I was fifteen years old when Byun Baekhyun kissed my right cheek during Peer Support Camp. Guitars and excessive consumption of dyed fizzy drinks somehow led to a juvenile round of Truth or Dare. High school freshmen were expected to be behaved and proper, but were of course also highly known for defying said set expectations. Exchange students, especially, never failed to live up to this stereotype. I remember clearly how the almighty Yifan from somewhere in China, known for being a dodgy influence and hailed by fellow pubescent boys for his strong international vibes, initiated the dare that gave birth to the batch’s very own loveline, “Bonfire Couple”.

“Just one peck,” Yifan teased, sending the whole circle into a hooting revelry.

“That’s not fair!” Baekhyun moaned. “How come you all get to act stupid and I have to kiss?”

I wasn’t sure if I was offended or relieved.

“Baekhyun, just get it over and done with so we can all move on with life.”

After a minute of obvious contemplation and subtle attempts to delay the dare, Byun Baekhyun finally gave in – peer pressure was no kidding. The kiss was quick and really wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. There were no fireworks or unicorns, but it was when it hit my senses that Baekhyun was actually extremely handsome up close. However, I still found myself poking holes on Kyungsoo’s face with my stare, hoping he’d look like something in between cross and puzzled. He just popped a marshmallow into his mouth, his facials nowhere near dismay.

After another round of random questions and idiotic dares, everyone mutually decided to disperse and head off to bed. I volunteered to clean up and to my surprise, Kyungsoo stayed behind to help me.

“I bet you enjoyed that, miss,” he reached down to the ground to pick up a marshmallow packet. I’d never seen anyone in my life before clean up rubbish in such a dashing manner.

“Shut up.”

“Oh, please, you got so red it looked like someone smothered your face with pink blush-on,” he snickered.

“No boy’s ever kissed me before, though,” I sighed and sat down on one of the logs. Kyungsoo walked towards me and instantly my heart raced. I was quite used to it then, so it was no longer such a big deal. He dusted off his khaki shorts and sat by me.

“That hardly counts. You do know that, don’t you?”

“Oh, good. For a first kiss that was average, anyway. I need it to be perfect – right after when he confesses. I need it to be... real.” I wasn’t sure why I was telling him this. It just felt right.

“I think he likes you.”

“Wow, of course. When he bought time, hesitated and kept complaining, I could tell he was really into me,” I bitterly replied. Sarcasm was the only art I was skilled at.

“I’m a guy, you know. Besides, he told me beforehand you looked cute when you’re flustered.”

It was the very first time I made eye contact with Do Kyungsoo. Uneven breathing, sweaty palms, goosebumps – I was mesmerised. His eyes searched mine, his dilating pupils in rhythm with my throbbing pulse.

“Oh, look. You really do.”

That was the moment I’d convinced myself I’d already fallen deeply in love with my bestfriend, in love with my own weakness. Subconsciously, I promised myself I was going to make it alive to my “real” moment someday… with him.

And it was tremendously pathetic to have him break my own promise to myself.

Opening my bedroom door, I hurled myself to bed. Pangs of anger were still eating me. I was bewildered and clueless about what other feelings to let overcome me besides fury. My brain wasn’t functioning properly anymore, so I pulled my duvet over me, closed my eyes shut and cried myself to sleep.

--

“Hyemi, get up! It’s seven thirty!”

Oh, please let me sleep for a little longer. I turned myself over and drifted back to sleep.

“Hyemi! Get down here and eat your breakfast!”

“I don’t have a class today, it’s Friday!”

“Kyungsoo’s here downstairs waiting for you, hurry up!”

Kyungsoo’s waiting for you, hurry up. Kyungsoo’s waiting for you, hurry up. Kyungsoo’s waiting for you, hurry up.

It was painful. My whole body ached. My eyes felt badly swollen and I started palpitating again. It was similar to what I felt last night, except it was real now. I was going to have to make an effort to get my sanity together.

I slipped on my bunny slippers, hastily headed to the bathroom, washed my face and brushed my teeth. The chaotic throbbing inside my head was excruciating – walking down the stairs seemed almost impossible. I dragged myself down half asleep. One step, two step. One step, two step. One step, two-

“Goodmorning.”

He was wearing the sky blue polo shirt I gave him for Christmas. His fringe was done and spiked up. His eyes glistened and his face shone, the rays cascading down from our kitchen window kissed his skin flawlessly. My knees were going to topple over. For a short moment I was almost oblivious to the fact that I was angry. At him.

“I- uh- we don’t have a class today,” I stuttered, pulling out a stool under the kitchen bench.

“I know. It’s Friday, right?”

“It is.”

“I just wanted to, uh... apologise for… you know,” he was hesitating because my mother was just by the kitchen sink.

“Why? I said I wasn’t-”

“No, no. Hyung got me some Gustavo’s coupons and it’s going to expire soon, so I thought I’d treat you. The weather’s great today, too.”

Kyungsoo has never spoken to me about the weather before. He waved the coupons in the air and half-smiled.

“Please?”

He started taking light steps towards me. His gaze tugged at my heartstrings and soon, my own Achilles’ heel dragged me out the front door.