"I'm going to get into so much trouble for this..." Eli sighed passing a hand through his hair "So much trouble" he sighed again closing his eyes. "T-thank you" he turned to the sound of Kevin's voice and smiled nervously, hoping he hadn't scared him. Kevin was still sitting on the floor knees drawn to his chest and eyes a bit wide. "B-but why did you do it? You never stood up for me before..." "Because I couldn't see you get hurt again" Kevin blinked "Oh..." he rested his head on his knees seemingly a bit in shock. "You shouldn't have done it" Eli glanced at him confusedly, brows knitting together but before he could say anything Kevin went on, eyes unfocosed and voice low "Now he'll be mad and next time is only going to be worse" he closed his eyes "You shouldn't have done it. You got hurt for nothing". Eli felt some guilt creep in his coscience, he hadn't considered it like this... But he couldn't let Kevin's father beat him up again, in front of him too. Kevin was too fragile, he couldn't let him break him. And knowing he couldn't, he wasn't supposed to, allowed to do anything for him really frustrated him. "It's not for nothing" "Yes it is. It was useless" "No" He sat next to Kevin "It wasn't useless. I did it for you, you didn't get hurt" Kevin focused his gaze on him "I did. Seeing you hurt, hurts me" He reached out tentatively caressing Eli's bruised cheeckbone. "Useless pain" he said gesturing to Eli. "No" Eli grabbed his hand "And I'll heal" "So would I" "It's better if I get hurt" Kevin shook his head at Eli's stubborness but stayed quiet. There was no use in keeping arguing over it, it wouldn't change things anyway. He rested his head on Eli's shoulder breathing in his scent and closed his eyes again feeling tired. He had read somewhere that depression made you sleepier. He guessed that was the reason he was always so tired, the constant abuse didn't help either.

He felt Eli take a deep breath "You know, it's the same for me. Seeing you continously getting hurt, phisically and emotionally, destroyes me. But I can't do anything, because they won't allow it and it's so frustrating..." he sighed clenching his fists. Kevin was a bit startled, he didn't know that. It had been quite a while since someone cared about his well being. "Who?" Eli as always didn't answer. Kevin sighed, whishing Eli would share more. He told him everything, couldn't he do the same? He didn't want him to share everything with him, that would be too much, he just wanted him to tell him something, to trust him more.

Sometimes it made him angry knowing Eli didn't trust him, but then he just felt sad and alone and more pathetic; so he tried not to think about it, shoving it in the back of his mind. Trying to enjoy Eli's presence instead of overthinking and getting more depressed.

-+-

A wise man once said "There's a big difference between wanting to die and not wanting to live, I've come to learn. If you want to die you have a purpose, if you don't want to live you're just letting yourself live with no use" and that is something Kevin had learned to be very true. He didn't want to die, but he didn't want to live either. He was just stuck in this dimension, without any really good reason to live and too many to die but not enough determination to go through with it. And honestly, why die? To go where? He couldn't really see the point of it, to end his sufferings? And who told you your suffering ended when you took those pills, tied that noose, cut your wrists, fell off that building? Who told you that your heartbeat stopping and your brain activity freezing meant the end of all suffering? No one. Nobody who actually died could tell you it would be the best solution, that once you "passed through", "went to the other side" or call it what you like you stopped suffering.

He guessed that's probably why he was still alive, the fear of just finding another hell stopping him from taking his life. If he had to live in hell anyway, he preferred the one he was currently living in. At least he knew this one, and he had Eli by his side. He doubted Eli would be with him "on the other side", wherever that was supposed to be and mean. So he kept living, Eli his only comfort.

-+-

When his father came to beat him up the next day it was only worse. Eli didn't interfere this time, in fact he wasn't even there. But then again he usually wasn't. He was never there when Kevin got beaten and he was glad. He didn't want anyone seeing him like that, not even Eli.

That night he was afraid his father would finally beat him to death, his angry hands breaking skin and bones. His hits getting harder everytime Kevin answered his questions "Who was that? The was he doing in your room? Is he a friend of yours?" with the only answer he had "I don't know".

Because really, he didn't know. He didn't know who he was, why he was there, where he came from or if they were friends. He didn't know and Eli wouldn't tell him.

-+-

One day he asked him. They were sitting on Kevin's bed, like they usually seemed to be, Kevin playing with Eli's fingers nervously. "Eli..." "Yeah?" "Are we friends?" Eli stilled and Kevin was about to apologize afraid he'd offended him, saying something like that, like Eli could ever want to be friends with someone like him, that he would get up and never come back, but Eli just shrugged. "What are friends?" He asked and Kevin frowned "Friends are the ones who care for eachtother, who are there when you need them, and support eachother through problems, who know you better than yourself, who you can share your emotions and problems with without being judged " "Then I guess we are" Eli replied smiling and Kevin felt happy and relieved that he finally had a friend, but he couldn't stop thinking that he still didn't know anything about him. He still didn't know why Eli was here in the first place. But he didn't ask him, afraid of the answer.

Days went by the same and Kevin found it harder and harder to saty alive, the idea of finally taking that last step becoming more and more tempting each day.

And when the only reason he had left to stay disappeared, what could he do? Can you really blame him for letting go, the last piece of him dying? When the only reason you have to live vanishes like ashes in the wind, what can you do? He let everything go. He stopped living, slipping into nothingness.

At first he went in denial. He couldn't believe Eli had abandoned him, leaving just like the others.

He refused to believe Eli was no different than the others, coming and going when he pleased. Eli cared about him, he had said so.

So he waited for him to come back, searching around the house and city when Eli didn't come in his room.

He was patient and quite proud of himself. He managed to wait for him a month without losing hope or his sanity.

But after a whole month of waiting he gave up, already surprised he managed to keep on going for so long. It was also true without Eli Kevin kind of lost the grip on reality, the only way he knew another day had gone by, the new bruises added to his body.

He tried to keep himself together for Eli, so when he came back they could be together, because he had to, he couldn't just disapear like that, he couldn't do that to Kevin. He really tried, but days went by, Eli didn't come back and with every new tear, every drop of blood sliding down his pale skin, pieces of his sanity followed.

He spent hours wondering what he'd said or done wrong, replaying their last moments together over and over again in his mind trying to understand, untill he wasn't even sure what really happened or if he just made it up, his mind creating lies, feeding them to him as the truth.

-+-

It was a few months after Eli disappeard that he decided to end it, finally giving up. Or maybe it was just a few days after he didn't know. Time had lost it's meaning to him, days blurring together, minutes feeling like months and months feeling like minutes.

But he was still pretty sure it wasn't just days. Or maybe not. But the pain was too much for it to be days. And the scars. They had become many more, that couldn't happen in just a few days right?

Everything but the pain felt so confused, he didn't know anything anymore.

That day when he walked to school he was almost eager to get there, knowing the end to all this was near. If he wasn't so tired maybe he would've smiled. But he was too tired to smile, his thin face was emotionless, dark circles along bruises and scars decorating his face as he made his way to the gray building.

Being a nobody had its privileges, pecks, like now no one noticed him, no one questioned why he was heading for the roof and not the classroms. He was just a nobody and nobody saw him.

He found quite amusing how one minute nobody saw him and the next he was the center of their universe, all their anger and stress relieved on his body.

Why did he choose the school and why throw himself off the roof?

He chose the school because his house wasn't tall enough and because in the depth of his heart he hoped Eli would see him. What that would change he didn't know.

As to why he chose the fall, no particular reason. It was just another way to die, with high probability of succes and relatively small amount of pain. And at least he would feel the joy of just letting go and falling freely.

He opened the door to the rooftop, the slight breeze encircling him. He looked around noticing the trees had turned green, filled with new leaves and the sun had become hotter and brighter. Its rays warming his abused skin. It was already spring...

He liked spring, it wasn't biting cold anymore and it wasn't exruciatingly hot yet. He loved the smell of spring in the air, as weird as that might sound.

He hadn't brought his school bag with him, he wasn't going to attend any classes anyway. It was a relief to have his shoulders and back free instead of burdened with all the school books and noteblocks.

Kevin didn't rush to the edge immediately, he didn't have the energy for it and it would hurt to rush his movements. He wanted to enjoy this, so he closed his eyes and stood in the lite wind for a while, relaxing his body and mind. He wanted his last moments to be as peaceful as possible.

But as he stood there his mind filled with Eli, images and memories of him, his face, his voice, his scent, him.

His eyes creaked open, fresh tears blurring his sight, the pain in his chest reminding him why he needed to do this, why he had to end his life, to turn off everything. It would be a selfish action if he had anyone to hurt, someone who cared whether he lived or died, if he suffered or felt happy, if he felt lonely, if he felt loved. But he didn't have anyone. Perhaps it was more selfish to take his own life just for himself, but as he slowly made his way to the edge of the building he didn't know nor care.

He stood there carefully peeking down, fear lingering in his mind. He did fear the impact with the ground, the breath-taking pain before the end, and even the fall itself scared him a little.

He feared losing control and just fluttuating, the long fall into nothing untill he finally re-connected with the ground again.

Truthfully his actions wouldn't not affect anyone, the one who was going to find him was surely to get quite a scare, and his father would have to find a new punchball, together with the bullies.

Knowing he would at least bring a bit of discomfort to them with his departure comforted him.

He wondered if anyone would even remember him. Probably not. His mother already forgot him and she had lived with him for many years, and to everybody else he was just a nobody that slipped into further nothingness.

One would think their end would come on a stormy day or a day where gray clouds filled the sky and the air was thick with tension, a more tragic day, with weather to suit a tragic ending perhaps.

But for him it was just a day of spring, one day like anyother. No big clouds and thunders in the distance, no strong cold wind to hit the buildings and hurt the eyes. Just warm bright sun up in the sky. Not a special day, not a day for death. The birds sang cheerfully and the wind played with his hair as he took the last step and let himself fall into the air.

The air howled around him as he fell and fell, adrenaline tingling in his body and after so many months he felt alive, just as he was crashing towards his death. Oh how ironic.

He closed his eyes a tear escaping his closed lids fluttuating beside him, dreading and anticipating the impact at the same time.

But that's not how it would end for him he learned, as he felt two familiar strong arms embrace him, a familiar chest coming into view, familiar scent embracing him. "Eli..." he whispered disbelivingly, gazing up to meet those dark eyes. Eli smiled down at him "It's ok, I'm here" and Kevin hugged him with all he had whishing this time he would really never leave.