For once, Monday was a good day. Not once had he cried or showed any signs of being depressed. His mask was flawless and nothing cracked. He laughed, he joked, he showed Yongguk nothing was wrong.

Tuesday wasn’t. The second he woke up he could feel the overwhelming feeling of being on the edge that had become so familiar lately. He didn’t want to get out of bed. He couldn’t.  So he buried himself deeper into the duvet and hoped the day would stay away as a hollow feeling in his heart consumed him.

“Himchan sweetheart, it’s time for you to get up. Otherwise you’ll be late,” his mother’s voice told him.

“I don’t feel well,” Himchan replied in a weak voice, trying to make it as sick as possible. With droopy eyes he looked at his mother, trying to say ‘I’m sick’ with his entire being.

“Oh honey, you don’t look so well either. Why don't you go back to sleep?” she suggested and Himchan nodded, with as much drowsiness in his gesture as he could. With a small encouraging smile, she left again and he let himself fall down into his bed again. Trying to feel nothing, he stared up at his ceiling for a while. How empty he felt. And it hurt. He turned over on his side and stared at his wall instead. A lump in his throat.

Closing his eyes, he tried to push the tears back, but one escaped his eye, leaving a wet trail down into his hair. Another escaped, following the first. He breathed heavily, trying to keep the sobbing away. But a sob escaped nonetheless. Soon he was crying and sobbing quietly, not wanting anyone to hear. Pulling the corner of his duvet into his embrace, he wished someone could hold him instead of this pathetic situation. He cried and cried, pathetically, crying.

He fell asleep.

Something was buzzing under his pillow. It stopped. Himchan turned over and tried to fall asleep again. The buzzing started again. It kept going. Reaching under his pillow, Himchan grabbed his phone and brought it out. Someone was calling him. Without a thought he answered it with a hoarse and weak 'hey'.

“Hey, are you ok?” Yongguk's voice asked through the phone. Himchan inwardly cursed his very being for answering.

“I'm sick,” Himchan answered, hoping his sleepy, hoarse voice would underline his point.

“Yeah you don't sound very well. Are you home alone?” Yongguk continued asking. Himchan thought for a moment.

“I don't know,” he answered truthfully. He didn't know what time it was or if his mom or dad were home.

“Oh ok. I think you are, 'cause no one is answering,” Yongguk said.

“What?” Himchan asked confused. What did he mean?

“I'm standing outside your house but no one is answering,” Yongguk explained further. “Could you come open up?”

“Uh- I- sure,” Himchan replied. Yongguk hung up. ing . That wasn't planned for. Why did he say sure? Why couldn't he just have said he wanted to sleep? Out of bed he went nonetheless, breathing deeply and slapping his face a couple of times. Walking to the front door, he slumped his shoulders, drooped his eyes, made sure he looked sick. At the same time he sharpened his mind and tried to rid himself of the empty feeling and just feel physically sick. The best way to convince others of something, was if you convinced yourself first.

“Hey,” Yongguk greeted him with a smile on his face.

“Hey,” Himchan greeted him back drowsily and stepped back so Yongguk could come inside.

“You really do look sick,” Yongguk said. Himchan mentally rejoiced. He grunted in answer and went to the kitchen. He should get something to eat now that he was up anyways. Behind him, Yongguk followed him. “Do you have some ramen I could have?” Yongguk asked.

“Yeah, we do actually. I'm making some for myself,” Himchan answered with a chuckle. Silently, he got out a pot and gave it to his friend who poured water in it. Meanwhile Himchan found the ramen packs. Soon they had the pot with water boiling on the stove. Not saying a word, they put in the packets and not long after Himchan found two bowls, where Yongguk poured in the pot's contents. Himchan was glad his friend didn't talk. Since he had found Himchan crying, he couldn't help but feel slightly nervous that the boy might bring it up. He didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want anyone to know. It was his burden to carry. He deserved to feel like this for not being good enough.

“I was worried you were crying again,” Yongguk told him when they'd sat down and taken their first bites. Himchan unintentionally froze up. “But you do look sick. Unless you're faking it,” Yongguk continued. Himchan looked up at him and found pleading eyes.

“I'm sick. I didn't feel very well this morning,” Himchan told him, hoping his friend would believe him. Yongguk nodded, but kept looking at him. Feeling uncomfortable under the gaze, Himchan looked down at his food and kept eating.

“I believe you,” Yongguk said, making unnoticed tension leave Himchan's shoulders. He cursed himself. There was once he was a genius at acting, but lately he couldn't seem to convince his entire body that it needed to act a certain way instead of what he felt at heart. “But I think the reason why you're sick is because of the same reason that you were crying the other day. If you get what I mean.” Himchan's body tensed again.

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Sorry for the long wait. I've been feeling... uninspired... down... had tons of bad days... no want to write...

depressed in short...

and it's a short chapter, I know... but yeah...

Peace out (^_^)v