The time of day I dread with all I am worth comes once again. I climb the stairs. One at a time. I stop at the top. That door is open. Waiting for me. Beckoning me for another night of torment. A dark room. Our bedroom. Everything has changed. I walk over to my side of the bed and pull the single sheet back. I lift one leg on to the bed then the other and gently settle my back against the mattress. My head falls on to the pillow and I pull the sheet up to my shoulders as I roll on to my side, Facing away from the door towards the window. The lights outside offer some light into the dark room I share by myself. Silence. That’s all there is. Silence is a sound so strong it could drive a person crazy. I hate it now more than ever. I gulp as I close my eyes and cloak my vision in even more darkness. Darkness is all around me.

A creak of the door alerts me but I keep my eyes closed. I can hear you remove your work clothes and pull on your pyjamas. You follow the same routine I did and get into our bed. Your arm wraps around my stomach and I feel you press up against my back. Lips brush against my cheek before you pull away, as if they were never there at all.

“Good night Sungjong. I love you”.

“I love you too, Myungsoo.” I whisper back. I love you. I love you. I love you so much. Yet at the same time…I feel more hate for you than love. My body doesn’t allow me to roll over and confront you. Oh how I wish I could but I’m not ready, not yet.

Tears well up behind my closed eyes and slip down my cheeks. I hate this feeling. The feeling of dread covers me and wraps me in a second blanket much heavier than the sheet. Your arm leaves my stomach and more tears fall down my cheek as a sob rips out of my throat. I force my body to work again and my hand reaches behind me to find you, any part of you. But there’s nothings. I open my eyes as I roll over to see you. Empty. That’s what I see. Your side of the bed, empty. There are no work clothes on the floor. No disturbance of the sheet on your side of the bed. No you. Never you. I reach my hand out to pet your spot of the bed. Dead cold. My tears soak into my pillow as more sobs leave me. Come back. Come back to me please. I can’t live like this without you. You kept me stable. You kept me warm. Why did you have to leave?

A never ending nightmare has waited for me every night since you left and I know it will never stop. Please make it stop. I don't want to feel this pain anymore that you've caused. Your picture smiles at me from the bedside table as I continue to cry.

I felt in the need for something sad. Sungjong opening his eyes is him waking up from a dream, a dream of Myungsoo getting into their bed, once his eyes open the dream ends.

This could be interpretted two ways. Myungsoo either left Sungjong for someone else or Myungsoo is dead. You can decide for yourselves.

Have a good day or night :-D