OOPS. how late is this? i dont eve know LOLLOLOL

here... it's angsty... a couple of plot turns...

this isnt turning out how i imagined it would 
KKK

What is right

            He had failed to get a single drop of sleep that night. Instead, he continuously wrote, scribbling countless words on countless sheets of paper soaked with tears.

            With slightly puffy eyes, he looked down at his creation. He was satisfied, a feat that he considered extremely rare. Feeling just slightly complacent, he allowed his eyes to flutter shut, while clutching onto the tear stained sheet.

            It was titled, All My Heart.

            “I love you enough to let you go…” he whispered quietly.

            It hurt, the dull throbbing pain hummed in beat with his quivering voice. “Anything… anything to make it stop” he whimpered, hopelessly clutching his shirt for some sort of comfort. He found none. Desperate, he grabbed for his mp3 and quickly put on his favorite song.

            The beat, the music rang loudly through the empty room. The lyrics, their meaning, the emotions struck home. He felt the throbbing easing away despite the flood of tears that returned. He cried, not out of sadness or desperateness but out of pure, unadulterated acceptance. For the past months, there was always that lingering sense of hope and optimism in his mind. A quality found in any devote fan, a part of him, at least subconsciously, believed in a miracle.

            Upon that occurrence, the teen was hard hit with reality. Seunghyun was an idol. He was a fan. That was as far as their relationship ever went or will ever go. In fact, Jiyong should be happy that he was even given the chance to meet the man. He should be thankful that they shared a heart to heart conversation. And he should be grateful that he even received a hug from the heartthrob.

            And yet he wasn’t.

            He desired more, he wished for more, he needed more.

            After contemplating the ifs and coulds in life. The teen gave up. Reality is harsh and painful. This was reality.

            “This is reality. Reality.” He blinked the tears away. Gnawing at his bottom lip, he took a quick glance at his reflection. He almost gagged at the sight.

            Horrible eye bags, blood shot eyes, tear stained face.

            “I should shower” he mentally noted. Ignoring the self-advice, the blonde teen placed a pair of sunglasses onto his nose bridge, and quickly pulled a hat over his bleached locks before heading out into the city and coping with emotions the only way he knew how.

            With the lyrics crumbled and stuff into his pocket, he ran through the streets of Seoul, yearning for that safe haven. Soon enough, the teen stormed into the primitive, small recording studio built for underground artists like himself.

            “Oh, hey there Jiyong, you wanna make a track?” The blonde simply nodded in response. “Well here you go!” the man said as he slid over slightly to the right, making space of the teen. “What do you want to make? I mean the track… something upbeat or”

            “Here.” Jiyong said simply before pushing the crumbled sheet into the elder man’s hands.

            The man’s eyes rolled over the scribbled words. “…wow.” He answered simply. “Ji… this is… what happened?” Sighing slightly, Jiyong proceeded to remove his shades. “ man! What happened?”

            “Nothing much man… it’s just I mean I couldn’t really sleep and those words just came into my mind.”

            “I got you Ji, don’t worry… I might not know what really happened but I have an amazing track that I think might just fit perfectly. Obviously we’ll work to alter it to your tastes and stuff.”

            “You’re the best” the teen smiled genuinely. These thoughts, these feelings, he needed to let them out. He needed to release all this pent up frustration.

            A few minutes later, the elder man returned with a disk in his hand, pressing it quickly into the CD player.

            The notes, the rhythm of the track soon filled the room. Allowing his eyes to close, Jiyong listened. Swaying to the beat of the music, feeling as the notes themselves told a tale. “It’s good” Jiyong whispered as soon as the notes faded to a close. “It’s really good. It’s perfect, well I’d like to fix a few sections, but it’s definitely perfect for me”

            “I know you too well man. But I get you. The beat sometimes overwhelms the lyrics but at other times is overwhelmed by the lyrics. There needs to be balance. And to achieve that balance… I think we should make the beat in the hook a bit stronger, maybe add some base? And for the beginning and the end I think we should take out the excess and leave just the guitar and piano. What do you think?”

            “Hm… yeah that sounds good, but just let me see something” The blonde whispered as he focused his attention directly onto the equipment, playing with a few dials, buttons and keys.

            “I’ll just leave you be then” the elder man acknowledged. This wasn’t his first time working with the younger boy. He knew his working style and habits. Jiyong tended to get lost in the rhythm, the beat of things. It was almost mesmerizing to watch. When the man was younger, he was the same. Music spoke to those who believed. Jiyong certainly believed. Those who see music as not a form of entertainment but rather a form of expression and an outlet for emotions are those who music speaks to. Glancing over the younger male’s lyrics, he smiled. This was no doubt a masterpiece. The words themselves drew him in, despite his obliviousness on the entire situation, he sympathized.

            That was what music was truly about.

            To bring foreign situations to the audience and gain sympathy, that was the key to success in the music industry.

            If all goes well, this song would kick start Jiyong’s music career.

            The older man sighed, running a hand through his brown locks. Having already had his time of glory, under the stage name of Seven he made a lasting impact just a decade before, it was time for him to pull some strings for the prodigy in front of him.

            “Hey hyung, what do you think of this” the blonde teen finally said after hours of silence.

            “Play it”

            Nodding slightly, Jiyong played the new track.

            “It’s good, no it’s really good. If you don’t mind can you start recording? I just want to see how the lyrics fit to the beat”

            “Sure”

            He was lost in his own melody, his own beat, he sung with every ounce of passion he had. He needed to get it off of his chest and start anew.

            “With all my heart, I love you.” He whispered into the microphone.

            The two lost themselves in the heart felt words, the gentle beat, it was perfection in its finest form. Seconds ticked by, minutes past as ecstasy came to a close.

            “I’ll be going now, thanks for everything. Don’t show this track to anyone, I don’t want it to be heard by anyone but us.” Jiyong said firmly as he exited the recording room.

            “What? Ji, this is amazing, this could be your chance to go mainstream. It could be your chance to move out of this underground studio and into a major recording deal!”

            “No… not with this song. This is special; this is written for me and no one else.”

            “Aish… I’ll never understand teenagers” Rubbing his temples with his thumbs, the elder sighed. “It’s your voice, your choice, I’ll respect that.”

            “Thank you for understanding”

            “Hey Ji! If you ever need anything don’t hesitate to ask” he called out just as the teen began to leave.

            “Thanks hyung, will do!” Jiyong smiled for what seemed to be the first time in years.

            Pulling his hat down further to shield his ears the chill of the night, he ran to the nearest train station. Glancing at his wrist watch, his eyes widened slightly at the time, 3am, he had been recording the entire day. “Aish, I can’t do this to my body” the teen whispered before running a hand through his messy locks and simultaneously removing his hat. Amidst the quietness of the empty ride, the stagnated city at 3AM and found himself at an eerie peace.

            He felt like he could barely breathe as a new wave of loneliness washed over him. Fiddling in his pockets, Jiyong fished out his mp3 and ear phones.

            He let out a long sigh of relief as the familiar beating of the drums and bass kicked in.

            Music was his life support.

            It brought him to life when nothing else could.

            Then his voice kicked in.

            The teen doubled over as if he were punched. “” he whispered as he ripped his headphones out. “, , , ” he chanted.

            Music was slowly killing him.

            He quickly stuffed the devices into the pockets as he bolted out of the train at the next stop. Not caring to look where he had stopped, Jiyong took off. He ran as fast as his legs would allow him, as fast as he heart could circulate oxygen. He wanted to forget. He wanted everything to return to normal. He no longer wished to cherish those memories. He wanted to forget, forget everything… from their meeting to his music to his very existence.

            It hurt.

            All it did was harm him.

            Why does love hurt?

            Right.

            Because we fall for those that will never love us back, for those that forever lie out of our reach, for those that we are simply not fated to be with.

            So why do we love?

            “So why do I love?” Jiyong breathed out, finally coming to halt as his legs gave away. He hasn’t even eaten for the entirety of the day. “Why did I have to fall for you” he practically spat out. “You made everything I love hurt” he whispered again, feeling his heart beating impossibly fast. “Why does it hurt?” clutching his chest, he mumbled “Why did you expect anything?”

            ing stupid

            Jiyong gazed at his surroundings, surprised that his legs had taken him to the river bank. Taking linger glances at the light of the bridge besides him, at the lights of the city across from him and finally at his reflection in the water. Dimly lit, rippling slightly, he gazed into his own staring eyes. “How do I make it stop?” he mumbled.

            “By forgetting” his reflection answered.

            “How do I forget?”

            “By getting rid of all of his traces”

            “How?”

            “Forget all that you once loved”

            “Including?”

            “Everything that reminds you of him, his songs, your songs, music”

            Jiyong’s breath hitched at the mention of the last obstacle. His throat constricted as his mind went blank. “I can’t” he finally whispered after delayed silence.

            “Then it will never stop”

            The teen’s body went limp, washed over in utter defeat, he felt his head hang loosely from his neck, his arms immobile, his heart sunken, his hoped crushed.

            Music or an eternity of suffering

            The one thing he loved the most or an eternity of pain.

            Biting his lip harshly, the teen’s eyes fluttered open. “Fine.” He whispered, before turning around and heading home. Taking one last, melancholy glance backward at the serene landscape, he took off. 

            “I’ll forget” Jiyong whispered as he entered his room. Immediately, he collapsed onto his bed. Eyelids heavy, drowsiness flooded his senses. 

            Ring ring ring

            The teen furrowed his brows.

            Ring ring ring

            Squeezing his eyes shut, he mumbled something unrecognizable beneath his breath.

            Ring ring ring

            He blinded reached out with his dominant hand in search of the irritating device.

            “Hello?” he mumbled in annoyance.

            “Ji, did you just wake up? Man, get a grip; it’s like 6 at night”

            “mhm, what’s up hyung” he mumbled, lazily flopping his forearm over his eyes.

            “I have your track ready; I just wanted to ask if you wanted to perform tonight at the club, they say YG himself is going to be there”

            “No thanks” the teen mumbled.

            “You sure? I’m here I can sign you up right now if you wanted”

            “Nah, I’m alright, I don’t really want all that anymore” he said, propping his body up by the elbows.  

            “What? Ji, this was your dream! What happened?”

            “It hurts too much to dream” Jiyong sighed, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

            “…I don’t know what happened to you Ji, but I don’t like this, do you want to talk?”

            “Hyung, I’ll perform tonight, to say goodbye, but that’s it. If you want to know what happened, I can’t really tell you that. I’m not ready for that” he said nonchalantly as he reached for the small photo next to his desk. Crumbling it in his palm, he quickly tossed that priced possession into the trash bin.

            Moving on needs to start somewhere

            “You sure you’re ready to perform? You don’t sound like yourself and just to say goodbye? In front of YG? Ji are you crazy?”

            “Yeah, I’m crazy. I’m a victim of something called love”

            “Is that what happened? Ji come on! Can’t you just write a song like every other performing artist? Do you really need to quit?” the elder male pleaded.

            “Just sign me up hyung, I’ll explain later” and just like that, he flipped his phone closed. “See? Jiyong? It’s not so bad, you just need to forget!” Running a hand through his now greasy blonde locks, he chuckled bitterly. “Who am I kidding, this ing hurts”

            “I’ll forget” he whispered to his own reflection in the mirror. His dark circles prominent, his hair still damp from his recent shower, his eyes downcast, Jiyong wasn’t who he use to be just a few days ago.

            And that was the work of one sole being

            “Move on” he said firmly before tearing his gaze from his own reflection.

            “Aishhh, I need to fix myself” he said as nonchalantly as his heart would allow.

            After what seemed to be a frantic search for the perfect accessories and outfit, the teen took a lingering glance at the mirror.

            Blonde locks slicked back, an entirely black suit clung to his small frame, a large pendant graced his neck, and finally, bright red shoes completed the otherwise monochrome outfit.

            The Jiyong of hip-hop and bright, crazy colors was gone. This marked the end and the beginning, chance to start over, a chance to forget.

            The teen let out a controlled sigh before placing a pair of dark sunglasses onto the bridge of his nose. Within minutes he found himself staring into the largest crowd he’s ever seen in the club. “News sure spreads fast” he mumbled under his breath, taking a glance at his watch, he sighed nervously. Anytime now…

            “Ladies and Gents, tonight we have a special performance for you’all. Perhaps the greatest underground rapper to ever grace our club, I give you, G.D.”

            Grinning slightly, Jiyong quickly shuffled through the crowd, heading toward the stage.

            The ridiculous intros, he’ll miss for sure

            “Good night all” he spoke through the mic as silence fell upon the club. All eyes were on him. “For someone that was once dear in my heart” he paused, glancing back at the DJ.

            “All my heart” he whispered into the mic just as the soft piano instrumental began.

I still remember the day that we meet

Your hair, your smile, your light, brought my world crumbling down

Girl, I fell hard for you

Girl, I fell hard for you

I can’t seem to forget you, this hurts like hell

Would you believe me if I told you?

You call me a playboy, with no heart, no consideration

But I fell for you, there’s no denying such

And with all my heart I love you…

With all my heart I wish you the best

Even if that’s not besides me

I wish you to be happy

I wish you to be loved

And I wish you to love

Anyone but me you said, so love anyone but me

Cuz truly, with all my heart, I wish you the best

With all my heart I’m letting you go

It aches to do it, but it’s the best for us

I can’t stand seeing you hurt, I can’t stand seeing you cry

I love you, and I’ll do whatever to see you smile

Say goodbye, I’m saying goodbye

Don’t cry for me, it’s not worth your time

Instead I’ll cry, for the love that I’m letting go

They say that a part of loving is letting go

So I’m letting go, saying goodbye to all my sins, saying goodbye to you,

My beloved

With all my heart I wish you the best

Even if that’s not besides me

I wish you to be happy

I wish you to be loved

And I wish you to love

            “Girl…I’m saying goodbye” Jiyong swallows back a silent sob. “For the love that will never be, for the reality that seems so harsh, for the pain I’m trying to forget” he murmurs into the mic before taking off from the stage, ignoring the cheers, the shouts for his name, even YG that tried to grab his attention as he stormed off the stage.

            All he wanted to do was to run home, hide and barricade himself in until his heart heals from the trauma.

Two Years later

            “But Ji baby, I thought you loved me! You can’t break up with me like this…”

            “Sorry Bom, I’m just not interested anymore” the shaded male mused.

            “I knew it! I should’ve taken their warnings when they said you turned into a playboy. I thought I should give you a chance, I should’ve never believed your sweet talk. , Jiyong, I thought that since I knew when you rapped and you would change … for me. I don’t even know why I’d believe something as ridiculous as that. I don’t know what the happened to you or how you turned out like this… but ever since you quit rapping and singing… god… it…I don’t know I fell for you… you’re horrible Jiyong… horrible” she sobbed, tears gathering and falling from her eyes.

            “Crying is not a good look for you, baby… you should stop” Jiyong receives a harsh slap across his face. “I hope you live a nice life” he mumbles and turns around to leave, caressing his cheek tenderly. The downside to chicks is definitely the emotional that comes with them.

            Rubbing his neck, Jiyong walks towards his parked car. Out of the corner of his eye, he catches sight of something that made his body stop. His breath hitched slightly as his throat tightened. “Goddamnit… it’s been two ing years and he is still popular?” he said to the poster before him.

T.O.P. the comeback tour
In Seoul, one in a life time chance to meet T.O.P.

9/19

For V.I.P. tickets please call

1-800-xxx-xxxx or visit T.O.P.thecomebacktour.com

            “Just get out of my head” Jiyong muses as his eyes linger too long on the visage of the idol. Pulling out his phone, he quickly dials a familiar number. “Hey baby, are you free on 9/19? I remember that you really like T.O.P. right? How about I take you out to his V.I.P. concert? “ he waits for a response, of course she said yes with enthusiasm. “Great Dara, I’ll see you soon”

            He hangs up, runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “Why the did I just do that?” 

So i did a time skip... if you're confused i think i'll go into his change etc. in the coming chapters... <_< or you could always ask me what the happened LOL :o