The snow fell to the white ground in a slow pace.

Sound of choirs could be heard from everywhere as people went with scarfs all wrapping their necks. The park was not really packed because hanging in front of the fireplace with a plate of fresh grilled meat was indeed a very better idea than staying outside just staring at the decorations of the city that barely changed every year. Offices and shops were closing down, signs of 'See you next year' proudly hung up on the doors. Some workers passed by, rushing to get their home as fast as they could so the Christmas tree wouldn't wait so long to be lit up. Holiday, at last. 

Texts didn't stop buzz her phone up, wishing her a very merry Christmas. She didn't mind, of course, since what she had been doing all day was the same.

Soojung laid her back against the backrest of the bench as she sipped her hot chocolate — warm as ever. She smiled, this Christmas Eve would be great because of specific someone. She had promised to spend the next day with her family so she insisted both parties she would have that night with him. Grinning, she glanced side way to look at the neatly wrapped in glossy red and green paper—Christmas, duh—box with a light purple ribbon on it. Bad taste of color, whatever. She loved purple, so he must love it too. After all, she had stayed all night yesterday to wrap the box all heartily that she got yanked off of the bed that morning by her sister. A Jung doesn't wake up late, she said.

She watched more people passed her by as she busied herself back with her phone—texting with this particular someone, Choi Jinri. She some while chuckled because of the silly responses she got.

At that moment, a shadow appeared on her lap, covering the light that lit up the tree Soojung sat under. She looked up and her eyes widened.

"Alone?"

She blinked and regained herself. "Well, I'm waiting for someone but at the moment, yeah?"

He chuckled, "I see. That gift box explains enough." He nodded to the box that was sitting next to her, surely a sign.

"Oh," she quickly took the box to her lap. "Have a sit?"

"If you don't mind." He sat down and let out a foggy sigh. "Cold, isn't it?" He rubbed his red palms and blew on it.

She rolled her eyes at the matter of fact statement, "I know, right? December and Christmas. Winter, even. I don't get it why people use earmuffs and drink hot chocolate." She stopped talking and looked at him who already had an amused expression, "Oh hey, I'm one of those people!"

He laughed cheekily and his eyes turned into crescent shapes, "Sarcastic as ever, I see."

She shrugged, "Way to go to start a conversation, Sehun."

They began the talk some other easy topics like how Jinri's eyes swell for two weeks long because of Chanyeol's departure and how Tao—a transferred student from China with his different Gucci backpack every week—offered one of his mansions for prom night out of the blue, not that people mind though. Because, well, he blended with people easily so maybe that explains. Soojung got carried away that her hands didn't feel cold anymore and Sehun's lips were no longer pale. The hot chocolate, on the other hand, was long forgotten as well. Sehun is a good company, she admitted. The night went by without them realizing.

"Oh, snowflake." Sehun pointed. He's Sehun afterall, Soojung reminded herself.

She looked up and watched the snow right above her bang. A long, slender finger reached out to touch it and she could feel the sudden cold feeling on her forehead. Sehun grinned cheerfully and Soojung softened. Really, and he's older than me by months, Soojung inwardly thought.

"Childish." She rolled her eyes.

Sehun got offended and narrowed his eyes menacingly, "I'm not childish! Who doesn't love snow anyway?"

She shrugged. "I don't."

His eyes widened and he placed a hand on his gaped mouth, "Oh my God, really? Then I assume you don't like this too?"

Soojung hadn't even blinked when Sehun poked her side—once, twice, thrice, multiple times. She shrieked and her eyes disappeared while trying to avoid him and his annoying tickling session. She scooted further to the point her paper glass fell free from the bench and poured freely on the ground. Still, Sehun didn't stop.

"S- Sehun! My hot chocolate! I swear if you- , Sehun!" She laughed and kept on swatting his hands away, though he still didn't plan on stopping.

"What? me? Speak properly, Krystal. I barely get what you just said." Sehun and came closer.

Soojung kept on scooting further away, unaware that her gift was inching to the edge of the bench too. She kept on going back and back and Sehun stop or you'll be buried in regret for the rest of your life and back and damn, Jongin wouldn't be pleased.

Sehun stopped when Soojung gasped at the sound. Both of them peeked at what was underneath the bench. Soojung widened her eyes and quickly stood up only to squat down and gape at the box—head side on the ground. She cursed lowly and Sehun was ready to be buried in regret for the rest of his life.

She picked the box up to see her beautiful purple bow were now wet and stacked to the box. Oh, it could dry in no time with the help of the nature. But what couldn't change was the chocolate abstract pattern on the whole up side of the box. She cringed in both sadness and disgust. Again but mentally this time, she cursed.

"Krys, I'm sorry but chocolate looks good with purple and green and moreover red?" Sehun raised an eyebrow unsurely.

Soojung blinked at him, "Yeah. Sure. It feels like a barbie house in Christmas and Valentine at the same time. Sweet, sticky, and—yuck.”

Sehun sighed and pulled out a hanky, "A sign of a sincere apology."

"Thanks." She took it and carefully wiped the present.

"No biggy. As long as you don't bury me along with my regret." He shrugged.

She stood up and sat back down on her seat, cleaning the mess, "He loves chocolate, I guess."

"I can see it from the way he gulp down all the chocolates on the last V-day and I'm sure you're one of those who gave him." He looked at her.

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, sure. Thanks for stating the obvious, Mister."

He laughed, "It's just me or you two are planning to major in being sarcastic?"

Soojung finished what she could do the best and pulled up her present. Better than nothing, she thought and smiled. Instead of giving him back what was his, she kept the sniffer on her bag.

"May I ask why that piece of cloth isn't back?" He asked, despite his unanswered sarcastic question.

She looked at him, "Thanks. And I don't want to owe you anthing so I'll give it back—clean and fresh—just like how it was when you gave me earlier."

He shook his head in disbelief, "For Pete's sake, Krys."

She just shrugged and put her present back on her lap, smoothing the wrapper and the ribbon.

"You know," Sehun started again, "I'm happy we can still be friends."

Soojung just stayed silent, looking at the scenery of the huge lit up Christmas tree at the center of the park. The light was really a good sight from the distance.

"You and me.. Me and Kai.." He smiled, "I was so stupid for being ignorant and unaware of his feeling towards you."

She scoffed, "It's the past, Sehun. Months—no, a year has passed yet you're still bringing it up?"

He chuckled and rolled his eyes, "I'm just grateful, okay?"

"After all, you've gone closer with him too, right? And if you said you were stupid, then what it made me?" She looked forward blankly, "I was the stupid one. I didn't... I was unaware of everything, even with my own feeling. So if you're about to say sorry, it's me, who supposed to say that."

Sehun went silent, listening to Soojung's even breath.

"To be honest, I haven't got the chance up until now, to properly apologize," she turned her head to see him, already staring at her, "I'm sorry, Sehun. You know yourself you're one fine human being. Girls swoon over you. And I personally think I've wasted a once in a life time opportunity to be your girlfriend."

Sehun smiled inside but then rolled his eyes. "And you just realized that?"

She faked a sob. "Yes, oppa, please give me another chance."

He tapped his chin like he was contemplating. "Sorry, but I don't give second chances."

Soojung scoffed. "Fine then. It's your loss."

Sehun laughed and poked her side again to earn her cursing and addictive laugh, which made him laugh too. It's no doubt his loss for not being able to be the one she cherishes for that time being, but he really didn't regret that he left her on the right hand—Jongin’s hand.

He could barely feel a pang in his heart again because it had replaced with a warm feeling every time Soojung mentions Jongin or the other way around. It was just a crush, anyway. Jongin knew her better than he did, he believed. They both had known each other very well and Sehun was afraid himself, what if she really went up to the rooftop that day and accepted his confession and not Jongin's?

He would want to make her smile and laugh like this every single minute, if he really got the chance, but he then changed his mind when Soojung suddenly stopped laughing and watched as a new message appeared on her screen. He watched intently how she beamed at the name and read the content in full excitement. Sehun realized, Jongin is really the one for her. Even though the box was wrapped so messily, he could see the effort she put on that. Even though the weather wasn't so friendly, she would bear it with just a company from a glass of hot chocolate. Jongin’s a one lucky creature to have someone like her.

Soojung sighed and looked down.

"Was that Jongin?" Sehun voiced out.

She nodded and tilted her head. "Aren't you going home? It's getting late."

He raised an eyebrow and looked at his wrist. "Right. Almost midnight." He blinked at her, "What about you? Where is he?"

She looked away. "He's not coming. Sudden dance extra class."

Sehun laughed bitterly. "What? Really? On Christmas night?" Soojung just looked at him shaking his head. "You gotta be kidding me. Think the teachers aren't taking holiday? What even, Krys."

"Well." She showed up her phone and scoffed. "It's clearly written here, okay? You're the one who stayed longer than me in the academy. You tell me."

Sehun realized he was way too much. "Hey." He sighed, "I'm sorry."

She crossed her arms. "Whatever. Just go home."

He sighed again as he stood up. Soojung isn't really the type to hold grudges and he knew really well it was just because she was pissed. If the next day they happen to meet, Soojung would act like nothing happened the night before. "I can take you home. You know Sooyeon won't be pleased to see you outside at this kinda hour."

Soojung laughed this time then narrowed her eyes. "Think she's not staying at her boyfriend's home tonight? What even, Hun."

He couldn't hold it so he just chortled at that and shook his head in disbelief. "I said sorry, okay? Come on." He tugged on her hand, "Let me take you home as an apology. Again. Damn, I keep on apologizing."

A smile slowly tugged her lips. "Stupid."

"There's the smile!" Sehun applauded and everyone who happened to pass by looked at him – technically, them – weirdly.

"If you want the spotlight, don't drag me along with you." She hissed but Sehun kept on laughing and clapping like a retarded seal. 

"Fine, God." He stopped laughing and tug her hand once again, "So are you coming or not?"

Soojung stayed silent and glanced at the present, neatly sat on her lap—all in mess. That night wasn't really like what she had expected before. The weather was chiller. The park was emptier. The choir couldn't really reach the place she was sitting. Maybe it's time to call it a day and go home to rest, she wanted to tell herself. But what held her was something she couldn't even figure. She wanted to stay, even if the message clearly told him to leave. She wanted to wait; even the person she was waiting for was far from coming.

"I think I'm gonna reject your offer." 

Sehun looked at her skeptically. "What? Krys, I know you've been dying to meet him but he told you himself he couldn't make it right?"

She looked away, trying not to gulp down the fact Sehun just said. "I can go home by myself, Sehun." Soojung went to look back at him, "I just.. I just want to be here. You know he's a last second kinda person. Maybe.. Maybe he'll come? You'll never know, right?"

Sehun felt the glint of hope in her eyes that he would never have the gut to erase. He sighed, "Fine then. I'm gonna stay here and wait until he comes."

"No! You—just leave, okay? I can wait by myself." 

Sehun rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, he won't be mad because of me sitting with you, right? I'm not stealing you away, after all."

She rolled her eyes and punched him on the arm. "He's not that low to get jealous over things like these, idiot."

He laughed and made himself more comfortable on the backrest. "Sure."

So there Sehun stayed with Soojung, accompanying her. Escorting her, even no one told him to. They spent the night together in comfortable silence with little talk in between them. Just sat there, warmth radiating from each body was good enough for the moment when there was no fireplace to keep them warm nor there was grilled meat to keep their belly filled.

As the night went by, more snow to fall, and less people in the park, the boy realized from a far that he was really lucky yet he just wasted another drop of it. The night was supposed to be special, like what she had wanted it to be. But there he was, standing in his blue coat and drenched in cold sweats despite the low temperature as he gulped down the lump in his throat; seeing the girl he never thought would still be in front of his sight – was on someone else's back. With heavy steps, he approached the pair.

"You're late." Was the only thing that someone could say to him.

He was run out of breath the time he finally stood in front of him. He looked behind him to see the gift box that was stained chocolate. "Thanks."

Slowly, Jongin took her off of Sehun's back to his arms. Securely, she was finally in his embrace. He stared at her peaceful face as she mumbled incoherent things and face snuggling on to his damp shirt. He blamed himself mentally for not changing before dashing out here. 

"Whatever." Sehun replied. A hint of disappointment showed in his face. "Why did you make excuse that involves the academy? You know it's Christmas Eve and if you would bluff think of a more logic reason." He looked at him straight, "She's not naïve, Kai."

Jongin on the other side just smiled while Sehun on the other side, blabbering nonstop. "Thankfully she isn't awake at the moment, or else she would've busted you right here because of the sickening smell of drugs and hospital. I could even smell it when you were at the parking lot."

He kept on staring down at her. "I have my way, Sehun. I'll tell her at the right time." He looked up to see his scowling best friend, "You brought your car here, right?"

Sehun nodded. "Why? You want me to fetch her? If I knew you'd do that I would bring her home earlier. I'm sleepy, you know? You should thank me that I didn't fall asleep because we would be sleeping together on that bench if you haven't realized."

"Please drop my present at my home. Do me this one more favor for me, buddy?" He walked passed him casually, and not so long after that he could faintly hear Sehun's curses that wished him got all frozen, so Soojung would woke up in the arm of an ice sculpture then realized she really chose the wrong guy and left him for good. Jongin just shook his head but feeling so grateful inside for having Sehun who really gave his precious time for his girlfriend. His ears really perfectly captured the 'buddy, he said' part and it made him wonder why Lu Han really thought this guy was innocent, seeing how long he had been grumbling. Maybe he just the good soul himself just when Lu Han's around, he thought.

Jongin walked down the pathway to reach his car. Every step he took was heavy but not because the person he was carrying, it was the guilt that pressed him even deeper to the ground.

Soojung let out a small sneeze and snuggled even closer to him. “Stupid.” He mumbled and sighed. “Why am I dating one stubborn person?”

Earlier that night, he left the hospital with better feeling down there. He was dancing his legs off inside his academy's practice room when he felt a familiar pang on his limb. He kneeled down and shut the blasting music off with sweaty hand. Out of breath, he reached his phone that was resting on one table and unlocked it. Time showed it was time for his date with Soojung but another notification popped out of nowhere—his doctor appointment. Figures, he thought, because the pain was suddenly back. For minutes, he contemplated whether to obey what he should've done but then again, both were important at the moment. He sighed when he felt the pain was getting into him, as he had to put a hand on his throbbing leg. He never thought he was seriously injured that he got to go to the hospital in every three month. Sighing again, he began to write an apology to Soojung and asked her to go home.

What he didn’t expect was the time he decided to take a walk at the park, Soojung was still there – head slowly bobbling to the side as someone caught her and made her up again. She smiled there and rubbed her eyes, mouthing something like ‘I’m sorry’ to the boy next to him. Jongin kept his eyes on the pair, not caring whether the doctor had said to avoid staying outside for a long time before. He felt his heart clenched at the sight. When Soojung had finally fallen asleep, he finally made a move to take her back.

He put Soojung on the passenger seat and she immediately squirm to face the door after he closed it gently. Entering the driver seat, he opened his coat to cover her bare thighs. He once again scolded himself when he saw her sneezing – again – before drifted back to sleep. He moved her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. Jongin slightly wondered why she flinched at his touch but he just shrugged it off as he drove off the snowy streets to bring her home.

Midnight. It was Christmas already and they were in front of Soojung’s house. Jongin turned off the engine of his car.

“Soojung.” Jongin nudged her up. “We’re arrived.”

She blinked for a moment and finally opened her eyes. “Jongin?” Her sight was blurred for a moment before she finally saw him, smiling weakly. “You came.”

“I’m sorry.” He said and reached to caress her hair. “I’m sorry.”

Soojung smiled. “It’s okay. You made it, anyway.”

He looked down, avoiding her stare. “I—I don’t deserve you, Soojung.”

Soojung kept on staring at him. “No. No, don’t say that—“

“You’re just trying to—you know, this isn’t working.” He chuckled and stared back at her. “I’m not good for you, Soojung. I cancel our dates; I never give you presents. I make you wait for me in our every single date and I—I give nothing but you caught a cold because you were waiting, for me.”

“But you came, Jongin.” She said slowly, still staring at him. “You came. Your presence is already a present for me and who said I got a cold?”

Jongin stayed silent, boring his eyes into hers. Her red nose couldn’t really lie to him but he chose to ignore it because if he did argue over that – the night couldn’t be any worse, for both.

“You had told me to leave but it was my decision to wait for you. So don’t blame yourself, please. I knew you’d come. And it turned out I was right.” She smiled—a smile Jongin would never get tired of. “You came, and it’s more than enough for me.”

Instead of saying anything, Jongin came closer and wrapped his arms around her. He kept on mumbling that he was sorry and Soojung would shut him up—telling him it was okay.

He pulled away only to give her a kiss. They started off slow but Jongin cupped her face to bring her closer, deepening the kiss. Still, Jongin apologized every time he pulled away from the kiss before making their lips touched again. Soojung opened her eyes to see the low-lidded eyes of him.

“Krys,” he played with her fingers. “Don’t leave me.” Jongin pleaded, eyes not daring to look at her.

She brought his face closer to chastely kiss him on the lips—his plump lips. “Stop saying things.”

He looked up to see her frowning. “Smile. I really love your smile.” He said, caressing her cheeks. She rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless. “Great. That smile is mine.” He leaned in to kiss her again. He admitted; he could never get tired of the strawberry taste of her lips. Addicting—everything that involves Soojung is addicting for him.

They stayed like that for a moment in silence inside his car—lips connected, his hand soothing her hair and his free hand intertwined with her.

“Can you promise me something?” He suddenly asked, forehead on hers.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Do not give that smile to any of your future boyfriends. That smile only belongs to me.” He said in a serious manner. “It’s mine.”

She stared at him. “What—what’s wrong with you, Kai? I told you it’s okay—“

“It’s not okay, Krystal.” He said firmly. “I was wrong and now I want you to promise me.”

"How could you say such thing like that?" She asked in disbelief.

"I don't know," he shrugged, "I'm just afraid you'll leave me someday."

Soojung sighed and stared at his eyes. “I’m not leaving, Jongin.”

He bit his lower lip. “But if I were you—I’d leave.” He tightened his grip around her hand. “I’d leave my stupid, careless, selfish boyfriend.”

Soojung looked down to their intertwined fingers, forehead still touching. “If that’s the case.” She looked up, “Then you won’t see yourself in me. I’m not Jongin—I’m Soojung. I don’t care if—you cancel our dates, or if you don’t give me presents. I don’t care. I want to be with you, Jongin. Please don’t ask me to leave.”

But I lied to you, Jongin inwardly thought and he stared at her eyes, hoping she’d knew. Hoping she’d knew if he’s not good enough. Hoping she’d knew if Sehun is way better. Hoping she’d realized.

Soojung stared back, but what she caught was that little glint in his black orbs that made her close the gap between the both of them again. He doesn't want me to leave, Soojung knew.

In their kiss, Soojung hoped Jongin knew if she wanted to know. She wanted to know what he was hiding behind that stare. She wanted to know what was behind the smell of drugs and hospital. She wanted to know why his hands were so cold – because she was sure the car was warm enough. She wanted to know – what Sehun knew that she didn’t.

They pulled away and Jongin breathed into her lips, eyes locking with her eyes. “Promise me.”

She chuckled. “I promise.”

He smiled. “Merry Christmas, Soojung. I love you.”

She was about to answer back when she sneezed. She quickly widened her eyes. “I’m not sick!”

“Come here.” Was all Jongin said and hugged her tight.

He then told her to go inside and rest. He smiled the last time before he drove off, leaving Soojung in front of her door.

Jongin had his reasons – which Sehun told him that all of them were bulls – why he lied to her. Basically, all he wanted is everything but to make her worry.

But Jongin was clueless, that the moment he was faded from her sight; a tear escaped from her eyes as she walked to her door. She slumped herself on the bed, trying hard to get away from the bothering feeling inside her chest. Her eyes darted to a picture seated on her bedside; the both of them were still friends there. He had his arm around her shoulder and she was grinning to the camera but he wasn’t. It was one day when he had his bad day but still, she remembered perfectly how she had to nag for him to tell her what was wrong. He did, in the end.

And that was why she couldn’t sleep that night. That made her think, should she really nag at him even after they’re in a relationship, so he would tell her what was wrong? Because Soojung had never thought that Jongin, his boyfriend, would really hide something as important as a thing that involves hospital, and to the point that he lied to her.

Call her selfish but she just wanted to know – because she still wanted to be his friend, even after she had become his girlfriend.

Soojung just wanted to know why.

***

December 31.

She looked down to her dress and smiled. Sky blue—his favorite color.

“Come on.” Jinri tugged her hand out from her room.

Soojung pulled her hand off of her grip. “Wa—wait! I haven’t called Kai.”

Jinri blinked. “Oh—right! Sorry.” She grinned, “I’ll wait outside, okay?”

She nodded and pulled out her phone, sitting on her bed. She soothed her dress and wondered what would he say. Well, he wouldn’t say anything of course. When did the last time he praise her for what she wears? Soojung sighed; it doesn’t really matter after all.  If she could dance with him tonight, it would be more that enough to wrap up the year.

She waited for several minutes with wandering around her room and finally a message appeared on her screen. The bubbly aura around her just turned drastically down when she read the contents. Heavily, she brought herself outside and sat on the front seat, besides Sehun and before Jinri.

The both of them didn’t really have to ask her why as he drove away to their destination—Kyungsoo’s house.

‘I’m sorry. I really can’t make it tonight.’ was what written and that was enough for any girl to sulk but not Soojung. She just smiled along the two through out the party.

There was the countdown and fireworks exploded all over the city, coloring the darkness.

Soojung, with weighted heart, smiled and threw her arms as she hugged Jinri and Sehun, yelling 'happy new year' to their ears. She didn’t forget to pray for her future college, her family to be healthy, and for her and Jongin. She smiled, hoping he’s doing fine wherever he is at the moment.

Jongin, on the other side of the city, grabbed the white sheet and shut his eyes tightly. He chanted inwardly, that it’s going to be over soon. He opened his eyes and looked at the sky with full of fireworks from the window, and back at the reflection of himself with a white-coated person besides him, a needle in his hand. The blue patterned sweater from Soojung could be seen also in the corner of the corner of the room -- her Christmas present.

“One more shot for tonight, Jongin.” He warned, “It’s going to be painful.”

Jongin just nodded as he felt the fluid came along with the pain down there on his thigh. He closed his eyes once again and a flash of Soojung appeared.

I’m sorry.

a/n: i'm terribly sorry for the late update! and.... the amount of kaistal in pink tape really hurts my heart in a good way /sobs