luhan looks between the new fish and his owners multiple times, gawking in disbelief. it’s official. the entire world is against him. he may as well keel over and let kris flush him down the toilet. at least in the afterlife, he’ll have endless fish food and there will be no xiumin. hopefully there’s a television in fish heaven. if there’s not, he’s going to have to fix that. he wonders if there are electronic stores in the afterlife.

he sighs, preventing himself from slamming his head against the glass.

kris bends over to be eye-level with the tank. he glances at tao out of the corner of his eyes. “are you sure this was necessary? how do you know this fish will be any better than luhan? what if they fight? what if i stop being super handsome, i mean — what.”

tao rolls his eyes, slapping kris in the back of the head. “you’re an idiot, i don’t know why i love you.” he presses his lips together. “why does it feel like i’ve said that to you before?”

“because you have,” kris says, rubbing at the sore spot. “multiple times.”

“whatever. there’s needs to be a middle man between luhan and xiumin. they’ve been spending too much time together and i’ve been seeing xiumin just sitting in the foliage like luhan does all the time. i’m afraid to think about what’s happening to him that he’s picking up luhan’s habits—”

“maybe that’s just what fish do…” kris points out.

tao ignores him. “and i’ll be damned if xiumin doesn’t shine like the precious star that he is. hopefully, chen will distract xiumin away from luhan. or maybe chen will attract luhan. either way, luhan won’t be with xiumin anymore.”

kris only shakes his head, remembering when he was the stupid one in this relationship and tao was the voice of reason. he wonders what happened for so much to change. maybe kris needs to separate tao from xiumin. he misses his boyfriend who used to yell at him for dripping water everywhere in the bathroom and for breaking the fancy glass plates and for being an overall idiot. he misses his boyfriend who used to buy random for their house all the time, for no reason, until he has to make it all mysteriously vanish and say they were robbed in the middle of the night. going to get a beer out of the kitchen, kris decides to get his old boyfriend back. he’s gonna call yixing and together they’re going to prepare operation: KTAFHCOOXKWSLB (or keep tao away from home ‘cause (he’s) obsessing over xiumin (and) kris wants (his) shopaholic lover back).

tao stares at chen getting acquainted with the tank, a small smile on his face. the smile quickly drops when luhan comes into his sight and he scowls.

luhan glares at the panda-man. his line of vision is blocked by the stranger fish for a quick second. when the unwanted jikin leaves his peripherals, he turns back to tao. “what the is that? who the is that? and WHY?” he didn’t want to get upset, he really didn’t. but this is 10x worse than when xiumin moved in because luhan still hates xiumin and now there’s another to get on his nerves. he just hopes this new punk doesn’t make bubbles too. because then he really will kill himself. “WHY CAN’T I HAVE NICE THINGS?! not that xiumin is nice but, you know.”

just then xiumin swims by, pectoral fin raised at luhan with annoyance. “excuse you, but i am all kinds of nice. don't be rude. or i will follow you for days and bubble in your face until you melt into a puddle of your own feelings.”

uh…well that was dramatic. luhan stares at xiumin. “i-i don’t have feelings to melt into. how many times do i have to tell you that i hate you.”

bubble. (luhan mentally sighs). “until you realize that you’ve already crossed the fine line between love and hate.”

“the line—”

“has been crossed.” and then xiumin swims away.

the sensation that rolls through luhan when xiumin stops in front of the newcomer and bubbles is so strong it almost makes him roll onto his back. but he’s not jealous. not at all.

“welcome to the tank. i’m xiumin. that hateful son a having a stare down with the one who bought you is luhan,” xiumin greets the new fish, looking over his red spots and shiny white body.

the jikin bubbles once, happy one of them is finally talking to them. “i’m chen! i hope i’m not intruding or anything. that luhan guy doesn’t look too happy.” chen looks at luhan who’s now looking in their direction. he lifts his fin to wave but the wakin suddenly turns around and disappears into the polyresin castle.

xiumin, who witnessed the entire thing, shakes his head, shimmying closer to chen. “don’t worry about him. he never looks happy. he might hate you for a while but i’m sure he’ll come around. he hated me when they bought me too.”

“you two didn’t come in together?”

“nope. kris, the blond one, was the one who bought me a couple of months after he bought luhan. luhan hoped i would die overnight for at least a couple of weeks before he got used to me being here. he seems all big and tough but he’s just a big softie. he likes to watch human television and is weak toward cute things and—”

“like you?”

“…what?”

“you said he’s weak toward cute things. is he weak toward you?”

bubbles fall endlessly from xiumin’s lips from his shock. this fish is bold. “i-i. you. c-cute. me. i. what?”

chen acts as if he didn’t just directly call xiumin ‘cute’ after only a minute of knowing him. “so is that luhan’s castle or something?”

it takes half a minute for xiumin to calm down. “uh, yeah. that’s his castle. and then the cottage is mine. who knows if they’ll buy another housing decoration but if not, you can stay with me at my cottage.”

“oh?” chen’s voice pitches with the question. “is that an invitation?”

“obviously, i mean, i just said…” xiumin pauses when he realizes the implication of the question. “did you—”

“what are you waiting for, xiuminnie? give me a tour of the tank.” chen interrupts already beginning to swim off without the shubunkin.

xiumin wonders if he’ll be able to handle chen because when tao slipped the new fish into their tank he did not expect for him to be the flirtatious little thing that he is. like he flirts with luhan sometimes but luhan is so stupid he probably thinks xiumin’s trying to plan his demise or something ridiculous like that.

“okay…” xiumin murmurs as he catches up with chen. “the blue mermaid statue was here when i arrived but tao bought the realistic looking one when he moved us into the new tank.”

“what was your tank like before?” the sparsely spotted fish asks, circling the blue mermaid as he eyes it. he’s never been one fond for artwork.

“small and round.”

“a round tank? damn, you guys had it rough. who the buys round tanks?”

laughing, xiumin tells chen to follow him as they pass through a mini forest of fake greenery. “not to mention luhan and i are both kinda decent sized fish. i never said anything because i just moved in, but it was sort of cramped. plus, kris had a problem with tapping the glass.”

that has chen stopping. “seriously? i’m not going to die soon am i? i figured i’d live for at least another half a year.”

“nah, you’ll be fine,” xiumin reassures. “kris has gotten better at it. sort of. just be happy i warned you because luhan didn’t tell me a thing when i got here.”

“what’s up with that guy, anyway?”

nudging a large leaf aside, xiumin settles beneath a different one, chen sidling up beside him with a closeness that would trick someone into thinking they’ve known each other longer than fifteen minutes.

“he’s really territorial,” xiumin explains, bubbling contentedly as he looks over the span of their tank.

“over this place? no offense or anything, but i’ve seen better at the pet store.”

three bubbles and a wave of the fin later; “none taken. i’m not really picky about what it looks like i guess.”

it goes silent between them as they look around the tank, xiumin making a bubble every once in a while.

“xiumin,” chen grabs his attention, “you have really pretty spotted scales.”

xiumin stares at the jikin. “do you sweet-talk everyone you meet?”

“no. you really do have gorgeous scales,” chen says. “to be honest, the two other times that i have tried to compliment another fish, it ended with me getting hit and almost losing a scale so i’m kind of terrified of what you’ll do if i keep talking to you.”

“oh.” xiumin isn’t sure what to say. “well, don’t worry. i’m not going to hit you. but thanks. you have a beautiful tail.”

chen bubbles happily and is about to speak up but xiumin keeps talking.

“though while i’m not going to hit you, luhan might.”

“why?”

xiumin looks over at the castle and at the window luhan usually tries to jump out of whenever he’s upset, spotting the wakin peeking out through the square hole at them. “remember how i said he’s territorial? he’s only territorial about two things — his castle…and me.”

“oh. …he’s going to kill me isn’t he?”

“probably. and if he doesn’t, he’ll die trying.”

chen sighs. “great. i’m public enemy number one.”

xiumin touches chen’s side with his fin. “you’ll be okay. fighting!”

chen sighs again. “was that supposed to make me feel better?”

xiumin flaps his fins in a shrug. “i tried.”

“no you didn’t.”

tao walks out of the kitchen, a bowl of colorful cereal in his hands, and back into the living room. on his way to the couch, he spots the fishtank, noticing how none of the fish are out in the open. he goes over to the tank, peeking inside the cottage and not finding xiumin. he shovels the fruity circles into his mouth as he notices color coming from the little forest of fabric and plastic trees and grins when he realizes it’s his beautiful xiumin and chen. even better, luhan is nowhere in sight.

he wants to cry at the sight. it’s too perfect. he didn’t expect it to happen so quickly but chen has already swept xiumin off his feet and carted him away from the evil luhan like a fairytale. he can’t wait until kris wakes up from his nap to rub it in his ugly face.

stupid chen. stupid tao. stupid chen. stupid xiumin. stupid. ing. chen.

he sees them. he’s not blind. he can see them over there in the foliage talking and have a pleasant time and being all buddy-buddy as if they’ve known each other for years. he saw them when xiumin introduced himself; and at the mermaids. and that was fine because he could watch them from the doorway and make sure they weren’t doing anything questionable but now he can only make out their colors amongst the swaying green and it’s killing him.

he still doesn’t trust that chen punk. especially not with xiumin. his xiumin. like, what if chen is doing unfriendly things to xiumin. like like like like like like like what if he’s stealing xiumin’s first kiss? or touching his caudal fin without permission. oh god, if he’s touching xiumin’s tail fin he’s going to skin him alive. he was going to do it regardless, but still, if chen’s being a creep at least he can blame the murder as being an act of love defense of a friend.

luhan wonders if he pretends to casually swim over if xiumin will notice him and leave chen. oh whatever, it’s worth a shot.

leaving his castle, luhan swims around in front of the decoration, pacing. he has no idea what he’s going to do if xiumin just ignores him — which is a high possibility. maybe he’ll cry. but that’d be lame and sort of awkward and xiumin would question why he’s crying and luhan would have to make up some dumb excuse like ‘i’m not crying, i just got water all over my face, you know, i’m a fish’ or something like that. he almost goes back into his castle because his nerves threaten to eat him alive but then he sees tao on the side of the tank, smiling at the two in the forest. stupid tao.

collecting his resolve, he swims over there, slowly paddling past without sparing them a glance. he almost screams in success when xiumin calls out his name. stopping, he turns around to look at the shubunkin with the jikin following behind him. chen doesn’t look in his direction and luhan feels proud. damn straight. dumb fish better know his place. this is luhan’s tank, chen’s just allowed to swim in it until luhan decides to get rid of him.

“what are you doing?” xiumin asks.

“oh, you know, just going for a swim.”

xiumin bubbles. (god, luhan loves hates that) “okay then. have fun. c’mon chen, let’s go see if we can get tao to give us brine shrimp.”

as xiumin swims off, luhan catches chen’s eye. chen laughs awkwardly, mumbling out a hello before he follows xiumin to the other side of the tank. luhan almost stops him but doesn’t because he thinks xiumin wouldn’t be too happy about him beating up chen in a corner.

he sighs out a small bubble. that plan failed. at times like this he would sit in the forest but now that has chen germs all over it. he doesn’t even want to look at it. stupid chen. sneaking a glance over at the two fish swimming in circles to gain tao’s attention, he decides to go back to his castle and start stacking the rocks in front of the doorway again. but he’s not jealous. chen’s only been here one day. he has no reason to be jealous. xiumin’s just being friendly.

plus, it’s not like he likes xiumin anyway