I was sick after that. My unnies told me that my temperature was so high that they thought they would lose me.

 A week in bed without moving a finger; Doojoon, Doonwoon, Yoseob, Kikwang, even Hyunseung came to visit me, but not Junhyung. Sometimes Jihyun questionably looked at me but I just stared blankly at her.

How could I tell her that he dumped me and was the reason why I almost died?

But then everyone just knew, they must be really ignorant for not to.  

I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. Whenever I tried to close my eyes, his face would come out and haunt me till the dawn.

I wilted day by day until Papa Hong couldn’t endure to see me like that anymore – Yes, he knew too.

"I have work for you, Hyuna-ah!"

“What is that, appa?”

Work is exactly what I need right now, to let him out of my head for awhile.

“I want you and Hyunseung to form a sub-unit”

My eyes widen in astonishment. I just think it would be some solo stuff, never expect to work with a male, especially Hyunseung –We barely talk to each other. The weather is the main topic whenever we NEED to speak. Seems to understand my thought, he says: “I know it’d be hard at first but I know you guys will get along well. I already told Hyunseung. The dance instructor will inform you about the concept later. Don’t let me down, ok?

“Neh, appa”

…

My jaw literally drops as I see the instructor dancing in from of us – me and Hyunseung. It isn’t y. It’s too Y. I turn my head to see his reaction. He gulps. Despite being gloomy lately, I couldn’t help but laugh out loud at our situation. A pure angel like him, how in the world the president could send him here? The teacher looks at me sternly.

“I’m sorry” I mumble embarrassingly.

“You are laughing, Hyuna-shii”

I glance at him with the mixture of shame and annoyance. “I’ve already said I’m sorry, Hyunseung-shii”.

“No, I mean you haven’t done it for a long time.” He smiles sweetly.

I blink my eyes, speechless. I didn’t expect him to say so. Somehow, I’m touched by his words.

…

He was right about us. Turn out Hyunseung was one of the best things that ever happened to my life. Inside that shell was a gentle and kind-hearted soul. He took good care of me like an older brother I never had. I feel guilty remembering that I did use him for my own good. A part of me wanted to make Junhyung jealous and regret for what he did to me. I took the chance and turned Hyunseung into my weapon. The day we made our music video, Junhyung didn’t come to support Hyunseung although he was his best friend. I knew my plan had worked. I did it again in MAMA 2011. I was quite obvious as I’m watching the video now.

…

I dress as glamorous as I could, it helps, everyone can’t take their eyes off of me, including him. I can sense him looking as me through those shades.

“You ask for this, Junnie!”

I link my arm into Hyunseung’s. He is surprised but I don’t care. I’m too busy observing someone else. 

Junhyung is as stiff as a mannequin the whole night. I whisper LOUDLY into Hyunseung’s ear. I smile LOUDLY to whatever he says. Desperately want to catch his attention…But he turns his head once time when he notices Hyunseung's coat on my shoulder. Yeah, i wear a male jacket, but not his.

"You are so fussy, Hyuna-ssi!" He smirks. My first reaction is hitting him playfully like the old days then i remember we wouldn't never be the same again. When he realizes my sudden change, he becomes poker-faced again. The atmosphere is unbearable that Hyunseung fidgets around.

"Why do we become like this?" My eyes are blurry recalling the old us- The old JokerQueen. We come from strangers to best friends, to lovers then strangers again. I feel a hand patting my back as i'm whimpering.

"Don't cry here. He'll know." I nod quietly then take the handkerchief Hyunseung offers.

"You are stronger than this, Kim Hyun Ah." I tell myself. But a love couldn't end that easy. My mind, my body, my soul, every second, scream out the name Yong Junhyung. My first and only man.

...

I hung out with Hyunseung a lot, to forget the one i needed to. But every time i looked at Seungie, i always saw him. I never realized how alike they were. Their expensive fashion sense. Their coolness with everything. Their obsession with tidiness. Hyunseung was becoming his replacement. Without any awareness of both of us. I see it crystal-clear now. At United Cube Concert in London, whenever i seemed to make eye contact with him, i was checking on Junhyung by the corner of my eyes. There was even one point that i was too oblivious in thinking about the guy wearing shades next to me that i forgot to sing my part. I tried to smile during the perfomance but i indeed cried my heart out inside. He avoided any interaction between us. When i tried to smile with him, he just turned his head aside and looked at whatever was non-Hyuna. I was so pathetic, chasing after him like a lost puppy. I did know how pitiful i was but i just couldn't help it. My heart was feeble...

"Hyuna, what are you watching?" I jump out of my skin when i hear a voice coming from behind my back.