“Where are you?”

“Pabo-yah.” There was a sigh. “Turn around.”

I stood dumbfounded in a multitude of hyped locals who were immersed in shouting, hooting, blowing horns – all drunk on hysterical laughter and excitement. There was still another four hours to go before a brand new year unfolded. The night was still so young and so…

“Hyemi-ah!”

…beautiful.

I turned swiftly at the sound of my name. There were those familiar doe eyes that nobody could deny. They were almost sparkling, but they were certainly smiling – two round channels emitting warmth and happiness. There were those lips drawn like the symbol of love, like a perfect blotch of pale rose on a white canvas.

Those lips then parted, making way for an abashed “hi”.

It was New Year’s Eve this time, but we found ourselves in the same place where things took a sharp turn; in the midst of the same people, under the same cluster of stars. Kyungsoo thought it was best to unwrap our presents together as was suggested by the donor. There were going to be fireworks tonight.

“Hello.”

Kyungsoo made me happy, he did. But in my head, events needed time to process, especially those that come very close to heart palpitations. His presence worked all sorts of things on me like I was a faulty piece of machinery needing crucial fixing, and he was the only mechanic who could do that so. After he had unscrewed and disassembled me into a mess, he’d stayed and had now started to put me back together. We were getting there, but I was still processing.

So for now, my speech was quite limited.

I held Jongin’s present carefully, thinking that it must be something very fragile. The temptation to open it was quite intense, but I resisted industriously. I couldn’t put a finger on what it could be either, since the package was that of an odd shape. Elongated and asymmetrical.

“What do you think it is?” I asked as soon as we’d settled down on the mat spread. His parcel was identical to mine.

“For all I know,” he shrugged, eyebrows hunched, “that friend is full of surprises.”

“On three?”

“Shoot.”

“One… two… three.”

Shredding and ripping the gift wrap altogether, an oddly shaped piece of wood carefully encased in bubble wrap came into view. I eased the object out of the wrapping and the overwhelming aroma of wood varnish scraped my nostrils.

I held half of a wooden heart, with bold and block letters spelling out BRAVE sharply engraved across it. Looking over at Kyungsoo, who had just torn the stubborn wrappings apart and seeming utterly puzzled, he also held half of a wooden heart, with bold and block letters spelling out HEARTS sharply engraved across it.

“What is th-”

“Wait.”

Reaching over to him, I inserted my half onto his half of the two-piece puzzle. It was a perfect fit – edges accommodating corners, BRAVE HEARTS coming as one.

Without hesitation, we both burst into a laughing fit, partly because Kyungsoo deemed Jongin to be “a cheesy little bastard”, and partly due to the need to release the bubbling warmth in our stomachs. As much as we’d liked to deny it, we loved the little keepsake. It instantly served as a reminder of our dear friend, of all things bitter, and of all things beautiful.

Around us, the festivities carried on, elation adamant with the gentle winter air. The lustre of countless sequins pinned against the night sky was pleasing to the eyes. We were both lost in them again, our backs parallel to the ground and our hands keeping each others’ company. My head found warm refuge over Kyungsoo’s chest – the melodious pace of his heart a soothing lullaby. Time was momentarily irrelevant.

“I can’t believe I’m here with you again,” Kyungsoo gapes, the depths of his voice vibrating across and travelling into my ears.

I couldn’t quite believe it either. This was real. Who knew that after unanswered questions, open-ended sentences and a fair share of bitter tears, we would end up in the same place where it all started?

“I need to make sure this is really happening,” he announces, tone suddenly challenging.

“What?” I tilted my head up to look at him in bemusement.

Kyungsoo leaned down so that his lips were touching my forehead. The light contact sent a brand new kind of surge through my body, one that was even more startling and awakening than the winter breeze.

It was very real.

“You’re beautiful,” he leaned further and whispered into my ear. I heard, understood and absorbed each and every syllable that escaped him, but I was too stunned to speak. I’d drowned out the excessive noise from everyone else, and now all I could hear were escalating heartbeats and uneven breathing.

“Do you believe what I’m saying?” Kyungsoo probed upon realising that I wasn’t responding. I was stifling tears, not wanting to cry in front of him all of a sudden. But the renewed effect he had on me was deeply overwhelming in so many different spectrums. I had to let it out.

“Of c- course, I d- do,” I managed to answer in between happy sobs.

“Are you cr-”

“I think I love you.”

“…5! 4! 3! 2! 1!”

A multi-coloured pyrotechnic exhibition loomed over the whole of Gangneung, earning an unsurprising eruption of cheers and whistling. The clock has struck twelve, and the New Year rolled in effortlessly, embraced so willingly and joyfully. Kyungsoo held me tighter and we welcomed the most anticipated fresh start together.

“Do you really?”

He looked at me with the purest eyes; the same pair of colossal eyes that snatched my heart away many years ago. And for the first time in the many years that I’d clung onto a supposedly false hope, for the first time in the many years that tethered me to supposed sanity, those very eyes that I’d fallen in love with looked back at me – and those eyes thought I was… beautiful.

It was nowhere near a tragic story of unrequited love emerging to become a mutual love, and it certainly wasn’t anything commonplace at all. Somewhere in between it started with me, and the slightest flicker of hope ignited everything else. I thought it was false because the wind blew hard, threatening to shut it down, and at times, I prayed for it to shut it down because the pain proved to be merciless, seemingly unending – it bound me with cowardice. But I learnt that no false hope could ever be held on to for a long period of time; no false hope could ever become a source of newly found strength; no false hope could ever shake someone awake; and no false hope could ever be redeemed by a brave heart.

What we had all along was not false, but rather, it was inevitable.

“Yes, I do. Really.”

Because it takes a brave heart to do brave things.

“Well,” Kyungsoo pulled me closer to his heart, “I think I love you, too.”

I silently greeted myself a Happy New Year.

And then I broke into blissful laughter.

“What now?” Kyungsoo involuntarily started laughing with me.

“Our hands,” I motioned, “they’re warm.”