Can you stay by me side.. and smile only for me?? Alex .. can we .. be more than just friends...........

when i said those words, my mind was screaming with regrets. But i still wanted to know his answer, so with all my might i took a deep breath and look at his face. That moment, my heart was throbbing , his face spelled no expression. His eyes looked straight down and what made me feel like burrying myself was when i noticed his grip on the coffee cup getting tighter . Tears, screams and embarrassment was exploding inside me, but with all my strength.. i clenched my teeth and told him that what ever i said was just simple selfish and childish request. And that if he refuses, i would back away with no complaints or sound. After three minutes of silence, tears again started to flood my eyes , i tried my best holding them in but that moment, the pain was too intense.... So i looked down hoping that drops of tears would be hidden....                                                                                                                                                                                                          then these long sigh sprung into my ears..... finally, i thought... he will give me an answer, the one i know that would send me back in sorrow...

fuhhh.... *sighing* .. well... hrm *smirk* i guess why not. i have always liked being together like this with you and it''s time to make it official. Sorry i left you with quite a silence, i was a bit taken aback but now.... well .. please take good care of me ... Miss Jenny Kim-shi 

a wave of relief and confusion showered me over, the flowing tears that was clearly staining my cheeks finally stopped.But still i had no courage and quietly kept on staring the floor. He called my name, took my hands and place a black napkin and told me to wipe away those tears off my face. He kept on talking about how he were going to do every couple's activity with me and that he would not feel so lonely anymore when he goes to the park or the mall. And during that whole time where i looked down silently he was holding my hands tightly as if he was telling me that it's okay. We sat there hours and hours holding hands silently until the bright blue sky finally darken. When i was leaving he told me that he would call and gave this big bright smile along with some earnest wave.

starting from that day on we started to date and like any other couples we went on dates and did a lot of activities together. It was a happy time for me.... yes me. there was this one date that really stood out in my memories, it was when he brought me to this huge field filled with sunflowers. he told me that when he is holding me hand, the look on my face reminded him of these flowers, finally bright and shining.But for me that time where the breeze grazes over his face and his hair was gracefully swept over, when he smiled and looked at the view with these bright shining eyes was the moment i believed the most glistening. 

we would meet up and drink some coffee while having a nice conversation.Now Allie, that i am telling you this all those memories i thought faded with my age starts to overflow me once more."really ?! that's great grandma ! tell me more." well... that short period of time where we would spend our time together was enjoyable. Smiles filled almost most of our memories, things were warm and everything was easy.Even my worries were slowly rusting away with every single touch he gave me.Until that day came.....we were just wasting time at his house , he who was reading a letter looked outside the window with a frown on his face.That was my first time seeing that expression on his face, in his eyes which were lost in the view of his apartment showed pain as if a scar started to bleed again. His hands which was gripping the one page letter starts to tighten until it reached a point where the whole letter was crumpled by the force of his anger. To my biggest surprise a shiny drop of tears flowed down his cheeks staining his white clear skin.his eyes were red and i knew exactly why, he was holding in a flood of tears and it was never easy to fight such feelings. slowly, i who gained confidence to talk and joke with him from all the time we spent together tried calling his name.But at the sight of his tears my fears casually overcome all my confidence and trembling with shock i called him.

Not a word of reply he just kept looking down with his hands shaking with what i sensed... anger. Then this cold smile broke out of his face, a look of disgust and angst.The man who once held my hands and smiled was no longer in the room instead a man filled with sorrow and pain was standing in front of me. he put down the letter on the table, hastily grabbed his coat and was walking towards the door.He spared no looks at me and at that moment i was invisible to his eyes.. i quickly ran up to him and held on to his arms , wishing only for words of answer.He looked at my hands and slowly pulling them down silently telling me to let him go then.....

*ding dong ding dong his house bell rang. He who was still staring the floor stood still. I pushed him aside opening the door....

"Alex choi..." a beautiful fair lady was standing in front of the door. "i told you right... no matter how far you go i'll find you."   i who was shocked and confused stood still looking at Alex's face which was slowly getting angrier. then he clenched his fist and looked up, straight into her eyes.....and spoke.....

"after all this years i waited here alone. No calls or contact you dare come knocking at my door.acting like you know it all.......... WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!! "

I was startled, his deep voice always sounded warm and enticing but the moment he raised his voice my whole body were trembling. But that lady just smirked out of disbelief. with tears filling her eyes, she looked but with shattered glasses tears filling her eyes, holding it all in she said....

"i was wrong.But this..... this is too much! i left my job just to bring you back and make up to you and this is how you treat me?! you said you love me !! you said you would wait for me !! and we both know well that you never lie, so come................ come home with noona.....alex-ah... "