I am supposed to be on my way home now, but for the moment, I choose to walk alone across this dark alley, a meter away from school. The darkness gives me the coldness of nostalgia, which I think I somehow like. I like remembering things when I am alone. Though this alley gives me this feeling of numbness because of its emptiness, I can appreciate its beauty. Just like how I feel towards Tiffany, my best friend whom I envy. We knew each other since we were young. Maybe it is quite absurd to feel so, because she’s my best friend and I am supposed to be one for hers too. And a friend shouldn’t envy. I know it isn’t right but it is possible. She has these beautiful huge round eyes that turn into a staring crescent moon whenever she smiles; her skin is milky, white as porcelain; she has the lips and a voice of an angel and a hair of a goddess. I admit she’s a lot prettier than me. I am just a skinny girl, who always wears her messy bun to hide the mess of a wavy hair. All I have is these beautiful, almond eyes but not as big as Tiffany’s. In the past they were hidden by eyeglasses. But that’s not the reason of my envy. It’s just it was hard for me to understand the fact that Mason was courting Tiffany. It changed a lot everything in me, about me, towards Tiffany. The hardest thing is... I can’t, I just can’t spit it out.   Things seemed to change as fast as a blink of an eye. Because of Sehun, the guy with the black almond eyes, like mine and a milky skin like Tiffany’s, a perfect jaw line with a brown hair as smooth as silk and as shiny as diamond.

From the very moment that Sehun confessed his feelings to her, she accepted him without any hesitation. I didn’t have any idea that we both loved the same guy and that made me feel betrayed and I felt like I’ve been stabbed by millions of knives right through my chest. But as her best friend I was trying to support her and be happy for them just what a true best friend should do... but I couldn’t. I can’t stand myself looking at them happily while doing ‘couple stuffs’; it just made me feel even more jealous. There’s no day that had passed that my hand didn’t clench until my knuckles turned as white as paper. I’m trying to avoid them, but they kept on pestering me.

I was outside our school, making my way to my house when suddenly I heard a familiar voice calling my name. I turned around to see where the voice came from and I saw Tiffany running towards me with Sehun, hand in hand. “Jessica!” Tiffany shouted “Jessica! I and Sehun are on our way to watch a film come with us please, my treat” she added while her eyes were sparkling, expecting me to go with them. “I want to but I can’t, I’m sorry maybe next time” I said to her showing my fake smile. “Why? Come on, it’ll be fun and besides, you haven’t been hanging out with us for a month now” Tiffany said and the sparkles in her eyes disappeared. “I know but I really can’t, I have to do something important” I said to her trying to look and sound devastated when she looked down and nodded. “Let’s go Tiffany, we’re going to be late” Sehun said while holding Tiffany’s hand and ready to pull her. Tiffany looked at me with her pleading look, nodded to Sehun and left. “Have fun!” I shouted at them while waving my hand as if they were looking at me. Once they left, I could feel my heart was in so much pain; the next thing I knew my tears were flowing down to my cheeks, storming out the classroom, went home running. The blue sky turned gray and it started to rain when I got into my room to lock myself, I sat on my bed, hugged my white fluffy pillow and I broke down into tears.

“I can’t stand this anymore; I was supposed to be in Tiffany’s place! I’m sick and tired of being the third wheel. My role is to be the protagonist, who is very happy spending every second of her precious time with her love one and I’m tired of pretending to be alright when I’m not” I said to myself “If I can’t have him, no one can” I added and a loud sound of thunder could be heard from outside reflecting to the feelings I was experiencing now - the anger and fury that boiled inside of me.

Few months had passed since the day that Tiffany invited me to watch a movie with them and everything was still the same. I pretended to be happy and supportive but behind those smiles that I was showing, my blood is flowing like lava that was about to explode. “Jessica! Is there anything wrong? You’re spacing out again” Tiffany asked and I shook my head “Sorry” I said and she smiled at me. “Are you planning to bring someone with you for the Christmas ball?” she asked “Nope, I don’t think someone wants to come with me. Just look at me, I don’t have the beauty that any guys out there will like and we all know that they all like you to come with them in the Christmas ball. Unfortunately you already have your Sehun” I said. “Don’t say that, Jessica, you’re beautiful too and I’m sure someone will ask you” she said and gave me an assuring smile and I shook my head “You don’t have to say that and besides I don’t need anyone to come with me” I said and she smiled at me warmly.

The time flew so quickly. It was now the Christmas ball night.  Soon dark, cold wind touched my skin, and the Christmas lights outside the hall were the only source of light in the area. As soon as I came into the hall, loud music greeted me; my fellow schoolmates having fun. The hall was quite dark as the disco lights and candles on every table were the only source of light. I went to my table; I took the seat beside Tiffany. “Hi Tiffany” I said, she looked at me and said “Hi, you look wonderful Jessica” I just nodded and said “Thank you, you too” and she smiled warmly at me. Her cocktail dress was as red as blood with a strip of black ribbon around her waist; it suited her milky skin she looked like Snow White with those red lips and alabaster skin. Compared to me, who was wearing eyeglasses, short white evening dress, short white silky gloves, and my hair was still in messy bun. No wonder Sehun loved her and chose her from any other girls in this school. Unfortunately, their relationship won’t last that long. I stood up from my seat without Tiffany and Sehun noticing and quickly went to get drinks. No one noticed, I quickly retrieved the cyanide from my pocket and poured it into Tiffany’s glass. Going back to the table, I put the drink with cyanide in front of Tiffany without her knowledge; I went to the toilet and flushed any evidence. When I got out, the hall became quiet and murmurs from the people were the only sound that could be heard. I saw the whole crowd surrounding. Tiffany lying was on the floor lifelessly her red lips and milky skin turned pale, she looked like an abandoned ball, left by a child, forgotten.

“What happened to her?” I asked Sehun pretending panic. “I don’t know, she drunk the drink that was placed in front of her thinking that it was hers she fell down on the floor and I think ... she’s dead” Sehun said. I could see he was tearing up. I ran out the hall crying, ignoring the people who tried to comfort me as they all knew that Tiffany was my best friend. When I got out of everyone’s sight, I wiped off the tears and smiled at myself.

Will I stay innocent in front of everyone’s eyes?

How is it?? Is it nice? and guys you are all right I used Tiffany and Jessica of SNSD in this fanfic :)