I’ve told a lot of lies in my lifetime—a -load of them. And I’ve often wondered what the biggest lie I ever told was. There were plenty to choose from, though, but I didn’t know where to start. Saying that I was an albino was a pretty big lie, I must say. It resulted to the annihilation of my non-existent high school reputation. Telling those big, bad, important people that Sulli was the murderer was way, way more serious than a petty high school lie, now that I think about it. In fact, it resulted to—well, I’ll tell you guys about how that ended, later.

There was another major lie that I had told. It was back when I was only seven years old, and it was Daddy’s Day—the one day that everyone would bring their dads to class—at school. We would all gather around and listen to the different fathers present in all shapes and sizes as they gloat and boast about how ‘fun’ their jobs were. I could still remember the day as if it were only last week.

That being said, it was horrible.

For starters, there was thunder—the first sign that showed that it was going to be horrible. I sat alone at the yellow and black bench before class started. We called it our ‘Honey Bee Bench’. I was never allowed to sit on it, though, because the other kids would pick on me and chase me away whenever I was at a five-meter radius. Even as a child, I was hated. It was as if humans could already sense that I was something awful.

Light rain spat on my shiny blue shoes as if the very sky hated me as well. I wasn’t bothered by it, though. In fact, I never was. I rested my chin on my hands as I watched the little boys and girls getting out of their cars in excitement, dragging their own sheepish-looking father into the building. Despite the fact that the sky was rumbling, everybody still looked happy.

Well, except for me. That was because I didn’t have a dad.

That’s what my mother had said to me that morning. “You’re special,” she would murmur as she drove me to school. “You have one parent instead of two. Everybody else has two parents except for you, Krystal. You don’t need a mommy and a daddy. You only need me.” she continued. My mother was every bit of a liar as I was. She was just better at controlling herself.

“But I want a daddy!” I cried.

“You do have a daddy,” she reasoned. “I am. I am both your mommy and daddy. Two parents rolled into one. I bet you that nobody else in your class has that.” she smiled.

Upon hearing this, I immediately brightened up before asking her to please, please come with me to Daddy’s Day, so that I could show off my new mommy-daddy. To my utter disappointment though, she just shook her head and ruefully smiled, “I can’t, Krystal. I have work.”

I huffed and pouted, but she just wouldn’t give in. Just as she dropped me off at the front of the schoolyard, she rolled down her window. “Now remember. Nobody else has a mommy and a daddy rolled into one. Only you do. You have to keep it a secret, so that the other kids won’t get jealous of you.”

I nodded eagerly. A mommy-daddy and only I had that. I felt something warm glow inside of me.

Now, as I looked at the other children laughing and chatting with their daddies, I reconsidered. What if I didn’t want to have a mommy-daddy? What if I wanted a regular mommy and a regular daddy, just like everyone else? So, when my teacher, Miss Han—I doubted that was her real name—had called me up to the front of the class and asked me where my daddy was, I did the only thing I could think of doing—to lie.

“My daddy is in space,” I answered.

I heard my classmates gasp in awe. I saw the faces of the other fathers twisting up in puzzlement and suspicion. Even Miss Han’s eyebrows knotted together in disbelief. “Really?” she asked politely, shock gently lacing her tone. I was only a seven-year-old, after all. She couldn’t out-right accuse me of lying. She had to be delicate.

I nodded eagerly. “Yep. He’s the 12^th person on the moon. He’s going to be back there again, because he works for NA……NASS…..”

“NASA,” she corrected, even though I could still tell that she didn’t believe me. “I see.” she said, slowly nodding her head. “How come you’ve never told us about this, Krystal?”

“Because my daddy told me to keep it a secret,” I simply answered and pupils had quickly turned around in their seats to openly gape at me, drinking in every word that came out of my mouth while I only stood there, drinking in all of the attention I was getting. Old habits die hard. “He told me that it was super-duper top secret and stuff.” I continued. “I wasn’t supposed to tell anybody. Nobody knows about it too, not even the news people. My daddy told me this because he said that I was special,” I gloated

“Wow….” My class breathed in unison and adrenaline immediately spiked my veins.

A forty-something looking plumber with a black beard scoffed. I could tell that all of the other dads felt the same way, but they were at least polite. Bastard.

“Well, that is certainly very…….interesting….” Miss Han went on uncomfortably. She then nervously cleared . “Thank you for that, Krystal. Now, moving on. Naeun, would you like to introduce your daddy to us?”

Naeun, who had straight brown pigtails quickly perked up. She stood up form her seat as she proudly pointed to a chubby man in a business suit. “This is my daddy. He works for really, really important people and…..”

She kept on talking and talking, but I turned her out. Instead, I crossed my arms and glared at the back of her head, jealousy burning through me. How dare she take all of my attention? Her daddy wasn’t even as interesting as my imaginary daddy!

During recess, everybody was crowding around me, trying to ask me questions. The excitement and curiosity they felt was apparently enough to forget—just for a moment—that I was a freak. I loved every minute of it.

“How many times has your daddy been in space?”

“Does he have any pictures?”

“Did he bring home any souvenirs?”

“Can I got with him to the moon next time?”

“Have you been in space before?”

I was just about to answer all of them when a hand suddenly tapped my shoulder. I turned around only to find Miss Han’s stern face. “Come with me, Krystal.” she said in a serious tone.

The had called up my mother after class. They had a very long talk, and my mother had confirmed that my father was definitely not an astronaut. The matter was then passed onto the principal, who kindly asked my mother to take time off of her schedule and come up to his office, which was where I ended up.

I sunk into my seat, already feeling my mother’s angry, horrified glare boring into the side of my skull. Miss Han and the principal were both staring me down with very disapproving looks. Tears leaked out onto my cheeks and my entire face was burning bright red. Up until recently, that had been the most humiliating experience of my entire life.

“Why would you like about something like that, Krystal?” Miss Han asked gently, her voice still disapproving.

“I just wanted a daddy,” my voice cracked, and a fresh round of tears poured onto my face again as I continued to sniff.

Her face slightly softened. “Well, you have to know that lying is wrong, and even if you simply wanted a daddy, you couldn’t just make one up. That’s not how life works.” she continued and I simply nodded, wallowing in burning shame.

“I am very disappointed in you, Krystal,” was my mother’s only reply. She said nothing else the entire twenty minutes I was in there. Throughout the whole time, her stern gaze never faltered. There was another emotion burning deep within her brown eyes, and I had never been able to pinpoint it…..until now.

It was regret.

.