History
Trouble
The snow let up today and although there were traces of leftover slush everywhere, it didn’t stop people from coming out and enjoying the slightly sunny weather. It was extra chilly in the morning, so along with a big jacket, I wore a scarf that my mother knitted for me last Christmas. My apartment was left a mess last night simply because when I got back, I was too tired to even attempt putting the dirty clothes in the hamper. In fact, I don’t even remember changing into my pajamas. For all I know I could have stripped off all of my clothes and thrown them across the room, trying to aim for an invisible target. And then dance in my underpants when I hit it.
Wait… did I really just say that…
I shook those crazy thoughts from my head and decided that it was time to go.
As I walked into the dance studio, I observed all of the little kids warming up and stretching before the 10:00 lessons. Although most would consider this part to be pointless and boring, the kids all had smiles on their faces as the chatted with the one beside them. All of them were talented, and incredibly lucky to have their parents support them in a hobby like this.
This job was hard to come by. I’ve always had a passion for dancing but when I was in high school I finally started to develop it. Two years ago. Looking back, it all feels so far away. But those two years were probably the most impressionable years of my life. My mom was always supportive of whatever I did, but my dad never even knew that I had a desire for something as “trivial” as this, in his words. So, she kept my passion a secret. I would go after school to an abandoned studio and just… dance. It was just me- no peers, no distractions, no world except my own. There was a second story to it, but I assumed it was empty as well. There were a few nights where I would hear someone singing, vocals only, but it was so random that I thought it was a hidden part of the songs I was dancing to.
I would get into a rhythm, a zone, and without realizing it I would stay later and later into the night. One night, that one fateful night, I stayed a little too late. I was listening to a new song that I had found earlier in the day and every note, every beat just embedded itself in me. I had to do something. I had to express it and I spent the whole entire night doing that. Yet, when I finally finished I saw that it was past midnight.
I ran home and tried to sneak in but it was already too late. When I walked through the front door I saw my dad watching from the front hallway, crossing his arms with a stance that only meant anger. The living room held my mother with a look of regret written on her face. I could only guess that she had spilled the beans.
I didn’t just get punished for dancing behind his back.
I got kicked out.
I still remember hearing my mother’s screams as my dad physically pushed me out of the house, and the way I landed on the cold concrete stairway with a hard thud.
That night I went back to the very place that cost me my home, and my relationship with my father, if you could even call it that. I stayed there for the next week. School wasn’t an option- I neither had clean clothes nor my backpack to even try to learn the subjects on my own. Since it was an abandoned studio, there was only a minimal amount of lighting and there was no heat, so at night the only thing I could do was curl up as small as possible and hope that I didn’t get kidnapped as I slept.
During the days of that week, I would get up when the sun rose, and dance until the sun set. I truly don’t even know how I had the energy as all I had was a twenty dollar bill to spend on simultaneous bottles of water and cheap variations of salads at the local corner mart. And I’m sure the people there though I was a homeless ‘thug’ since I was in dirty clothes with disheveled hair and probably had a five-o-clock shadow.
On the six or seventh day, when I was truly considering running back and begging for permission to stay, I saw a figure behind me. I was trying to perfect a series of moves I had created and looked up to see a familiar face reflected in the mirror.
I turned around with a look of disbelief.
“Mom…” I breathed out, half from the exercise and half from relief.
She looked over me with a look of sadness.
“JongIn-ah… You’ve only been gone a week and you already look so much thinner and paler… I am so sorry. I tried to keep it a secret. And I did… but you just kept on coming home later and later and there was only so much I could do before he suspected something. He threatened that he would have the dean personally expel you from school if I didn’t fess up that night. I’m so sorry, JongIn-ah. I tried so hard.” She was in near tears and I ran up to hug her, embracing her and trying to ease her worries and convince her that I was okay.
“You…” She began, but paused.
“Hmmm?”
“Its nothing…” She looked away.
“No, mum. What is it?” I turned her head towards me.
“You… stink.”
I erupted into laughter. I think I had laughed so hard that I sprawled out on the floor, enjoying this foreign feeling of joy that I only got when I danced.
“I brought you something, JongIn.” She handed me a thick envelope. “Your father is still bitter about the whole incident, but I completely disagree with him on this. In that envelope you’ll find a big sum of money. And shut up right now because I can already see you denying it and if you deny it I swear to God I am not afraid to smack you where the sun don’t shine and anyways, I want you to use that money to find yourself a place to live. Make it cheap enough so that you can afford everything like food and utilities comfortably, until you can find a job of your own. But find one close to school because I want you to finish and graduate. There’s also a piece of paper in there. Written on it is my cell phone number, but block your number when you call so that your father doesn’t know that you’re calling me, and directions to my work in case you want to see me. Even if it’s just for a lunch to catch up, don’t hesitate. JongIn-ah, my baby, I support your dancing. If you want to make that your career, don’t let your father stop you. There is nothing wrong with not going to college. Pursue what you want to do, okay?”
All of the words that came out touched my heart. How a person so angelic could be married to such a demon- I would never understand it. I was so lucky to actually have a parent support something as risky as this. Words were hard to find and all I could do was hug her once more and whisper words of thanks and hear murmurs of ‘ew, smelly’ and ‘find a place with working plumbing so you can get this layer of stink off of you’.
Gee, thanks mum.
But really,
Thank you.
“Teacher Kim!” A voice called out. “Hyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuungg!!” A pair of childish voices interrupted my daydream and looked at me with curiosity.
“Isn’t it time to start, Teacher Kim? You didn’t do your stretches!” The little girl, JunYi gasped in playful shock.
“Oh! You’re right! Time to start!” I happily answered them and begun the day.
X
The day passed in the blink of an eye. I barely remember what I did with the children because my mind was occupied with a certain…
Someone.
Since I lived only a few blocks away from the studio, I could just walk home. And since I had already graduated high school, I didn’t have to worry about any homework. I didn’t even go back to the old abandoned studio anymore, since I had this new one to call my own after hours. The only thing that still bothered me were the vocals I would hear, in the upstairs lobby. The thing that gave me chills was that there were no stairs to get up there. And if there was no way to get in, then how could I possibly hear someone singing? Just thinking about it now scares me.
All I had to do was shake these curious thoughts from my head.
Its just a person you’ll meet once. Don’t get your hopes up on making a new friend.
He seems danger prone. Should I keep a watchful eye?
Do Kyungsoo, hmmm? Those syllables sound quite nice together…
I shook my head once more. I had to stop thinking about this man that I barely knew. What am I, a stalker?
Ye-I MEAN NO. I CAN’T SEE IF HE’S AT THE CAFÉ AGAIN. I JUST CAN’T.
And without further ado did I turn my heels and head straight there.
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