“Hyun Ae?”

I turned my head at the call of my name and I all I saw was his radiating smile.

“Ah, hi Jongin. How are you?” I looked down, trying to escape his gaze. The memories of the past crept up my head. A part of my past that I tried to conceal was back in a split-second.

“I am good!” Jongin looked at me and continued, “Why are you all dressed up? Do you have any plans?”

“I have a job interview in about an hour, but the bus is delayed, so I am very worried now. I’ve been waiting here for more than 30 minutes. How about you?” I tried to plaster a smile on my face hoping that he would buy it.

“Oh, I just got out from a meeting.” He stopped for a while. “You know what? Let me drive you there. It does not seem that the bus is coming anytime soon.”

“Eh… you do not have to… I can just take the taxi.”

“Nah, It’s alright. Here come, I don’t want you to make a bad impression on your future boss!” Jongin winked and walked away towards the parking lot. He knew I was going to follow him. Like I always did.

==

I went in his car and just sat there. It was very awkward. He started driving and we stayed quiet. I hated the silence, my brain would not let me think of things to talk about.

“So… how long has it been since we last talked?” Jongin broke the silence.

“About… a year ago.” I replied, hoping that he would not ask me more questions. I wanted to kill the conversation.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true. After we broke up… How’s life after?”

I knew he was going to bring it up. After all he wanted us to be friends after we called it quit, but I could not, so I transferred to a different university and graduated there. I tried everything I could do to stay away from him.

“It’s alright… I just graduated last semester and I’m still trying to find a job. How about yourself?”

“That’s nice! I graduated when you transferred. I am now working in a consulting firm in Seoul.”  

Jongin kept on talking about his work. He must have felt fine without me. It was so hard for me to say that life was horrible without him. Even a year later. I still could remember so vividly what it felt like to be held in his loving arms. I hated myself a lot knowing that I was all the reason we fell apart. My ego was taking the better part of me. In my life, I was always thinking that I was the one. I was the one for him and he should never let me go. It was all about me, not about him. I used to think that after I left him, he would be living a miserable life. I could not be more mistaken. I was the one living a dry life.

“Hey Hyun Ae, we’re here.” Jongin stopped the car right in front of the building distracting my train of thoughts.

“Ahh, alright. Thank you!” I clumsily gathered my purse and tote bag and went out of the car. Jongin got out of the car and said “Good luck! I know you can do it! Fighting!” He held up one fist and smiled. I remembered that gesture and smile. He would always do that before my exams. I smiled weakly. It was hard saying goodbye. I don’t know why. Seeing him again took me to the good old days. The days we stayed in the library until 3 AM working on our homework together. The days we walked in the park and played with the pilled dried leaves. It all happened four seasons ago.

 

He took out his hand from the pocket of his suit pants for me to shake. As I lifted my hand up, tears escaped my eyes. Without me knowing, I was sobbing like a baby in front my ex boyfriend. I thought to myself “Not the best impression to leave.”

Jongin looked worried and impulsively pulled me in and hugged me.

“You know, it breaks my heart every time you cried. What is wrong?”

“I don’t think I’m ready to say goodbye. I was so foolish. I am so sorry.” I said between my sobs.

“I’m sorry too… “

“Why are you apologizing? I was the one who hurt you…” I confessed.

Even after a year, you’re still holding the biggest spot in my heart. Everyday, I always wonder how you’re doing. Without me. I keep on longing for the days I would see you standing by the bus stop just like today. I miss everything about you… ”

“I am sorry for always pointing out your flaws. We’re all not perfect and I am far from being one. Please forgive me…” My tears would not stop rolling down my cheeks. I could feel him hugging me tighter.

“Hyun Ae, look at me…” Jongin held my face “Will you give me another chance? Let us start a new page together.”

“I… I… I can’t Jongin. I have hurt you so much in the past. I don’t think I even deserve your love. I don’t even deserve standing right in front of you right now.”

“The past is the past. There’s nothing we can do about it other than burying them deep. Let’s move on Hyun Ae, I love you and I cannot see myself not having you in my life. Please… I’m begging you Hyun Ae…”

Hyun Ae can see the sincerity in Jongin’s eyes.  She nodded in approval. When Jongin said those words, Hyun Ae felt like she has been liberated from her guilt. She was free.

Jongin leaned in and placed a warm kiss on Hyun Ae’s lips. Hyun Ae broke the kiss and said “Now I know... I am not the one, but you are. You’re the one I’ve been looking for all my life.”

“You’re my one and only one too…” Jongin smiled and took Hyun Ae’s hand as he brought him in the building.

==

Sometimes, loving other people is not just for receiving the continuous attention. Not just knowing that there will always be someone to catch you when you fall. But it’s more about giving up your life for the other person. It’s all about sacrificing and leaving your ego behind. I learned it the hard way. But I know if I did not live a year without him, I would have not realized that he was the one and I was not the one. It was all about him after all, not me. Kim Jongin, I promise to living a life of loving you.