“Beginnings are sudden, but also insidious. They creep up on you sideways, they keep to the shadows, they lurk unrecognized. Then, later, they spring.” 
― Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin

January 2010

Im Yoona

SNSD- Visual of Girls Generation for 3 years and most popular member. 

Her head was still full of unfinished dance move, appointed schedules she had not attended, and the upcoming concert. Thoughts billowed around and catapulted her mind everywhere but where she should be.

                She tried to ignore the powerful music blasting from the small Ipod holder and the loud talking of people, but it was impossible.  She didn’t want everyone to know how much she didn’t want to be here, so she did what she did best. Started acting.

                When the world was a distrustful and manipulating mess that threw unimaginable hurdles at her all she did was act through them. Smile, move, turn, blink, and smile again were becoming her strategy she used against the world. She swept her hair over her shoulder and blinked at the stream of radiating disco lights that were blinding. She wished she could become that small child again with big dreams, ambitions, and hope. She chuckled lightly to herself as she now saw what she was becoming. She no longer cared what or how she was becoming because it was exactly what she wanted.

A monster. Not a monster, she thought. That word gave such a negative connotation she thought sweetly as she thought of another word. She mused over possibilities as alcohol perfumed the room and chatter filled the spaces. She was now a whole new person? She was now an adult? No those words were used for people who had metamorphosed into something positive , and she defiantly did not turn into anything remotely close to something with a positive meaning. She was entrenched in feelings she could not comprehend nor throw away.

I’m not a monster. Not a monster. Not a monster. Not a monster. She continued repeating this in her head until she knew it by rote. Not a monster. Not a monster. Not a monster.

                She needed to get some sleep before her next filming, but how could she tell that to a room full of cheering and happy idols? She put on another smile as she inched toward the door. Smile, turn, and move. Her new regime was starting to work.

                Once she was five inches from the handle suddenly she was stopped by a group of boys being towed by a single petite leader. She growled in frustration at the single person keeping in a place she hated most with people she despised.

                “Yoona! Don’t tell me you’re leaving! This is the Exo almost debut party! Have you even met any of them?” Taeyeon asked in a happy voice as she put her arm around a blushing Baekhyun.

                “No of course Unnie. I have to study for my new drama. I just received a call back for love rain. Remember?” She said politely as she inched closer. Smile. Move. Smile.

                “But Yong they will become part of our family soon! You must know your family members.” Her bubbly leader said pouting. The group of boys swarmed around her as they immediately bowed.

                “We are ONE! Hello we are Exo!” They all said in perfect unison. She wanted to laugh at the perfection and enthusiasm. Yoona bowed back politely and searched the sea of faces to see if any of the trainees she knew before made the cut. Recognition flashed her faces as she bowed back.

                “Yoona Noona, wait up!”  A fluffy haired smiling small boy yelled as he dashed through the corridors. She turned around brightly as the wind lightly drew her hair around her and sunlight dappled the hallway. She giggled softy as he tripped but still continued to strive toward with footsteps that pounded throughout the halls. Steady footsteps that would not stop for anyone and would be stopped by no one. She slowly walked toward him, but her mind already on other things. Schedules, practice, songs, and scandals took away from that moment and seemed to the color out of the hallway. Optimistically she pushed her thoughts aside, yet she could no longer push away the physically pain.  She forced her tired body to move and her buoyant bright personality seemed to give live to everything around her.

                “Don’t worry. I always will.” She whispered.

                “It’s been a while. I’m happy you made the cut.” She said with a smile as she looked at Kai and Suho. Poor babies going to be eaten alive by the poison that created you she thought sadly as she kept inching through the door. It was manifest to her that they would not last long. They were weak.

                She looked at the rest of the group. All good looking, tall, and in every way perfect. Her eyes landed on one particular angel she had never seen before. His doe eyes seemed to mimic hers as they stared with light curiosity and overflowing excitement. Yet she could see the dangerous glint and determination in his eyes that she seemed to never possess. His eyes seemed as innocent and wide as Sulli’s but as dangerous as a serial killer. Yoona grinned a bit. He was strong, but if he did fall he would be crushed. Trepidation and heightening excitement filled her. She just wanted to reach out and drag him down with her to the pits of hell for fun. Why not? If she was going there she might as well bring company. She felt her fingers slowly moving up….

                “I told you I’d make it!” Kai pushed forward toward her with a smile as she punched her shoulder lightly bringing her back to the group and lifting her eyes away from the deadly angel. His jubilant smile pierced her heart. “I practiced even more and perfected my dance moves.”

                “Yoona Noona, do you think if I practice enough I will be able to debut?” His asked with wide eyes as he stared back at her. She nodded quickly and sat down next to him. She wondered if he heard the news.

                “Of course! The amazing Kim Jongin is the number one trainee! You will be a great dancer.” She said as she glanced at him worrying over his sweating exhausted body. He hadn’t heard. Fear and sorrow flooded through her. She exhaled as she was about to forced herself to tell him. She had to tell him. Just she couldn’t. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet.

                “Do you think I will be better than Taemin?” He asked his eyes toward the ground. So he had heard. She patted his back sympathetically. Daggers directed themselves at her heart.

                “What? Don’t compare yourself to your best friend.” She huffed out keeping her eyes practice mirror in front of them.

                “So I will take that as a yes.” He said his eyes filled with sadness. The daggers took aim.

                “I never said that!” She rebutted.

                “You didn’t have to, I know he is better.” His voice started to waiver.

                “No he isn’t!” She shouted back.

                “Then why does HE get to debut.” The boy sitting next to her said with his face in his arms and this time tears flowed with his sweat. “Am I not good enough? Why? What makes him better than me!”

                The daggers pierced her heart.

                “You don’t get to debut just because you’re better.” She whispered.

                Yoona shut her eyes with remorse. Another fabulous toy of the machine that created them was about to get destroyed. Yet she couldn’t wait to see the decimated broken that was left. It wasn’t every day you got another broken soul she could connect with.

                She just could not wait for it was just the beginning.

Jung Yonghwa 

CN Blue- Lead vocalist. Debuted one year ago.

                Cut.

                “Wait, Hyun.” He mumbled as the directors voice echoed in his head. Cut. A word that seemed to stop all time and tugged at his heart. The lights around him turned red and people began clearing the set as she pulled away and stood up. He tugged at her sleeve as her smile disappeared and her shoulders seemed to droop. His heart pounded faster as she seemed downcast.

                Cut. The words bounced around in his head.

                “Good bye Yonghwa-shi. I have to get to a party. A new group has just been announced from my company. I want to who made it.” She said politely as she bowed at him. Of course he was Yonghwa-shi now. No long just Yong. Yong was just a mirage along with Hyun. He let go of her sleeve. He didn’t even know why he tried to talk with her outside of shooting. They were idols who were supposed to be famous, talented, and perfect.

                Cut. The sound that signaled the moment when the façade ended.

                So many words were left unsaid as she glanced at her phone and walked out of the door of their fake home. For him We Got Married was all a fake. An imaginary utopia he wished to be real. He wanted to get to know the quite studious angle known as his wife. He looked toward his wife who he didn’t even know. He knew this show was probably against her will. He knew that she probably didn’t even like him. He knew she liked someone else.

                Cut.  The sound that brought him back to reality.

He always knew that she had someone else. Someone she could rely on. Someone whose feelings he knew was real. Someone that was part of her family.

                Not that he cared.

                Cut. Everything would end soon.

He knew that his show would never really end.

Cut. But he knew his feelings would eventually end.

They had to.

Oh Sehun

Exo- trainee

                “Hyung!” He shouted with excitement as bubbles seemed to fly though the air at high speed.  Stars collided in a rainbow of colors and everything seemed brighter, livelier, and better. Feelings of happiness and lightness overcame him. He felt as if nothing could hold him down and gravity was just a myth. Music pounded in his ears, yet he heard nothing. People danced all around him, yet he could not see them. The clouds seemed so close.

He didn’t realize he was indoors.

As more dancing bodies and words of hellos passed him at light speed he felt a distinct pounding in his head and grabbed another drink to subdue it. Many try to talk to him, but he shrugs them off indiferently. He doesn't need to know them and he doesn't want to. He staggered over to the one man he wanted to see most.

                “Sehun are you drunk?” A wide eyed boy who seemed perfect in every way replied as he caught the younger who began to fall. His eyes began to blur and a fog began to set around his vision.

                “Of course not!” He said excitedly as he began to stand up again wiping away at the fog.

                “Sehun.” The elder warned as the younger and dragged him to a nearby couch.

                “I’m fine. I met nice people and drank a bit.” He mumbled as the fog began to close in.

                “I met some nice people too.” He heard his best friend mumble while handing him a drink that he spat out once he took a sip.  He looked at the cup to see his best friend handed him water.

                “Who?” He asked turning to stare at the boy.

                “Some girl named Yoona. She seemed nice.” The elder said staring at the bodies swaying around them.

                “I want to met her!” He half yelled despite the fact that it only hurt his head more.

                “Sure.” The boy said still looking into the crowd half listening. “You know what I’m going to look for her right now.”

                “But…”

                “See you later Sehun.” The boy said slowly getting up after making sure the younger had a cup of water and was in a safe place.

                “Luhan don’t leave me.” He mumbled as all he saw was the shadow of the retreating boy into a mirage of glitter, sweaty bodies, shadows and rainbows. 

Authors Note (IMPORTANT) 

I know this his horrible late! Its just that once I get writers block it takes me forever to get rid of it. Yes I know this chapter is short, but don't worry the rest wil be much longer. This is just a intro chapter and must start off the story and introduce some of the minor and major charcters. 

1st paragraph: I know I am horribly Yoona biased. I am so sorry, but I made her chapter so long and it might be horribly boaring, but I wanted to really focus on her character. As you can see this is not my normal cheerful and bubbly Yoona who has secrets, but this Yoona is darker and more mature. She sees life in black and white now and struggles with her identity. I attempted to make her character harsher and paint a picture of her as the what a Idol may become if they become used or broken by the system. You might think she is crazy and heartless (the whole bringin Kai and luhan to hell with her) but in reality she is just lonely and wants someone to bet here with her to hate the world and i find nothing wrong with that. Her character needs a lot of work, but don't worry there will be many twist that will change her. She is in the idol life the longest out of the characters I wrote and seems to have the hardest burden. 

2nd paragraph: This is in Yonghwa's POV. He is childish and not as observant as Yoona, and in someways more human. He knows his feelings and is trying to keep up with them. He likes (not loves) Seohyun, but he is a Idol and anything other than acting on a show will cause him to get hurt and he knows it. I attempted at writing him more innocent and easily hurt. Since in this story he has been an Idol for more than 1 year already knows the "rules" of being a Idol and how he MUST abide by them. 

3rd paragraph Awww Sehun I'm sorry I made you drunk, but my attempts at showing a chld just venturing into the idol world would not work unless I could show the imaginary and innocent views of the world he had while drunk. Sehun hasn't debuted yet and that is why I he sees no repructions of his actions and so far is very selfish only thinking about himself. Right now you can tell he is close to Luhan and in a way this shows how he will become extreamly close and attached to him. I would show sehun as a newly born baby turtle who is venturing into the sea, but does not know of the dangers that will soon swallow him whole. 

ANYWAY THANKS AND PLEASE SUBSCRIBE AND COMMENT! I WOULD TOTALLY LOVE IT!