop in front of you and sigh.

Sleepiness conquers your eyes~ or maybe you just want to be conquered by darkness.

This hurts.

You rub your face with your hands.

No matter how much you want Yunjae to be real, nothing really happens.

You of all people know that.

Your shoulders are as broad as his, your height is almost the same.

And that hurts.

This is late, you get up and walk out of the working room.

Your path crosses with his, he is returning from the living room to his bedroom.

You mutter ‘good night’ in a merrily tone, despite the tremors in your heart.

How does it come to this?

How did you fall in love with a man?

How will you survive?

Will you survive at all?

“I’ll wake you up tomorrow, don’t sleep too late.”

He says and you nod.

Despite the closeness that you show the fans, when you are alone with him, you hardly talk. He always comes to Changmin now, like you always resort to Yoochun.

You walk into your empty bedroom as Yoochun is at home. You embrace yourself in your bed, wondering what would happen if you were born a woman.

Would he love you?

Pathetic isn’t it?

Being in love, when you cannot be in love.

Being in love, but you cannot say the love.

Whenever you accidentally hold his hand, and laugh in the kitchen and realize that your fingers are playing with his, you pull almost immediately and your heart breaks when he gives you his broken smile as he realized the awkwardness that you let him sees.

How would it end?

When he gets himself a wife, or when you did?

When would it end?

When you pack your things as Dong Bang Shin Ki is no longer a team?

When the contract ends?

Where would it end?

At this very apartment?

Or is it somewhere else when maybe anyone of you might have moved away, like Yoochun did?

Why does love hurt?

Why does not being able to say that you love him hurt too?

Why does listening to his rambling about his future life hurt?

Why does everything about him, hurt?

And why does despite being hurt, you let him stay there, in your heart, unmoved by any other being but him?

You clench your heart and yes, it hurts.

“Jae~”

You turn and he sits beside you.

“What are you doing here?”

You get up from your bed and stare at him.

“Checking on you, you didn’t turn off your light~”

“I’m not sleepy yet~” you fold your legs and put your blanket on top of them.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks, folding his legs on your bed too.

“Happiness~ and how soon it would end.”

No, you don’t want your happiness to end.

But when your happiness exists in the shape of a human being who is sitting beside you, you realise that it will end.

With love, marriage and death.

“Ahh~ you’ve been thinking about weird things lately ~” he smiles.

It’s beautiful, that smile. Too beautiful that it hurts.

“I don’t~” you deny.

 “It’s not like you, to cry like this~”

And you realise that you’ve been crying.

“Well, you lost a lot of things that make you, you~ as time goes by, right?”

“Too deep, Jae~ I don’t understand.” He jokes and wipes your tears.

When destiny decides to cross his path with yours, destiny might not have realised that you will hurt.

This man, in front of you, pains you in every hurting way.

His gentleness hurts you.

“Why are you crying?”

“Nightmares~”

“You said you cannot sleep, Jae~”

“I can have nightmares without having to sleep, Yunho~”

“You are weird,” he smirks cynically.

Cynicism hurts.

“Is that why you haven’t spent your time with me, recently?”

“What do you mean? I’m always here for you~ we always have each other, right?”

That is where you’re wrong, Yunho.

Not always, we won’t always have each other.

“Yunho-yah~” you think you have to say this, “when you get married and have a family of your own, will we still be friend?”

Friends.

The only thing there is between you and him.

Truth hurts.

“Yes. Of course Jae. When you have your own family, I’ll still show my face in front of you, your wife and kids without shame!” he laughs, and those laughs break your heart.

“Thank you.” You smile and yet, tears fall~ without fail, wetting your face more.

“Jae?”

“Promise me, until the day that I’ll die~ I’ll be able to see you and you’ll let me see you too~ that we still can chat and drink and drive each other crazy~”

“Jae?”

“I don’t want to lose this friendship Yunho, with you and the rest of our dongseangs~”

“Who say you’re going to lose it?”

“I say so.”

“Jae,” he pulls you and you sit facing him, he makes your knees overlap as he wipes your tears, “you’ve been laughing too much today, that is why you cry now.”

He and his theory.

And why does it hurt knowing that he might not be there forever to rationalise you when you need it?

“Listen~”

“I’m fine Yunho~” somehow you know his words will hurt you more.

His words of friendship and foreverness.

“No~ listen.” He takes your face in his palms and directs it to his face, “I don’t know about the future, and I can’t be sure when our dongseangs get on with their life they’ll forget about us, or when Dong Bang ends~”

He wipes your tears again as they fall.

“~we might end too. Or they might become too busy with their own schedules that they just ignore us~ or both of us having our own life that we’ll end up ignoring each other~”

“Wow, Yunho. You just confirmed my worries” you smile weakly, feeling stupid to think that Yunho might understand.

“But when that time comes,” he ignores you and continues, “both of us will hunt after them~ and force them to spend the little time that they have, with us.”

You furrow your eyebrows.

“That is what appa and amma should do, right? Let our kids roam around and let them know that in the end, the family should have a get together ~ or when they forget to return home, we’ll come and drag them with us.”

 You laugh.

The fact that he does know how to make you laugh, hurts.

“I’m serious.”

A pull of your chin and you face him.

His eyes are glistening, seems like your tears are contagious.

“It hurts, Jae~ when you are not sure about a lot of things, it hurts seeing you cry, it hurts to just breathe and love~”

He’s crying. And it hurts you.

“It hurts knowing in the future, we both might get married and have lives of our own, without each other~”

That hurts even more.

“And we don’t deserve to get hurt.”

He smiles.

“I’m serious, amma~” he brings your forehead against his, “I shouldn’t hurt you anymore, you shouldn’t hurt me anymore~ it ends tonight.”

You back your head and look into his eyes.

Ends?

“The hurt ends tonight~ and we begin.”

“I love you.”

It hurts not being able to say that you love him.

It hurts no more.

You cry~

~ two warm hands wrap around your body.

“I love you extra million times, Jaejoong.”

Somehow, hurting for this man is worth everything.

The hurt ends tonight~ and we begin.

It's not mine..

Originally made by Sanzo unnie

She is the best.

I realy like it so I re-post this..