“What the am I trying to do?” Jiyong said to the mirror. It was three hours before the concert and already piles of clothes laid on the bed and floor. He looks in the mirror, eyes his appearance from head to toe.

He couldn’t deny it, the feelings that never really went away. In the past two years he tried his best to mend whatever part of his soul that didn’t completely fade away. He tried to forget by drowning himself in lust and . Girlfriend after girlfriend, one night stands after another, he tried to find something, anything that would make him forget.

Of course he found that when he was lost in pleasure of another’s body.

Of course that relief is temporary

And of course that relief is almost always followed by more heartbreak and longing.

            But he was use to it by now.

            It hurt

            And that pain was just a part of his life. 

            Running a hand through his bleached locks, Jiyong slowly walked into his kitchen. Pouring himself a shot of whiskey, he downed the drink in one gulp. Enjoying the burning sensation in his throat and the pit of his stomach, he sighed, before pulling out his phone.

            “Hey Dara! Just making sure you didn’t forget about our date”

            “Of course not Ji! I’m already getting ready here”

            “Ahhh same, I want to look perfect for someone as pretty as yourself”

            “Ji… stop flattering me…”

            “It’s the truth, alright baby, I’ll pick you up in around an hour or so, the VIP signing always starts early” To be completely honest, Jiyong didn’t when the the signing started, but he figured anything was better than just pondering over the past.   

            Quickly he slicked back his bangs with just a touch of hair gel. He remembered, Dara liked it when his hair was slicked back… or at least… that’s what he thinks. “Maybe it was another girl…Did she like it?” Jiyong asked the air. Shrugging slightly, he glanced at his reflection, satisfied with at least his hair. “GD stun them” he childishly shot into the mirror.

            Stretching his arms, the male nonchalantly roamed his loft, in an attempt to calm his racing heart. “Aishhhhh” he groaned as his arms instinctively reached for a dusty item. “” he cursed as his fingers grasped the familiar object. Jiyong smiles, with his eyes downcast, a smile that represented not happiness, but rather sadness, one that filled the room with chilling emotion. Gently he running his fingertips along the chords, they hum in approval.

            He never managed to let it go.

            A physical representation of what he gave up.

            He sits, sinking into the fluffy white sofa. Fingers drum random rhythms; his mind loses itself in the harmony that is innately within him. “I’m trying to forget you baby” he whispers.

            Did you forget what we never had?

            Did you ever long for what you never knew?

            Did you ever yearn for the forbidden touch?

            I always did

            But look at me now

            Can’t you tell that I’m trying to forget?          

            Stop haunting my dreams

            Baby stop…

            “ life” letting out a loud groan, Jiyong gently places the guitar back in the corner. Where it belongs. He told himself before recollecting his emotions and returning his focus onto the wardrobe choice.

            Jiyong stands in front of a full length mirror, clad in a well-fitted black blazer, slightly ripped black skinny jeans, a blood red v-neck, and courtesy to his teen years, a pair of silver winged sneakers. Fixing a few final strands of a hair, he grabs whatever he needs for the night and reaches for the door.

            Then it hits him.

            What would he do when he meets T.O.P., his former idol once again?

            Why the would he even want to relive that nightmare?

            Why the was he going?

            What if he doesn’t even remember?

            What would he do then?

            Could his heart even handle something like that?

            Biting his bottom lip nervously, he feels the sweat coating his palms. “One way to find out” Jiyong manages to mumbled before pulling the door open.

            They arrive to the concert a good hour early.

            “Well baby, we’re really here” Jiyong says, pulling Dara closer to his warmth.

            “OH. MY. I can’t believe we’re meeting T.O.P.!” she squeals.

            Wincing slightly at the high pitched squeak, Jiyong grips her shoulder tighter. “Ahh yes baby, I can’t believe it either”

            “AH LOOK! The line of the VIP signing” Dara gestures towards a huge line of people.  

            “Ah ” the blonde curses beneath his lips as his companion pulls him toward the line. Temporarily distracted by the attire of his ‘friend’, she wore a skin tight dress that highlighted her curves, quite well, maybe too well. Grinning as her dress rose up to reveal a slight bit more than intended, Jiyong silently patted himself on the back for picking the right girl for tonight. “I forgot to tell you how stunning you look”

            “…Ji…” she whispers before pulling the taller male into a chaste kiss. “I love you.”

            “I know you do” Jiyong answers grinning.

            “Aren’t you going to say it back?” she pouts.

            “Now you know I hate sentiment crap like this”

            “Fine.” She crosses her arms, almost inviting the male’s eyes toward her pushed up chest. “I’ll get you to say it someday”

            Che. I like to see you try. He thought silently. “Maybe I’ll say it just for you” Jiyong lied.

            Not giving two s about the brightness that instantly entered Dara’s face. The fact of the matter is, he hasn’t felt love since well… Seunghyun. Though he dated, he ed and he committed acts of affection, none of them were sincere. Empty acts of pretend, one could call them. But it was just what the blonde lived on.

            He was breaking hearts in an attempt to mend his own.

            “Che.  A ing failed attempt at that” He says out loud.

            “Huh? Ji you alright? We’re almost there! Hang on!”

            “Oh yeah baby, I’m alright, just a little excited.” He heart raced. He felt like fainting, there were only a few people in front of them. With each passing second, Jiyong swear his heart would burst in the next. Anticipation filled his stomach. It was a good kind of nervousness, one that he hasn’t felt since… god knows when.

            He grabs for Dara’s hand just as their turn dawns upon them.

            Seunghyun stares, it has been nearly two hours since the signing started. Goddamnit, he was already one ing hour late for his comeback concert. Taking a glance impatiently at the last few fans, he sighs deeply. Seunghyun glances nonchalantly at the two people in front of him, silently gesturing them to bring forth whatever worthless item they want to be signed. A cap and a photo appear before him.

            “For the photo, what name would you like?” he asks, not bothering to even look at the two figures before him.

            “Dara please!”

            “To the beautiful Dara, from T.O.P.” he signs before pushing the paper towards ‘Dara’. “and the cap?”

            “G-Dragon”

            Seunghyun’s head snaps up. His eyes widen as a lump starts to form in his throat, his mouth hangs openly slightly as he takes in the male before him.

            “…um…T.O.P. hyung?” Jiyong inquires. Looks like he remembers, smirking to himself while using that new found confidence to drive away whatever insecurities remained.

            . “Ahh yes, G-Dragon, are you sure?”

            “Hmmm, well I haven’t used that name since my performing years… so maybe Jiyong would be better?”

            “Whatever you wish”

            “Then I guess Jiyong”

            “Then Jiyong it is” Seunghyun whispers before writing a quick message on the cap. He grabs a poster for the two and quickly scribbles a message on the back of Jiyong’s.

            Jiyong, play it cool, act like you moved on… show him that nothing happened. “Thank you T.O.P. hyung” he smiles widely before grabbing Dara’s waist and pulling her into a slow kiss. “Alright, baby, I got to go now” he says as soon as they were out of sight from the signing.

            “What? Why?” Dara asks, eyes widen, lips forming into a pout.

            “I have a business conference tonight, but I really wanted to take you here so I asked if they could push it back a few hours, but now I really have to go” he lies.

            “Oh… darn…” she pouts. “But thank you anyways for trying so hard to make me happy! I’m so lucky to have a boyfriend like you!”

            “…boyfriend?” Jiyong inquires, legitimately confused by the term. He had never asked her out formally…

            “Huh? Yeah… this is your strange way of taking our relationship to the next level right?”

            “…um… listen Dara… I don’t want you to get the wrong idea but we are not in a relationship.”

            “Wh-what?” she bites her quivering lips as tears begin to flood her eyes.

            “Yeah… take this gift from me and don’t think too much about it. It’s not worth your time”

            “…BUT JI!” she whines.

            “Listen…” he cups her wet cheek. “Just go enjoy T.O.P. okay? I brought you here so you could be happy”

            “But JI!, I’m only happy if I’m yours and we’re together!”

            “…baby… it doesn’t work that way. Didn’t I warn you before?”

            “But I thought I could change y-“

            “That’s one thing you all have in common, don’t you understand? NO ONE can change me. Someone in my past made me this way. I’ve been hurt before, don’t you understand? I was in your position once, and I had to give up everything to forget that incident. So why don’t you learn a lesson from this… I don’t want to hurt you… but you all make it so easy. Grow a thicker skin and stop falling for those who will never love you back”

            Dara stands still, stares wide eyed at the man that just stomped on her heart. “ YOU JI!” she screams and runs, leaving a panting blonde behind.

            “Where the did that come from?” he asks himself, wondering just why he had poured his heart out to a random play thing.

            “Yeah… What the was that about?”

            Jiyong snaps his attention toward the source of that voice. He would recognize that voice from a mile away. “..Seunghyun...” he mumbles.

            “I never would’ve taken you for that type of a person… you can’t play with people’s hearts like that!” the taller male takes steps toward the blonde, eyes burned holes onto the other’s visage.

            “You ing hypocrite!” Jiyong counters, taking steps back, only to find his back come in contact with a very solid wall.

            “What?”

            “….you won’t understand because you are a ing star.”

            “ it Jiyong, tell me why the am I the bad guy here?”

            “BECAUSE” the younger of the two screams, maybe that shot of whiskey was getting to him. “You are a ing stars, playing with people’s hearts is what you stars do” he spat each word, as if spitting venom.

            “…that’s crazy”

            “No. I was ing crazy for taking part”

            “What?” Seunghyun inquires, genuinely confused, yet he was mesmerized. The blonde that stood in front of him was the same person he was utterly pulled towards two years ago. That charisma and confidence never left. But even he, someone who hardly knew the boy could sense that something changed.

            “Nothing”

            “Fine. Don’t ing tell me, but answer me one thing.”

            “What?” Jiyong spat, eyes shooting daggers towards that insanely attractive face, his arms crossed by instinct.

            “What happened after that night? I tried calling your producer… but nothing. They ing told me you quit. But who the is dumb enough to believe that. So, tell me what happened.”

            “Why do you think you have the right to know?”Jiyong asks, before mentally slapping his heart back to normal rhythm.

            “Because I know talent when I see it and I don’t want to see it go to waste like this” Seunghyun replies, gesturing towards the younger male before him.

            “That’s a horrible reason. You’re going to have to do better than that” he retorts, staring at the elder male straight in the eye, almost getting lost in the impossibly deep orbs of his companion.

            Seunghyun gulps, staring at the alluring eyes before him. He could himself lose grip of reality. He wanted to lean in. He wanted to kiss the lips before him. He wanted to transition that scowl into a smile. So he answers, in the most sincere manner and voice he could muster up. “It is because I give a .” He replies. “It’s because I ing care”

            Jiyong felt his eyes widen, his mouth hanging open ever so slightly. He swore his heart exploded right then and there. But there was no ing way he was going to let that show. “That’s so ing gay.” He retorts. His heart aches in agony as Seunghyun expression changes to one of hurt and crushed spirit. “But… it’s a good enough reason” Jiyong smiles as his companion’s face lights up in joy. “I did quit, that song was a goodbye song, that performance was the end of my career.”

            “…Why?” the elder male presses.

            “That… now… is none of your business.”

            “…fine…” Seunghyun mumbles quietly.

            “CHOI IGN SEUNGHYUN. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOUR CONCERT IS?”

            “AHhh , that’s my manager. I have to run, by the way, Jiyong, I meant what I said on the back of that poster. Don’t you ing think that our conversation is over”

            “…” Jiyong just stands and stares at the figure running towards the stage.

            Slightly taken back by the entire encounter, it wasn’t until a good ten minutes later that his mind registered the last of his former idol’s words. Flipping the poster over, he quickly glanced at the message scribbled in sharpie.

            Meet me at the after party.

            He smirks. 

Authore's Note:
this isnt going where you think it is going =_=

they wont get a happy ending from me that quickly

MWAHHAHAAH <_< JKJK
who knows what will happen LOL O_O cuz i dont know either  ._.