✾ Coward
Longing For Your Love
The first thing Jiyoung says to me after I enter the classroom is,
"You're such a coward" and she simply turns away afterwards, the ends of her long hair slapping my face and spreading that gross smell of her shampoo.
Ugh.
A couple of girls come up to me afterwards; disheartened looks on their faces, sagging shoulders, and messy hair as one of them says, "Hara, I just don't know anymore." She abruptly bursts into tears, her face becoming dirtier and dirtier with desolation, and the rest of the girls surround her; patting their hands on her back and wrapping their arms around her shoulders.
I search my brain for the usual lies that I say to comfort other girls, usually from a breakup, but I don't know what to say this time around.
So this is how it feels after a breakup...
Shaking my head, I brush back my hair and say, "What happened?"
The girl who is crying looks up now. Her mascara is all over the place, and strands of her dark brown hair are strewn all over as she stutters, "He... he..." but she doesn't even manage to say much before she bursts into tears again, and her friends surround her once more.
Finally, one of the other girls says, "Junhyung, that . It's all his fault. Jiyeon confessed to him this morning, and he rejected her saying that he was currently dating some—what was that 's name again?" Another girl shrugs, but Jiyeon, who has managed to wipe her tears away, shakes in fury as she replies, "Lim J-Jimin." Another girl states, "We're gonna find out what class she is in, and then we'll go get her." The rest nod in unison as they walk away, arms around each other.
I watch them as they return to their seats. Jiyeon is still wiping her tears away, but she smiles as her friends place their arms around her shoulders.
If only I could've...
After the first periods of class are over, I hastily amble towards Nicole's classroom, hoping she'll be there to listen to what I have to say.
But a feeling of agitation comes over me when I spot her happily chatting away to that same guy—what was his name?—at her desk. However, when I scurry over to her desk, I can understand why she looks agitated at me. I can understand completely.
"Hara, I'm kind of busy—"
"Please, it won't take that long."
I observe Nicole as she gives the guy a look. He shrugs before stuffing his hands into his pocket and sauntering away.
She then turns to me again; her face scrunched up into a tight smile (obviously fake) before saying, "What's up?"
I know that she's agitated. I can easily sense it, but I persist on: "Um... can you help me?"
And right away, I can tell she is resisting rolling her eyes, but Nicole has always been good at putting on a fake smile (even though I know she truly just wants to be with that boy right now).
"Hara, I—" but the bell suddenly rings through her placid voice, and I'm not sure, but I think she might have exhaled a sigh of relief.
And the boy seems to magically appear in front of her again. She looks up at him and he smiles imperturbably at her as she slowly stands up.
And then remembers that I'm still here.
"Ah—Hara, have I introduced you two yet?"
I shake my head in reply and glare into his eyes.
He stares at me blankly.
"This is Jinwoon, and Jinwoon, this is Hara. You probably know her, right?" He nods in return, and Nicole smiles again.
"Jin, let's hurry to lunch, otherwise we won't get a table," and he nods again, still not saying anything.
"Nicole-" I try to interrupt before they leave me here all alone.
"Sorry Hara... do you mind if we continue this conversation later? I'm really hungry," and with that, she hurries out of the classroom with Jinwoon following close behind.
"And when will next time be?" I mutter, kicking a pencil on the floor as I trudge out into the hallway.
As I trudge through the hallway, I watch the two as they stroll (never thought they'd be in such a hurry) together. Nicole's hand eventually bumps into Jinwoon's, and a couple of seconds later, their fingers interlock; clasped together tightly.
How I envy them.
I spend lunch in the library alone, looking through dozens of bookshelves for a book to read.
Not too soon later, I hear some voices. One is high pitched but smooth, and the other is husky, deep, and a bit raspy—
Oh god. Why them, of all people, why them?
I immediately scurry behind the side of a bookshelf I'm next to, and I grip the side of the shelf with my hands to stop it from shaking.
"J-Junhyung, do you know any good books?"
Silence fills the room, and the atmosphere is so awkward that even I can't take it—I've got to get out somehow; without him seeing me.
But to my surprise, he replies with that husky voice of his; "...that bookshelf."
Their footsteps approach me closer and closer, and I can do nothing but grip the shelf, dread enclosing my mind.
A/N: this chapter was pretty awful, wasn't it? xD /laughs
oh well though :P I shall continue on no matter how slow or how crappy n w nb
`// Longing For Your Love: going to update btw Sat.-Sun.; thanks for being patient ; u ;
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