The tape Yixing stole, no, borrowed from the MBC video library weighed like a ton of bricks in his backpack. He didn’t know what possessed him to do it but an annoying voice in his head told him that this tape was important information. If only someone could tell him what that information was good for though, because it felt like he was going in circles.

Right now, however, there was something else that was troubling him. He shifted the weight of his backpack from one shoulder to the other, finger poised to key in the pass code to open the door of Baek Hyun’s apartment. Would it be too much of a shock if he just entered like that since he wasn’t living there anymore?

Yixing didn’t get the chance to decide because the main door opened just then to reveal a worn out Luhan, whose eyes widened in surprise when they caught sight of Yixing. “X-Xing,” he stammered, lips moving as though he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to smile.

“Are you going somewhere?” Yixing asked awkwardly, “I can come another time then?”

His best friend (boyfriend?) shook his head vigorously and pushed the door wider to let Yixing in. “I… I’m glad you came. Are you okay?” Luhan asked in a small voice.

Yixing raked his eyes over Luhan, exhaling slowly. Baek Hyun was right; he really looked like crap. Dark circles hung low beneath his eyes and his shirt looked as though it could fall off his shoulder any time. Hell, how much weight had Luhan lost?

“Luhan,” he said unhappily. “Are you starving yourself?” He hated to admit it but seeing Luhan like this made his stomach somersault and his resolve crumble. He was supposed to be hard on him but Luhan looked like he had been suffering plenty on his own.

“I just didn’t have any appetite,” he mumbled, tugging Yixing to sit on the couch. He in a deep breath and looked over to him. “I’m sorry. You have every right to hate me.”

Yixing’s temper flared at the sentence because damn right he did. He gritted his teeth, pushing aside his worry for the other man. “Are you planning to explain?” he demanded to know. “Or do I have to pry it out of you?”

“I’m sorry,” Luhan repeated softly and fidgeted a bit before he spoke again.

“I knew for a while that Kris had been using drugs,” he began, “He had been acting stranger than usual, always having secretive phone calls and texting people with dubious contact names. I saw him once, swapping money for a stash of pills.”

Yixing tensed, his jaw set in disbelief. “Why didn’t you stop him?”

“… Why should I?” Luhan exhaled. “It’s none of my business how he wants to live his life.” He then cringed, as if he had just heard himself speak and regretted his choice of words. “It sounds selfish, does it?”

A muscle ticked in his jaw at Luhan’s irresponsible words. For all his years of knowing him, he didn’t think Luhan was this type of person. Even if he didn’t get along with Kris (having joined the agency 2 years later than the two of them), as a fellow trainee, shouldn’t he have done something? It made no sense to Yixing at all.

Feeling Luhan’s tense gaze on him, he shot the other man a glare and the photographer’s shoulders drooped even lower if possible. “I can see the wheels turning in your head already,” Luhan murmured forlornly. “Even before you came, I knew you’d take Kris’s side. You always do.”

“What the , Lu?” he blurted out heatedly. “Is this all because you were jealous? Is this supposed to make sense? Because I still don’t ing get it!”

The wounded look Luhan gave him made him freeze up. There was something else, and from his expression, Yixing wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what it was. Fine, so a lot of times he neglected Luhan to spend time with Kris but what was wrong with that? Kris was his sort-of boyfriend! It was natural for him to hang out with him.

“You really don’t know anything,” Luhan said dully. “Your life revolves around Kris and Kris only huh? Do you know why I quit the agency?”

“You said—”

“I know, I told you I was more interested in photography,” he interrupted with an unamused laugh. “I didn’t want to tell you the truth. The agency actually told me they were going to debut me as a solo artist.” Yixing’s eyes widened. “I wanted you to be the first person to know so I asked you out.”

Hang on, he was starting to remember something. Wasn’t that the day –

Luhan nodded at Yixing’s silent question, slowly lifting his gaze to his face. “That was the day I fell down the stairs. The day we were supposed to meet but you chose to go to Kris’s party and forgot about me.

“I had planned this extravagant surprise and even chased the other trainees out of the dorm so we could get some time alone together,” he continued monotonously. “So when I fell down the stairway, nobody knew.”

Yixing stiffened as snippets of that fateful day assaulted his head. One of the staffs at Kris’s party told him about Luhan’s accident and it was only then he recalled the plan to meet. But why did Luhan bring that up? He said he was fine –

“I broke my leg that day, Yixing. The doctor forbade me to dance.” He shrugged. “So the agency dropped me.”

Yixing in a sharp intake of breath, his face paling rapidly at the turn of events. Luhan was kicked out of the agency? All along he had thought Luhan changed his mind about becoming a celebrity.

If he hadn’t gone to Kris’s celebration party, if he had been there with Luhan, then… then he wouldn’t have broken his leg. He could have been a singer. And who knew, maybe Luhan wouldn’t have harboured such hate towards Kris. Maybe he wouldn’t have called the police. Maybe he’d even stop him from buying those pills.

“Oh my God,” Yixing choked in anguish. “This is all my fault.”

At this, Luhan immediately reached for Yixing’s hand and held it tightly. “No, it’s not,” he said firmly. “There are things about Kris that you don’t know, Xing. I’m just trying to protect you from him.” Luhan squeezed his hand and gazed at him beseechingly. “Can we start over, please?”

He nodded numbly. He ruined Luhan’s future and he didn’t even blame him. Yixing owed him at least that much.

***

Kyung Soo could tell he was distracted when he stepped into the pub kitchen that night. When Yixing mixed up the fourth order within the twenty minutes he had been there, Kyung Soo pulled him into the staff room.

“How did it go with Luhan?” he asked with a frown. “Do you want to… talk?”

Yixing shook his head slowly, his head hung low. “Sorry, I’m a little preoccupied,” he apologised, “I’ll pay attention—”

“No, you won’t,” came a voice from the door. Jongin folded his arms and leaned against the wall. “Why don’t you do us a favour and get out of the kitchen. I have another job for you.”

Blankly trailing behind his boss, Yixing stopped short when Jongin paused in his steps and gestured at the stage. “Go up there and sing.”

His jaw dropped slightly at the sudden request. “What…?”

“The band that was supposed to come said their singer caught a flu,” he sighed, “I need a singer. I thought you used to sing?”

“Yes, but—”

“Please, Yixing?” Jongin asked pleadingly. “I don’t know who else I can call at such a short notice. You don’t want the customers to complain, do you?”

When Jongin was giving him all sorts of pouts and sad frowns, it was a little difficult for Yixing to say no to him (even though he was a little disturbed). At least he could space out onstage, as long as he didn’t forget the lyrics.

The minute he stepped onto the stage, he felt a wave of adrenaline rush and with all those eyes staring expectantly at him, his face warmed. Wow. The last time he sang in front of an audience was when he was still a trainee and the vocal coach had this weekly assessment performances. 

Yixing closed his eyes briefly and drew in a deep breath as the beginning chords of the song started to play.

On the other side of the pub, Jongin raises an eyebrow at the figure in the shadows next to him. “You owe me.”

A/N: Just a heads up -- I will be going on vacation and won't be updating for a week. See you guys next weekend! Keep the comments and votes coming. =p