A hand grabbed Himchan's arm and pulled him into an empty classroom, as he was walking towards the library. Looking around for the culprit, he found his friend with a desperate look on his face.

“Himchan-hyung, you have to help me!” he begged desperately and said person put his bag down on a desk and sat down on it. He indicated his friend to take a seat in front of him and his friend did so.
“What's wrong Junhong?” he asked his tall friend calmly.

“There's something wrong with me! I don't know what to do anymore!” Junhong told him desperately. Himchan indicated for him to continue. “I keep thinking of Jongup-hyung. More than what's normal. And I've started to get nervous around him. I'm not nervous around Jongup!” Junhong ruffled his hair in frustration.

“And why do you think that is? What conclusions or guesses or thoughts have you had about it?” Himchan asked. He had an idea what was going on in his friend's head, but Junhong had to find out on his own. So he could grow as a person and accept whatever conclusion he came up with in the end.

“I don't know hyung! That's why I'm asking you! The only conclusion I've come to is that I like him, as in like like him and that's impossible. I'm a guy! And so is he! I like girls!” Junhong told him, frustration and desperation evident in his words.

“Would it be that bad if you liked him? Being gay isn't a sin. Not all are very accepting of it, but that doesn't make it a wrong thing to be. It's just something you are, a part of who you are. ual attraction to the same gender isn't a bad thing. Look at Daehyun and Youngjae. They're not bad people just because they are attracted to the same gender,” Himchan tried to explain to him it would be ok if that was what was happening.

“I know it's not a bad thing to be gay or biual or whatever. It's just that I'm not. And think of what my parents would say if that was the case! They're not exactly as nice and open as yours!” Junhong replied.
“Nothing is certain yet and if you do turn out to like Jongup, it's not going to be hell breaking loose. He's a nice guy, and I know you think so too, your world isn't going to be ruined totally. And it's been seen before that guys only like one guy, but otherwise is all in it for girls. On top of that, your parents do not have to know yet. If you do turn out to like him and you, in theory, go all gay and tell your parents do you really think they'll kick you out and leave you to handle your own life? They love you Junhong and care about you. And if you do get kicked out, then you can come live with me until you can live by yourself, or maybe we can get an apartment together somewhere,” Himchan offered with a small smile. The offer clearly relaxed Junhong a little. “I'll be here for you no matter what you decide. But you're going to have to find out for yourself. Think about it carefully. It's not something that comes from one day to another, nor is it an easy topic.” The words seemed to calm his friend down, and Himchan smiled comfortingly.

“Thanks hyung,” Junhong thanked him giving him a smile. “Can I have a hug?” he asked and Himchan smiled a bright smile, before getting down from the desk. Taking a step, he wrapped his young friend into his arms. After a minute or so, he stepped back, putting both hands on his friend's shoulders.

“Don't stress about it,” he told him and let him go. Junhong jumped down from the table with a smile and nodded.

“Thank you,” Junhong once again thanked him. It felt good to help his friends, it really did. That was what he lived for. That was the reason why he hadn't killed himself yet. “I'm going to go class now,” his friend told him and headed out of the room, leaving Himchan behind. He stood with a small smile on his face, looking at the open door his friend had disappeared out of. Grabbing his stuff, he headed out the same way. He had two free lessons, so he was going to use them at the library to study. Walking towards his original destination, he thought about his friend. He was such a cute kid, with a smile that brightened a room instantly. So many people loved him for that smile and who could blame them. The boy was like a walking ray of sunshine. It hurt Himchan to know he was going through troubles. He didn't deserve it.

No the boy deserved nothing but happiness. How he wished Junhong's troubles could be transferred to himself somehow. So the boy would keep being happy as he should be. Himchan on the other hand, deserved to be sad. He simply wasn't good enough. So he should have this perfect person's troubles instead. That would only be fair. It hurt so much to see the kid sad. It should be him instead. that he was already depressed and what not, it was what he deserved for not being good enough. Junhong shouldn't have any troubles. But that wasn't how the world worked sadly. No, so instead, Himchan would do his best to help his friend through this. Whether he turned out gay or whatever. He would do what he could. Maybe then he would be good enough.

How selfish he was. He was disgusted with himself. 'Then maybe he'd be good enough'? There was the proof that he wasn't a good person. How could he think of himself when his friend was going through some troubles. How selfish of him! That simply just wasn't good enough. That was disgusting. What an he was for thinking of himself in this situation. He was down right a selfish that didn't deserve to live. How could he possibly think of himself? Selfish, selfish, selfish. He was supposed to think of his friend and now he went into a loop of himself. Who was he to deserve being thought of? He should live for others, not himself. That was selfish and a bad thing to do. Why was he such a bad person?

Reaching the library, scolding himself, he sat down at one of the tables in a corner and got out his books and notebook. He would redeem himself somewhat by studying and try to get a good grade. That would make his parents happy and maybe proud. For whatever reason, him getting good grades put a smile on their faces, especially when he told them he'd done his best. And he had to put smiles on their faces. Not make them worry. Make them happy, because they deserved that for trying their best to raise him. And they'd done a wonderful job, it was his own fault he turned out to be such a failure for them though. But he would do his best so they could smile a little again, after they found out about his little depression. They didn't like it. He could see it. He had failed them. He hadn't made them happy. Even though they told him they were still proud of him and all that , he could see it in their eyes. The pain, the internal frowns, the sadness. And that was bad. Very bad. So he would study his off and get the best grade he could, so he could try making them happy again. That was the least he owed them, after they had done such a good job at raising him. But he had ruined it for them. For he was a bad person. His sister was coming out much better. And that was good. Then his parents had something to be truly proud of.

“Hyung,” the voice of his friend Jongup interrupted his studying. Looking up he found his friend sitting down across from him. “I'm glad I found you, I have something I need help with,” his friend told him. Himchan laid down his pencil and gave his full attention to his friend.

“What is it?” he asked the younger boy expectantly, ready to help.

“It's Junhong. He's been avoiding me lately. Do you know what's wrong?” Jongup asked worriedly. Himchan inspected his face and found worry, concern and pain written all over it.

“Yes I know what's wrong,” Himchan told him. “And don't worry. He isn't avoiding you because you've done something wrong,” he quickly told his friend, before Jongup could ask.

“Can you tell me what's wrong? Because he won't. And he's my best friend. It hurts,” Jongup asked hopefully. Himchan though, had to shake his head. Junhong needed to get to terms with himself before talking with his best friend about what he's been going through.

“I'm sorry Jongup, but I can't,” he apologized. “He'll tell you when he's ready, don't doubt that. But for now, you'll have to wait patiently. Don't rush him.”

“Oh, ok,” Jongup muttered, put out. “It's just, I'm really worried. He's never not told me something before,” Jongup explained himself and Himchan nodded in understanding.

“Don't worry too much. It's not a bad thing that's troubling Junhong lately. And you'll be the first to know when he's come to a conclusion, trust that,” he comforted his young friend. Jongup smiled slightly.

“Geez hyung, the way you're saying it sounds like he's making a life changing decision,” Jongup joked and Himchan smiled at him. “But thanks. Do you know when he might feel better though? I'm still really worried,” he asked, concern showing on his face.

“No sadly I don't. But as his best friend, you're sure to be the first to know, count on that,” Himchan told him. How could the world give this person troubles too? Why couldn't they pile on him instead. His perfect angels didn't deserve this. But he did.

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Second chapter... ^^

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